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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

I'm going to try dummy cold turkey today - need some support!

35 replies

mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 09:10

Hello, after weeks upon weeks of my dd waking up and asking for her dummy every couple of hours, and the last two nights of it being every hour or so I have about had enough! Even when she co-sleeps she still wakes up asking for her dummy. She doesn't appear to be teething, or to be hungry.

She's now developed a special trick of taking it out, waving it around, then trying to stick it back in but crying when it won't go in. I don't know how to get her to go go sleep without it though, does anyone have any tips? I've read a few people on here saying that they did 3 days cold turkey wth the dummy and then their baby did without it ... any tips / help gratefully received - btw she is almost 6 months old and bottle-fe.

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mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 09:39

I'm now trying her down for her first nap without the dummy and the poor little thing is screaming blue murder!

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Maria2007 · 08/12/2008 10:47

Mummy2isla: good luck!!! I'll be following your journey with a lot of interest... My boy does the same thing with his dummy, only he's a bit younger, just over 4 months, so for now we're on a wait-and-see situation. Really sorry she's screaming so much for her first nap... perhaps you can cuddle her through these first few times without the dummy? or just sit next to her until she falls asleep? Have you provided her with something else to chew on, e.g. a little blanket, or something like that? I'm sure it WILL get easier...hang in there.

mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 12:56

Well we are not having much fun! Got her to sleep in the car for her morning nap in the end, then took her for another drive for the lunchtime nap .. but she's woken up and is not happy! I've given her a cuddly blanket to chew on but she's not really interested in it. Am trying v hard not to crack and give her the dummy. I've never done controlled crying or anything with her so am finding this quite hard! Going to go and cuddle her and see if that gets her off to sleep. Thanks for message Maria2007!

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TINSELJuice · 08/12/2008 13:00

good luck mummy2isla.
i did the same thing with my dd and it was v. effective, didn't take long and actually didn't result in as much crying as i had anticipated.

but, she had an op on her kidney recently and had the dummy for comfort so is kind of back on it a bit (not as bad as it was with the night waking though). i am gearing myself up to go cold turkey again (i know she can use her fingers) but think she has been through a lot lately . . . .

PerkinWarbeck · 08/12/2008 13:06

My DD became dependent on her dummy for sleep, and on me "replugging" her 5,6,7,8 times nightly .

I became so frazzled by sleep deprivation, when I was due to return to work that we went cold turkey on it.

She was really upset, crying hard for about 40mins on the first night, and also cried at 3am that night for about an hour . During the day I wheeled her round in her buggy for her naps.

the next night she cried for 20min at bedtime, and slept through for the first time.

the third night she grizzled for a few minutes then dropped off quietly. After that it was like we'd never used one.

I have nothing against using a dummy, but DD's dependence on it was awful for both of us.

SpecialOffer · 08/12/2008 13:07

don't crack as you are over the first hurdle, and you will waste all the hard work you have done already.

It is a case of leaving them to cry I'm afraid, but It does work though. My trick is to clean the upstairs as I am close, but I can do something else and am not just sat crying outside the room (yes, that was me!). I went in every 5-10 minutes to calm my son down and then left again. You will think they will never go to sleep - but they do! On the first night it took my son around 45 mins, same for naps.

Good luck!!

Maria2007 · 08/12/2008 13:16

I agree, don't crack, as it's only your first day! I would probably do this while comforting the baby at the same time though, not leaving the room for long periods of time (and 5 minutes, for a baby who hasn't been let to cry it out at all, IS a longish period). Perhaps today you can comfort her as best you can in other ways- it'll be tough, but I'm really sure that in a couple of days the problem will be solved.

SpecialOffer · 08/12/2008 13:21

The only problem with going in every couple of minutes is you won't give them chance to settle themselves, i found with my ds going in actually made him worse, so in the end just left him. You know they are ok, safe in their cot, not ill etc, they just want their dummy!

pudding25 · 08/12/2008 13:37

It is really hard. What got me through it was thinking that if I gave her back the dummy, all her crying would be for nothing and it wasn't fair on her.

If you don't want to leave her to cry, just sit with her and stroke her head/hand on tummy and shush her. It does get better.

mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 13:47

I've managed to leave her for about 10 minutes twice but then couldn't bear it. Have been going in and cuddling / rocking / stroking head / giving comforter but she is absolutely screaming and not sleeping - this is horrible!! Am going to go and try a walk in the pram and see if that helps. The thing keeping me going is that as pudding25 says if I give her the dummy then I'd just have to start again - and the dependence on it is bad. Thanks for all your support, much appreciated!

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mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 14:44

Well we had a long walk and got some smiles and raspberries but NO SLEEP so she has had 15 mins nap instead of 2 hours - and is getting pretty grouchy!! Going to feed her then I guess try and keep her active and just let her have a little afternoon nap - if she'll have one at all - .

PerkinWarbeck did you go back in and comfort your lo when crying? Isla gets herself in SUCH a state if left by herself when she's started to cry - normally she is so easy as I just stick the dummy in so I am really struggling with this!

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PerkinWarbeck · 08/12/2008 14:51

I pottered and went in to rub her back every couple of minutes. Even 2 minutes seemed like an age, but my DD is not the most tactile, so it worked better than holding her.

BUT if your DD likes to be held, then go for it. The message is the same - mummy's here, to help you to a go sleep. but no dummy. My DD was 6.5 mo when we did this and I think at this very young age they forget their dummies so quickly. Hopefully your DD will have a quick nap later- perhaps in the car or buggy?

thenewme · 08/12/2008 14:52

We did the puck up put down to get DS2 off the dummy at 6 months. Took 3-4 nights. Have to go now but can tell you about it when I am back if you want.

Good luck.

mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 15:22

She loves being held so I will try that. What is pick up put down? Presuming that you pick up til stops crying then put down? She fell asleep for 10 mins or so mid-feed but now is active and seems quite happy. I'm quite impressed we've got this far, and can take her out in pram or car this aft but am worrying about the night-time.

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thenewme · 08/12/2008 16:03

You need to decide who is going to do pu/pd and the same person needs to do it every night until what you are trying to achieve is done so.

Pick up baby once they cry. Hold in arms, no talking. Put down once they settle. Pick up again when they cry. Put down once settled, etc etc. Each night we did it I had to do it less times. Cured of the dummy in 3-4 nights and therefore able to settle thmselves to sleep.

IME 6 months is the best time to remove the dummy. Not too attached and young enough to learn quickly.

mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 16:38

I will try pu/pd tonight. We have now missed another nap and she is screaming! I am coping by keeping her in the pram whilst I cook - making all kinds of soups etc to keep busy - and bouncing it, which seems to help ... unfortunately it is raining v heavily outside and pitch black or would take her out again. My FIL showed up for a cup of tea this afternoon, seemed quite horrified at how "grumpy" the baby was - at least didn't try to interfere or suggest give dummy back or anything!

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mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 16:48

Have been trying pu/pd for this nap but it's not working - every time I go to put her down she screeches again!

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thenewme · 08/12/2008 16:50

Then pick her up and hold her until she calms down. It will take some time but ime it does work.

PerkinWarbeck · 08/12/2008 17:13

gosh, it's hard isn't it?

you could always set a time scale - eg if things aren't better in 3 days (or however long), then we'll go back to the dummy and try again in 6 months.

Then at least you know that there's a limit to how long your DD will be grumpy for, whatever the outcome.

mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 17:26

3 days is what I've thought...god it really is hard - it's like learning how to settle a new baby all over again - been trying pu/pd for about an hour now but literally every time I put her down there are SCREAMS. Anyway going to feed her again in a bit and try bath then ... it's time to see how night-time goes...parfffffffffffff didn't think it would be quite this hard!!

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Maria2007 · 08/12/2008 18:56

Oh I'm so sorry to hear it's so difficult... but unfortunately from all the stories I've heard about stopping dummy use, the first day is by far the hardest; basically the first 3 days are the tough bit, and then it's supposed to be better! And remember, it's really for the best, your daughter is 6 months, so at a good age to tolerate being left to cry for a little bit, and you're right there next to her, so really no harm can come to her! (not sure about you though... it must be really tough to hear all that crying ) Hang in there, it'll soon be over...and you won't look back

(You can tell I'm particularly enthusiastic about this working for you; maybe because I'm too chicken to do the exact same thing with my DS- but he's a bit younger, 4 months, so perhaps in 2 months time I'll be in your position).

mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 19:05

Well ... she is asleep! Fell asleep whilst having milk (after some puree veg) then I woke her up and gave her a quick bath and removed the pea-encrusted clothes and then a bit more milk and she fell asleep on the bottle ... which is not something she normally does but hey. It's been a pretty awful day, I feel really sorry for her! I think 4 months is prob a bit young? As at 6 months I do at least know that she is alright - it stinks though. If she wakes up I'm in two minds over whether to just give her one - I've now read something about how if they have a dummy you shouldn't take it off them before 12 months as it can cause cot death - why does every question have so many answers on the internet ?!?! On the other hand I am kind of thinking we've got this far.

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Maria2007 · 08/12/2008 19:21

Well it sounds that it went well, so congratulations for finishing the first day. I agree that 6 months is a much better age to try this... give it a go for 3 days, I would say, & don't give in until then... but if it's really really bad, then perhaps you can rethink your strategy.
As for the cot death risk, cot death is extremely unlikely- even unheard of- after 4 months, so really don't worry about that. I agree it must be very hard listening to your little daughter cry like that... But remember that it's for the best, it really is, I believe it.

mummy2isla · 08/12/2008 19:23

I have just been cuddling her whenever she's cried in the end. We shall see. God this mothering business is not easy, is it?!?!

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Maria2007 · 08/12/2008 19:25

I agree with the cuddling, I would do the same, after all she's already having to give up something she loves (the dummy), why should she have to be doing this without mummy explaining to her what's going on at the same time? I do see the point, however, that for some babies that might prove more disruptive...

No mothering ain't easy at all .... I'm just discovering this myself!

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