Bad sleepers' parents please gather here to testify!

(69 Posts)
BazilGin Mon 17-Jun-13 12:19:44

Hi,
I am not sure where to post this, I think maybe the feeding forum would be better, but here I am.
I have a gorgeous, clever 22 months DD who is still bf and is also a horrible sleeper.
She has a strong bf to sleep association and it is causing more and more tension between me and my DH. He has been really supportive of bf so far but even though he didn't say it out loud, I think he hints bf has become the root of the problem, i.e the lack of sleep.

DD has always been completely boob obsessed and he still feeds a few times a day...and night. She can be distracted with other things if she is not tired, but if she needs nap and/or sleep in the evening and bf is delayed, a hell breaks loose. I generally go with the attachment parenting, even though we don't co sleep she usually ends up in our bed early in the morning.

Please could someone just share their stories so I can show them to DH, that our DD is not the only toddler who still wakes up at night?
We are currently on holiday and DH got cross because she didnt want to nap in her buggy "like all the other children", while we go on enjoying our hols, but had to go back to the hotel instead.

Is he being unreasonable, or I?

BazilGin Mon 17-Jun-13 12:21:01

I should add that I would like to carry on nursing her for a while, she clearly still needs it. But I am also tired and often wish her bf needs were not as intense.

That's a tough one.

It's a behavior thing so it does need tackling eventually. They shouldn't theoretically wake at that age out of necessity but they certainly do wake (usually because they want whatever they went to sleep with, are scared, are used to co-sleeping and are in a cot etc).

Have you ever considered expressing? Or not feeding her at night?

BazilGin Mon 17-Jun-13 20:02:33

Hi,

Thanks for replying. I have considered night weaning but it's a vicious circle, because I am so tired I havent got the energy to go through it...easier to bf and get some sleep. I am not 100% I am ready for it. Dh definitely is.

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:05:30

Hi , can I join ? My 15 month old dd eats really well in the day , has a snack about an hour before bed and the 5 oz at bed time plus a quick dream feed at 11 but still gets up in the night for a feed !!!!! I'm waiting in hope that she will grow out of it ......

PoppyWearer Mon 17-Jun-13 20:11:21

<waves to all>

My 22mo DC2 still wakes at night, hasn't slept through once in his life (well, there was one time he went 11pm to 5am without waking but I think I actually slept through him waking that time!).

DC1 slept through at 12mo to 18mo then started waking again 18mo to 30mo. Even now at 5yo she still wakes one or two nights a week with bad dreams and so on.

DC2 stopped being bf at 15mo and we stopped his bedtime milk to break the feed-to-sleep association and wet nappies waking him about 3 months ago. It didn't flipping work.

We had more success with removing the milk with DC1 but that was when she was over 2yo.

You are not alone!

<hands round matchsticks and strong coffee and gin>

Wonderstuff Mon 17-Jun-13 20:12:39

I fed a boob obsessed dd until 24 months. She was an awful sleeper. Night weaning is needed I feel. I did shush pat and held out on the boob for increasing periods of time. So no boob till midnight, next night no boob till 1am and so on. I did this at about 15 months, while co sleeping. when she was two she went in her own room and we did back to bed, which was horrendous for the first night but within 5 days she was sleeping through in her own room. We found if we relaxed the rules and let her back to us, say on holiday, she reverted to getting up, we had to be really firm and consistent.

Now typing this sat outside ds room, he's nearly three ans won't bloody stay in bed.

Wonderstuff Mon 17-Jun-13 20:13:52

Oh forgot to add, once I weaned her she rarely slept in the day at all.

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:15:37

Dd settles fine in her cot , she has a few wake up s before we go to bed but nothing major and goes back to bed .... I just wish she would drop the 4 am feed , i be tried to give her water but she just screamed , I'm working full time so give in just for an easy life , it will get better wont it .........

PoppyWearer Mon 17-Jun-13 20:15:38

FWIW there was an excellent good sleeper/bad sleeper thread some time ago on here.

There were lots of smug people coming on to say their excellent parenting and sleep training had resulted in excellent sleepers. They were then set upon by a legion of parents who had experienced one good sleeper and one bad sleeper in the same family (there were even some twins) and I think the conclusion was that its the luck of the draw.

Also, just wanted to say that I miss feeding to sleep these days. I'm sat here trying to get DC2 to sleep tonight and he is cocking about. I really wish I could anaesthetise him with the boob!! grin

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:19:57

Yeah I do believe its the luck of the draw , I do find myself having sleep envy of other s though , I'm becoming obsessed lol, it's the first question I ask when meeting other mums and they all say Yes !!!!! What's their secret I wonder : (

TheHuffAndPuffALot Mon 17-Jun-13 20:21:08

This is the thread for me!

My dd is 2.6 and our situation is exactly as you describe.

We tried night weaning but she made herself sick crying. Perhaps it's time to give it another go.

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:26:52

I can't bear the thought , I can cope with one wake up , quick feed and sleep till 7 am but the howling and tantrums at 4 doesn't bear thinking about . I know I'm in a viscous cycle : (

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:31:08

Huff and puff , 2.6 years old .... I thought problems would be solved by then , middx mummy sinks further under her cushion to contemplate the next 1.5 years of unbroken sleep ......

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 20:31:55

Ha I can only wish for unbroken sleep - meant broken !

TheYamiOfYawn Mon 17-Jun-13 20:42:41

My two were both pretty dreadful sleepers, especially DD. By her second birthday, I was exhausted - a night when she woke up 5 or 6 times was a night of fantastic sleep by her standards. Two and a half months later she was sleepung completely through the night 5 nights out of 7. I didn't do anything to make this happen. She just grew into sleep in the same way that she walked and talked when she was ready.

DS was a bit more mellow, but took a while longer to be able to sleep by himself. I think that he was around three and a quarter. He's three and a half now, and we still get a 4am visitor a couple of times a week, but generally it's a case of him waking up, climbing into bed next to me and falling straight back to sleep.

When DD was little, I did worry that I was making a rod for my own back, or doing her a disservice, but watching them both start sleeping at their own pace was actually something that I'm really proud of, and it had led me to trust them and their capabilities a bit more, I think.

FredKiller Mon 17-Jun-13 20:45:39

I've night weaned my 2 year old. It's made sod all difference to the number of times he wakes up. The one plus is that he will now accept daddy as well as mummy for comfort so we can share the load. Still a crap sleeper though.

absentmindeddooooodles Mon 17-Jun-13 20:52:00

My D's is 2.3 and still regularly wakes up in the night. He's always been a terrible sleeper. He was bf from birth but became allergic, so on formula until 1. ( again became allergic) so it was only due to all this that he kind of weaned himself at night. Otherwise he would be up and down all night I suspect. He does not stop drinking and eating! Not that its really relevant to your op, just thought I'd let you know there's at least another toddler out there who does not sleep. Haha. On another note, my mum has a dd, 3.3 and she still bf to sleep and during the night. Ideally my mum would have liked to stop earlier, but this is her comfort and the only way my poor mum can get a few hours sleep. You are not alone!!

TheYamiOfYawn Mon 17-Jun-13 20:54:37

Just to add that I was feeding my toddlers to sleep and whenever they woke up at night when they started sleeping through.

TheHuffAndPuffALot Mon 17-Jun-13 20:55:23

She still wakes about every 3-4 hours so I've put a double mattress on the floor of her bedroom, and usually end up co-sleeping on there with her.
This way I get some sleep!

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 21:00:38

Yay yamiofyawn , there's a glimmer of hope then ..... My friend s all seem to have perfect sleepers , my dd settles right back but once u r up then there's sod all chance of getting back to sleep
I know I'm lucky as its only once or twice but that's bad enough for me ! I'm I'm awe of those mums in here who r up 5 plus times a night but still jovial in their posts and hopeful it will all end sometimes soon - hats off to u x

Bearandcub Mon 17-Jun-13 21:01:20

<Walks in, settles on sofa, tries desperately to keep awake>

DS1 hideous at getting to sleep, but will only partially stir unless bad allergy night then it's cough cough cough. Plus when he wakes up in the morning (6-ish) he is wide awake. There is no transition he is switched on and active!

DS2 great at falling asleep but is awake at least once a night for an hour stretch. Usually between 1-3 am if again then 4.30-6.00 is his favourite. Falling back to sleep whilst DS1 has just got up.

I crave sleep constantly.

MissPlumBroughtALadder Mon 17-Jun-13 21:04:31

My 20 month old has been sent directly from sleep hell. He has always been breastfed to sleep, but has very recently starting allowing his daddy to lie with him until he drops off. He has never slept in a cot. He shares my kingsize bed and DH has slept in the spare room for the past 20 months. He wakes anywhere from 3 to 10 times at night, and the easiest thing by far is to breastfeed him back to sleep. Like you, OP, I just don't have the strength or energy or reserves to do anything but. I have him all night, then I hand him over to DH about 5am so I can get an hour or two of unbroken sleep.
It has been almost two years of desperation. I'm sort of resigned to it now, and have stopped fantasising about sleeeeeeeeep. I actually started feeling much better once I accepted that this is just the way it is for the moment and one day it will be different (I hope!). It has scuppered our loose previous plans of having two or three children; we are never NEVER doing this again. Ha, even if we wanted to I don't know how we would actually achieve conception of another baby, as we haven't had sex since he was born. Not sure where or when we would do the deed, as we don't share a bed, we are both constantly shattered, and weekends are spent taking it in turns to catch up on sleep. I couldn't tell you the last time I even thought about sex, it's so not on my radar. I've spoken to DH about it, and he says he doesn't think about it either, and he's actually sort of grateful we don't ever get the opportunity because is terrified of an unplanned pregnancy and says another baby would finish him off.
So OP you can show this post to your husband. He - and you - are not alone; we are with you in spirit! One day it won't be so unutterably shit.

Sunshine200 Mon 17-Jun-13 21:04:32

My dd is the same age as yours and we gradually stopped her bedtime milk by watering it down bit by bit. It worked a bit. She still rarely sleeps through but does go back to sleep now without milk/water. Weaning him off night time milk is obviously harder when breast feeding.
However, even if you did stop this I'd be surprised if it was a magic cure.

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 21:07:29

I couldn't even make it to the sofa tonight , Middlesex mummy is mumsnet ting from under the quilt !! I've had N exhausting day at work whilst dh has had the day off , he picked dd from nursery but failed to see the tired signs so when I get through the door it's all cling to mummy whilst I'm trying to get to the kitchen to make her supper !!! As a result clingy crying and over tired dd , definetly in for a few wake up s tonight

Middlesexmummy Mon 17-Jun-13 21:11:45

Right there with u miss plum.... I too am never having another one , I didn't realise how sleep deprived I'd be , they don't tell u those bits lol
As for a "a bit of the other " I can't even remember when we did as we r both too exhausted and sleep is soo much more appealing at the moment !

Oscarandelliesmum Mon 17-Jun-13 21:18:08

Wow,
it's so good not to feel so alone.......All three of mine have been the same, only sleeping through from two when I unplugged them and gave my poor boobs a rest.
Irritatingly, my husband will help with proper weaning but not night weaning on it's own so it has always had to wait till they could be coaxed off the boob, they are all pretty rubbish sleepers still!
Four am often finds us five to a bed, snuggly and wonderful but not as restful as one might hope. Sigh.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 17-Jun-13 21:30:04

Mine's asleep now. On top of me, on the bean bag. Not sure how to get up without waking her up. She's 2,5 yohmm.

TheHuffAndPuffALot Mon 17-Jun-13 21:37:26

I'm so pleased not to be alone!

Dd wakes for the day at about 5:30 so I'm off to bed to try and get some sleep before the night shift starts!

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 07:34:49

Morning , how did everyone go last night ! I was absolutely exhausted last night so do think I slept through a couple of cry outs , she did wake at 5 though for a feed and still asleep now !!!

MissPlumBroughtALadder Tue 18-Jun-13 08:42:30

Pretty hideous. He woke three times between 2 and 3, then I stopped counting. I could have cried each time I had him snuffling away peacefully next to me, I'd just dropped off myself... then the bedclothes would start to rustle and a mop of hair would appear next to my face while a little hand started pawing my top. Sigh.

PoppyWearer Tue 18-Jun-13 14:58:54

Bad night last night. Not DC2's fault, he suffers with eczema and often wakes up itching. Last night was worst than most. <inserts matchsticks>

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 15:48:49

I'm sorry to hear that .... I'm out tonight so dh will be on duty on his own !!!

GetYourSocksOff Tue 18-Jun-13 16:15:39

I'm with you.

DS slept through most nights from about 7 months. I swear I was never smug about this, but it simply didn't sink in that it wasn't just what babies do. <idiot>

DD is 12months and on a very good night will have one wake up. We're feeling every tooth, illness and development phase though which means that most nights are not so straight forward.

Also, DS is currently waking in the night, crying or having something like a tantrum, and wanting to sleep in our bed ( which he never did until very recently).

I had less than four hours sleep last night, and was woken up every single time I started dropping off until 2am. The babies slept until 7am (miracle) but i had to get up at 6 anyway to get ready for work. It was miserable sad

notadoctor Tue 18-Jun-13 17:48:07

My DD is 19months and has had stints of sleeping through for a couple of weeks but always reverts to night-waking. She was EBF for 6months but I weaned her earlier than I'd intended (around 9months) due to pressure from MIL, HV, DH who all said she'd sleep better once I'd stopped. She didn't. She's bright, funny, alert and imaginative and I now really think her sleep habits are part of who she is. We have tried sleep training on a couple of occasions and although it's worked for a few weeks at a time it hasn't made a permanent difference...

BazilGin Tue 18-Jun-13 20:04:19

Sorry I left the thread for a bit but OMG, I am so grateful that we are not the only ones suffering (selfishly!).
I don't know how long I can go on for like this, but I have no energy to change anything at the moment. I think I am secretly scared that if I night wean her it will become even worse!!
Surely, at some point she will just start STTN without any help from us? <hopeful>
I will read again and post some more.

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 20:22:22

What counts as sleeping through ladies , is it a block period of time or just all night

BazilGin Tue 18-Jun-13 20:37:42

Huffandpuffalot-when did you last try night weaning and how long for? Did you try using any props, like gro clocks etc or just tried going cold turkey?
my DD just tantrums so much When i try distract her from boob at night she actually looks so stressed like she is about to throw up and I can't bear seeing her like that. I am secretly hoping it's all down to teething and once she gets a full set (very late teether, only 9 teeth at the mo), she will magically start STTN...

Poppywearer, I will look for that thread, thanks! It looks like we drew a bad sleeper, I dare not to draw again in case I am unlucky twice (sounds horrible, as DD is lovely, but lack of sleep is killing me).

Wonderstuff, when you were nightweaning, were you still bf to sleep at that point? we have sort of started your method, so far trying hold off with boob until midnight. Sometimes works, but only if DH settles her and even then not always.

YamiofYawn thanks so much for reassurance. Ideally, that's what I'd love DD to do, just 'grow into' her sleep, but recently it has become so intense, it's hard to imagine she ever would. i am not sure if I can go on for another year.

MissPlum-thank you so much for your post, I always wanted 2 close in age but it's clearly not gonna happen now.I am jealous of friends with good sleepers (all of them are,) who are now on their second ones. i would like another one, but I am not sure how I'd cope if I can't cope with one.
Makes me feel sad, that just because if sleep (or lack of) our plans have changed so much.
Off to bed now, DD asleep but not sure how long for....

DS, 18 months old. Still awake for 2hours + in the middle of the night or, if like last night, wonder of wonders he 'sleeps through', he's up for the day (as today) at 4.30am.

I am on my knees smile

BazilGin Tue 18-Jun-13 20:41:08

Middlesexmummy I read somewhere that from medical point of view it's either 5 or 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. But for most parents it's the mythical 7 to 7. Oh, I used to dream about that, I have given up now!

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 21:26:22

Oh dear Bazil gin I dream of 7-7 as well , I'm really hoping its a phase albeit a long one but hope to see the light soon

turkeyboots Tue 18-Jun-13 21:32:22

You are all giving me shivery flash backs. DD didn't regularly sleep through til she went to school. And at 6 still gets up and comes in with us 2 or 3 times a week. At her worst she woke every hour and was awake for 3 hours from 1 every night.

DS came along and sleeps like a dream. Did nothing significantly different. But we had totally earnt a good sleeper by then!

Middlesexmummy Tue 18-Jun-13 21:35:42

Trouble for us is the night /morning feed , I mean if she didn't get up between 3-5 daily for milk then I think I've cracked it but I daren't even attempt to wean yet , I'm too tired !

GEM33 Tue 18-Jun-13 22:23:09

WHOOP WHOOP for this post!!
I could have written it myself. I have an 18month old boob mad sleep defying monster for a daughter. I too have spent her whole life wondering where I went wrong, what i've done to make her like this, tried every trick in the book and finally given up and to save my sanity accepted this is who she is.
we have progressed in that we stopped full co sleeping and put her in her cot in her own room and daddy puts her to sleep as I had to go back to work and couldnt feed her to sleep any more (it used to take 2 hours to feed her to sleep anyway). We nearly had a break through when she started sleeping from 8/9pm til midnight for a nappy change by daddy then sleep til 4am and into bed with me and feeding on and off every 30-45mins until wake up.
OH NO that was far too good to be true, this month back to screaming and resisting sleep at bedtime for daddy waking every 45 minutes and chewing on my boobs all night when she is brought to me about 2am because we are both too tired to keep getting up.

missplumbroughtaladder!! I feel exactly the same, I wanted 2 or 3 kids until I had my DD and realised that nothing we try will get her to sleep through the night, if I got pregnant now it would finish me off.

I hope and pray for the time when all our little babbas will give us solid nights sleep!!

We night weaned ds but he still woke a lot. His sleep did improve though.
Dd is 18 months and still feeds at night. I do try resettling without a feed and it works sometimes. I also don't feed her to sleep which makes a huge difference.

Taranta Wed 19-Jun-13 06:38:00

Another voice of reassurance here, I hope. My DS, now 25 months, was a dreadful sleeper and now sleeps through. At worst, he was waking 5-6 times a night, would not sleep in with us, so that was never an option, and I remember several months of having to doze in a chair while he slept in my arms from 1-5am every night <shudders at memory>. He's still BF first thing in morning and last thing at night too. We adopted the philosophy of 'he'll do it in his own good time' and that's what happened. He started waking less and less, and then sleeping through at 22 months unprompted. It felt miraculous and although he is an early waker (5.30am as standard), it still feels miraculous. I'm still so pleased that we chose to be led by him, as he's such a bright and happy chap when waking it was clearly the right thing to do for him. Having said that, we're not in a hurry to have another one though!

Middlesexmummy Wed 19-Jun-13 15:33:27

Hi all , surprisingly another night of 7-5 am yesterday , actually I went in at 5 to feed her as I was petrified she would wake up at6 and not settle back - I know I need to take a deep breath and tackle this .....

MumblesUk Thu 20-Jun-13 13:57:24

thanks for this thread people. Am also on my knees . . . have DS who is 4.5 and while he loved the bf, we managed to get him to night wean in two days when I went back to work when he was 15 months. He has never got out of bed, never slept with us and although went through a phase of 5:30 waking, is now exhausted by preschool and life in general and normally goes from 7:30 til 6am. DD is a completely different matter! She is now 2.3 and is quite rubbish at sleeping. When she was really small she had reflux and would get easily distracted when bf'ing so I used to feed her when she woke up at night because I was worried she wasn't getting enough in her during the day. She is still having mlik before bed (although she goes down awake), at least twice a night, and several times during the day if I'm not at work. She has a 2 hour sleep after lunch and is currently getting up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5:15am. I rarely get back to sleep after she wakes up as when I work (3 days a week), I have to be out the house at 6:30am. Sigh. She won't be comforted by DH during the night and it's beginning to drive me nuts! Help please!

BazilGin Sun 23-Jun-13 07:28:48

Taranta, thanks for reassurance. i do hope DD will just 'click' and sleep through one day. i wish we could go back to one waking a night, I could cope with that. At the moment, we are dealing with 3...
Mumbles, my DD was also a reflux baby, very unhappy and we did all we could just to make her better, including feeding to sleep, rocking etc. I have no advice, I am afraid I am also looking for answers.
i was thinking of GrOClock, but I reckon my DD is too small for that yet.

pickledlily Sun 23-Jun-13 20:43:01

Oh God. I was really hoping my DD would magically start sleeping through by 18mo if I dropped night feeds, but now I'm not convinced. confused

She's 15mo and rarely (I can count the number of times on one hand) sleeps more than 4 hours at a stretch. She usually wakes at least 3 times during the night, usually coughing/choking and always crying. I can sometimes settle her without a feed, but sometimes even a feed won't do the trick and it's an hour of sitting in the dark with her until she settles again. And then she's awake for the day at 4.30 or 5am, bright as a button. It is truly rubbish.

I don't even know if we still have a sitting room in our house; I've not seen it since she was born. I'm in bed by 8.30pm most nights. And my friends have started announcing their 2nd pregnancies and I'm thinking 'How on earth?!'

I mentioned her crap sleep to the HV, concerned she might still have reflux and she just said I need to do some sleep training. Doh. Stupid me. I hadn't thought of that.

Actually I feel rather cheated by the whole BF thing. No one told me how difficult it might be to stop, that "food-is-just-for-fun-until-12m' so don't stop BF because your baby will starve or that cutting down when they hit peak separation anxiety will be next to impossible.

Oops <looks around and realises everyone has drifted away> Sorry, bit of a rant. I had no idea I was quite so cheesed off with it all.

Middlesexmummy Sun 23-Jun-13 21:37:23

Hi pickledlilly , it's so hard isn't it , I haven't dropped the early morning feed not the dream feed either , I'm just too petrified that she will scream blue mutder . Out of interest did u try cc ?

pickledlily Mon 24-Jun-13 08:55:10

We've not tried it yet, although i have been seriously tempted to but I'm not convinced it is the right thing to do. I think she would still wake up.

I've been trying very gradual retreat - first time she was still screaming after 2 hours. She is very tenacious. It has got better over time (i can now pop her down when she's almost asleep and as long as she is holding my hand she will drift off) although last night i pulled her to bed with me at 2am having settled her 7 times only for her to wake 20mins later each time.

Weirdly though she didn't ask for milk, which is very unlike her. Perhaps she is changing and pigs will fly

Middlesexmummy Mon 24-Jun-13 09:43:25

Hello all , well dd went down without a fight at 7 last night , I gave her a dream feed at about 10 30 . She stirred at 130 and wouldn't settle , I thought it was teeth so gave her some pain relief, I purposely didn't get up at 4 to feed her nor did she wake , she stirred again around 545 but kept quiet and finally I woke her at 7...... I fear it's a one off though, in terms of the 130 wake up , I automatically assumed it was teething. Thinking about it she opened her mouth easily when she felt the syringe so I'm thinking tonight ill fill one up with water and if she wakes try the same thing but with water as it may have just been a stir and I mistook it for pain , I think at that time u r in automatic pilot and think the obvious ! I've tried water from a beaker before buy she s not having any of it !! What do I think ?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 24-Jun-13 10:46:40

Things are looking up here. DD started to wake up at 6, not between 4.30 and 5.30. hmm

DrinkFeckArseGirls Mon 24-Jun-13 10:47:07

I hope I didn't jinx it writing about it! shock

Middlesexmummy Mon 24-Jun-13 11:16:59

Yes I petrified to say we be cracked as she has the knack of reverting back to type lol

CabbageHead Mon 24-Jun-13 13:48:10

Yes ds always been a bad sleeper night and day but he finally worked out how to STTN 2weeks before his 1st birthday hurrah!!! Didnt last but doesnt matter it was exciting! Night weaning def helped. Wld it be possible to mix expressed milk with formula then wean onto formula/cows milk slowly so that if u have to feed at night, dad could do it with bottle? Might be too late for that now as prob way too aware at 22mths!

Tell your DH to be thankful of your DD actually sleeps in buggy or car...!!! My DS NEVER sleeps in car/pram unless he is really really sleep deprived for days!!! Ive ALWAYS had to go home to DS,s cavelike dark room with LOUD white noise for naptime...yes highly inconvenient but sleep begets sleep in his case... And yes i get so much negative judgement for it from DP and his family... Which hurts cos as if i wld fartarse around doing that if i didnt have to!!!! All the other bubs in our mothers groups happily sleep away in their prams amidst bright sunshine and noise... My DS just gets more and more wired and no sleep... Or if a nap it will be 20mins...! We have managed to get him to sleep in the car twice in his life by playing his lullabies, not breathing/making any noise and driving non stop for at least 2 hours!!!!

Twattergy Tue 25-Jun-13 20:58:36

I do agree to some extent that it's luck of the draw with how they sleep. However it strikes me that of the threads where babies aged 12 months and over are waking multiple times in the night they invariably are the ones that are being bf in the night. I love bf and think it is great for mum and baby, but I think if regular night waking is making mum tired then stopping night feeds is the logical way to go. I stopped night feeds at 5 months. He slept through between 5 and 9 months then became crap again, however at least when he woke after 9 months I knew it wasnt about milk and I used other techniques to get him back to sleep. So although giving up night feeds is no guarantee of getting them to sleep through, it takes pressure off mum to deal with night wakes and,I think, helps baby to move towards night time independence sooner rather than later.

Middlesexmummy Tue 25-Jun-13 21:10:28

Hi , I understand what u mean but mine is now on cows milk and she s drinking loads !

PoppyWearer Tue 25-Jun-13 21:14:38

Stopping the bf/formula at nights was key for my DC1. Stopping the bf was not the answer alone though. It just helped that DH could deal with her at nights too.

My DC2 has not been bf since last October and no formula/cow juice at nights since Easter. It has made NO difference. He still wakes. Repeatedly. 22mo.

<yawns>

Middlesexmummy Tue 25-Jun-13 21:20:10

What doesn't help me is that my dm keeps on saying that I should feed on demand , going 6 hours without a feed is too long , I keep trying to explain that she is eating 3 meals a day plus snacks then guzzling 10 oz milk all before 11pm so she should t b hungry at 4 , I'm counting the days when it over , perhaps when she s 10 .... ):

woundbobbin Tue 25-Jun-13 21:27:53

Can I ask those recommending stopping bf at night what do you do instead. Dd is 9 mths never slept for more than a few hours in a row I tend to feed back to sleep or dh rocks her if its his 'turn' I've dropped the day feeds down to 8am, 6pm & 8pm she refuses milk sometimes at night we then end up rocking her for up to three hours. I'm not keen to bf long term but what to replace it with rocking her is such hard work and getting harder as she grows gets more mobile etc. (I'm trying to avoid cc etc as I don't think I could do it)

Middlesexmummy Tue 25-Jun-13 21:50:56

Personally I think 9 months is too soon to drop the feed .... My dd is down to 1 bottle at bed time , a dream feed and the dreaded 4 am one , ideally I want to drop the last 2 but could live with doing it slowly by dropping the 4 am one first ... As mentioned I was going to try and give her water at 4 as others have offered that but in the past she s not having it . We ve not rocked her to sleep for ages as thankfully she can soothe herself to sleep , it's staying asleep I have the issue s with

Twattergy Wed 26-Jun-13 08:37:12

Wound an alternative to feeding and rocking is to keep them in their cot, go to them, place them on their front or back and put hand on tummy or back. no lights, noise, no picking up. They may cry with you there for up to 45 mins to start with but it quickly become much less. You don't leave them to cry but it's fine if they cry while you are there, they are crying from tiredness, frustration, not panic.

pickledlily Wed 26-Jun-13 14:43:13

I think 45 mins crying is optimistic IME. If only it was that easy smile It was 2 hours of crying before we gave up. I've had to resort to co-sleeping for the time being.

woundbobbin Wed 26-Jun-13 19:50:59

That's my concern if I thought standing next to her for 45 mins would get her to sleep id do it but it can take 3 hours to rock her to sleep so stands to reason it'd take longer with no motion I couldn't tolerate her screaming for that long.
Are people generally of the opinion you have to 'do' something is it naive to think she will just get there on her own ??

Middlesexmummy Wed 26-Jun-13 19:59:24

What we do is to bathe her , change her for bed and bottle in the guest bedroom , then carry her to her cot awake and out her down in her cot in her bedroom .... The first few days constant crying and sometimes she still does but more so she can go to her cot awake and fall asleep by herself . I think it's associating her bedroom with sleepy time and bed , we do the same with naps , the room is also dark and airy

PoppyWearer Wed 26-Jun-13 20:30:50

woundbobbin if it gives you any hope, my DC1 got there by herself at 12mo without me doing/changing anything. She then slept through every night for 6 blissful months.

The problem was she regressed at 18mo after an illness and started waking again, then we gave her milk (formula/cow) to get her back to sleep. Then a year later had enough and cut it out, after which she slept through again.

OTOH I have been waiting for DC2 to get there by himself. He didn't. We cut the night feeds a while back. 22 months and counting...

IMO 9mo is too young to be cutting feeds but then I am a softie and don't like leaving them to cry, even if I'm there.

Middlesexmummy Wed 26-Jun-13 20:40:47

What has helped in cutting down feeds has been using cows milk , for the last two nights she has not been feeding at 4 ... It could be a fluke though

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