who will join me on cosleeping thread?

(103 Posts)
bytheseaside Fri 07-Jun-13 10:08:20

Is there a general thread to chat and share cosleeping experiences? if not, anyone else want one? Im often trawling through looking for advice on this or that aspect. i have 8mo, cosleeping initially from necessity (needed some bloody sleep!) and now we mainly love it: feeding has been great and she seems so happy. I would like to move towards own bed / room though, just no faith this is achievable! having been a bit 'high needs' shall we say, dd hasn't ever been able to self settle or sleep alone (hence cosleeping) except in car or short daytime naps and i just can't face going to bed at 7 myself: i would never eat or see dp, so she naps /wakes downstairs with us until late then she and i usually sleep late (well she does anyway). not ideal, and impossible with visitors/going away. But we do generally all get relatively decent amount of sleep. hmmm. Would really like to hear other peoples experiences.

Dorisday13 Fri 07-Jun-13 16:25:07

Oooh can I join you?

I have a 7.5mo dd, coslept from day 2 as a necessity, i have very poor tolerance for lack of sleep and my dh doesn't care where she sleeps as long as he does! We have therefore had pretty good sleep all along really. I have been feeding to sleep but have to wear her in sling for naps in the day (3 fricking hours) but it works for us atm.

We've had a bedtime routine (I'm not a routines person but dd seems to appreciate it) from 5m and feed to sleep in her room on a double mattress on the floor at 7.30 ish (because she was getting horrible and massively OT in the evenings) I then spend the rest of the evening going in and settling her, when we go to bed/she wakes 10ish she has a proper feed and comes in with us.

Recently we have a breakthrough starting solids meant instead of eating all night (she was feeding almost every hour!) we now feed at 11ish and 4ish and also since starting to roll she self settles on her tummy (I have posted for advice on this) and only has a tiny snack at 11.
I have also stopped offering milk as soon as she wakes because 5-7am had turned into buffet o'clock and I think she was waking to nurse then fussing over breakie.

I really have loved cosleeping every morning I open my eyes to dd's beaming smile ^and my hair being pulled^gringrin

fflonkl Fri 07-Jun-13 16:37:06

I was contemplating starting one so good timing on your part!!

We're also co-sleeping, dd (11 weeks) will only sleep soundly if she's on my chest. Started doing this for exactly the same reason as you - so that we could both get some sleep!! She's now getting used to being in a carrier during the day though so I can at least get on with doing other things then.

The thing is, I want her to start having longer sleeps at night as well, and she can do 11pm-7am but only if she's had between (roughly) 2-4 hours' sleep during the day.

So what I'm trying to work out is whether it's possible to train her to sleep in her basket during the day (so far she will only sleep for 30 mins max in her basket) AND have longer sleeps at night.

I have a feeling I'll have to choose to do one thing at a time rather than both though sad

larlemucker Fri 07-Jun-13 16:37:58

I'll join in!!

DS is 22 weeks, he used to sleep ok in his travel cot (would wake every 2-3 hours) but then the 4 month sleep regression hit and he started waking every hour shock

So I bought a bed guard and he is now in with us!! Last night he woke twice for an hour and a half at 4am which is a massive improvement.
We have also just started solids so I think that is helping. He is a very hungry boy!!!

Don't know if we are doing it 'right', current set up is DH, me then DS next to the bed guard. Seems to work and means he doesn't get too hot sleeping between us.

Dorisday13 Sun 09-Jun-13 17:48:28

Larlemucker that's how we do it do, there are some useful guidelines in various places on the web, I don't know how to post a hyperlink,
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/sleep-problems/sleep-safety/safe-co-sleeping-habits
No idea if that will work, you've probably already seen. X

bytheseaside Sun 09-Jun-13 18:39:26

Forgot to check and see if anyone had answered, so pleased you all did :-) we started sleeping dp, me, dd, bedside cot as kind of bed guard (pretty much never used for sleep ... an expensive mistake) i was getting squeezed and nite enough sleep with a boob searcher on one side, snorer on the other, so dp is in spare room for a bit. we need a bigger bed, just have normal double. was hoping to put next sized cot up and strap it to the bed, but don't think she'd go for it. maybe mattresses on floor is the thing, but what to do with all the stuff under the bed.
fflinkl

mindalina Sun 09-Jun-13 18:44:34

Ooh can I join, as a sort-of cosleeper? dd is coming up four months, we have bednest so sometimes she sleeps in there and more often it serves as an expensive bedrail as per previous poster! I'd love to know how you got your bedtime routines going, it was a breeze with ff ds but it's just not happening for bf dd!

bytheseaside Sun 09-Jun-13 18:46:40

Oops was going to say fflunkl I've been working on day time naps too. at home, wrapped in cotton blanket / sheet on sofa next to me is working ok, but i need to feed to sleep always and settle her often when she stirs, so not really independent sleep!
Someone on.MN recommended the lovely book '3 in a bed* to me which helped me feel better about safety aspects. i now think some babies just need contact with their mums most of the time, although family think Im an idiot to get into this position.
they've just not had a baby like mine!

bytheseaside Sun 09-Jun-13 18:51:44

Mindalina we've comprehensively failed with night time routines. i feel guilty about this, i reckon if i did bath/story/bed for both if us by 7 she would sleep ish 7-7 but its just too early to be able to finish my day. at least as a result she's pretty flexible about bed / feeding / nap times

LizTerrine Sun 09-Jun-13 19:02:31

Hello fellow co-sleepers.

I am currently co-sleeping with my 14wo DS2, done from day one as it's the only logical way (for me) to maintain my sanity. DS1 slept with us from birth-2.4yo and now at 2.7 is perfectly good at sleeping through in his own big boy bed.

Being on my second totally unputdownable baby, I would say that it's just not worth the misery of trying to enforce solo sleep before they're ready.

Selenium Sun 09-Jun-13 20:23:46

Hello! I'd like to join you too. I am co-sleeping (for most of the night) with my 6 month old ds. I started off doing this intentionally after he was born, as I knew it would maximise the amount of sleep I'd get with an older child to look after during the day too! And it's great - I've not been particularly sleep-deprived since he was born. I love the fact that he sleeps so well tucked up next to me (bar a couple of night feeds that I barely wake up for). It does feel really natural. And I love the big morning grins when he wakes up next to me (rather than listening for a baby crying from their cot in another room!)

However, I am now unsure how long I'd like to cosleep for as my dh is in the spare room as he doesn't feel comfortable cosleeping, so obviously this is not ideal! Over the last few weeks, we have popped ds in his cot in his own room for the first sleep of the night and then he comes in with me the first time he wakes.

LizTerrine - that's so reassuring that your older son now sleeps happily through the night in his own bed having spent so long cosleeping! Very reassuring that they do sleep independently when they're ready.

mindalina Sun 09-Jun-13 20:30:24

oh well that reassures me tbh. dd is the rubbishest sleeper ever and it is implied that if only I would put her to bed at seven it would magically enable her to sleep better/longer/more deeply. im sure she'll get the hang of it eventually and I like the sound of flexibility with sleeping, never had that with ds! grin

Alanna1 Sun 09-Jun-13 20:37:03

Hi all, I co-slept till DD1 was 6.5 months. I wanted to stop it. I paid a small fortune to a very experienced maternity nurse to come and help me. She was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. In the space of a week she dropped the night feeds, had my baby sleeping through other than for a 10am dream feed... I love her!

I then did all the same bad things with DD2 now a few months old, but this time got some help sooner. I now have my evenings back, and my bed back with my husband, and a little tiny DD2 who sleeps in her cot, on her back. It was hard the first night but after that OK.

And no, neither of them used CIO.

mumofapirate Sun 09-Jun-13 20:38:34

I'll join smile my storey is the same as yours op! except my ds is 2.5 and stopped bf last oct. He now cuddles me to sleep on sofa downstairs and then sleeps in my bed til morning. Dh usually sleeps in sofa as he gets kicked to death by ds, not ideal but it works for us. I love co-sleeping but I know it will have to end soon sad

Dorisday13 Mon 10-Jun-13 06:51:10

My cosleeping crib was also a very expensive bedrail (and book stand) grin

We started a routine at around 5m because dd was having trouble switching off from the day, it goes dinner when dh gets home from work then bath, pjs, 3 books (always the same ones, same order) then song, bf then zzzz, on mattress in nursery (because its dark and quiet etc) then I roll away and get on with some jobs shower etc and sometimes spend all evening settling her. Recently after a growth spurt, we have added stop bf, roll onto tummy, song and back rub and zzzz. She sleeps longer and self settles more now, and setes without boob unless hungry (then she drinks a lot), when she wakes and I'm in bed/off to bed I bring her in too, she starts in her cosleeper cot then in after 4am ish feed.
I basically followed the NCSS model, seems to be working slowly, I'm happy to carry on cosleeping but want to slow down (very gradually) the night feeds but she seems to be doing this by herself.

My dh sometimes snores and wakes up dd but refuses to move out!! confusedconfusedconfused

fflonkl Tue 11-Jun-13 19:16:49

I've tried putting dd in her moses basket when she's sleepy but so far she's only managed to sleep for 30 mins max in it - the usual length seems to be 10 mins!!

She used to feed to sleep too but for the past 4 days has changed completely in that she wakes up as soon as I put her on my shoulder for burping, and then I have to do the walk/shush/rock dance to get her to sleep. That said I've noticed it's taken a little less time to get her to sleep this way today compared to 4 days ago!

Still working on daytime naps as well so far have managed to get her to do 5-6 hours throughout the day I now just (!) need to get her more used to sleeping in her basket!!

somewherebecomingrain Tue 11-Jun-13 20:51:22

Hi there

seaside really great to hear your experience.

Our ds is 4.5 and still co sleeps - but starts off every night in his own bed and always has done, at about 8pm. To me this is perfect as you get your precious hours to yourself and with dp, but also you get your lo's little warm presence in the night and their smiley face in the morning.

Things have only changed since having dd who is now 10 weeks and I don't want ds to roll on her. Dp has been sleeping separately and when ds comes in I take him through to dp.

One of the reasons ds goes down in his own bed, however, is that I fought like crazy to get him to sleep independently. Result - I became a stare-y eyed loony and quite depressed from sleep deprivation. But I did end up with this great hybrid model.

This time I can't fight that fight. So am prob going to end up with same problem as you seaside.

I would say a bit of controlled crying can change the direction of things and I don't believe it does any harm. It won't stop a really determined bed sharer coming in eventually but does that matter if you get your evening? And who doesn't love their LO pitter pattering into the bed at 2am? Well, lots of people but I love it!

Curlew Tue 11-Jun-13 20:56:16

My children are now 12 and 17- but we co slept from birth as a deliberate policy. It was wonderful- and I am happy to answer any questions anyone might have about it. I don't mean to sound like an expert- but I know that it's hard to find people who've done it and who are prepared to be open about it. So if I can be any help.......

sparklekitty Wed 12-Jun-13 06:22:06

Ooo, I'm in!

Our DD is 8mo. We've been co-sleeping since the start, didn't plan to but it works smile

I tried NCSS at 6 mo to get her in her own room/cot mainly because it was what I felt I should be doing. It lasted 3 nights and I gave up.

We seem to go through cycles of a few weeks decent nights (she's never gone through the night) then a few rubbish where she feeds every hour! We're currently 2 days into this!

DD can occasionally self settle but not often, usually needs a feed or a cuddle with a sshh to go back off.

mindalina Wed 12-Jun-13 09:46:41

curlew, was your partner on board with co sleeping from the off or did you have to talk them round? I didn't really plan to co sleep we just fell into it trying to establish bf and I think my partner is not so keen on it continuing indefinitely! really works for me and baby though, im sure its helping to keep my anxiety levels down

alikat724 Wed 12-Jun-13 10:24:48

Great thread! Our DD is 18 mo, co slept from the beginning out of necessity like others, but I really focussed on getting her into a nap routine through the day from around 3 mo. This worked wonders, as did putting her down on her front from 6 mo, she always struggled on her back. She became a great sleeper, will self settle with a cuddly toy or dummy (once I figured out she likes a night light!) if she isn't hungry and if she is she dream feeds back down really easily. So now 90% of the time she goes down at 7-7.30 and sleeps til 1.30ish, when she has a feed either in her room or in bed with us, then we kind of go with the flow, sometimes another dream feed around 4, sometimes sleeping through until around 6.15 when we all have to get up anyway. We co sleep during periods of illness for comfort for all of us, couldn't bear to leave her in her room alone if she was poorly, but also now I bring her in some nights because its just so lovely to have her with us, and to wake up to! Fortunately DH and I are both very civilised sleepers, no tossing or snoring, and we have a big bed as she does like to sleep in the "H" shape between us sometimes! Love love love co sleeping, never thought this would be us either as DH was anti on principal before she was born and I read too many books claiming it was the evil to end all evils. Very happily we are attachment parenting by instinct!

DrMcDreamysWife Wed 12-Jun-13 10:45:28

Lovely thread with good stories of happy cosleepers. Dd is nine months and spends most of the night in bed with me. Dh sleeps in the spare room sad . We have a strict bedtime routine and she does the first few hours in her cot from about 7.30 to whenever she wAkes first between 10-midnight. She then feeds back to sleep. She will
Occasionally do a 4 hour stretch then but more often than not its shorter and at times every hour. I'd like to say I love cosleeping and yes it's nice to wake up to her smiling but I wish she would do longer stretches between feeding and I miss my dh! It's very tiring but I can't get her in the cot without a load of crying which I can't bear so back in the bed she comes!

Those that coslept well beyond the first year. Did you bfeed? How long for? Do you have any tips on lengthening gaps between feeds whilst cosleeping?

Curlew Wed 12-Jun-13 11:03:50

Mindalina- yes, if anything he was more up for it than I was. When we had our first child, he was working really long hours and really only saw her awake at weekends. He really looked forward to the in bed cuddles!

fflonkl Wed 12-Jun-13 13:10:12

Curlew & alikat - where did your dc sleep during their daytime naps?

I'm still trying to get dd to sleep in her basket during the day but as she still won't stay asleep for long in it she often ends up strapped to me in the carrier!

Dorisday13 Wed 12-Jun-13 13:17:54

Watching with interest! My next project is naps!!

Sunnysummer Wed 12-Jun-13 13:29:07

Am also watching with interest! 7 week old DS currently sleeps with me as he has painful bowel issues that mean he wakes a lot and needs resettling... It means that DH is mostly in our spare room, so although I quite like the snuggles for now, we're wondering if it is feasible/easy to wean off cosleeping in a few months time, when his issues will have been fixed up, or whether we'll be stuck in separate rooms for years or resorting to CIO confused

PoppettyPing Wed 12-Jun-13 14:19:40

Hi! I'm interested in this thread as I'm planning on co-sleeping with my first who is due in Sept. It's really nice to read happy experiences from others on here. A teeny tiny question if that's ok, what do you all do in regards to duvets/pillows? I keep reading that they're a no-no, but how in the hell do I sleep with no pillow or blanket on me? that just sounds grim.

Hope I'm allowed on this thread even though I have no babies quite yet..smile

Dorisday13 Wed 12-Jun-13 14:32:33

Hi popetty, when my dd was new she had her own little blanket and I tucked my duvet under me and my pillow out of the way with my arm between dd and the pillow, does that make sense? Now she's in the duvet with us :-) but we use our thin and light summer duvet.
Also I bought some long sleeves pjs that button down half way so I had my boobs out but still warm! grinwink

Dorisday13 Wed 12-Jun-13 14:37:06

I'm not sure if that's the right way or not, but she seems ok

fflonkl Wed 12-Jun-13 14:43:07

Hi Poppetty I sleep on 2 pillows and have the duvet up to my thighs. I also wear a warm cardi in bed if it's a bit chilly (for my arms) unbuttoned, and have dd on my chest. She has her own blanket as well though if it gets cold I will probably put her in a sleeping bag instead of blanket.

It works for us currently!!

PoppettyPing Wed 12-Jun-13 15:37:54

thank you Doris and fflonkl that makes perfect sense. smile

lamprey42 Wed 12-Jun-13 20:04:21

Like Dr McDreamy's wife I'd be interested in lengthening feeding gaps while co-sleeping. I've got 7 month old twins who were feeding 4 hourly thanks to a spell in baby bootcamp (aka scbu) and kept this up until I stopped properly waking up to feed them both together (1am, 4am and 8ish feeds) and just waited for them to wake up and co-slept + fed - this was about 5 months. I rotate them in and out of a bedside cot so I only have one in bed at a time. I definitely think they wake more now I am doing this - although as I'm not properly waking probably get about same sleep. They do occasionally sleep through the night - once both on the same night! They mostly go down in cot ok about 7.30 after bedtime routine and then will go through until about 2 or 3am but after that recently one or other of them seems to wake about every 1-2 hours.

Mycatistoosexy Wed 12-Jun-13 20:11:36

Ooh I'll join please

Co-sleeping here from day one til now at 11 months.

Never thought I would before I had my DS but he would not sleep in a Moses basket or cotbed so we ended up co-sleeping. Now I wouldn't change it for the world (although DP is getting a bit huffy)

Mycatistoosexy Wed 12-Jun-13 20:16:27

Lamprey do they want to feed each time they wake? I tried cutting out night feeds with my DS ended up with mastitis though and found that just shush-patting him helped delay a few night feeds

alikat724 Wed 12-Jun-13 21:57:54

Popetty - hi and hope you and bub are fairing well going into 3rd trimester! I usually had DD tightly wrapped in a sheet (although I never swaddled properly) and then a blanket over her, on my chest, with me on 2 or 3 pillows. With long sleeved winter pyjamas and my engorged boobs acting as my own personal central heating system we didn't need a lot of duvet, and DH is quite warm blooded too. It wasn't quality sleep by any means but it did the trick in those first few months.

To answer an earlier question DD had her day sleeps regularly in her cot from about 3 mo, as she was too long for her Moses basket by then. However, it was hard work getting there, lots of rocking, cooing, some tears of my own when she just wouldn't let me put her down even if she had been fast asleep for 20 mins! And as I said, at 6 mo I immediately started sleeping her on her front as she was so much more comfortable. One of our best purchases was a nursery chair and rocking footstool, the stool is perfect for breastfeeding (DD and I are quite tall so the chair doesn't work for feeds) and even now if she doesn't want to be put down we can both get some sleep in the reclined chair with her on my chest (DH does this too sometimes). What I will say is routine, routine, ROUTINE! A sleep schedule for day naps, a bath/feed/sleep routine in the evenings and be as strict as possible about sticking to it. DD would nap in her car seat or out and about but this is never good quality sleep so I spent a lot more time at home than I probably would have liked as we focussed on getting her into the right sleep habits. Invaluable now, but hard at the time and I felt like a bit of a shut in at times! We started solids at 6 mo, that and just getting bigger has naturally lead to longer stretches between feeds and better overnight sleeping. I still breastfeed around 3-4 times a day, but a lot of friends are on 1 bottle or feed by now. DD just has a great appetite, loves her food AND her breastmilk and I'm happy to continue to go with what she wants/needs, wouldn't feed her that much formula though!

Squiglettsmummy2bx Wed 12-Jun-13 22:17:28

Hi, I'm co-sleeping with my 16 month old. He is bf & still feeds a lot through the night. I'm not sure if co-sleeping makes this easier or if he does it more as I'm so close but I enjoy our snuggles & space is a big issue in my flat (2 bedrooms dd 10, ds 7 & ds 16 months) so he will be staying put a while longergrin

Fruli Wed 12-Jun-13 22:56:09

I'll join! 21-month-old DD. Never intended to co-sleep, she used to feed to sleep then go into her carry cot next to the bed. Then she wasn't interested in night feeds after about 9m so we ended up co-sleeping from whenever she woke. Started as the "easy option" for getting her back to sleep, now I love it. DH sleeps in the spare bed and us in ours (or vice versa if his alarm is set and mine not). She goes down beautifully at about 8pm and wakes somewhere between 1 and 4. Sleeps through once a week or thereabouts, just to tease us.

AlphaOscarKilo Thu 13-Jun-13 05:42:58

Is sooo wonderful to read all these stories...Co-sleeping has been drummed into me by well meaning friends and family as the worst thing you can do but Nobody seems to understand!!! we have had 7 months of not sleeping more than 2-3 hours at a time (Baby has NEVER once slept 5-6 hours) and this week we've also had hours of crying with her at night (prob teeth). I've always been strong on replacing the dummy or just giving her pats of reassurance BUT not giving in to picking her out of her cot...

However, the few times I have brought her in with me after her 11 bottle feed, she has slept really well. Still not solid, but not so I'm up hourly...and dummy is arms reach away.

I'm going back to work in 7 weeks and I can't exist on no sleep anymore anyway...I am literally exhausted...7 MONTHS!!!

What should I do? Should I undo months of effort and co-sleep just to get some rest? Will we ever get her to sleep alone if I do?

A very tired and fed up mummy xxx

TheYamiOfYawn Thu 13-Jun-13 06:50:34

My 3.5 was in our bed all last night as he had a nasty cough, and it was lovely, as I miss him now that he usually sleeps in his bed.

DD slept in a bedside cot next to us until she was around 2.5. She started sleeping through at around two and a quarter.

DS has always been a much more cuddly sleeper, so rarely took up much space in the bedside cot. He started sleeping through most nights at around three. Nowadays he goes to sleep in his own bed, but comes in at around 4am roughly twice a week.

I have to take a hot water bottle to bed on all but the hottest nights nowadays as I find it hard to sleep without snuggling a warm toddler.

mindalina Thu 13-Jun-13 17:46:09

fflonkl (I hope I've spelt that right, on phone so cant check! ) I am having some success getting dd to nap in a swingy chair - she feeds to sleep on me then I very carefully lower her in and set her swinging. she can sleep in there for up to three hours, she did four once which floored me! but usually she gets an hour or two. ive noticed it helps as well if she has a light blanket she can pull up to hide her eyes. its not perfect and I know she'll grow out of the swing soon, but for now im just grateful to be able to shower for more than three minutes!

dribbledon Fri 14-Jun-13 09:07:24

Great thread-thank you! Please can I join too? I've posted before about exhaustion with DS, 17 weeks, who's a bit high needs. We've co-slept for the past month after travel cot refusal on holiday and teetering on the brink of insanity with weeks of 2-3 hours sleep a night. I feel so much better, and he is a lot more settled too. It isn't perfect as DH often ends up in the spare room. He says that's not an issue, but I do worry about it. I would like DS to start the night in his cot so DH and I have some time together, but this is proving tricky. He always hated his cot and would take usually 1 1\2 hours to settle back into it after a feed and would never nap in it. Now he seems to have his middle finger firmly raised to it! As soon as he gets in the cot now, whether drowsy or asleep, his reaction would make you think he's been put down in a bed of nettles. On fire. So I roll off the mattress when he's asleep and try to go downstairs but it's usually not long before he wakes again. Grrrr

I'd also recommend the three in a bed book by Deborah Jackson. Reduces any worries you might have about safety and long term effects of co-sleeping. Also reminds us this is normal sleeping practice across much of the world...I wonder do mums in countries where this is the norm spend hours posting on sleep forums and worrying if their LO will ever sleep without them?

Andcake Fri 14-Jun-13 10:03:42

Hi everyone -ds 10 mo has co slept since around 6mo! Yes i know the exact time we were going to put him n his own room. After we had hourly (if that) wakings for over a week. We have taken one side off the cot and attached to my side of the bed. He has a bedtime routine and is put on his cot bit with pillows etc around him to stop escapes before I go to bed. But we live in a flat so it's v easy to get to him if he wakes. He knows its his bed bit ( he has a few teddies etc in it) but I leave a space next to me pillow and duvet free so he can roll on over and cuddles in sometimes between 11-2- which means his always there with smiles for us in the morning. Now I'm back at work it means I get lots of sleep and ds cuddles :-)
It also gives DP and I time in evenings and space in bed as well. He wears a 1.5 tog bag so not to overheat next to me.

Dorisday13 Fri 14-Jun-13 15:06:30

Although I love cosleeping my main anxiety is that dd will never move out and it'll be a huge battle unless I do in soon :-( and if I have another dc
Is there anyone out there who can tell me when/how the eviction is done gently? At what age? 3?4?

alikat724 Fri 14-Jun-13 15:56:52

Alpha - just relax and cosleep! smile. It is perfectly natural and comforting for everyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with comforting your child in whatever way you can, whenever you can - particularly if you're going back to work there will be loads more times when you aren't there to comfort her than when you are, so do as much as you can I say!

gruber Fri 14-Jun-13 16:17:27

Ah thank you! We are co-sleeping with DS (20 weeks). Didn't intend to, but he came as a "high needs" baby and DH and I were both tired! Neither of us believes in letting him cry so bed it was... Like * alikat* we are attachment parenting as that's what DS needs, fell into it.

Sleep- goes into his crib in our room after I've fed him to sleep, just recently he wants to sleep earlier so now shower 7.15/bed 7.30/feed to sleep on our bed. Then usually DH & I take it in turns to stay with him (wakes if there's no-one there). When we go to bed 10ish he goes in his crib & atm sleeps til 12 then comes in to us for a feed. Stays in bed as we all fall asleep!! Then feeds 4 & 7 on a goodnight. Bad night 12, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7.... That's why we co sleep!

Bedding- pillows out of way, he sleeps on top of duvet in his own sleeping bag, or mattress on my side (duvet tucked round my lower half). We also have a bed guard!!

So thankful it's not just us... We all sleep so much better. DS actually sleeps with a hand out touching both DH & I when he's in bed, he just needs human contact.

Day sleeps- sling. Occasionally pram. More often than not he sleeps in sling and I'm left pushing an empty pram... Again it's the human contact. He's fallen asleep in his proper cot once. Just the once...

gruber Fri 14-Jun-13 16:19:48

dribbledon - re travel cot refusal on holiday - best £25 we ever spent was on a premier inn when we were away visiting friends. King size bed!!

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 14-Jun-13 16:42:42

My two moved into their own beds at two and a half and three and a quarter respectively. In both cases, they were encouraged to move a bit, and would have stayed in with a us a bit longer if I'd left the time up to the, ie I moved them out gently, at an appropriate point in their lives, but it was parent rather than child led, so if you waited until they asked for their own room, that would probably be older.

Dorisday13 Fri 14-Jun-13 17:21:08

Yami, was this difficult? Also did you move one out before the second arrived?

fflonkl Fri 14-Jun-13 19:59:32

Thanks alikat for sharing and being reassuring.

mindalina dd has fallen asleep in her bouncy chair 3 times now, usually when I'm drying my hair although usually for only 30 minutes (it's amazing how much you can get done in 30 minutes!!).

gruber glad to know there's someone else out there whose baby has daytime naps in a sling/carrier!

Mycatistoosexy Fri 14-Jun-13 20:44:10

My DS only slept on me or in a sling for the first six months. Now he sleeps in the pushchair for daytime naps just fine. Wouldn't go near a cot though.

We have a kingsize and a single mattress pushed together on the floor so DS and DO can have enough room (I usually get a tiny sliver) so our floor is one big mattress.

I tend to stay with DS once he goes to sleep. I think now I could probably sneak away for a few hours but it gives me a good excuse to lie around, eat chocolate and watch TV.

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 14-Jun-13 21:13:26

It was really easy moving them out. DD started sleeping through the night when she was two. We got her an inflatable ready bed which we put on our bwdroo floor and she slept there for a couple of months. when I was around 6 months pregnant, we set up a bedroom for her, and she slept there, but could go into her ready bed in our room if she woke up in the night. Once DS was born, she stayed in her room until morning, but DP would go in to settle her back to sleep if she woke up.

With DS, he moved into his sister's room when he started sleeping throughout nights, and wanted to be with his big sister. At first we tried a ready bed in that room, but he didn't sleep well on it, so we put his cit mattress on the floor. If he wakes up in the night, he sometimes comes in with us. when he does, I either put him back in his room, or bring his mattress back onto the bedside cot.

wickedwithofthenorth Fri 14-Jun-13 21:56:03

Alpha, I'm in the same position as you. Dd is 7 months and up until two weeks ago has slept purely in her basket or cot. However in desperation (after hv advised us to cut down on her milk feeds)due to waking every 30 mins during the night and her sleeping very restlessly we brought her in with us.
We tried co sleeping once or twice when she was tiny but it just didn't work for us, I struggled to settle with her in bed and dh was sleeping under several layers in the winter.
I have been really worried about starting co sleeping when she has previously settled back to sleep after a feed in her cot. But with dh's love of uninterrupted sleep he has encouraged me to bring her in with us.
Now she's bigger I find I can sleep comfortably with her and love having her in with me for a good cuddle. I'm now finally getting a decent amount of sleep.
With our bed against the wall dh and I can comfortably share our standard double with her.
So nice to find this thread, before whatever wrecked her sleep (feeding advice, teething, developmental leap?) We were considering moving to her own room but she'll be staying put now!
Was worried I was in danger of breaking my baby but this is all very reassuring and we're going to go with the flow, bringing her in from first waking.

TheYamiOfYawn Fri 14-Jun-13 22:13:11

Just read my earlier post. Oh, lord, the typo shame.blush Sorry.

Dorisday13 Fri 14-Jun-13 22:40:26

Thank you yami that's so reassuring smilesmilesmile

gruber Sat 15-Jun-13 15:49:02

fflonkl I can count on my fingers the number of times DS has fallen asleep in his pram! He has slept in his cot once (1 hour nap never repeated!) Right now he's asleep in my arms. Usually all daytime sleeps in the sling or someone's arms... You are not alone!!

bronzekitten Sat 15-Jun-13 18:18:42

Our little monkey (14 months next weekend) has always been quite a good sleeper, and has been happy in his cot in his own room. The last two weeks he has started waking between 3.30 and 5am, crying and distressed. I have taken him into the spare bed, and he has gone straight back to sleep, and I love it. I don't have to wake up properly and we both go straight back to sleep until he wakes around 8-9am. My OH and I had a huge row about this last week, he said our boy should be able to get himself back to sleep and we will make him clingy and not want to sleep on his own. (Although he does get up and do the same if I am working!) He goes to bed fine but just won't go back if he wakes, I guess I'm just after some reassurance really!!

alikat724 Sun 16-Jun-13 16:38:10

This from "Attachment Parenting International" (not sure if the link will work on phone!):
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/artbenefitscosleep.php
Great article, the upshot of which is:
"Co-sleeping families tend not to see things in terms of habits that need to be broken, but as patterns that can be established, but that continually evolve and change. For co-sleeping families, laying the foundation for security and closeness takes precedence over early independence."

alikat724 Sun 16-Jun-13 16:42:14

Oops - post too soon! Basically it says that children who are supported and comforted as infants, be that because of cosleeping or other various nurturing behaviours, become more secure, affectionate, confident and happy individuals, and parents are more in tune with their children's needs. The causality isn't precise, but the results are undeniable. smile

Dorisday13 Mon 17-Jun-13 08:49:33

I know it's lovely and has great benefits but we keep waking our baby up accidentally! So maybe it's time for a move hmm

Dorisday13 Sat 22-Jun-13 17:43:56

Hi cosleepers!
Just wondering if anyone was using a bed on the floor at the moment? I'm thinking about doing this soon due to lo becoming mobile!! Eek! If you do is your room baby proofed? And are plug sockets etc an issue if lo can get out of bed? Hope everyone's well and enjoying their night time snuggles smilesmile x

Dorisday13 Sat 22-Jun-13 17:47:59

Can I also ask how you deal with people/friends/family who criticise you for cosleeping? I've had some odd and critical comments recently and been a bit upset by them

bytheseaside Sat 22-Jun-13 21:11:04

hey Doris I'm thinking the same things re bed on floor - maybe, or LOADS of cushions / pillows (would that even be safe?), haven't even thought about childproofing yet.

Re criticism, this happens a lot for me too - people assuming I cosleep because I am daft / have no parenting skills / making rod for back etc etc. I try to explain why we do it politely (saving sanity / helps us all get much more sleep / attachmenty parenting) then fume in later, and privately judge them for letting their own kids CIO wink Why on earth do people think its their business, or that their particular brand of sleep training is the only/right way? Or that my baby is like their baby? can you tell this annoys me a bit?

Sorry for absence - I start this thread, then can't keep up as I cosleep and have no evenings with hands free to type ... going to try to catch up with reading thread later.

NutsinMay Sat 22-Jun-13 21:17:07

Yes still part co-sleeping with DD2 after 2 years. Co slept with first DD for about a year, then when she moved to a bed she came in part way through the night.

I'm pretty tired now as my sleep has been interupted for more than 5 years and I've not shared a bed with DH for about 3 years.

Andcake Sun 23-Jun-13 10:23:43

The only people I get criticism from is my parents. Mil and my friends think its fine and in some cases lovely. Recently my mum told me that she was worried ds would be too attached to me become one of those strange loners who become a killer!!!

At the time I just quoted an article which said that co-sleeping cultures have lower rates of suicide and depression. My dad then said what was the relevance of that to which I responded that I didn't want ds to commit suicide (bare in mind he is currently only 10 months old) luckily my brother stepped in and said 'well you can't argue with that'' just bizarre the whole conversation!
I think I felt I had to answer with a big picture thing as the 'we all get more sleep argument seemed trivial to her comment'.

The whole too attached to me thing is also crazy - he is small, a much longed for child and also my DP is a stay at home dad whilst I work. Ahhhhh bloody interfering. But now I can't get my mums comment out my head, of course.

Dorisday13 Sun 23-Jun-13 11:01:12

Wow I haven't had that comment yet! I had a ''she'll get attached to you'' to which I replied 'I want her to be attached to me!!' Followed by a 'you'll be one of those parents who send them to school with a dummy and a bottle like a baby' ok WTF! Firstly she's never had a bottle (ok once) and never ever had a dummy and she's only 7mo!! Bizarre!

I was a bit raw by then when someone else said 'how's your marriage?!' shock

Andcake Sun 23-Jun-13 16:34:14

Yes he loaded 'relationship/ marriage' question. I had something similar from a woman at a baby group about what I'd my DP think. So loaded to how do you have sex. I just smiled and said rather bluntly 'great- all you need is a little imagination' shut her up. I admit its not easy but If you can talk about it as a couple you can find a way - they seem to think only men worry about that side of things angry

somewherebecomingrain Mon 24-Jun-13 07:53:34

Really interesting. My sis was first of our generation to have a baby and she coslept. I was quite disapproving! I now regret that.

Children become serial killers through predisposition coupled with violent sadistic abuse. Cosleeping probably prevents a few serial killers!

Those parents are confusing it with something sexual, which obviously would be terrible. I've had therapy and even some therapists hold this view - or that it is symbolically blocking the marital relationship. It's certainly not sexual - anymore than sleeping with a mega cute puppy or kitten would be sexual. Or, hey, breastfeeding - shall we stop that?And exhaustion is far worse for the sex life than the logistical challenge of sleeping in seperate beds.

I've got a bed bumper for 10 quid from amazon even tho baby only 11weeks. It's made of foam and sort of locks itself into place under the sheet. Hope this will do when dd gets mobile. It's about 10 cm high.

bytheseaside Tue 25-Jun-13 14:30:13

Interesting perspective - I hadn't thought about the public service we are performing - 'cosleep - stop crime'! andcake do you have a link to that article

somewhere I didn't consider that some of the negative responses could be about people feeling that babies shouldn't be in a marital bed, i.e. a sexual space. hmm. I imagine most marital beds in households with babies are mainly about desperately trying to get some sleep. That's quite creepy and offensive. Oh, Mr Freud has a lot to answer for. Mind you, before I bf, I think I felt it might be somehow weird, without really thinking through why I thought this. Turns out it isn't, its just really instinctive, like cuddling up with sleeping baby so they stay asleep. Of course, lots of people are feel directly threatened just by parenting choices different to their own - I know I'm guilty of this too - ok, I'm choosing attachment, confidence, security for my baby, but what if I put her future independence at risk etc etc.

I really love the idea that cosleeping can help when mums go back to work. I have this looming and would do anything to minimise dd's distress (and mine) and also maintain our bond, it made me feel a lot better to read that. Its also helped me to read your stories of how cosleeping can naturally come to an end when LO is ready - I'm conflicted really, as I really would like our bed back at some stage!

I'll join if that's ok? grin

I have co-slept with all 3 DC's, currently with DT (2) I have tried to settle them all in a cot, as I have been criticised from pretty much all friends and family, but the kids are happy, and I got more sleep in the early days.

DT has asked to sleep in her own bed a few times, but worry about her getting up continually and waking her DB in the night, should I just follow her lead and let her? What ages have your DC's relocated to there own beds?
My DD1 was co sleeping untill she was 6, and was told of by a teacher for it blush

somewherebecomingrain Tue 25-Jun-13 18:54:40

Hi yes my ds now sleeps all night in his own bed aged4.5. The tipping point was grandma bought him a new duvet and new funky dinosaur bed linen.

Andcake Tue 25-Jun-13 20:36:10

Hi all hoe everyone is sleeping well.
I think some of my comments have been misconstrued or mixed up. But at be I'm wrong. I'm French typing/reading whist doing ther things.
1, My mums mad comment about me turning ds into a mummy's boy who grows up a murderous loner had no sexual Connotations it was more about over attachment. Ill dig out the article i used as a come back about the reduction in suicide rates/depression in cosleeping cultures. I'm sure it was on the guardian but I can't find it now confused

2, I think the sexual thing is that Having a baby in your bed stops the parents having sex- which can damage your relationship. Or piss a DP off. And I think a few of us have had comments from people suggesting well ruin our relationships by doing this. I must admit the lack of opportunity for sex is the only downside I can see with cosleeping. But my ds is now 10 mo. but like all things in a relationship this should be discussed. But with a creative thinking you can still have a sex life. Eg last weekend after ds had fallen asleep in his buggy wheeled him back home parked him in earshot and jumped into bed smile it also means night is reserved for sleep but one has at least now quickie a week.

Another with twins about to properly go down the co-sleeping route.

Babies were sleeping quite well in their cots up to about 16 weeks then everything went to hell. After 4 weeks of very little sleep for all 4 of us, DH slept in the spare room last night and I had babies in with me. Apart from a brief hour at 2am when both woke, I pretty much slept most of the night! For the first time in ages!

Other twinsmums, how do you work logistics? I would be a bit gutted if DH is kicked out for long but can't see how I can have all of in the bed/not have one baby in the middle.

Munxx Thu 27-Jun-13 15:29:36

Gosh I could have written this OP!

I am co sleeping with my 9.5mo DS. He slept with 3-4 wake ups in his Moses basket until 4 months and then has never done it since.

I have ordered a bed rail as he is wriggling around a lot now.

The bit I struggle with is 7-10pm. My daughter goes to bed at 7 and DS requires a very long feed and then sleeps on me until I go to bed. So I'm trapped! Any advice? I don't believe in CC (personal choice, not a judgement on anyone else's style).

bytheseaside Thu 27-Jun-13 18:07:01

andcake the sexual connotations was something somewhere mentioned she had come across from therapists (btw somewhere - I meant that the idea was creepy and offensive not that you were! grin )

freebuttonbee hmmm a tough one - I'm not sure how I would do that - DH in spare room most likely like you, or bring an extra bed in our room maybe. I imagine the benefits of more sleep are even more imperative with twins

munxx if you find a solution, please tell me ...

DD has a cold, so lots of loud snuffling and constant nighttime dream-feeding for me - won't even do the semi-independent daytime napping like she usually does - darn it. days like this cosleeping certainly doesn't seem easier.

Dorisday13 Thu 27-Jun-13 20:59:35

Munxx we either put dd down at 7 (feed or rock to sleep) on a mattress on nursery floor or put her in the sling until we go to bed.

I read on here someone with twins had an armsreach bassinet and would rotate the babies in and out, 1 in bed and 1 in the bassinet then swap them over to make it fair...

X

Andcake Fri 28-Jun-13 14:33:59

THats ok bytheseaside smile
The 7-10 bit is tricky. But we sidecar our cot so their is a rail at the side top and bottom of ds iykwim- but typically he only ever moves one way! So we put lots of pillows around and keep the monitor up high. He hasn't fallen out yet.

somewherebecomingrain Fri 28-Jun-13 17:23:06

andcake I just thought that over attachment doesn't sound bad enough to produce murderers (tho I'm no expert)and thought your parents must mean something worse but fair cop they didn't! Makes their comment less logical but funnier and more sweetly absurd.

Yes seaside is right. i meant Some therapists see the symbolism of co sleeping as wrong because it seperates the adults, rather than it being 'sexual'. And the non-shrink version of this view is that 'it will stop you having sex'. You try shagging on 3 hrs broken sleep a night is what I say. (Or living with your mother in law as we do!) I just got sidetracked on to this - you weren't talking about this andcake

munxx I have put some effort in to getting dd to nap alone and spend the first bit of the night alone. Once or twice putting her down 20 times in a row. It doesn't always work but it keep the door open. It's about teaching them. DON'T believe the 'if you do it this way you will always have to do it this way' brigade. Babies easily change their habits - they are babies not OAPs! Consistency is important but where there are two parents with different views or it is a first baby there will be trial an error. It's not easy for you to get the change - it can be back breaking and v v boring - but you just need to find the right way or persevere and the baby will probably change (there may be some exceptions). IMHO.

Xxx

justwondering72 Sun 30-Jun-13 08:20:07

Hi all

I'm kind of late to the party as my boys are 5.5 and 2.5, but we co slept with both of them from birth. We were four in a bed for a long time after ds2 was born, and they both moved into a shared bedroom, own beds at Xmas last year. It has been strange having our bed back - well for a while, the 5.5 year old still comes in around 4am. Ds2 is bf and although he's night weaned, he wakes at 5am for a feed them back to sleep- I usually finish the night in ds1s empty bed! Musical beds indeed!

And cake... Is your mum French? We are living in France just now and I find some attitudes over here very different to the UK. One of these is the importance placed on 'la vie du couple' and that this should, in many ways, have as high a priority as the mother - child attachment. Also I think the French see independence and bonding instead with a peer group as much more important than in the UK. Anyway, my impression us that Californian style AP would be viewed with suspicion over here!

The single best thing we did re. Cosleeping was to buy a superkingsize bed- 180cm of bed plus a sidecarred cot = plenty of room for all!

Last thing. When I got fed up relying on the sling for naps (both mine were very big heavy babies) I fed them to sleep on our big bed and sneaked away. It meant they got a chance to practice sleeping alone and I could choose whether to co nap or go do something else.

Enjoy the cuddles!

Well, looks like DTS has cracked this sleeping alone thing. He's learnt to roll onto his tummy and boom, he's out cold! Feel asleep at 8-ish, woke at 5 for a quick feed and then up at 7! Remarkable!

I still had DTD in the bed most of the night as her skin is annoying her and she needs getting back over to sleep repeatedly overnight. But only one baby waking is such a luxury and so easy to manage in bed. Ad DH didn't have to get kicked out! Lovely!

somewherebecomingrain Sun 30-Jun-13 08:32:18

freebuttonbee what fab news! Pleased to wake up to it.

justwondering73 many things strike chord there - musical beds and sneaking away are v much part of my practice. Also feed them to sleep without agonising. Also big bed - sadly we 're in rented accommodation and have tiny standard double. Hence musical beds is big for us!

absentmindeddooooodles Sun 30-Jun-13 08:33:12

Hiya can I join in?

Have co slept with ds since birth. Like you op was out of necessity to begin with. He fed every hour day and night so was the only way for me to get some sleep. He has never Ben able to self soothe. I think he has fallen asleep withoute to king or holding him once in his life ( apart from in the car) he is 2.3.

I thought is never ever get him into his own bed..... But a few months ago we did it!! I still have to rock or cuddle him to sleep, then put him into bed, but it's an improvement! He still comes in about 5 or 6 most mornings, and sometimes in the night for cuddles which I love :-). Now just to get him to sleep earlier! He has just never needed much sleep , and I have a battle of epic proportions trying to get h to sleep before 1130 at night. Exhausted is not the word haha x

PoppettyPing Thu 04-Jul-13 12:11:58

I also read somewhere that babies who co-sleep have much less trouble sleeping as adults. I thought that was interesting! My mum co-slept with me and I've always been a great sleeper..<anecdote>

As for the marital bed/sex thing...is bed the only place you can have sex?? Love Somewherebecomingrain's comment about it being as sexual as having a cute puppy or kitten in bed with you! Ha!
This thread is great. I'm learning so much. And thanks Alikat for the advice and the links to AP! I can't wait til this babe is born and we can cuddle.

Gherkinsmummy Tue 06-Aug-13 17:35:34

Another happy co-sleeper here. Always planned to co-sleep, had a bed nest which proved useful for books, muslins etc. Then a side-carred cot. DS has just turned three, and has spent the last two nights in his big boy bed. I'm now sleeping on the floor in his room until he gets used to it. He has always been a very good sleeper, who often plays at going to bed during the day. We've been talking about his new bed for weeks, and he loves it - its a cabin bed and he loves climbing up and jumping down the ladder.

Clarella Thu 08-Aug-13 17:10:08

hooray! ill join! I need reassurance it's all gonna be ok this way!

<toddles off to read rest of thread>

ds is 8 months and only slept 2 hours at a time since he was 3.5 months due to uti, antibiotics, thrush, reflux and now just seems to be in the habit. probably all teeth coming at once too! (first appears to be a molar?!). so only way to cope grin

yellowtiledfloor Thu 08-Aug-13 17:28:44

I love cosleeping at night and sling napping by day. Would be totally happy if i were a sahm but starting to get very nervous about ds starting nursery. How are they going to get him to nap? Does anyone have any experience of this?

fertilityFTW Thu 08-Aug-13 17:47:21

Great thread! I'm a big fan of co-sleeping, being from a culture where it's the norm and to do otherwise would invite all sorts of negative commentary! I slept in my parents' bed myself till I was six months old and now I sleep with my DD in the spare/nursery room while DH gets our room to himself. We have a co-sleeper cot and she's an easy baby so falls asleep there, I take her into my bed during nursing sessions and she sleeps the last stretch with me (also because the sunlight hits her cot in the early hours and that way she avoids that). A bit woo-sounding I suppose but she also hasn't been exposed to much artificial light (simply put - no curtains on the windows in her room) and wakes with the dawn and starts getting sleepy at dusk like clockwork, which is I guess her circadian rhythm establishing itself.

I'm sticking with what I know based on the upbringing in my culture. This article talks about that - i.e. A cross-cultural sample of 90 traditional human societies identified not a single one with mother and infant sleeping in separate rooms: that current Western practice is a recent invention responsible for the struggles at putting kids to bed that torment modern Western parents. American pediatricians now recommend not having an infant sleep in the same bed with its parents, because of occasional cases of the infant ending up crushed or else overheating; but virtually all infants in human history until the last few thousand years did sleep in the same bed with the mother and usually also with the father, without widespread reports of the dire consequences feared by pediatricians. That may be because hunter-gatherers sleep on the hard ground or on hard mats; a parent is more likely to roll over onto an infant in our modern soft beds.

I don't judge other cultures/styles of parenting, I figure everyone does what they feel is best for their own. For me it is this - to have my baby close by when she is at her most vulnerable and give her the security of my voice, smell and touch when she wakes. I'm much clingier in this aspect than she is and it suits my lifestyle and fits my vision of the early years.

Clarella Thu 08-Aug-13 17:55:30

yellow I'm worrying about that, though ds will sleep in buggy which lies flat (out n about) so I've asked if nursery could use that for now. would lo sleep in a buggy?

yellowtiledfloor Thu 08-Aug-13 18:52:30

Good idea clarella. We don't have a buggy but am thinking about borrowing one to try. Are your nursery willing to push him to sleep? One nursery manager basically told me off for carrying him to much when I asked about sleep worries. I might just try and crack the cot without the intermediary buggy stage! !

Clarella Thu 08-Aug-13 20:02:19

yes, at the time (and still now a bit) he can get refluxy with teething dribble so nap quality is better slightly inclined (plus he doesn't go near cot anymore) so I asked them and they said yes. they said the girls have a variety of ways to get them to sleep inc. birthing balls! thing is I know he will panic in a cot, he'll be ok in the buggy. I'm tempted to lend my sling too....

yellowtiledfloor Fri 09-Aug-13 07:15:24

Ah Thanks. Feeling a bit better now.

Clarella Sun 18-Aug-13 20:40:55

just bumping as I feel this is a good source of advice and support for those who worry about cosleeping long term (like me!!)

Clarella Wed 21-Aug-13 10:36:36

http://cosleeping.nd.edu/frequently-asked-questions/

very interesting points esp research findings about self esteem near the end.

Monikita Fri 30-Aug-13 10:49:36

Hello co-sleepers!
We've been co-sleeping since DD's last tongue-tie revision so that she had free access to the boob and could put on weight (about 5mo). She's now 7.5mo. It was initially going to be a short term thing once her weight was steady. We moved her back and she was fine for a week and then she started waking up every 2 hours (sometimes every hour!) about 3 weeks ago.

Last night I tried PUPD which left her pretty distressed and after reading this thread I realised that there was nothing wrong with co-sleeping. DH, DD and I all get more sleep, I feel closer to DD (which I'll need when I go back to work full time) and it feels much more in tune with my instincts - my parents are Indian so it's normal in our culture.

I'd like to know though, what do you do if your lo wakes up and wants to play? DD woke last night at 3am - she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to crawl everywhere! It took us an hour to get her back to sleep!

Clarella Sat 31-Aug-13 15:26:46

hi monikita!

I recently had a 'I've failed as a parent' wobble and thought I should be sleep training but good friends and mn helped me see the light! I've had a bit of pnd and actually cosleeping has helped me to regain stronger feelings for lo plus my supply is quite low following stress and illness and I'm back at work next week so actually do want to feed at night unlike many!

but yes the playtime hour is when I think what am I doing?! I have always pretended to stay asleep as much as possible and he tends to get the idea it's sleep time however lo is not yet mobile so I don't know how that will work!

Monikita Mon 02-Sep-13 23:32:55

Hi Clarella!

Yes, I feel slight disapproval from my mil and lots of disapproval from my sil (she gave us the Baby Whisperer when I was pregnant which nearly ruined bf for us). I was so happy to see this thread and my mum (bless her) has been really supportive too. I just can't bear to train my baby and hear her cry so much.

Unfortunately for the playtime hour issue, DD is extremely mobile. The ignoring trick used to work but no more alas. Last night DH took her onto his chest and rocked her back to sleep - for some reason she doesn't take me seriously, even if I feed her. Although at one point last night her feeding strategy seemed to involve chewing on my nipple to relieve teething. [ouch!]

wolfgirl83 Thu 16-Jan-14 17:52:07

Bump! My son is now 8 weeks and we have had a co-sleeper cot (BabyBay) since birth, but I bought it partly cos I knew we would likely want to cosleep at least some of the time. I agree it is def a pricy bedrail/moses basket stand at least some of the time! Although it was pricey I think it was/is really useful to give you confidence starting out with cosleeping as seems like a safe option. Also gives us flexibility to transfer between cot and bed easily which I love. Currently he gets fed to sleep and put down in Babybay, then generally transfers to bed either when he wakes 10 mins later/after next night feed/in early am after DH has left for work, depending on how he settles! Also he sleeps in a sleeping bag so I can grab a corner and basically (gently!) drag him towards me for a feed which is great! smile I'd say anyone unsure if co-sleeping is for them should consider a co-sleeper cot as an option.

wolfgirl83 Thu 16-Jan-14 17:59:05

Also would love to know what other cosleeper parents dress babies in? As DS does time in the babybay most nights, we have him in a longsleeved vest only then a 2.5tog sleeping bag. He's a 'hot' baby so if he sleeps a long stretch in the babybay he has cold hands but neck/body toasty. However I do worry he might overheat when we switch to our bed? He now always goes between me and the babybay (not bet me and DH since I read up on it), and try to keep covers off but he does generally end up with duvet over his legs or even waist. Is that really bad? I've found I seem to sleep utterly still and wake in exact same position, like I've been playing that kids game sleeping lions, so not worried I'll squish him! smile

Brackla Thu 16-Jan-14 21:14:19

I've just read through this thread and wish I'd found it a month ago. DS is 6mo and hasn't slept in his cot for over a month: he used to start the night in there and come to bed with us about 10pm but since he hit 5mo he won't sleep longer than 40 mins without me/boob available. The part I find hard is the his-bedtime-to-my-bedtime stretch. I bf him to sleep in our big bed after his bath but I can then be in and out of the room all evening, wolfing down some dinner in between and getting DH to cuddle him if he wakes while I'm eating, or later, getting ready for bed, and often my solution is just to come to bed early with the ipad and a book (or my German homework! Learning the language of our new home city with a 6mo is....challenging!). But I figure (hope!) this will get better naturally in time.

Me and DH both love bedsharing though, and since keeping DS in here all night I'm definitely getting more sleep overall (I try to co-nap too. All helping) just wish DS could go a little longer asleep alone but hey, he's so wee, it won't last forever so I'm trying to just enjoy the experience. Our current problem seems to be trapped wind keeping him awake when he wakes to feed in the night (which is often,every 90-120 mins, usually more like 90). After a mammoth farting session, often only after some bicycling legs, he goes back to sleep but kills the lovely sleep/feed thing we had going on!

wolfgirl83 I gave up on the sleeping bag when I started feeding him to sleep in our bed, but before then, I'd take him out when he woke up for the feed that signalled he was coming into our bed, if that makes sense? He'd definitely have been too warm in that plus our duvet. He now sleeps under our duvet up to his waist, I keep it tucked down and it has never ridden up. I'm the same with the single sleeping position, that's the only downside so far, I do get aching hips from sleeping on my side with my arm round DS. How do you avoid putting your LO in the middle though? DS inevitably ends up there some of the night when I switch sides to bf.

wolfgirl83 Fri 17-Jan-14 13:29:46

Hmm, maybe the sleeping bag is too much then...

Brackla, still struggling with the breastfeeding a bit in terms of positions and latch, and what previously put me off feeding lying down was having to turn over and switch him over to feed - and you're right, then of course they have to be in the middle of the bed.

But this week I have tried feeding from both breasts but lying on the same side. Basically I lie on my right side (facing the edge of bed/babybay) and lie him on his side facing me to feed from right boob (one lying on the bed) - think this is the 'normal' way? To feed from left (upper, as it were) boob, I sort of raise up on one elbow, tilt him partly onto his back so he's looking up towards the nipple, and sort of latch him on from above, kind of dangling boob in his face, if that makes any sense! Then I sort of wriggle into a lying down position. So he's basically ending up in a similar position to feeding from right/lower boob, but just tilted slightly to face upwards more. It's not perfect as he can make my nipple a bit sore due to the angle but hopefully practise will help. It is a LOT easier than all that shifting around tho, I found. But due to some ongoing latch/fussiness/big boobs/slightly flat nipples issues, basically whatever position I feed in it's still rarely entirely comfortable/pain free, so maybe I have become resigned to low level discomfort! smile Also I had bad pelvic girdle pain/SPD during pregnancy that hasn't entirely gone yet, so I also get achy hips/pelvis/back from lying on side. But as I get much more rest this way, 'tired' beats 'uncomfortable' apparently! smile

Brackla Fri 24-Jan-14 19:34:10

Hmm, might try that tonight! And yup, I will definitely take uncomfortable over tired right now!

Buchanon08 Fri 24-Jan-14 22:38:55

Apologies if anyone has already mentioned this as I have not had chance to read all posts but I have a co sleeping question maybe someone could help with! Co slept with and bf DCs 1&2 til approx 2 yrs when they happily transferred to their own beds/rooms smile DC3 is 11 weeks and we are doing the same (although optimistically have put drop down cot next to the bed, haha, don't know why we own one!) Anyway, for the first few weeks he would have a feed, go to sleep, repeat several times through the night, as expected, minimal disturbance, maximum sleep smile for the last week or two however he will only sleep with my nipple in his mouth like a dummy ALL night! Keen to avoid an actual dummy as I fear it will be a constant game of putting it back in. What can I do?! Am getting really sore neck/hips from laying in the same position and getting not enough sleep...

djwholesome Thu 30-Jan-14 09:56:54

Hello, New to this thread and a new co-sleeper at 8.5 months, but we're struggling! I was dreaming it might be so easy, but maybe not if you start so late? Is this TOO late?... I'm really really keen to make this work and happy with the idea that she'll probably be in our bed for years. We had one great week, I got 6 (broken) hours sleep and was a different woman and DD very jolly. But now she's waking up more than hourly and crawling about and crying out a lot, with frustration I think. I try feeding back to sleep but half the time it doesn't work and she just pulls my hair and clambers around getting upset until I try feeding again. And then she seems to wake up for good at 4.15am! I'm trying to reduce daytime breastfeeds gradually as I go back to work in 2 months, so feeding so much at night seems a bit crazy. Any advice on how to deal with this night waking very welcome!!

MrsKoala Thu 30-Jan-14 15:45:27

Hi all, i'm new to this thread but looking for a bit of advice if anyone has any. DS is 16mo and has co slept from the beginning. He has always been a bugger to get to sleep but pretty much slept thru from 4mo. Albeit midnight -10am most nights. But the last 2 months he has really regressed. Since we moved house (for the 4th time in his life sad ) he wont go to sleep without being walked in the buggy then transferred to bed. Dh does this at about 9 (as any earlier he just wont sleep and thinks it's a great adventure to point at cars in the rain).

The main problem tho is he has become obsessed with playing with my hair as a comfort, so at night he lays close and likes to rub his fingers along my scalp. Obviously, this keeps me awake, but if i stop him he wakes and cries. So do any of you wise co sleepers have any tips to stop your baby prodding you in the night? smile

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