My daughter was diagnosed with aspergers in 2014, after many, many meetings/tests, etc.
She is 10 (11 in August)
She currently attends a private school who have mostly been useless regarding her aspergers. (Though they were the ones who suggested getting her looked at in the first instance)
This year with the move to secondary we applied for a place at a state school and she got in. The problem I'm facing is all of a sudden she seems to be doing 100 times better in the private school.
Her aspergers manifests as extreme OCD and problems with social skills/making friends.
A bit of background info which may or may not be relevant: I had a terrible upbringing, and have been depressed as long as I can remember. This little girl I put into private school because I wanted her t have the best she could. I have had to sacrifice many things for her to attend the school, and we currently live in a (not very nice) little flat in a not very nice area.
I live with her stepfather who has brought her up as if she is her own from a baby. He is mostly good with her but otherwise is useless. I am very unhappy in this relationship, which consists of emotional abuse and me feeling like I cannot cope. When he is good he is very, very good, but when he is bad he is awful.
When little one got into the state school I felt like it could be a new start, would be able to afford to move to a house in a decent area, and things could be different. I worried so much about taking her away from the father figure she loves but when things are so bad I just think it will be ok and is necessary. She sees his behaviour too, so she understands (as much as 10 year old can)
Things are so good at the private school right now, she is doing so well, and seems so happy I am absolutely petrified to take her away from happiness. The private school is a girls school, the state school is mixed.
After 7 years in school she finally seems to have "fit in" and seeing her happy face makes me very upset to the point of tears at removing her from there. She doesn't want to move but understands the reasons behind the move (as much as a10 year old can)
I am finding it really rough knowing the right thing to do. The paediatrician she is under said I should take her from the private school as Little one will not get the help we need from there. But, things are so much better now that I wonder if it is still the right thing to do.
If I were to leave her remain in the private school, the fees rise for secondary which mean I will struggle but can manage just about. It also means living in the flat/bad area for another 7 years, until she finishes.
I wonder if leaving her in the school so she is happy and doesn't have to contend so many changers is the correct thing to do.
If I were to take her out, we would also leave "dad" not that I would stop him seeing her, but, I suspect he would rarely bother, which I feel would be my fault, or at the very least appear to be my fault. I wouldn't have him know where I had moved, because I know what he is like and how he would behave. He has said before without me he would kill himself etc.
They are very close and spend time together every day. As I said previously he makes me very unhappy, when things are bad.
I'm so confused as to the correct way forward. Everyone around me says the state school is the best choice, help will be available should it be needed and little one will be "fine". I'm not saying she won't be ok, eventually, but it's taken 7 years for her to get to where she is, so I now pull her away from the school she loves, the father she loves?
I do struggle a lot with parenting, I'm not very maternal but I do love her and want her to be happy. Having stepfather around does mean a bit of support in some ways, but in other ways I feel we would be better without.
Just looking for some impartial advise really because I'm jumping back and forth, one minute I feel we will manage and the next I'm petrified I will ruin her happiness. Especially including the trauma of leaving the family as it is now.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.
SEN
So confused with junior to secondary school transition
4 replies
Justwanthertobehappy · 25/05/2015 14:26
OP posts:
PolterGoose ·
28/05/2015 17:22
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.