school has ref my dd. what next?

[Frogqueen13]

Hiya

My dd is 8 she is loud, confident and kind but she is having behavioural problems. Academically she is keeping up with the class but is disruptive, anxious and feels like she has to be the centre of attention- I think for reassurance that all is well and she hasn't been forgotten about.
At home she can be lovely but we have to stick to her routine, if we don't she becomes tearful/angry and lashes out. She is extremely hyperactive sometimes only sleeping for 4-5 hours per night.

I have been to the gp who sent me to an ent Dr who promptly removed her adenoids and tonsils and popped some from its in Ashe thought this was disrupting her sleep and leading her to misbehave. She was 5 at the time.

I have also done positive parenting classes as recommended by the school- which were helpful but for me mainly not her.

School have now admitted there is an issue and I feel a massive relief that someone believes me, they said the have referred her and there is an 18month waiting list.

So what do I do know to help? I already have a black eye.

[mummytime]

Go back to you GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. The school referred may not provide any answers even when it comes through.

Also behaviour is often a form of communication. So rather than react to it (easier said than done I know), try to understand what she is communicating. Probably: anxiety or frustration or confusion.

[Frogqueen13]

Thankyou. I'm looking at going private but I just don't know where to start.

[mummytime]

Start with your GP and get that referral. You might as well get as much done free as you can. Possibly: hearing tests, SALT, OT as well as a paediatrician.
When you have a hint of what you are dealing with then you can find the right kind of specialist to go to privately if necessary.

But I would also suggest trying to keep a diary and note down what happens on good days and bad days, what she eats, any triggers. Also make notes on her early development as this is the kind of thing specialists will ask about.

Does she struggle with: transitions from one activity to another? Loud noises? Bright lights? Touch? Taste? Smells? Regulating her emotions? Does she understand her emotions at all?
Is she different in different places?

Good luck.

[Frogqueen13]

Thank you for your help, she has had hearing tests every 6 months since her grommets, what could salt offer? She speaks well, no developmental issues interms of that but I would be able to access this if necessary

She hate change, transitioning from one lesson to another is hard for her, if she has plenty of notice it's fine. I think she understands her emotions as much as is normal, she tells me she is angry with me and asks if she is being kind when she does something good.

She doesn't seem to understand personal space or social boundaries, she got sent to the head teacher the other day as she had done no work in class, however she thought it was a reward for something. Instead of knocking she waltzed into the ht office sat herself down at the desk right in the middle of a ht/parent meeting. She doesn't understand this is not ok.

Socially she doesn't have friends, she knows a lot of people however is called bossy and annoying which upsets her,

She is constantly clapping or fiddling with something, she said it's like she has to or she will pop.

I feel so out of my depth at the minute with trying to find support, you have been great thankyou

[Frogqueen13]

She's the same where ever she goes- my friend says she's feisty we liked that word

She was an early walker, talker. Dry at night before she was two slept well until about 1 year ago, nothing significant happened then though.

I will start a diary that will help I think

[Railworker]

I'm not a professional, just a mum who's been down a path I didn't expect to go down with one of my DC's. So...have you looked at the symptoms of Aspergers? I only ask because I have heard it's often more difficult for girls to be recognised as having the condition as they are generally better at masking. I can't believe it now, but I had never heard of it before my DC's school mentioned it as a possibility when he had a particularly traumatic year 1. Although he wasn't diagnosed till yr3 I found it useful to have done some background reading (but also scarey as there is a wide range of symptoms/severity and the Internet is great at highlighting the worst!).
We were referred via GP to paediatrician who diagnosed incredibly speedily (now feel very dumb as I assumed DC was very much borderline!). We also paid for a private Ed Psych report done by an autism specialist. This has been worth its weight in guiding the school on keeping his life as low anxiety as possible and enabling his break times to really be times to relax)
Hope you get some answers soon OP, both to help you and your DD.

[mummytime]

I'd also recommend looking at Asperger's. A SALT could possibly help with her realising she has more than one volume for her voice (you could talk about this with her using a radio as an example, maybe the car radio, showing how you use different volume settings in different environments).
Also "5 point scales" can be useful in this situation, there are lots on the Internet.

Whatever she obviously has a lack of social skills AND is not picking up social rules from normal social observation. My DD who has an Asperger's dx was the only one of my children to never pick up not to interrupt when I was talking to someone else.

A key thing for you to try to take on board is that her behaviour probably isn't deliberate but she just doesn't understand what is expected. And it sounds as though she is missing social cues such as tone of voice, context and body language. If you want her to know something you may have to be very explicit.