Settling to sleep at 19 months

[snickersnack]

Ds has never been a good sleeper, but at 19 months we?ve finally got to the stage where he only really wakes in the night if he?s ill. He?s still a hideously early riser, but I can live with that (just). We now have just one problem, which is his ability to go to sleep at night.

He still has a daytime sleep of around 90 minutes and always goes straight to sleep or chats to himself for a minute or so before crashing out, so I know he can do it. But in the evenings when we put him to bed, he will moan and cry for up to 45 minutes. It?s not really serious crying ? he?s not standing up shrieking ? but more on and off wails, complaints, grumbles and moans.

We?ve never really done controlled crying with him for night wakings, they just stopped more or less on their own, but we?ve had to resort to leaving him to it in the early evening. We used to sit in the room with him until he went to sleep, but it got to the point where we were in there for 90 minutes or more, because he kept looking to see if we were still there . I suppose what we?re doing now is controlled crying ? we say goodnight, we close the door, and we go back in as and when he gets really upset. But he doesn?t really get that upset, he?s just fussing ? so last night he fussed for 45 minutes, we went in once and then he went to sleep.

We both find it hard listening to him. I don?t think he?s that distressed ? he makes it clear when he is ? but I?m just not sure what to do. Staying with him doesn?t seem to be an option but leaving him certainly isn?t helping him learn to settle himself as this has been going on for a month or so now. I?m hoping someone will come up with a magical solution that means he goes to sleep after 10 minutes of happy chatting, but if not please reassure me this is totally normal and he?ll grow out of it.

[PuzzleRocks]

What time do you put him to bed? Do you have a routine like bath, storytime etc?

[snickersnack]

7pm. He's always had a very structured bedtime routine - usually a bath then pyjamas after tea then quiet play, then upstairs for teeth cleaning, new nappy, story, into his sleeping bag, cuddle and song, lights dimmed (usually leave them on very low) and into cot. Then crying.

[PuzzleRocks]

DD has recently started asking to go to bed when she gets tired so it may be that you need to give it time. I will keep bumping and hopefully someone more helpful will read this soon.

Do you think he perhaps doesn't like his cot? Would you consider a bed now?

[nappyaddict]

7pm seems quite early if he has a nap aswell in the daytime. What time is his nap? Could you move his bedtime a bit later and see if that helps?

[snickersnack]

He sleeps after lunch, mostly - we have tried putting him down in the morning, and that works fine in terms of naps, but doesn't seem to make much difference to his evenings. But I could try cutting the nap short - I wake him after 90 mins (he'd sleep for longer) but could try 60 mins.

7pm probably is a bit early. The problem is his sister is at preschool and is absolutely shattered come 7pm and needs to be in bed, but would kick up a huge fuss if she thought her little brother was still up. But worth considering.

Puzzlerocks - I have thought about a bed (he keeps climbing into his sister's bed and pretending to sleep) but am convinced he would just climb out. We could try taking the side off his cot for a night or two and see what happens. Maybe a pillow and duvet instead of a bag as well - as soon as he wakes in the morning he starts tugging at his bag, I think he really doesn't like it all that much!

[nappyaddict]

DS has never had a sleeping bag. We tried one once but he really didn't like being so restricted so he just had lots of blankets and then we moved to a pillow and duvet when he was 2. I think they can have them earlier than this but I was very overprotective about SIDs as my brother died from SADs and wanted to hold off until he was 2 just incase.

I would definitely try cutting the nap down to 1 hour though.

Have you tried gradual withdrawl or the NCSS?

[ten10]

I have read that you need to put them to bed within half an hour of their bath, as the warmth from the bath makes them sleepy, and after half an hour this warmth goes and then they start to wake back up again and want to play,

could you perhaps do some of your night time routine before a bath and therefore try putting him down slightly quicker after his bath.

Our bedtime routine doesn't sound completely dissimilar to yours but we have a bath at 7pm, he does his teeth in the bath, then he is put into his pj's, after which he plays in his bedroom for a few minutes, then he has a story and a cuddle, is then put into his grobag, I put a particular piece of music on and put him in his cot, say night night and leave him.
Occasionally i have to go back up and put the music on for a second time.

However we went through a number of screamy nights when his was a little younger before he settled nicely.
I would just leave him 5/10 mins then go in put the music on again, give him a quick cuddle and put him down, say night night and leave the room. we got there and I am sure you will too.

the other thing that we discovered is that the darker the room the better he settles and sleeps.

[DaftMule]

Our DD has only recently stopped the afternoon nap. Before that she would sleep anywhere from 45 mins to 2 hrs. We were starting to find that getting her to sleep in the evening would take longer though and she would sit there chatting or grizzling for up to an hour after being put to bed.

I think she has got to the point where she doesn't need the nap. To confirm that, yesterday the other half managed to get DD to sleep for an hour in the afternoon and last night's bed time was shot to bits...much grizzling, tantrumming, bouncing on her bed and general "you can't make me go to bed" behaviour.

I think that kids just get to the point where they don't really need the nap any more although, if you can persuade them to nap, they often still will.

I'm wouldn't advocate pushing the bed time to later in the evening personally. At the end of the day, us parents need to have some time to catch breath and if you start letting the bed time slide, it could be a slippery slope.

[luvaduck]

i wonder actually if hes not getting ENOUGH daytime sleep - i think sleep experts recommend cutting down to one nap of two hours between 15 and 18 months and dropping the nap completely at about 2 and a half. so he "should" be on about a 2 hour nap after lunch.

our ds is the same - will go straight off for his lunchtime nap but bedtime is a nightmare - although he has got a bit better in the evening with gradual withdrawal method. he is still a night waker but thats another story. i find ds won't go down in the evening until about 5 and half hours after he woke from his nap.

so all i'm saying is experiment - try more sleep, less sleep, the nap earlier, later etc. but it does seem a bit early to drop the nap completely.

[LittleMissNorty]

You've had some really good advice on here.....I have a 19 month old DD whose sleep patterns seem quite different....on the very rare occasion she whinges, I just ignore it...as you say, its not like he's standing and screaming, just shouting. The only thing that crossed my mind reading your post is that I would turn the lights off, leave the monitor off (so I can't hear the moaning!) and make sure DD has her comfort blanket.

I also put DD to bed at 7pm (straight after bath, nappy and jammies) but never check her until at least 7.45 - 8pm as she often doesn't drop off straight away and she would be up like a shot if I went in there.

[nappyaddict]

DS still has a sleep at 2.6 but his friends seemed to move 2 one nap at just before a year old and drop it completely at about 18 months.

[snickersnack]

He can manage on days without a sleep if there's lots of fun stuff going on, but given the way he crashes straight out when he goes down for his nap, I think he still needs it. I tried a shorter sleep after lunch today - just over an hour. He was hideous when he woke up, cried for 45 minutes and wouldn't be put down, but did go to sleep with much less fussing this evening. So that's a tricky one - crying when waking in the afternoon or crying at bedtime...will have to weigh up the pros and cons!!!

[nappyaddict]

snicker - I would carry on with the shorter sleep. It might take him a few days to adjust to it but he'll probably get used to it.

[chelseamorning]

Perhaps try and cut back his day time nap to an hour max for a few days. It worked for my DS. Perhaps he's just not sleepy enough???

[nappyaddict]

How did tonight go?