dd4 still not sleeping. help me as i cant function

[misdee]

dd4 is now 10months old.

and rarely naps properly in the day. occasionally she will nap for 2hours+ and then i always have to wake her as i have to be somewhere.

she might fall asleep in the car seat, but tends to scream instead.

she falls asleep in a sling, then i have to keep her there to keep her asleep.

but at nigth she wont settle. she will fall asleep whilst being fed, as soon as i even think about moving her she wakes up and then wont settle back down. she has drifted off 4times this evening, but is still awake, currently on dh's lap as he can get her off to sleep by cuddling. which isnt ideal.

i cant do CC as

1. not strong enough
2. have 3 other school age kids who also need their sleep.

we have finally got to the point of only waking once or twice in the night, but again feeding back to sleep. before it was 5 or 6 times a night but she has settled more once we found out what her allergies where and cut them from mine and her diet.

but i really want to be able to feed dd4, put her down to sleep and get my evening back.

[pinkteddy]

Is she sharing a room with one of your other dcs? Could you give her the last feed in her room, dimly lit and then put her straight in her cot? Or does that even wake her up? It sounds like she hasn't learnt to fall asleep by herself.

What time do the other dcs go to bed, could you try and do this with dd4 before they go to bed? Sorry I know it can't be easy with another 3 to settle too!

[EldonAve]

Does rocking work?

Does she have a comfort object?

[misdee]

dd4 still in my room, but walls are thin.

dd's go up between 7-.7.30 on school nights. i aim to get dd4 settled in thuis time as well, but its just not working.

[NotanOtter]

you poor thing misdee
just when we think we have it sussed - we get sent a cryer!

i would say try to get her to sleep more in the day .practise cc if you can bear it in the day...

i still swear by the adage - fix the naps and you've mastered the nights

[GColdtimer]

misdee that is so tough. I am going to have to post and run because need to make a phone call but have you thought of trying the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I bought the toddler one when DD was 2 because I was demented with sleep deprivation but really wish I'd tried it when DD was a baby. There is loads of info on it on here.

sorry if this is something you have already tried - I think its brilliant for people who can't face and don't subscribe to the crying techniques.

Loads of positive reviews on Amazon. In fact I am PG with DC2 and am going to buy a copy now!

Hope you get some more advice.

[misdee]

thanks NAO, i thought fixing naps may work. will aim for 11am nap, and that hopefully means she will wake 1.30pm for late lunch, and go from there. she needs to have at least one nap in the daqy doesnt she?

dd3 didnt sleep well, but that wasnt so much of an issue as dh was in hospital , could co-sleep in huuuge bed to ourselves, and dd1+2 were down a long hall and wouldnt be disturbed.

[bumpybecky]

I had this with ds (he's number 4, but first boy). He finally slept through at 14 months on about night 3 in his own room.

Is there anywhere you could put to sleep dd4 that wasn't with you or the other girls?

Hope you get some sleep soon

[misdee]

can u do a quick breif description of the 'no cry technique' please.

[foxinsocks]

I don't know misdee. My allergic ones were horror sleepers. I think there is a big connection.

[morocco]

can you work slowly towards dh holding her at nights as she falls asleep and then putting her down/stroking back etc? I had to get dh to do bedtimes with dd - otherwise she'd scream for a feed off me the minute she felt herself being put down. she did start to accept going to sleep around your dd's age. she still wakes up in the night and comes in our bed though but is huge cuddle chops so that's ok

[misdee]

well he took her upstairs, where she woke up and screamed, wouldnt settle, i fed her again, and she is now asleep.

i worry about her, as she cant have milk, eggs and peanuts (not that a 10month old is having peanuts but am sure you understand. i worry about her calcium instake so let her feed as much as she wants.

no wonder i'm shattered.

[EldonAve]

I think the gist of the no cry book is put them down awake for naps and bedtime

[ches]

I'm sorry to say that my DS was like this (other than the only waking twice in the night) and the only thing that improved it was time. He'd go off for DH who'd sit with him with his laptop ignoring him, whereas I had to feed him to sleep. But then he'd wake up 3 times before we went to bed ourselves. It was every sleep cycle that I'd have to resettle (often during the night, too). It was bloody awful, but he grew out of it. (I won't tell you how old he was, though.)

[mathanxiety]

I couldn't do the cc thing either. One DD woke every night until age 2.5ish, never really napped as a baby. She was a very persistent cryer, to put it mildly. I found the William and Martha Sears book 'The High Needs Baby' (or possibly 'Your High Needs Baby') boosted my morale.

[GrapefruitMoon]

All mine had sleep issues at various stages..... my best tips are:

For daytime naps, once you have the older ones off to school, etc, I would go out for a walk every day at the same time (say 10am ish) and keep walking till she falls asleep. When you go back home, leave her in the pram/buggy (outside while it is still fine if getting into the house will disturb her). Eventually she should get used to napping at the same time every day and go down in her cot eventually. I did this with dc2 & 3 (mainly because dc1 never had naps and I was determined not to go through that again) from when they were around 8 weeks old. Don't know if it would work with an older baby -you might need to wait till later in the morning/early afternoon till she is tired again.

You might have to be constrained in what you do while you work on this but it will be worth it...

For night time, is it possible to get the cot right next to your bed? If so, take off one of the sides so it's almost continuous with your bed. Then settle her by cuddling her on the bed and then easing her into the cot or actually lying down next to her with your arm around her head iyswim.

With all of mine they didn't sleep through till they stopped having feeds during the night.... that was 3 yrs old for dc3! (cc didn't work with him when he was a baby as he would make himself sick when he got upset - eventually went cold turkey when we forgot his bottles when we went on holiday!)

If you decide you want to try cc after all, could the other dcs stay overnight with a relative at the weekend while you give it a go?