Bedtime hell with 22m old, please help me solve this. It is long because I can't even work out what the issue is.

[phdlife]

I can't even figure out what the problem is, so I'm just going to throw everything I can think of up and hope some genius MNer spots a clue.

Ds has always been a cuddle-to-sleep baby and it hasn't been that much of an issue, until lately.

We start around 7:30 after bath and a brief runaround (he always comes out of the bath HYPER). We read 3 stories, he asks for more, then it's lights out and the malarkey starts. He tosses and turns (has always done that), notices things to talk about. He puts his head in my lap, off, on, off, on. He plays with the bed guard; he wants a drink; he sits up and wants to GO! For 20mins or so - THEN he decides to try, and it takes another 1/2hr for him to actually fall asleep. At least an hour all up.

Tonight he started to howl "go mama" or maybe "mama go", sobbing, but when I got up, he got worse so I stayed. Finally fell asleep in my arms.

He has an hour nap around lunchtime - maybe the issue is that we are sleeping late (he sleeps til 8) then napping late (around 1-2)? But he naps easily and quickly and he really needs it still.

He's only been in his own bed/room 10 days (from co-sleeping) and the malarkey seems to me to be getting worse; maybe because I am going to work some days? (Leaving him with dh). Could it be separation anxiety? Or maybe because I've stopped laying down with him (I am too pg to lie beside him thrashing around in a single bed; I can't bear getting thumped/kicked/laid on for the half hour it takes him to go down; I do lie with him at naptime because he's out in 5, with no thrashing).

Any clues in there? I could come up with a solution if I had an idea what might be going through his head, but I don't really get it. Help please

[phdlife]

going to bump this [hopeful]

then go to bed

[notyummy]

Hmmm; I don't think I can offer much why on WHY it is happening....your suggestions seem pretty sensible tbh. Given that you are heavily pregnant though, it does sound like a situation that could do with resolving because it will not be tenable every night soon.

Please don't shoot me down, as I am sure you have tried a range of strategies.....but what about gradual withdrawal i.e you start one night by the bed, then then next night a foot away etc, plus perhaps a limit on how much you interact with him (first 2 times saying night night and then only shh, shh)

Do you have a dp that will be helping out when new baby is born?

[Ceebee74]

I have no advice - have my own sleeping problems but could the change in him be because of your impending baby?

DS1 definitely changed when the baby was nearly here (no idea how he knew ). Also that is when DS1's sleeping issues started - maybe they do have a sixth sense.

I hope someone comes along with some practical advice for you.

[MrsJoeMcIntyre]

I have no advice, but my 22mo dd is EXACTLY the same. Drives me bonkers. We have moved dd's bed into our room, but hasn't really made any difference, she still gets in with us at some point and still isn't going to sleep until around 9pm.

Misery loves company.

[phdlife]

well in a perverse way I'm glad to hear others having similar probs - though sorry for you all! Wonder if it is that "sixth sense" - he's shown plenty of awareness as to what's going on with the baby. How to get round that, I wonder?

notyummy I've thought about trying that but seeing as the malarkey started when I moved from lying down to sitting up on his bed I can't see moving away would do any better - at least not yet!

Dh would love to help with this, but ds won't have a bar of him at bedtime . Looks like dh will have to do bedtime for #2.

[diddlediddledumpling]

For what it's worth, I think it's the separation anxiety you've mentioned. If there's talk of a new baby, he's been moved out of your bed and you're going out to work, then he knows his little world is changing and he doesn't like it. Ds1 was 2y8mo when ds2 came along and while he seemed fine on the surface, I could see there was a lot going on in his wee head. Lots and lots of attention during the day, cuddles and one-to-one time now might make him feel more secure and make it a bit easier for him to adjust when the new baby comes. I don't really think this is a night-time problem requiring a night-time solution, it's a bigger picture thing, I think.

[ches]

DS did this at 22 months too when I stopped nursing to sleep (molar pain = all night comfort sucking driving me insane). I posted a "help help" thread on another forum, but ultimately it was a combination of (1) needing a week or two to adjust to the new routine and (2) me picking something to be consistent with instead of constantly trying new things to get him to stay in bed!

[phdlife]

Ok I want you to all have a reward bonbon as I think the separation anxiety diagnosis is bang on. tonight he was desperate to sit in my lap (erm, sorry kid, but there ain't one) so I lay down beside him. Instant stop to all malarkey, he spoons up against me then grabs both my arms and wraps them around himself. Even I can take that obvious of a clue!

So will try lots more kisses and cuddles and will not push the business of getting dh to settle him for a while. God knows how but I guess we'll figure something out when #2 arrives. Thanks, all...

ches we did the all-night comfort sucking with his first set of molars too - what a blardy nightmare eh?! Poor little sod, I'd no sooner finished that when I entered the 2nd trimester and all of a sudden he didn't like my daytime milk either!