Co-sleeping. I need some reassurance

[inscotland]

Hi there

My little boy is 9 months old. Since he was six months we have had terrible problems with his sleep. He used to be:

6.30 bed
10.30 dream feed
1.30 am fed again when hubby came in from work.
Slept until 6.30 am

We thought we were onto a good thing.

Roll forward to 6 months old when he cut 2 teeth together, had a chest infection and jetlag. Sleep went tits up.

Multiple wakenings during the night. Very upset and tired baby and parents.

We tried pick up put down which worked a little but with multiple wakenings during the night meant very little sleep for parents. Controlled crying was just horrific and I won't go down that route again.

Totally knackered I brought him in beside us one night and he slept and I mean slept. All night. Dropped his night feeds and slept right through. Tried to let him get the hang of this over a couple of nights and transferred him back into his cot. He slept though in his cot for a few nights and does still ocassionally do this however, most nights he ends up back in with us.

He's no problem and only on some nights does he become restless with arms and legs everywhere.

My HV was horrified at this as are some relatives.

Are we really making this hard for ourselves? Will he grow out of co-sleeping?

[fryalot]

oh gosh, inscotland, it's fine!

I have co-slept with all three of mine and I can assure you that they do DEFINITELY grow out of it.

I can also assure you that sleep is better than no sleep. Full stop. Sleep is good.

If it works for you, keep on doing it.

It may be helpful to have a trawl through the mumsnet archives (do a search on "co-sleep") just to make sure that you have all the safety issues covered, but if you're happy, he's happy, everyone's sleeping fine... well, it's good, isn't it!

[boogeek]

Yes, everything Squonk said from me, too. If you like a book for reassurance, try "Three in a bed" by Deborah Jackson.
I find not mentioning it to HVs unless they specifically ask cuts down on their horror - but I am past the point of trying to convert people and just want an easy life these days! (If they do specifically ask I say politely yes this is how we do it, no it is not a problem, thank you. Am quite scary when I am firm and it has never failed to shut them up!)

[PortAndLemon]

Yes, he'll grow out of it, either on his own or with encouragement (whichever fits your lifestyle and preferences, and not on the whim of your HV or random relatives).

[Bridgells]

Hi
I could never sleep well when my children slept in my bed (they are now 3 and 6). I suffered from Post Natal Depression with both of my children so having my bed to myself without children always felt really critical to me -I can be such a miserable mum when I'm tired. I suppose my need to have good quality sleep was greater than my concern in upsetting my children by putting them in my own bed!

I have to admit that I used Gina Ford which saved my bacon and I found myself following the parts that suited me and discarding the bits that didn't worked well for me. She has excellent advice for controlled crying.

I've put together some step by step advice on getting children out of your bed (am also a privately trained nanny/maternity nurse for my sins) but please don't read it if you are looking for a no-cry method as my research found that it just doesn't exist!

[Bridgells]

Don't know what happened with the link there!
The tips can be found at:
The Baby Training Centre

[PortAndLemon]

Mmm, but for those of us who can sleep well when our children sleep in our bed one major benefit of co-sleeping is that it provides good-quality sleep that we aren't getting with the baby sleeping alone. It's certainly why we drifted into it with DS and why we did it from the start with DD (and I was astonished to find that I could have a newborn baby and not be at all sleep-deprived).

DS transitioned out just fine on his own (just started sleeping better in his cot than in our bed). Later, once he'd moved a normal bed, he reverted to coming in with us for part of the night, but then that too became far less frequent and for far shorter periods. He spent half the night with us a couple of nights ago, but that's been the first time for months and months. And there hasn't been any crying involved in getting him out of our bed.

Co-sleeping absolutely isn't for everyone, but for those who don't, themselves, see it as a problem and who find that the whole family sleeps better that way it doesn't become a problem just because a HV disapproves.

[allthetwinklystars]

How sad that the HV should say that - I'd just say I'm impressed you have a baby sleeping through, it doesn't matter where. We co-sleep with DS, didn't with DD and made a decision to do it differently second time round, I much prefer it. DS has itchy ezcema and a quick nip on the boob settles him better than anything else. We have a bedside cot (just a cot with the side taken off) that he sleeps in for at least part of the night. This helps us fit DD in when she comes in too! If you want a half-way house, you could always give this a go but to be honest it sounds like you have a great thing going and there's no need to change it.

[inscotland]

His cot is to one side of the bed. He starts off in there but ends up with us. L

I tried controlled crying and it was hell. He screamed for around 2 hours, threw up everywhere so we got everything stripped and cleaned off went to put him back and he started to scream again - so much that he had an explosive nappy.

I just can't have him that distressed.

[drjane]

My HV actually suggested co-sleeping! She gave me a really useful diagram of the safest position to sleep in. The HVs are quite hippy-ish here though ;)

I didn't end up doing it regularly though, because like Bridgells I don't tend to sleep well with DS in bed with us. I always seem to end up balanced on the edge of the bed with no duvet while DH and DS snore away happily. I just bring him in on bad nights when he's teething or ill, or when he wakes very early to have his milk. I've never had any safety concerns about doing this.

[Boys2mam]

I was a SP with my DS1 and he was a nightmare sleeper, he would scream for as long as I left him in his cot but in my bed he was sleep flat out all night. When he was 2 y.o I made this big fuss of moving him into his own room and a 'big boy bed' and he loved it!!!

Do what works for you and your family