Help! What type of school will ASD/Aspergers DS1 be happier in?

[mactavish]

Sorry for the long post, we are desperate for some advice from experienced mums with older ASD children.

We have to move son from his existing prep school after very poor SEN provision there. We have managed to narrow our choice down to 2 very different schools but are having real difficulty understanding which type of environment will be best for him and his happiness in the long run. A high SEN one or one with more 'typical' children.

DS1 is nearly 6 in Year 1. Has mild autism/aspergers with the usual problems connecting socially to other children, understanding social chat and rules of games, etc. He also has dyspraxia and hypermobility affecting confidence. Quirky, sensitive and wants to make friends, can do quite well socially with the right children up to a point.

We have seen an amazing school (for ages 3-18) with a great inspirational ethos, treats the children as human beings and with respect, no uniforms, first names terms with quality teachers who know the children and really care. Great facilities, and co-ed (I've been advised he should be with girls!). Very welcoming of other types of children and no bullying as its not that type of school. Strong academically. We would choose it straight away, however, we're worried that because almost all the other children there are neurotypical, albeit very kind neurotypicals, that DS will continue at a school with a sense of being different, and not understanding a lot of games or social chat that everyone else is getting straight away, not integrating well with the other children. Am I being paranoid, and if not, what does that do to an ASD child's confidence over the long-term?

Or would he be better off at a more traditional school (for 3-13 boys only) which although mainstream has a very high proportion of children with SEN (50%) including some ASD kids? i.e. would he feel more normal there? The teachers there are well versed in breaking work down into manageable components for children. It is not an inspirational school, does not have great facilities, does have quite strict rules (which always make me feel uncomfortable). I think my son is a little bit of a rule-breaker like myself and might end up rebelling when he's older as they're not giving the children that freedom and respect he would receive at the other school.

Thanks so much in advance for your views. I'm not quite sure why we're finding this so difficult to decide, think it is because we know so little about ASD and just second-guessing what his needs are/will be. Have already mucked up his schooling so badly once and feel doomed to continue :(

[mary21]

A few points . Be very wary if a school says it has no bullying. All schools have it. Its how quickly it is noticed and what they do about it that is key. Do they nip it in the bud. Also be wary of a very low level of special needs. Does this mean they aren't picking things up?
My Ds now 17 with ASD likes a very structured environment and cant cope with a more free flow type of place which for him would point to school 2 but I know other children on the spectrum who cant cope with others imposing structure. My Ds struggled with learning through play as he hadn't learnt to play but could learn times tables.
My Ds.s school has a very high number of other children on the spectrum which we thought would be good. As a young child his best friends were in his social skills group but as a teenager many of the others on the spectrum have had a lot of difficulties themselves and been difficult characters to be friends with. Also had some traits we don't want mimicked!
What do either school do to help with making friends.
which school would work with your Ds and you best. Are they flexible in their approach or do they only do things their way. Are they open to working with other professionals. if he needs a statement/ehcp will the work with this?

[OneDecisionMade]

Hi.
How do you know that most of the other children at the first school that you mentioned are NT? Do ask. If they're cahey or you feel uncomfortable about asking/ drawing attention to this issue then it's not the school to go for. If they can be open and tell you how many other children are on the spectrum there are, it may well reassure you. Also ask how they accommodate for their individual needs.
My son is on the spectrum - high functioning autism (Aspergers). Happy to PM.

[OneDecisionMade]

Cagey. Not cahey
And ignore tired grammar. ;)

[Endler32]

Both of my dd's are in a small village mainstream school, dd1 has Aspergers, hypermobility, dyspraxia and hypotonia. We moved her from a very small school to a slightly bigger one a few years ago, she has done great and is working in the top 5% in her year group. She's now 11 and will be going to a small state high school in September. Dd2 has more severe ASD but as she has no LD's she can not attend our local sn school, she is doing well in the MS school but might attend sn school for high school.

Schools are more clued up on ASD now, there is a lot more support and understanding. Go with what your gut tells you, look around the schools send hopefully you will know which one is right for your ds.

[coppertop]

When I read your description of the first school I had the same thoughts as mary21.

I would be wary of any school that said that there was no bullying. I would much prefer them to take the stance that "Bullying happens but when it does it's quickly dealt with."

I would also be wondering why such a caring school had hardly any SN. I would also want to know how much knowledge of SN they could have if they had so little experience of it.

[Zzzexhaustedzzz]

I think there are less SEN children at some private schools because they aren't legally required to provide specific help for them. A TA would cost extra money so where will that come from?