DH and I are at the end of our tether trying to get DD to sleep in the evenings, please help us.

[AndaPartridgeOnADustyTv]

DD, 12.5mo, has always been a fantastic sleeper, she slept through from 6 weeks, she was exclusivly BF. She still sleeps through with the occasional night waking if hungry/thirsty/dirty/ill/too hot or too cold, but it is once in a blue moon.

DD does wake at night but settles herself almost straight away and we don't need to go in to her, only if it is one of the above listed.

In the day she naps like a star and will self settle to sleep then, but OMG night times are just......argh....there are no words.

DD will NOT self settle to sleep at night, will only go to sleep on a bottle, with rocking, walking around the block in her pram. She screams bloody murder when we leave her in her cot if she is awake, if she is asleep she will not settle once placed in her cot and wakes up. We have to get her into a deep sleep before we can even think about getting her in her cot.

From about 7mo we have had a routine which worked perfectly.
5-6pm dinner
6-7pm play and wind down (no TV)
7-7.15pm bath
7.15-7.30pm bed
8.00pm asleep

This routine worked well for us all. We have not changed it, we make it slightly flexible at weekends etc but do not change it dramatically IYSWIM.
ALl of this changed about 10 weeks ago when DD had D&V for the best part of 2 bloody weeks and it was impossible to keep to the routine. As soon as DD was better we went back to the routine but to no avail.

DH and I are at our wits end with this. I feel such a fraud because once DD is asleep she sleeps for no less than 8-9 hours solid 99% of the time so we are very lucky. It is just taking us 2-3 hours to get her settled. I am pg with lo number 2 and am knackered, DH works full time so is also knackered when he gets in.

Sorry to have gone on so long, I just wanted to give as much info as poss.

Please help us.

[LynetteScavo]

I would go back to usual routine, put her to ped, and sit with her in the dark/ dull light untill she is asleep. Yes she will cry at first, but don't give her too much attention.

And stop the going out in the pram to get her to sleep NOW!

[MissisBoot]

Try cutting back on an afternoon nap so that she's really tired then just stick to the routine or bring it slightly earlier so that she's in bed by 7pm - I remember reading somewhere that it takes 10 days to set a routine and three to break it.

It could be that she is being overstimulated at bedtime with all the rocking, moving around etc.

Sounds horrible though - dd refused to go to bed this evening by herself and she's three!

[AndaPartridgeOnADustyTv]

We went back to the routine as soon as DD stoped being sick at night and was pretty much better by then.

She is tired, wwe keep watch for the signs, DD flicks at her ears when she is tired, so as soon as we see that we start getting her to bed.

I know the rocking/walking in the pram is the short term, go to sleep now, solution, but by that time I am to admit I don't care. I would be in bed and asleep by 6pm if I could. DH does so much and he doesn't mind if I need to go to bed, but it is not fair on him.

Lynette, should put her in her cot if she is awake or not and just sit in the room with her or should I be out of sight?
Missisboot, your right, I do think she gets overstimulated by it all. I suppose we do it more for our benefit than hers I take it it doesn't get any better soon then.

[MissisBoot]

She'll go back to normal soon - dd was the same - slept through from 6 weeks and then every now and again she'd flat right refuse to go to sleep.

DH used to do this thing with dd when she was younger and he used to just lay her down in her cot in the dark and place his hands round her body to help her feel secure. At first he'd stand there til she fell asleep and then and over the course of a week or so he wouldn't hold her for so long she'd start to settle again by herself.

Does she have a comfort toy or anything?

[LilMatchGirlInVictorianSqualor]

Do NOT cut out naps, that only causes overtiredness.
Try making her daytime nap earlier if you don't think she is tired enough, but don't cut it out.

Sorry to say but you need to STOP helping her get to sleep and consistently put her to bed, every night, after her routine, read her a story so she is happy with her surroundings and then leave the room. Go back in every time she complains, settle her down (not get her to sleep, just give her a hug, shh and pat her and tell her it's time for nanites ~ or whatever phrase you would normally use) and then walk out. If you do this for a few days chances are she'll learn to settle quite quickly.

[AndaPartridgeOnADustyTv]

No, she has no sort of comfort toy, I have tried to introduce a teddy into her cot but she is only interested in playing.

I just don't understand why she will settle perfectly well in her cot for a nap in the day but wont settle at night.

I like the idea of holding her like that to help her fell secure, not sure Dd will let either DH or myself do that to her though as she is a wriggle bum to say the least.

Thank you for all of your advice I am going to bed now as DD is finally asleep

Thank you

[AndaPartridgeOnADustyTv]

Thanks VS, she naps really early in the day anyway from approx 10am - 11.30am, she occasionally has a short power nap of approx 20 minutes at about 2pm ish, but not all of the time.

Thank you.

[MissisBoot]

Maybe you could cut back on her morning nap so that she sleeps a bit longer in the afternoon so that she won't be so tired by bedtime?

BTW - Shouldn't you be in bed?

[EffiePerine]

What about a gradual retreat approach to get her used to falling asleep on her own again?

www.btwiki.ebrey.net/index.php?title=Sleep_Training_-_Gradual_Retreat

You doln't have to follow a strict timetable, but gradally decreasing the level of contact you make might work - we do similar for DS when his routine has been upset thanks to illness (holding hand while he falls asleep, then sitting next to the cot etc.). He is older though which makes things a bit easier as I'm happy he understands what is going on.

[ilovemydog]

What happens if you put her into her bed? Would she scream? For how long?

You say that she settles herself when she wakes in the middle of the night. Perhaps she just needs to cry for a bit as this is how she self settles?

DD will cry for about 5 - 10 minutes before she goes to sleep.

[AndaPartridgeOnADustyTv]

Thank you so much for all of your advice. EffieP, thank you for that link.

ilmd, DD cries constantly when we put her in her cot her bedtime. Not for daytime naps, she is fine when its her nap, just bedtime
The longest I have left her to cry is about 20 minutes when I could stand it no more and had to go into her. I really don't want to have to go down the CIO path but I just don't know what else to do.

When she wakes at night she generally doesn't cry unless she needs something, like a nappy change, a drink or if she is too hot/cold or ill.
I will hear over the her monitor when she wakes up and she might give a little moan, but 99% of the time she just jabbers away to herself and her teddy and falls back to sleep after about 10-15 minutes. I used to get up to her when she did that but no longer do as I realise she doesn't need me at that time IYSWIM.

I feel bad moaning about this as many people don't even get a full nights sleep as their LO's wake in the night. DD doesn't wake to the extent that I have to get up with her very often. DH and I generally get 9 or more hours solid sleep from DD at night. We are very lucky in that respect. It just the getting her to sleep bit that is driving us crazy.