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I am being held hostage by my children's naps

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By Sat 04-Jul-09 12:33:17 Add message | Report | Contact poster

I don't know if I want advice or just a bit of a moan. I'm fed up.

Dd is 3.
Ds is 1.

We have no routine whatsoever, I just let the children sleep when they need to.

We all wake up between 5 and 6.
By 9.00 ds is starting to get tired and cranky. He goes to sleep between 9 and 10 and is generally down for 2 hours.
So, he wakes between 11 and 12, by which time dd is getting tired and cranky.
We squeeze in lunch and then dd goes down for a nap between 12 and 1.
She sleeps for about 3 hours or sometimes more.
So, she wakes some time between 3 and 5, by which time ds is tired and cranky and ready for his second nap.
He sleeps for about an hour, or a bit more, by which time it is time for supper and baths and bed and we've done nothing all day but have naps.

Obviously we do go out, but only by cutting short a nap (usually ds's because he is less vile when tired than dd is). I feel guilty because he is 1 and he needs his naps and should be able to have a nice sleep in his cot during the day, but more often than not he gets both his naps in his car seat en route to somewhere. Sometimes he only gets 20 minutes in the morning and nothing else for the rest of the day. He sleeps dreadfully at night and this is probably why.

So, we are home waiting for one or other of them to wake up, or out and about with at least one grumpy and overtired child.

Once they are tired and cranky there is no point going out because they always fall asleep in the car and are furious if they are woken up too soon.

Another factor is that it is quite an effort to get either of them to sleep. I know that sounds contradictory to the above, but when they need to sleep (and I mean need to sleep) it often takes me over an hour to get them down.

It doesn't help that ds is going through a really clingy phase and while he's awake he has to be touchingmeeverysinglemomentoftheday. And pinching me. And biting me. I am covered in bruises. And hanging off my clothes. Dd does this too. I want to shout at everyone to fucking get off me PLEASE sometimes. But obviously I don't [pollyanna emoticon]. And dd is, well, she's 3 with everything that entails. And she's jealous of her little brother.

I'm not really talking about sleep and napping any more. I just feel if I could get naps sorted so they napped together or dd dropped her nap, other things would be easier.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 19:19:24

Soon enough your DS will drop down to one nap and it will be closer to the middle of the day. Right now you have a deal most SAHMs to two toddlers would dream of: plenty of time to give your children individual attention. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 19:16:29

I did the wake grumpy dd up, straight into pushchair with cup of milk - I would be going to do the school run. It did work though she came around more quickly and was less grumpy.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 19:15:13

cargirl he has 45 mins to an hour tops - but when I wake him , if he's shattered he can take up to another 45 mins to wake up properly grrr..

although I'm hppy with our routine at the mo smile

sorry huff, slight hijack there !

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 19:12:17

You have to get over your 'thing' about routine, IMHO. You say 'it seems so restrictive to me', but then you are posting here that you are being held hostage by the lack of routine...

If your children aren't excellent natural sleepers - and from your description they are not - then a little guidance makes a huge difference. You can't get around the fact that their sleeps confine you to the house. BUT by making them predictable you free yourself up enormously.

My sister had no routines with hers and I could hardly ever meet up with her satisfactorily because she'd arrive 2 hours late because her dd slept too long or wouldn't sleep early enough, or she'd get there on time with an exhausted and cranky child that needed a nap somewhere quiet, so we couldn't enjoy ourselves. OTOH, I could never have lunch at a friend's place because we were home for naps BUT I could plan and commit to all sorts of things because I knew we would all be fit for it and could get there on time. In the end, I had a much more liberated time with the dcs than she did, even though I was following more 'rules'. (Also, routine tends to help them fall asleep more easily, freeing you from the hours of settling. And a better-slept baby is likely to be more flexible, less clingy etc...)

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 18:57:35

puffy that's a hard one, let him have a nap but cut it shorter - I think we get into a lighter sleep after 30 mins so just let him have that? Or is the problem getting him to have a nap?

Favourite DVD on snuggled up on the sofa?

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 18:52:28

the only thing I would say about dropping naps (and this is only in my experience btw!) is that nighttime sleep went completely bonkers. Basically if he doesn't have a nap, he wakes in the night or he wakes earlier in the day and by the end of the week is exhausted.

So cargirl any tips on that ? Not so long ago I was thoroughly enjoying getting up at 8am grin

and would love to get it back !

There's some really good tips here Huff, particularly about trying to get them both to sleep together after lunch - at least it would still leave you plenty of morning time and afternoon time to get out and about

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 18:40:10

sorry about the multiple postings above

is dd due to start preschool/nursery soon? im afraid that will end you 'spur of the moment' lifestyle, or when she starts school if she isnt doing nursery. Honestly if you have a flexible routine it is a tool you can use.

She sounds like she needs a nap, i think persistence is the key, if you do the same thing every day children accept it (grumbling) but it becomes the done thing, if she had 30 min an hour sleep a day then she might not wake at 5 am

After she has recovered, i would spend a week getting her to sleep at set time (12.30 ish?) in the car of whatever, then after a wek of being used to a nap at that time try and get her to nap in bed

With your ds, i find a heavy lunch (with some protein and good helping of carbs, pasta is great) helps him nod off wink

i think it gives hoim the same feelin i have after a sundaay roast

And if it helps dont call it a 'routine' it is just the your daily plan/way you do thinngs.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 18:20:45

Changing their sleeping patterns will take a while, just delay the naps you want to by 10 minute a day for a couple of days and then another 5/10 mins etc. I think you'll have to be committed to changing the situation.

If your dd has her surgery then that will be a good point to introduce the changes as she recovers.

Your DS will probably be able to get into a 1 nap a day routine if you can stick with it because they will start sleeping longer in the morning or going to bed earlier.

If you want to do spur of the moment stuff you still can, they tend to nap in the car instead but changing it for one day doesn't seem to upset the overall "routine" of one nap after lunch either 12-2ish or 1-3ish. this of course is IME, I've got 4dc and their lunch nap times were a life saver.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 18:02:30

sounds like she obviously still needs a sleep then.

My DS 2.4 still has a nap most days, but if I'm honest I time it so he has it in the car. He'll go off in 10 mins if tired, where I just don't have the time and energy to try persuading him into his bed.

I tried dropping his naps for 2 weeks - and it was hell. So we went back to letting him have a couple of days without.

It's a difficult one !!

How about a compromise ? Have 3 days of at home routine and the rest be flex(ivble+?+++++++++++++++++*-

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Sat 04-Jul-09 17:51:05

So many replies! Thank you.

I have realised that now is not the time to make any changes as dd has an operation next week. Once she is over that I will take stock and see what needs to be done.

I must admit that the thought of a routine terrifies me. Whilst I realise that they are life saving and wonderful for so many people, I feel stressed even thinking about how I would implement one. Perhaps I don't understand how they work exactly? What happens when you decide to do spur of the moment things? Most of our week is spur of the moment. I have a friend whose children are in a beautiful routine which she adores as it means she can plan her week, and they both sleep at the same time, but it seems so restrictive to me. Not criticising, just saying.

Big Chris It's interesting you say "don't let your life be ruled by naps" because I would swear that I don't, though blatently at the moment I do. I have never ever planned around my children's naps. Life goes on and the children come too and they sleep when they need to. I think that's why I'm a bit wrong footed by suddenly realising that every day all I do is put one or other of them to sleep or wait for them to wake up. I'm not quite sure how it happened.

What do people think about waking sleeping children? I hate to do it.

Also, about reducing dd's naps, she gets tired around 12ish, and if we're in the car coming home from something it's fine because she goes to sleep in the car an I lift her into bed to sleep. If we are at home she is a nightmare to persuade to go to sleep. Takes hours. But, on the occasions where I've given up and thought fine, don't have a sleep then, by 4.00 she is rancid and before 5.00 she falls asleep wherever she is, and no amount of jollying or singing or distraction will keep her awake.

I really appreciate everyone's advice. If I've seemed negative I appologise, just trying to work out what might work for us. Am taking everything on board.

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I am being held hostage by my children's naps