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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

just posting for some virtual hugs really - feeling very low...

15 replies

chunkypudding · 30/05/2008 12:53

Have been in tears lots already today.

My mum goes into hospital this afternoon, having a mastectomy tomorrow - I've had a few fairly rough nights with my lo (19 weeks) and last night I couldn't sleep cos worried about mum... started to drop off at about 12.20pm after lying there for ages, then ds woke up for a feed (he'd been asleep since 8ish) then woke every 2 hours or less for rest of night.

So I got no sleep when I really really need it and I know that lots of people have this all the time but I just wish I could explain to ds that mummy is having a rough time right now!

Also - he seems hungry every time, so I always feed, feels like right thing to do and he usually goes straight back to sleep but keep being told that he 'shouldn't' be so hungry in the night?!

Feel like a crap mum and also a crap daughter as I can't go and look after my mum as my ds would be too much for her at the mo esp as she won't even be able to have a cuddle - am exclusively bf so can't go without him, anyway he needs his mummy even if I am crap! Any daytime 'routine' has dissolved into mush, someone tell me that all this too will pass!!

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PeachyWontLieToYou · 30/05/2008 12:58

you poor soul

do4snt matter if no sleep for a week or a year, its horrid (am in 8 years for sn camp so can say that lol )

theres so much going on for you right now, just deal with that- anything else can wait.

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Kindersurprise · 30/05/2008 13:05

First, you should ignore any well meaning advice about what your 19week old baby should and should not be doing. If he is hungry then feed him.

Then, give your mum a ring at the hospital and tell her that you love her and that DS did something fab today to cheer her and yourself up.

If he goes down for a nap, then have a lie down too. Can you get someone to take him out for a wee walk in his pram so you get get some rest?

Could you get someone to go with you to the hospital and wait with your DS so that you can give your mum a cuddle?

And finally, of course you are not a crap daughter or a crap mum, you are doing really well in a difficult time.

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IwantYourNickname · 30/05/2008 13:17

you are not crap! you are doing the best for your LO. i hope it gets better!

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chunkypudding · 30/05/2008 13:22

thanks both of you!

kinder, the hospital is right down in deepest cornwall and about a 4 hour + journey from here. and mum has expressly told me not to go as she doesn't want to be worrying about anybody else (which she generally does)

she's told me that once back home she'll let me know when she is up to a visit. which of course i understand, just want to be able to look after her really, tho i know dad and my sis will do fine...

excuse typing haven't the energy for capital letters!

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DumbledoresGirl · 30/05/2008 13:31

I think your mother would be proudest to see you being the best mother you can be to your own ds. That will show her that her own parenting has been successful and that you are a capable and loving mother. She will understand that you cannot be there for her as perhaps you would have been before you had your own baby. She has your dad and sister for her for now, and of course, you will be able to show your love and support for her at a later date.

I bet her grandson gives her huge pleasure too. So it is your job to nurture him right now.

Re the night feeding, it sounds normal to me. When I was rearing my babies, 19 weeks would have been the time to start weaning. I am not suggesting you do that now. What I mean is, babies do go through hungrier phases and it sounds like your ds is doing that right now. I used to leave my baby in the bed with me and I did not keep count of how many times he fed from me in the night. Sleep deprevation is sooo tough. Just do whatever you have to, to get through this stage.

And yes, this phase will pass! Virtually no-one would go on to have a second baby if it didn't!

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IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 30/05/2008 21:42

Ditto the others, chunky - you're doing absolutely fine.

If he seems hungry, feed him. Ignore other people. Other people had their own children, they didn't have your son. You know best.

I'm sure your mum will understand how worried and busy you are better than you imagine - and she is being well looked after. Your job is to be there for your son, and she knows that.

Don't worry about routines (10 months on we're still living in their absence!) - just take each day at a time and be good to yourself, because you're dealing with an awful lot just now. And you're absolutely not crap!

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wurlywoo · 30/05/2008 22:08

Virtual hug coming your way. Second what the others say if he is hungry feed him and the fact that you are posting on here means that you are NOT by any means a crap mummy at all. Quite the opposite don't be so hard on yourself and sleep when he does or when you can grab the 10 min power nap you will will feel refreshed for a bit longer.

Hope it gets better for you..

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lou031205 · 30/05/2008 22:09

(((((This too will pass...)))))

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ShowOfHands · 30/05/2008 22:15

I can offer you lots of virtual hugs.

Next time you see any of these 'well meaning' advice givers eating or drinking, I suggest you take the food/drink off them and tell them they 'shouldn't'. Your ds is his own little person, I bet he's very clever in fact and knows exactly what he needs. You're doing a wonderful job of responding to his needs at a stressful time. I only got through the 18-20 weeks bit because I co-slept.

What a stressful time for you. Take all the rest and help you can get.

Best wishes for your Mum too.

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foxythesnowfox · 30/05/2008 22:24

((((hug)))

Can you just go to bed with LO?

Your Mum WILL understand. I bet she'd rather have you looking after her grandchild, huh?

And who is that saying he 'shouldn't' be hungry. Tell them from me: bollocks.

Take LO to bed, co-sleep, feed and rest. You will get back into your routine. The thing with children is that they go through phases and things move and change constantly.

Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Get yourself rested and in a better state, or you'll be no good to anyone my girl!

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jacobisaacsmum · 31/05/2008 07:59

Oh I really do sympathise and send you a load of hugs. I promise you this WILL pass, it doesn't feellike it but you will look up one day soon and think "ah yes, it feels better" Take care XXXX

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Kindersurprise · 31/05/2008 11:15

How are you doing today, Chunky? Hope the op went well. Did you get any sleep?

(((hugs)))

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chunkypudding · 01/06/2008 12:28

you lot are all so sweet you nearly made me cry again!

mum's op went well, was over 8 hours, but had text from her this morning and she says 'sister morphine' looking after her well... still feel down that i'm not with her but have to accept the situation really. and you're all right, i am doing my best. just hard as i get a bit lonely and down sometimes...

am still wiped but had a bit more sleep.crashed out with ds in spare room this morning as he was up crazy early, also meant dp got a lie in which is unheard of! so i expect him to be very nice to me today.

am gonna try eating dinner before settling ds so i can go to bed same time as him for couple of nights, have been clinging to my evenings with dp for a bit of sanity and time together, but think i now just neeeed the sleeeep!

and mn still haven't made a tired emoticon!!!!

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IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 02/06/2008 18:31

Pleased to hear your mum's op went well

I so understand what you're saying about needing a bit of evening time to yourself but on the nights I pull the finger out and go to bed early it's always worthwhile, heartily recommended!

Look after yourself

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chunkypudding · 03/06/2008 12:11

Thanks IAte... (love your name!)

Have to admit the whole being a mum think has knocked me for 6 a bit, the first 6 weeks were horrible and i wasn't feeling any of the joyous stuff everyone else reports on... now i really truly and completely love my ds, as does dp (who went through same shock as me at start, don't think my em c-section helped the bonding process...) BUT

bloody hell it's hard work isn't it? and some days i just feel so tired, and lonely, and so generally overwhelmed by the whole thing. guess I'm worse at the moment cos i have so much on my mind and of course miss my family more than ever. i've talked to mum and she is really wiped but coping. she's a really really ositive person - good role model!

my ds has the most beautiful gummy smile tho, and he smiles and laughs a lot. I feel terrible when he winds me up just because I'm tired...

anyway moan moan moan. going to baby clinic soon to see if he can break the scales (he's a chunky little monster) and meeting another mum and bub so that may do me good, though everyone else always seems to have babies that sleep 12 hrs and are generally angelic... mines a little character tho, i'll keep reminding myself of that.

sorry monster post...

thanks again for support xx