7 year old dd anxious and waking during night. help please!

[schmu]

for the past 6 weeks my dd who is nearly 7 has been waking up most nights. she has quite high levels of anxiety generally, but they seem to increase at night.

she is now awake most nights for a period of an hour or 2 between 12 and 3 am. she has difficulty getting back to sleep and she calls out repeatedly asking to sleep with us.

we've tried night lights, reward charts, essential oils and even bought her some worry dolls to put under her pillow!

i've tried being patient and talking to her during the day about it.

her dad even slept in with her and her sister for a few nights to try to break the pattern.

i am now at the end of my tether. i am really tired and struggling to cope as i often cant sleep even once she has gone back to sleep. i have got to the point that i am angry and impatient when she wakes.

i imagine that dd is reacting to some family stresses that we are experiencing right now, so i do understand that there are reasons for her behaviour. however, what i need now is a strategy to try to break this new pattern and get us all through the night without feeling sleep deprived.

i did think about putting a mattress on the floor in my room so that she can creep in without disturbing us. i thought that just knowing this option was there for her might make her relax and help her to stay in her bed.

any thoughts?

tia

[schmu]

anyone?

[MarmadukeScarlet]

I would recommend 'what to do when you dread your bed?' or 'what to do when you feel anxious?' by mary hueber (I think sorry too lazy to check right now)

I have a DD who suffered (still does but less so) with nightmares/terrors and sleep walking. She is a bit better now, although times of stress still induce a little nocturnal activity.

[schmu]

thanks marmaduke. will google those titles.

[Shylily]

I know you said you've spoken to her - has she given you any suggestions of what you can do herself? Maybe you could talk to her again and ask for her suggestions, write all yours and hers down then pick the ones that you can both live with.
I used to be a worrier. I had worry dolls and they worked for me. What about a worry book. Instead of waking you, she could write (or draw) the worry in the book then talk to you about it in the morning. I also had 'worry beads'. A bracelet of bright beads that I flicked as I had a worry(I'm sure much to the irritation of others). A bit like prayer beads or something.
(I just remembered all this stuff - I'm quite relaxed really - I forgot I was so highly strung!) If she likes to tell someone, you could get her to record it on a dictaphone if she's worried at night(same idea as the diary).
Hmmmm ... can't think of anything else.
Hope you both come up with something before your patience and sanity are tried to the limit!

[BarkingHarriet]

my dd is just 8 and she went through a period just like your dd last autumn - you could have been describing our experience word for word!

Our problem was school, which took quite a long time to sort out. I second the Huebner books - we got one called "what to do when you worry too much". It's aimed at 6-9 year olds (IIRC) and it's sort of like a workbook.

DD slept on a matress on the floor next to her sister for a few weeks - this also meant that if she was really upset, I could get in bed with her until she fell asleep and then sneak back into my bed!

I hope you sort it out soon - I know how awful it is. If it's any consolation my dd is over it now (although she's still not completely happy at school!) so there is an end to it.

[dearprudence]

I think I'd be tempted to give her what she wants in the night, to get her to start sleeping through again. If that means sleeping with you then I'd do it. Once she has broken the habit of waking, you can work on getting her back in her own room. I am a big softy though.

The books Marmaduke recommended look really good. I have bought 'What to do when you worry too much' to use with DS age 6, as he is a bit prone to anxiety. I've not done it with him yet as he's been pretty good lately but I have it tucked away. The content is a bit American but they have fab reviews on Amazon.

[dearprudence]

Oh and DS was very anxious and upset at bedtime and taking ages to go to sleep for a good couple of months last year. He hated school. I just gave him lots of support at bedtime and sorted out the issues at school as best I could. He is so much better now and goes to sleep like an angel every night (for now...!). Just wanted to give reassurance that these times can pass.

If you have family stresses that you can't do anything about, I think she just needs extra care and kindness. Difficult when you're tired, I know.