Unsustainable sleep associations - please help; desperate.....

[Sariska]

My 11 week old DS will only sleep if walked in his baby carrier (he wakes up if I sit down) or fairly vigorously bounced (head well supported) while held upright. And even these methods are not foolproof - now, for instance, he is screaming in his bed after I failed to get him to sleep for his morning nap (he woke up when I put him in his bed, which happens a lot) and got too exhausted to hold him any longer. For the life of me, I cannot remember when this started but I suspect it was sometime around week 3 when he went from wanting to be held all the time to becoming very screamy. I have tried co-sleeping but he still needs to be "put to sleep" before I can lie him down.

What can I do? I am starting to suffer bad backache and neck pains from holding him at funny angles for long periods of time. And yet that is nothing compared to how awful I feel at the moment listening to him cry and unable to make him stop or help him to sleep. I don't agree with CC - especially at his age - but that is what I feel I am effectively doing when I fail to get him to sleep. And, actually, there's nothing controlled about his crying right now. He is inconsolable and, frankly, that's how I feel too, especially as I now know he won't go to sleep for the rest of the day. When the same thing happened last week, we ended up at the hospital with him where they gave him liquid paracetamol, which finally made him sleep after 12 hours awake, and diagnosed silent reflux. He has three different types of medicine for the reflux but I have to say I'm not convinced that he has it; I suspect it's all to do with sleep - or lack of. I just don't know what to do and I feel like the worst mother in the world .

[EffiePerine]

You are NOT a bad mother, he is still very small and trying to get to grips with the real world! I'd say go with what works for now. If he has reflux, getting to sleep when propped up sounds reasonable - hopefully it will improve as he gets older.

Have you tried a different carrier? If you're using a Baby Bjorn type they are rubbish for your back. A sling might be a great help here - for an 11 week old I'd say a wrap sling or an Ergo if you want something a bit more structured.

Also, will he nap in the buggy/rpam? DS would ONLY nap during the day in a moving pram - meant DH and I spent a lot of time pacing around the park.

Finally, can you get your partner/family to give you a break? Presumably if he's being jiggled to sleep someone else can do it? (DS would only feed to sleep at night, so hard to swap). You don't need to do all of this yourself. Take any help that's offered and, if it isn;t offered, ask!

[firststeps]

Hi Sariska, have you considered taking your lo to a cranial osteopath or chiropractor, worked wonders for DS2 who cried constantly for his first 3 weeks, was a nightmare to settle and when he did had 15 min naps and was awake hourly through the night, turns out his neck was jammed in 3 places from a very quick labour and ventouse delivery which had led to problems with colic and constipation as he was comfort feeding to relieve the pain in his neck and giving himself tummy ache. 3 treatments in and he was like a different baby, would recomend this to anyone. HTH

[firststeps]

sorry - last post got cut off before I finished!! - maybe your lo is uncomfortable in other positions except being held upright - this was the problem with our lo - he was very uncomfortable when lying flat because of the pain in his neck and wanted to be upright all of the time - we even took him to A&E one night out of desperation as he had screamed ALL day, they diagnosed reflux and prescribed infant gaviscon but luckily we saw the chiropractor the same day and had no need to use it.

[Sariska]

Yes, he definitely prefers being held upright and when he does sleep he sleeps in a baby hammock. Doesn't seem to mind being flat on the changing mat or under the baby gym tho', which I find a bit odd although perhaps he's OK if it's for shorter periods of time. We are seeing an osteo and tbh I have no idea if it's helping him but it's certainly helping me so is worth the money. I think I'll look into other types of carrier as mine is a BabyBjorn, especially as he hates his pram (even when he is reclined upwards) and screams and screams in it.

DH does take a turn with the jiggling when he's at home but the long days alone are harder than I ever imagined. I do try and spend as much time as possible staying with family / friends but I can't do so all the time. Hopefully, though, things will get better!!

[deanychip]

we got a battery powered baby swing.
i got about 2 hours sleep when mine was in that.

twas a gift from god himself or so i thought at the time.

bought millions of batteries for it.

[deanychip]

Argos have them.

[ephrinedaily]

Hello Sariska my baby had silent reflux and was on meds from 6-8 weeks. They can take a little while to start working or to find the right dosage but when they did for our son the difference in his sleep was amazing. We used to put him in his car seat for daytime naps Advantage of car seat was ability to rock him to sleep in it with my foot! You're not supposed to let them stay in it for too long though so we also got bouncy chair which I also used to rock with my foot (you see the theme...) DS would also go flat for short periods so that is not necessarily an indicator; he would never ever sleep whilst flat. Is your pram flat? We put ours (was a pushchair type thing) into a more upright position which really helped him. To give you hope - by 16 weeks DS was sleeping through and napping during the day like a 'real' baby Good luck.

[ANTagony]

I had a swing for both my boys and a portable one because it was so good. My sisters had it for her twins and they think its brill too.

A cheap test to see if this sort of motion might work is do you have a trug style car seat - the sort that you flip the handle to the top and the base is slightly curved so it works as a rocker. Sit on the sofa both feet on the front of the seat and keep the rhythm smooth and quite rapid - keep going for 5 mins by the clock before you give up.

All children are different and your not alone in feeling exhausted -DS2 fed every 1.5hrs for the first 6 months of his life day and night. I was operating on a different planet.

Best bit of parenting advise I ever had ...
What ever it is with children its a phase. If there doing something awful - they'll grow out of it, if they're being really good...

[ephrinedaily]

Oh my god to think I could have bought a swing to do my foot rocking thing! Nooooo! My hideously overdeveloped right calf would've thanked you ANTagony is right, it will be better soon . However I do remember people telling me, when DS was 7 weeks, that he would be better by 14 weeks and I broke down and sobbed to DP that it would be another 49 days before I could leave the house [drama queen emoticon].

[savoycabbage]

Don't panic! Your baby is only 11 weeks and there is plenty of time to fettle him as my mother would say. There are loads of babies who need to be rocked to sleep. I remember having my nose pressed against the window waiting for the swingy-de-chair-a-me-thing to come! I know one baby who would only sleep with a hairdryer in the room going full pelt. They weaned her on to the cooker extractor fan and she is fine now!

Do what ANTagony says. She sounds bang on to me.

[Reamhar]

Have you tried one of those cot mattress wedges that raises the cot mattress to a slope? I sure I saw something in the Baby Whisper TV programme that she thought it helped with reflux. It tracks that he migh find it easier to fall asleep sitting up if he has reflux too I guess.

[Sariska]

Cot mattress wedge - good idea, especially as we have to go abroad for a wedding mid-july when lo will be about 16 weeks old and there's no chance of taking his baby hammock. Really can't dare to hope that he'll be easier by then. I've stopped listening to people who say he'll be better by X date. Normally it's 3 months and he's close to that now with no real sign of improvement.

Have had him in the car seat this evening after he woke up crying after 45 mins asleep as he is wont to do during the day / early evening. White noise helps but the portable CD player has mysteriously refused to play his special CD - maybe overuse??! At least he's stopped crying now, although actually the crying is easier than when it turns into what sounds like a tired owl. That just rips out my heart(if that doesn't sound too dramatic).

[Shitemum]

Some babies can't cope with the amount of stimulation they get during the day and by the end of the day just don't know what to do with themselves. Maybe try having a few very quiet days at home or avoid noisy, exciting places and visitors for a few days. Try to keep to routine too.

hope things improve soon...

[Shitemum]

Some babies can't cope with the amount of stimulation they get during the day and by the end of the day just don't know what to do with themselves. Maybe try having a few very quiet days at home or avoid noisy, exciting places and visitors for a few days. Try to keep to routine too.

hope things improve soon...

[mrsleroyjethrogibbs]

agree with everything here and please please please visit a cranial osteopath and possibly a homeopath. I honestly do believe that they can work wonders

[spudballoo]

Oh goodness he sounds JUST like my DS2, now 15mths old. He absolutely would NOT be put down at all, not for one moment, for the first 9 weeks of his life. He had to be held, and totally upright. Looking back he clearly had reflux...what you're saying totally supports a diagnosis of reflux which means that lying down hurts him, that's why he's crying, the acid is burning his throat. My son spent the first 9 weeks of his life living in a sling, day and night...we slept in shifts with him. I used a stretchy wrap (a hug-a-bub) and a Babyhawk for him.

At 9 weeks I put him on his tummy one evening in an attempt to settle him and he slept! For hours. So, reluctantly, I started putting him down on his tummy and he immediately would sleep for hours on end, no screaming. I think this is pretty common for reflux babies, as it relieves the pressure on their tummies

but, I know, it is totally against all the recommendations. I bought a hospital grade breathing monitor, and he napped in the same room as me until he could roll, and in our room at night. I know it's not ideal, but that's how we dealt with it.

we were on our knees with exhaustion, 24 hours a day carrying a baby is hard. And we had our 16mth old to deal with too. And I'd had a section. And had a colostomy bag. Twas a rough time!

I really sympathise, hope things improve for you soon xx

[spudballoo]

If he has reflux, then the car seat will hurt him too, the slightly rounded position puts pressure on their tummies and hurts. My DDS cried for nearly 6 hours on a car journey .... oh God I feel so awful looking back...x

[spudballoo]

If he has reflux, then the car seat will hurt him too, the slightly rounded position puts pressure on their tummies and hurts. My DDS cried for nearly 6 hours on a car journey .... oh God I feel so awful looking back...x

[Sariska]

Hmm, yes, he has recently started howling on long car journeys - so it makes sense that it might be connected to his reflux.

[EachPeachPearMum]

We found raising the head of the cot helped dd's reflux- we just used books.