Trouble with SW and 'D'P

[Skoggy]

I must have one of the most unsupportive partners ever!

I have just got my 2nd GP referral. In the first 12 weeks I achieve 6.4% weight loss and it was hard... really hard mainly because of my partner. He just doesn't seem to give a damn about the fact that I am trying to lose weight.

He keeps buying crap. Candy, biscuits, crisps, full fat things. At the beginning of SW, I could resist them but as he kept getting them, I have found it so hard to keep my willpower up. Its not just this. He won't eat the SW meals I make for the family (have a 2yr old and a 9mo heading in the right direction with food). He doesn't want me to buy this or that. We live on a budget so I really can't afford to buy 2 sets of things. But then he goes and eats my SW cereal bars!!!!!

I've tried staying to group but he has since turned around and said that he can't take care of both DDs on his own. My main form of support is a male friend of mine miles away in Sweden! But thats not really that great is it? Sometimes I think it would be better if I wasn't with 'D'P. Atleast then I could lose this weight that is making me hate myself atm.

Sorry about this post. Just needed to get some things off my chest.

[CajaDeLaMemoria]

Tell him that you are doing SW, and therefore will be cooking meals that fit with that, and won't be buying crap.

He can either stay and sort his own meals, keeping any crap in his car or at work, or he can sod off.

He sounds like a twat, to be honest. What kind of person tries to thwart someone's weight loss efforts?

Don't worry about the budget either. If he wants to buy rubbish or make himself other meals, he can use his spare money, and if he doesn't have any, he'll have to eat what you are cooking.

[HeySoulSister]

they have their own cereal bars??? sorry,that bit got me. how on earth can they be any good?

anyway,yes,he's being unsupportive....but why?

[Auntfini]

My friends husband is like this. She went on sw as she had a good few stone to lose or she couldn't start fertility treatment. He refused to eat the meals she cooked as they were very veg-heavy and he always brought home chocolate, wine, crisps etc. always making bookings to go out for dinner. With him I couldn't figure out the issue but she couldn't keep on sw and is now bigger than before. Don't let your twatty husband ruin this for you. You need a frank discussion with him.

[HeySoulSister]

can you take the kids out and do some exercise?

I would just carry on regardless and become more determined than ever....but I realise everyone is different

[mrspaddy]

This is very unfair.. I would hide the SW bars. Agree that it should make you more determined. Don't cook twice.

Tell him you are not going to put up with it. Could you chuck out the treats..p*ss him off.. tell him he can keep them in the car/work/shed/his mothers but if you see them.. they're gone.

[Tabby1963]

Sounds like he feels threatened by you losing weight, Skaggy. He is sabotaging your efforts by making it difficult for you to stick to the programme. Even preventing you from staying to class for much needed support. Can you sit him down one time when kids not a distraction and ask why he is so hostile to you losing weight. Explain your reasons, health etc., for improving your health. Ask for his support, tell him all about SW and how it works. hopefully, after this heart to heart, he will begin to support you.

It is not uncommon for family members or friends to feel threatened when someone close to them starts to successfully lose weight.

Good luck with your continued weight loss.

Tabby

[Devora]

He really wants to sabotage you, doesn't he? Any idea why? Is this a normal pattern of behaviour for him or does the thought of you losing weight bring out the beast?

As for him not being able to look after both his children at once - you need to nip that one in the bud and fast.

[cearnog]

Firstly, well done on the weight loss so far. Secondly, I agree with Tabby1963, that you need to talk to him and get him to explain why he is behaving this way. It's important to you and important for the dc to eat healthily. Failing this, I noticed you had a referral from your GP - could you bring him with you to the GP if you're having a follow up visit, maybe having a doctor explain why it is important might get through to him.

Good luck & stay focused.

[Skoggy]

To be honest, things aren't great in the Skoggy household at the moment but this has been going on from SW day 1. I have no idea why he is like this. He isn't bothered about losing weight (his BMI is as high or maybe even higher than mine) but because he doesn't care about himself it obviously means that I should either.

As for having a heart to heart with him. No way. I can't even get him to discuss our relationship let alone anything else. I know its something that I am going to have to knuckle down myself. I need to get my motivation and willpower back and he'll have to like it or lump it.

Hehe if he feels threatened about me losing weight then good! Maybe it might make him treat me better before I really do go and leave him or something.

[Tabby1963]

Skoggy, I think cearnog's idea of asking him to come to your GP to get further information sounds good. However, I get the impression from your last post that he would not consider that. Are there any other family members who could help?

I wonder too if he is feeling defensive about you losing weight, you mention that he has a high BMI too, he may be having difficulties in coming to terms with the fact that he too may have to start paying attention to his eating habits, and health. Particularly has you both have young dependants who are relying on you.

Sounds like he's not in a good place right now, but he has to acknowledge that neither are you, and you are asking for his support to achieve something that will benefit you and the whole family. You're are a partnership with children, and splitting up will have huge repercussions for them.

Sounds too as if this problem you originally mentioned is much more than what it seems... I wish you the best of luck in being successful in persuading him to come along to see the GP.

Regards,
Tabby

[IvanaCake]

It seems to me like he doesn't want you to get thinner and leave him behind as the overweight one.

Shop for and cook your meals for the family and tell him he will have to provide his own.