Where does you DH/DP sleep?

(35 Posts)
Tweet2tweet Tue 11-Jun-13 13:10:10

Just wondered how many other mums out there spend all, or most of night on own. My DH says for work he needs to sleep in spare room as gets too exhausted. Dc is 10 wks and DH has been in maybe 3 full nights and 15 part nights in total. DC has never slept through and is up at least 3 times on a good night and 6 times on a bad. I think that's a wuss out but wondered if it's the norm?...

I hate that reason tbh.

It implies looking after a newborn is easy hmm

Fairylea Tue 11-Jun-13 13:15:17

Dh has always slept in our bed! He does a 60 hour week in a demanding job but he would hate to sleep elsewhere. Saying that however you could hit him with a sledgehammer and he'd stay asleep!

YoniBottsBumgina Tue 11-Jun-13 13:20:25

Currently, in another country!

But no, he has always slept with me even with babies etc.

Tweet2tweet Tue 11-Jun-13 13:21:23

Hmmm, I thought that my DH was chancing it. He won't change it either and causes fights if I bring it up. He also complains he's tired when he does part nights. Just off the phone after he said it's easier for me as I'm 'not working'! In addition to all the every day things that need to be done I'm exclusively breastfeeding and will be going back to work FT in future. So not exactly a life of leisure ;)

happydaze77 Tue 11-Jun-13 14:06:38

Dh sleeps in our bed, and has always helped with night wakings.
The only time dh has ever slept elsewhere was when he had to be up very early (5am) for work and he didn't want it disturb her, not the other way round, bless him. Even then he would come in to help if we needed it.
For the first few weeks you really do need all the support you can get, day and night. There's more to night wakings than just boob - there's nappies, clearing sick, changing clothes, fetching muzzies etc.
Also, your day job is at least (f not more) demanding than his.
I really couldn't have managed those early weeks/months without him.
Wishing you more (deserved) support brew

teacher123 Tue 11-Jun-13 14:29:12

When DS was tiny and still in our room DH would sleep elsewhere if he had a really early start (shift work, safety critical role) but 95% of the time he was in with us. As it should be!

OddSockMonster Tue 11-Jun-13 14:37:29

Dh would sometimes decamp to the spare bed but that was fine with me as I didn't want him driving tired. However, if that was the case, he'd then get up early, after his half decent sleep, and I'd get a couple of hours solid sleep to catch up before he went to work. It worked for us, but he was in our bed as much as he reasonably could. DS1 was a very difficult sleeper, so at times he was in the spare bed quite frequently. He'd never use the 'you have it easier in the daytime' lin though, ever.

Df always gets up in the night with ds - has since he was born. I did feeds but if he didn t settle he went straight to daddy so i could sleep, as far as df was concerned i'd be looking after ds during the day so my dleep was more important.

silverangel Tue 11-Jun-13 17:16:24

DH slept in spare room in the week when I was on mat leave. When DTs went in their own room he came back in our bed. I did weeknight wakings on mat leave and he did weekends. Now I'm back at work we take it in turns if they wake. I think he had a good deal!

BabyStone Tue 11-Jun-13 17:21:23

DP sleeps in our bed with me, 3month old in moses basket next to my side, I get up and feed baby in front room (very small flat, bedroom is just off of the frontroom) the only time we have not slept in the same bed is when he had the flu, so he slept in the bed and I slept on the pull out sofa bed in frontroom which was easier for feeding

stowsettler Wed 12-Jun-13 10:22:00

I sent DP to the other room at first. I couldn't see the point in us both being knackered. Mind you he works from home so that meant I cd leave DD with him while I slept for a few hours in the day. DD has been in her own room for ages now and sleeps through so we tend to share any night waking these days.

Skang Wed 12-Jun-13 21:06:54

Currently DH sleeps in the spare room because we cosleep with DD (20 months) and I was getting squashed up in the middle between them and I couldn't bear it any more.

He has always helped in the night though, even when he's been studying in the evenings/weekends whilst also working full time. The thing is that when DD was little and I was at my most sleep deprived I didn't feel safe looking after her when I was so shattered. I felt like I was going to fall asleep at the wheel whilst driving or whilst holding her on the settee or make some awful misjudgement that could have ended up with her hurt.

Skang Wed 12-Jun-13 21:07:57

I should add that my DH doesn't drive.

PipkinsPal Wed 12-Jun-13 21:10:34

My BF sleeps down his mother's during the week as he lives there and with me on the weekend. It is bliss having the remote, bed, and choice of food all to myself for 5 days. Weekends are a pain grin

Speedos Wed 12-Jun-13 21:14:23

We frequently sleep in different beds, he gets annoyed by my wriggling and his breathing annoys me plus one of the kids often wakes and it's just easier to bring them in with me.

I just sleep better on my own.

tenlittlebuns Wed 12-Jun-13 21:23:49

MY DH slept downstairs on sofa bed for first few months when DC1 and DC2 were newborns, for the same reason as your DH is saying.
By the time we had DC3 though he had come to see (by himself) that it was a bit selfish, and that I probably had a far more tiring life with three under fives than he did, so he always slept with me and baby in crib by side of bed. But in end, to be honest, I found it more annoying to be breast feeding a baby numerous times a night with him either asleep beside me or waking up but just rolling over and going back to sleep, than for him to be sleeping somewhere else.

MB34 Wed 12-Jun-13 21:48:34

DH and I sleep in separate beds - but it's my decision.

DH is a fireman and on the days he's not in his full-time job, he's on-call, so if my house was burning down and me or my any of my family needed saving, I think I'd like a fireman who had his wits about him to save us! Also, some mornings when DS has been up a few times in the night, DH will take DS so I can have a couple of extra hours in bed.

Saying this though, if DS is up in the night crying or won't settle easily (which is not that often) DH will get up to help me out and stay up until DS settles again.

Whatalotofpiffle Wed 12-Jun-13 21:51:42

My dp stayed in the room with us, if he had dared to leave I would have cried. I needed his presence as a support in those exhausting first months

StormyBrid Wed 12-Jun-13 21:53:31

On the sofa. Because he snores horrifically, and I can't sleep with someone else in the room because I get overly conscious of breathing sounds (theirs and mine). Earplugs solve the problem entirely, but aren't possible at the moment because he doesn't wake up if the baby cries.

In our bed, where there are regularly one or both DDs too at some point in the night (though getting less now) If he sleeps in another bed ut is when he sometimes goes to settle DD2 in her own bed and ends up falling asleep there with her!

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Wed 12-Jun-13 21:59:04

always slept in our bed and always got up with the babies (now 5 and almost 2) even though he works 12 hour shifts.

Eating43 Wed 12-Jun-13 22:06:24

Mine slept mainly in the spare room while DCs were in our room, and moved back in when they went into their own room. I was breast feeding so did most of the night stuff anyway. If I needed help in the night I would just call him. It also meant I could dump them all with him in the early morning and get a couple of hours sleep. To be honest, he wasn't much help just lying next to me while I fed them anyway, so I didn't mind him going to get a bit more sleep elsewhere. However, even with 3 under 2 at home (DD1 was 17 mths when twins were born) he did still seem to think that he was the one needing more sleep during the week as he was the one at "work". He will be looking after them one day a week when I go back to work, so I am just storing up some of his comments to throw back at him then! For what it's worth about half of the people I know in RL had their DPs in the spare room during the newborn phase.

notcitrus Wed 12-Jun-13 22:22:30

MrNC has separate room, from the time I moved in with him. He goes to sleep later than me so tidies up etc then. Childcare can be done while brain dead but neither of our jobs can, so we end up having naps in shifts now I'm back at work.

Signet2012 Wed 12-Jun-13 22:28:53

Dp sleeps next to me in our bed. Dd ( 9 months) is in the cot next to the bed until she wakes and I can't be arsed to fight with her to get her back in her cot then she sleeps with us the all rest of the night.

She still wakes at least three times 7-7 more often than not more than three times.

Dp has only woken in the night once. When I kicked him repeatedly because dd had done an almighty poo explosion and I couldn't put her down, or move because it was dripping off me and her and everywhere.

The rest of the time he snores. If there was ever a fire I would have to leave him there as there is no way to wake him!

LittleBearPad Wed 12-Jun-13 22:33:05

DH always sleeps in our bed with me. When DD was in our room he did night feeds 3/7 nights a week. He's a good bloke.

what time does he hsve to get up?

reason I ask is because I don't blame him for worrying about a good night's sleep, but I think he's going the wrong way about it and he's being a twat.

just asled dh. he said that although our 18 mo does wake him up in the night when she's being restless, he can get back to sleep okay and that he doesn't really mind.
he gets up at 5.

as a bfing mum, you are the only one who can do the nights really, and maybe he doesn't find it easy toget back to sleep.
but a good husband would show support and definitely take charge in the evenings (cooking cleaning washing etc) while you concentrate on the baby.
he woild also do the nappies and ooh, not complain about any of it.

BackforGood Wed 12-Jun-13 22:44:49

dh always slept next to me in our bed too. Every other night he got up with them when they were going through that stage, and each of us slept through on alternate nights. With 2 parents, that seems pretty sensible to me.

wiltingfast Thu 13-Jun-13 00:16:30

Dh always slept with us.

wiltingfast Thu 13-Jun-13 00:17:44

When I was on mat leave I'd do 4 nights and then he'd do 3.

PinkPepper Thu 13-Jun-13 00:26:04

Dp always slept with us. He'd get baby up and change him then pass him to me to feed then put him back

squidkid Thu 13-Jun-13 16:51:21

On bad nights/growth spurts, my boyfriend sleeps with the baby (she is 8 months old) and fetches me from the spare room if she needs a feed. I am slightly ashamed about this, but he is a deeper sleeper than me so manages better with her when she is just tossing and turning about. She has never needed that much milk overnight, mostly just cuddles.

On good nights she sleeps in the cot and we sleep in the bed next to her or in the bed in the other room and she comes in for a feed at 5am, and we all have dozy family cuddles till 6 or 7, my favourite part of the day.

He says he is happy to do the nights, and in return I give him a lie in till 7 or 8 every day. He says looking after a baby is harder "work" than his job and tries very hard to make sure I get some sleep every night.

He is awesome and gets a lot of sex.

TallGiraffe Thu 13-Jun-13 17:05:07

DH has been in the spare room for months! We have a non-sleeping 8mo and the only way for us to function as a family is for me to co sleep and him to get a proper night's sleep in another room. I don't see the point in us both being exhausted.

I have twins and DH is in with us almost every night. Only exceptions are if he has a v busy day at work (does a v stressful full on job which can 60+ hrs a week and sometimes it's just not fair for him to be sleep deprived) or if I need the whole bed to co-sleep with both babies if they are having a v bad night. In 4 months, he's slept in the spare room about 5 times.

Tweet2tweet Thu 13-Jun-13 19:27:41

Thank you for all replies. It is very interesting to see how others organise nights. I don't feel so bad now smile

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