High Needs Baby Support Group (thread IV)

(961 Posts)

Yoohooo! Over here!


The last thread was filling up so I've started us a sparkling new one.

The original thread was to support those of us with babies fitting the following criteria:

1. Feeds frequently daytime
2. Feeds frequently nighttime
3. Needs to be constantly held
4. Wont sleep alone
5. Hates the car seat/pram
6. Short naps

Some of our babies have grown out of some of those now, but we're still here to support each other through the sleepless nights and noisy car journeys and to offer hugs, chocolate and wine to anyone who's struggling.

So if that list sounds familiar then come and join us as we delight in our active, inquisitive, curious and restless babies or toddlers!

Thanks for the shiny new thread Truth! Wow, the letters actually appear in the box as I type them instead of 20 seconds later... grin

It sounds like you've got everything sorted apart from the house then, how exciting!

Yeah, apparently there was supposed to be a Jubilee convert with fireworks earlier in the summer but it was rained off so it was tonight instead. hmm Poor DS jumped every time the loud ones went off!

Convert? blush Concert!

SpannerPants Mon 27-Aug-12 17:02:54

Hi everyone!

After a few reasonably good weeks, we went to to my cousins wedding yesterday and DS went for 9 hours without a nap - he was a delight during the wedding and loved meeting all the new people, but slept abysmally sad he's started having nightmares where he starts screaming his heart out and it takes us ages to wake him up and comfort him - I don't know what we can do about that.

Hope you're all enjoying the bank holiday weekend!

tickleme63 Mon 27-Aug-12 18:22:21

Hello everyone, just checking in. New thread, wooooo!

Just looking at that original list makes me realise and appreciate just how far my little fella has come in the space of a few months. He's still not a huge fan of the car but will tolerate it, ditto buggy. Everything else seems to either be resolved or resolving itself <touches wood; keeps everything crossed; prays to myriad deities>

Great night with him last night - bed at about 7.30pm, one wake-up at about 1.50am, quick feed and back to sleep till 7.20am.

Joyful Poor DS, fireworks are the work of the devil. I used to love them, but now they make me very growly - how dare they wake up our babies!!! grin

Spanner Sorry to hear your little one is having some nightmares sad Hope that they pass lady, must be horrible to hear.

Truth Lake District = beautiful smile

We're hopefully going to look at a place this week under the Homebuy scheme. We so crave our own space...

Bathtime for DS, hope you all have a lovely night!

What a fab night tickle! Good luck with the househunting. smile

Spanner nightmares are terrible when they're small, they just don't understand. At least when DD has them four or five nights a week we can tell her that they're just bad dreams. Much sympathy.

Well, after 6 months of teething DS finally cut his first tooth today! And spent most of every feed clamping down, then launching himself backwards. Horrid child. sad When DD did it putting her on the floor stopped it, but she was a bit older. I'm not sure DS understands cause and effect yet.

LittleWaveyLines Mon 27-Aug-12 21:58:16


Just checking in - haven't been on MN much recently as everytime DD sees my laptop out she wants a go and starts bashing - so any posts tend to be urgent and to the point!

Thought I'd see how far we've come since we started this support group ... DD is now 14 months!

1. Feeds frequently daytime - yup if I'm there, has even upped the frequency recently (but I'm told this is common for this age and should calm back down soon, and she copes without OK when I'm at work)

2. Feeds frequently nighttime -Not anymore smile ! I think she feeds maybe 8/9pm (her bedtime), 11/12pm, 4am, 6am, 7am and up at 7.30 - so I now get more than a 2 hour stretch of sleep maximum at night! I reckon most nights I know get a 4 or 5 hour stretch, and it feels FANTASTIC! grin)

3. Needs to be constantly held - well frequently still the case but it is now just a good excuse for getting a bigger stash of slings, so I enjoy it grin
(For the sling nerds I now have a Bara barn, girasol size2, caribe 5, ER 6, Light rainbow DW 7, a wompat, an indio ring sling and a babyhawk grin)

4. Wont sleep alone - Well she's up in bed on her own right now, but sometimes this one still holds... TBH I would feel weird putting her in a cot now, I've got so used to sharing the bed.

5. Hates the car seat/pram. We've got a fab new rear facing car seat that she mostly just falls asleep in! shock I think it was the bucket shape of the infant seat that was the problem. I don't use a pram now (exclusively sling) so not sure about that bit

6. Short naps . Well you can't win them all. She now does about one 30minute nap a day - not really long enough to sleep myself or get anything done, but I'm reconciled to this one now..

I've probably jinxed the sleep thing now, but it really makes such a difference to get more than 2 hours in a row. We had a rocky patch a couple of weeks back where she didn't even give me the 2 hours, and I felt just awful..

Anyway - how is everyone else? grin

There's some positive stories here. Well done BabyTickle and BabyWavey (although two hour stretches still don't sound like much fun LWL!)

Keep trying with the putting him on the floor when he bites you Joyful. It took DS a few days to get it but he has 9 teeth now and hasn't bitten me since those first agonising few came through. Bloody painful until they work it out though eh? Oh, I think I used to give him a teether as I put him on the floor so that he realised the link.

I think DS is cutting another one actually, he's had a couple of very awake wake ups recently (usually wakes, screams, feeds, sleeps, but has been really unsettled and squirmy on wake ups recently) This is causing friction with DH, who thinks that at 13mo DS should be doing much better than this. Has anyone had any success with convincing their OH's that their HN babies are normal and it's not because of anything we do? If so, what did you do?

Yes, after the controlled crying debacle DH was fully accepting that DD was the way she was and nothing was going to change it. Maybe give him the Dr Sears link to read? And I used to have a wonderful link about how babies are biologically programmed to wake frequently, I'll see if I can find it. 13 months is so awfully little still.

Here it is, the Infant Sleep Information Source.

Generally, though, babies do not sleep all night-every night until they are close to a year old. One study investigating infant sleep duration found that 27% of babies had not regularly slept from 10pm to 6am by the age of 1 year. 13% of babies had not regularly slept through for 5 hours or more by the age of 1 year. Popular beliefs about when babies should be 'sleeping through the night' are based on studies conducted in the 1950s and 1960s on groups of formula-fed babies. However it is normal for babies - especially breastfed babies - to wake and feed at night throughout at least the first year. Encouraging babies to 'sleep through' before they are ready to do so makes it difficult to keep on breastfeeding, and may encourage babies to develop mature sleep patterns out of sequence with their other circadian patterns such as those controlling the regulation of temperature, hormone production, and the genes that control our biological rhythms.

From this page of the above site.

I thought this was worth posting near the top of the thread for any newbies who happen upon our haggard happy band. grin

Dr Sears' 12 features of a high needs baby

<Puts on fresh pot of brew and lays out tray of biscuit and matchsticks>

I may be talking to myself here a lot tonight - it took 3.5 hours and 2 bouts of vomiting before DS settled to sleep tonight. sad

How's everyone else? Anyone else excited about the Paralympics?

LittleWaveyLines Tue 28-Aug-12 22:14:32

Oh Puddle your poor DS.... what happened?

Well DD didn't sleep until 9.30 tonight - but then she actually had a decent nap today so I'm not surprised! Normally it's just 30mins 11 or 12 ish - but today she did 2 hours shock from 1 to 3.... shock

I actually didn't know what to do with myself grin

Mind you she normally doesn't sleep until 8.30 so it was that different a bedtime....

<wails> I don't know! His first tooth cut yesterday and his second is cutting atm but I have no idea why he was sick. He finally settled in bed at about twenty past nine then woke screaming at ten. sad I gave him a dose of nurofen before bedtime but then he threw up - I daren't give him any more in case of overdose!

Wow, great napping baby Wavey! Fingers crossed it means you have a good night too. smile

LittleWaveyLines Tue 28-Aug-12 22:46:58

<sending soothing vibes to babyPuddle> Hope he gets better soon./// now I must go to sleep!

DS was so bad last night I only managed half an hour out of the bedroom the entire evening. I didn't get to sleep till after 0100 then was woken every so often as he was in bed with me. He woke up at 0430 and I spent 2 hours trying to get him back to sleep. I had almost succeeded when DD came bursting inat 0640 (she knows she's not allowed in my room when he's in bed) and woke him up again. I am so wound up right now I feel like I'm going to explode.

How was your night?

tickleme63 Wed 29-Aug-12 08:14:28

Joyful sad Poor DS and poor you! sad I'm sorry you've had such a shitty night and morning. Big breaths lady. I hope your little man feels better today. Teeth are bloody evil. <offers frozen muslin for DS to chew and strong coffee and dairy/soya-free chocci cake for mum>

We've got a molar here... it's now poking through on the top left. And another bottom tooth as well. Our poor bubs...

Office day today, sigh...Can't complain really as I only go in one day a week, but I hate leaving DS all day long. Hope you all have a good day.

<Offers matchsticks, coffee and some Kendal mint cake from recent trip to the Lakes>

How is everyone?

DS well and truly rebuffed the HN tag last night. We drove back from the Lakes and he chatted away to himself for the first half an hour, dropped off to sleep for the rest of the way, woke up when we pulled up outside the house, gave a cute little nod as if to say 'ah, home' and then let DH put him straight in his cot with no fuss or feeding. Yay him!

He did then wake up every two hours and demand food, then end up in bed with us because I couldn't persuade him to go back in his cot after 4am

Mitsouko Thu 30-Aug-12 12:33:26

Hi ladies, nice to see the new thread and hope everyone is managing ok.

I've been offline since last week due to migraine...again. Came down with a stomach bug last Thursday. The fever got quite bad and seemed to set the migraine off. Tried to tough it out but caved after two days and took my sumatriptan prescription (regular painkillers don't have any effect). That meant that DD had to be bottle fed for 8 hours. I tried to express, but couldn't pump much and ended up getting really painfully engorged. All in all, a really rubbish weekend. But DH was great, as always. Did all the high need baby care and the bottle feeding while I was ill.

I feel like the chronic sleep deprivation, and lack of support is really taking it's toll on my health. I'm getting severe migraine episodes every 3 weeks or so, and have had multiple bugs and fevers this summer...which I never used to get!

On a more positive note, DD is being super giggly and showing so much excitement and enthusiasm right now. She's almost able to sit unsupported and seems to be developing a lot of strength in her neck and torso. She's really thriving, despite reflux and patchy sleep, and her little personality is emerging. She's a very social baby and loves people and faces. I need to get out more!

And I just found out my best friend in my home country is expecting and will be due next March the week before DD's 1st birthday. Really really thrilled we will have babies so close together in age. And as DH and I are hoping to get out of London and move back to my corner of the world next year, they might even get a chance to grow up together.

How are all of you keeping today?

LittleWaveyLines Thu 30-Aug-12 14:14:56

Sleep deprivation is a killer - but strangely I am only just getting migraines (again) now it's improving!

... and last night DD went to sleep at 9.30 - and didn't wake till 6am! shock shock

Shame I still woke at midnight and 4am! grin

Prior to that the best we've had is the last couple of weeks she has dropped the 2am feed and gone from 12 till 4am. So here's fingers crossed that it's the start of better sleep, just in time for me being back at school teaching with a proper timetable....

(DD is 14 months now, before anyone starts worrying why their 6 week old isn't doing this. It's only the last month that she has ever slept more than 2 hours in a row. So I know about sleep deprivation!)

<picks self up off floor>

She did WHAT LWL??!? That's amazing. Had you or she done anything differently during the day or was it just random? I'm also starting to worry about back to school next week. I went back at Easter and was fine, but it was a much easier timetable than I'm about to start. I've just started lesson planning this afternoon and cannot believe it is time to go back already! What do you teach?

We're supposed to be trying night weaning in time for the new term but DH slept through all but one of DS's wake ups last night (despite much pushing & prodding by me!) so I'm not sure how succesful it will be.

Sorry to hear about the migraines Mitsouku. Mine are usually stress/tiredness related so I'm surprised not to have had any with DS. I do dread them though so I'm full of sympathy that you're having to go through them.

It's good that your DD is developing so well though. I'm sure most of us on the thread would agree that once our LOs starting doing stuff the sleep deprivation came a little more bearable and the oh wow, you're so cute moments a little more frequent! For my DS, being able to do more for himself and communicate a little (by which I mean pointing at what he wants and screaming about what he doesn't) also helped him calm down a lot. It's really just sleep we're struggling with now, but honestly, that gets more bearable as the other stuff calms down.

<hands round Kendal mint cake from recent trip to the Lakes and trots off upstairs to begin The Great Sleep Debacle>

LittleWaveyLines Thu 30-Aug-12 20:39:31

It was just random... absolutely nothing different so I'm not holding out too much for a repeat - but 4 hours in a row would be nice smile

I'm secondary science and still in denial about term starting really! Done NO lesson planning blush I also had an easy timetable last half term so I'm a bit apprehensive..... you'll have to let me know how you do!

<scoffs Kendal mint cake and brews more brew>

That's great news LWL! Fingers crossed for another good night. smile

Truth how's the househunting going? And the lesson plans? Your DS sounds so cute recognising when you were home!

Mitsouko the others are right, sleep deprivation is easier to deal with as your baby gets older and you get more back from them. It's tough though, and must be hard with migraines. Could you pump when you're well and freeze it for when you're not? That way you wouldn't have to worry about it when you're in pain.

Well DS has calmed down a little but now DD is being a stroppy little madam. I think it's to do with her starting preschool next week - she's looking forward to it and asks every morning if she can go yet, but it's a big change. I have to say I'm dreading it, I hate the idea of her being away from me every day - what if she gets hurt or upset and I'm not there? (I know I sound crazy and need to get over this! I have a lot of anxiety issues around this kind of stuff though).

The househunting is going well thanks Joyful, although I made the stupid mistake of doing all the first viewings myself, then taking DH to see 'the shortlist'. Because he didn't see all the crap places that I discounted he's being a bit 'meh' about the good ones. Sigh. I also stupidly took him to see the best one first, so now he just compares them all to that one. Double sigh. I shouldn't complain. He loves it so much that he's willing to increase the budget and it really is a lovely house grin The biggest challenge is selling our house now. The signs are up and the place is spotless. Going back to work is probably a blessing as it will give DS and I less chance to mess it up!

Anyone want to buy a house?

The lesson plans are done. They didn't take long actually. I've just done two 'intro' or 'getting to know you' lessons that I am using for every class for the first week and hopefully every class for the first week of my new job in January too so the real planning mission will start next weekend after I've met them all.

Does DD go to nursery or anything at the moment Joyful? It sounds like she's very excited about preschool and hopefully it will give you a chance to catch up on some rest, but I agree that the 'what if' questions are worrying. If it helps even a teeny bit, I was terrified before DS started nursery, but he absolutely loves it.

Oh, Mitsouku, just a thought, what pump do you have? I used to use a Tommee Tippee and could never get very much, then a friend lent me a Medela and it was a revelation. If you can beg, borrow or steal one it might be worth a try.

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