CM will give notice if DS's sleep doesn't improve - I'm gutted, please help!

(29 Posts)
Crimebusterofthesea Mon 04-Feb-13 16:52:15

12 month old DS has been going to the CM part time for the last 4 weeks. He has settled well, apart from the fact that it is taking her over an hour to get him to sleep every day. She has told me today that she has never met a baby so difficult when it comes to getting them to sleep and has said she can't continue if things don't improve as it isn't fair on the other children. I completely understand this, but my god do I feel shit. He has always been a terrible sleeper/napper and I did tell her this before she agreed to take him on. I can't help but blame myself and feel I could have done something differently. Why can't he just go to sleep there? I feel gutted and crap and envious of all the babies that will sleep anywhere. What can I do tonight that will miraculously result in him napping like an angel there tomorrow?? Help!

NatashaBee Mon 04-Feb-13 16:56:12

Do you think he would nod off in a sling? would the childminder be OK with wearing him round the house for his nap? At least that way she'd have her hands free.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 04-Feb-13 16:59:15

That's really awful! Can childminders do that?!

I often thought about going back to work and putting my dcs in childcare but they both had really bad reflux and i wondered if the same thing would have happened.

I can't remember how much they nap at that age but can he miss his nap completely? Or just be left to drop off to sleep when it suits him? Mine never had set nap times so I only did the 'time to go to sleep' thing at night times. Was never a problem and they used to just nap in the buggy or car or just whilst playing. I know a lot of people don't do that though.

Schooldidi Mon 04-Feb-13 17:06:07

She doesn't sound like a particularly great childminder if she can't figure out a way of getting him to sleep that doesn't take him an hour to do so.

What is she doing that is taking so long? Is she trying to get him to sleep at a time that doesn't suit him, so if she waited half an hour it would be easier? Or is he overtired by the time she's trying to put him down and he would do better going a bit earlier? SHE needs to be looking at ways to solve the problem as well as you, you aren't there, you don't know what can be changed easily to help him get to sleep.

My dd2 was a horrendous sleeper for naps when she started going to my cm. She just put her in the buggy and told her it was time to sleep, dd2 whinged (not full on screaming) for a few minutes before falling asleep. That was because my cm was really good at spotting the window between tired and overtired and getting her down quick. Dd2 would never have slept if she tried to put her in a cot though, she hated cots with a passion.

Crimebusterofthesea Mon 04-Feb-13 17:10:19

I hadn't thought about a sling but I doubt she would be able to do that as she spends a lot of time on the floor with the older ones. If I didn't have to work, then I wouldn't but it's not really an option. She is going to try the pram straight off tomorrow as he hates the travel cot, being rocked, being patted, everything! She just keeps making me feel so guilty as the other children are suffering because of him. All he needs to do is go to sleep when he is tired! I wouldn't care if he missed the nap altogether but he is so grumpy and tearful that he obviously needs it.

I need to read the contact again as I'm pretty sure she has to give 4 weeks notice, unless there is a probationary period for rebel babies like mine!? Can I have wine yet?

brainonastick Mon 04-Feb-13 17:11:18

How do you get him to nap at home? If its something that the cm can't do (eg bf to sleep, rock and hold etc), then you will need to work on self settling at home.

Crimebusterofthesea Mon 04-Feb-13 17:30:06

We don't rock or bf to sleep at home, we just pop him in his cot and he self settles, as long as we stay in the room with him. We are in the process of doing gradual withdrawal but can't leave the room yet without him going mental!

catkind Mon 04-Feb-13 18:00:42

Hmm, your CM may find that a different way of settling works better. For example perhaps she could let him nap in a pushchair when they all go out. Perhaps he needs to nap earlier - or perhaps he's so busy he wants to nap later. They can be soooo different in a childcare setting. Mine sleeps hugely better at the CMs, but she won't eat. At home she eats like a horse and won't sleep! Strange things babies.

Crimebusterofthesea Mon 04-Feb-13 19:36:15

They are indeed catgirl! I think the pushchair is the way to go, I don't mind if he doesn't nap for long or how she gets him to sleep, I just want her to give a chance. Overall, he has only been there for 12 half days which I don't think is very long at all to get settled and sorted. I feel guilty enough sending him without this added pressure!

nancerama Mon 04-Feb-13 19:42:44

Perhaps he needs to go there a bit longer to get used to it? (Not helpful, I know as CM seems to be putting time pressures on you).

DS naps beautifully at home 95% of the time, but hates napping when we visit other people because he's such a social animal he doesn't want to miss anything.

Perhaps your DS is having so much fun he doesn't want to go to sleep.

NickNacks Mon 04-Feb-13 19:48:29

She doesn't sound like a particularly great childminder if she can't figure out a way of getting him to sleep that doesn't take him an hour to do so.

I think this is a bit unfair baring in mind the OP herself admits that they have to stay in the room with him to settle otherwise he goes crazy. The childminder has other children to see to so obviously this won't be a viable option.

brainonastick Mon 04-Feb-13 19:49:23

12 half days?! It sounded from your op like it had been a lot longer. That is not enough to get settled and I'm very surprised the cm thinks it is.

How many days a week does he do, and are they consecutive. Ime at least 2 consecutive days is preferable to start getting settled in an environment.

LemonBreeland Mon 04-Feb-13 19:57:32

12 half days is no time at all. Is he only there a couple of days a week? The less time a child is at a cm the longer it will take for them to settle.

It sounds like she is not one for trying to deal with any problems. She hasn't really given it a chance.

BearsLikeMarmalade Mon 04-Feb-13 20:29:57

It took ages for DS to nap at CM, when he was same age as your DS. 'Twas a nightmare and I worried a lot, and felt crap about it (he'd always been a rubbish sleeper). I think I even started a thread on here about it. CM, however, was very laid back about the whole thing and just kept trying different things. He has been her trickiest sleeper I think though.

DS ended up napping in the pushchair a lot, and she eventually (god knows how) got him to sleep in a travel cot, but this was after some time (can't remember how long). He never got the same nap time as he did at home though. I think its still early days for your DS, esp. given his age. Its good that your CM is prepared to try a different approach, I hope she can give it enough time. Have the half days been mornings, and are you planning longer days? He might just conk out in the pushchair if he's there longer. My DS never had his naps at the same times he would have done at home, and never had two naps at CMs (even though he would often have 2 at home). He did a few mornings only when starting there and didn't sleep at all.

Completely sympathise with how you feel - like you're the only mum in the world who can't get their child to nap like all the other kids do! I hope a different tactic helps, must be a lot of worry for you.

Crimebusterofthesea Mon 04-Feb-13 21:36:23

Thankyou for all of your replies - it actually works out that he has only been there 9 half days as she had a bereavement for 2 and he was ill for 1! I'm just praying the pushchair works - there is no denying he is a tricky sleeper and I can't help feeling we have pandered to his needs, 'made a rod for our own backs' etc at home. Sorry for calling you catgirl catkind - my worried brain!

Schooldidi Mon 04-Feb-13 21:37:43

NickNacks The op didn't say that she needed to stay in the room before I posted that. I still stand by the opinion that the cm needs to sort out what will work at her house. It shouldn't be the op's problem unless she's doing something at home that the cm obviously can't do, it's the cm's job to look after the children and that includes finding a way for each child to nap, there is nothing the op can do to sort this out when she is at work. There are things she can try that don't involve spending an hour trying to get him to sleep which don't take her away from the other children but it sounds like she hasn't tried them.

OP if your ds has only been there for 12 half days then that is very soon for your cm to be talking about giving notice due to a napping problem. Mine took about 4 weeks of being there full time before she napped reliably, so 20 full days. Some days she didn't nap at all, that was fine, even if she was grumpy later, some days she only napped in the buggy when they went out, that was fine too as they were out doing the school run most days anyway.

Oh poor little mite, could her stress be rubbing off on him? Yes it is not a very long time to have given him to settle. Is she on her own?

If so <ignorant about ratios etc> should she be having much older ones if she is accepting babies, surely babies take more time and should be the priority??
Again, clueless about this but I would be worried that he was being kind of brushed aside for inconveniently being hard to settle.

D you have any other options? I don't like the sound of her. <hugely judgemental>

(Waves at didi)

mercibucket Mon 04-Feb-13 21:47:52

Cm doesn't sound like she's trying hard. Maybe it's just a bit much and she's decided she'd prefer an older child? Or did you tell her that sleep might be a problem so she's seeing it through that lens and thinking it won't get easier?

mercibucket Mon 04-Feb-13 21:47:52

Cm doesn't sound like she's trying hard. Maybe it's just a bit much and she's decided she'd prefer an older child? Or did you tell her that sleep might be a problem so she's seeing it through that lens and thinking it won't get easier?

Startail Mon 04-Feb-13 21:53:18

DD never napped at home at that age as it was sister picking up from preschool time just as she would have dozed off.

Sister was far too much fun so wouldn't nap once she was home.

Never seemed to bother her. I wonder if the big children are far too interesting too.

I believe she did nap on her full day at nursery with lots of similar age DCs

If he settled well with this CM he may well do so again for someone else - if the need arises

Personally I'm not that impressed by the way she's handling this.

Try not to let it stress you, but make sure you begin to explore other options ie another CM

That's my advice !

Cos I reckon he could just nap when he's out and about in the buggy etc.
I took my DD with me to look after another baby at just this age.
Whilst their child had a nap (because it was his routine to do so) my DD just had lots of little naps as and when IIRC

KatAndKit Tue 05-Feb-13 09:35:33

Sounds to me like the CM hasn't really given it a chance. 9 half days is not really long enough to settle in - perhaps he will sleep better once he is used to the new setting. What do you do at home? Also is he actually tired when she is trying to get him to sleep or is she trying to impose a routine on him that doesn't fit in with what he needs.
My DS is a nightmare sleeper but I just manage by taking him out for a walk - surely she is going out and about with the others anyway?

I would be looking for alternative childcare but perhaps give her a chance first by talking to her and agreeing a plan of what strategies she is going to try over the next few weeks.

Crimebusterofthesea Tue 05-Feb-13 15:41:24

Well things were a bit better today - she went straight for the pushchair and he nodded off after 25 minutes and slept for 40. It feels like such a massive leap of faith but he is really happy and and smiley when I pick him up, so I'm clinging on to that!

Great - maybe you can all be happy with the pushchair option - especially your little chap !

stargirl1701 Tue 05-Feb-13 18:27:55

Oh, shit. I have no advice but you've got me worried. My DD is rubbish at naps - takes 30 min of rocking, bouncing, etc. to get a 10 min nap. Refluxy baby. Shit. I hadn't considered this.

If a baby really needs a nap they'll have one !

If the CM wants to try to establish more of a routine I guess they can do that, but it's not the babies or your problem if it doesn't happen ? - Though of course you can talk and work together on things for everyone's benefit ?

AThingInYourLife Tue 05-Feb-13 18:45:38

I would be looking for another childminder.

mewkins Tue 05-Feb-13 22:22:05

If he's sticking with half days nd he's only doing 40 mins anyway can he skip the nap?

Crimebusterofthesea Wed 06-Feb-13 16:31:29

I would be fine if he skips the nap, but he really does need it mewkins and isn't sleeping for as long as he does at home. He gets really grumpy if he doesn't have it and is much better afterwards. He slept for the same amount of time today and is making up for it with his nap this afternoon. I am hoping we have found a solution to the problem and we haven't been given our notice yet! stargirl - I'm so sorry I've worried you - have you started to look at any childminders/nurseries yet?

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