As far as my experience goes, and I am only one person, it is not anything you did or shouldn't do that causes it. And frankly, I wish my parents had been as proactive as you when I was 5. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. So you are doing just the right thing now.
PM me if you want to know more about what living with dyspraxia is like. It isn't just hand-eye stuff.
You should perhaps also download the Sensory Processing Disorder Checklist (google).
Oh btw did you know you can buy seamless socks? Tactile sensitivity increases with stress so if DS is having a hard time at school he may develop particular sensitivity to his school socks (or shoes). OT's develop programmes of sensory integration. He's really not being obsessive or unreasonable (although DS1 used to infuriate me with his sock/label/sand etc 'obsessions' before I knew what was going on).
DS2 has been given a huge range of exercises by the OT for proprioception processing, postural stability, pencil control - skills needed before writing - and upper limb strength. I'll send you a copy if you PM me an email address. These are all done at home and are simple stuff. Don't feel guilty - you just didn't know to do lots and lots of extra stuff which you can do now that you know about it.
Still get a referral to the OT so that the exercises and interventions can be tailored to your DS.
DS should see an OT for assessment. The school cannot refer so you will need to go to your GP. The OT will send questionnaires to the school that deal with far more than pencil grip. The assessment is also very comprehensive. DS2 is 6 and in class 2 and has been assessed for similar issues including sensory processing difficulties and avoiding eye contact.
I am dyspraxic and that sounds a heck of a lot like me at that age. I'd disagree that a label is a bad thing. I didn't get a dx until I was 27 and when I did, so many things fell into place and, strangely enough, it gave me more confidence. I suddenly knew that I could do stuff, it just might take me longer to learn how and there was nothing wrong with that.
Well I'm no expert but it sounds like the teacher is hinting at some sort of SEN - from what you have said maybe she suspects dyspraxia?
It's always worth asking for an assessment if you have concerns, so that appropriate support is offered if relevant. Also, the eearlier any SEN are picked up the better, as the school is able to plan in support for future years. My DD's SEN weren't picked up until year 4 at which point the school said all their resources were already allocated to other children (I did challenge this but we got nowhere)
If he finds it hard to hold a pencil it's not surprising he finds it hard to write. An occupational therapist may be able to help with this - can the school refer you to one?
Ds is nearly 6 and in p2 . He walked at 10 months and talked very early too. However, his school say he's struggling with some things (and I'd agree) :
Pencil grip is all wrong Runs 'funny' - never noticed this Isn't very good at ball skills Doesn't focus and is easily distracted.
He is doing well with reading but struggling with writing and is going to get extra aupport - what would you be thinking at this stage?
Fwiw he wouldn't / couldn't use cutlery or get himself dressed until quite late and also has some issues with things like his hands getting messy when younger, or his current obsession, seams in socks being unbearable.
The teacher also mentioned he doesn't look her in the eye but IMHO this is shyness because people he knows well and is relaxed with he has no issues doing this.