DS 2yo, i really need some advice before DH and I lose it

[Volkl]

DS has always been a bit of a bugger with sleep. But we really felt like we were getting somewhere, until Good Friday when he was very ill, ended up in hospital etc. He woke in the night and came in with us. I know this was wrong but it was the first time he'd been severely ill and i was petrified.

Since then he has been going to bed in his own bed, then between 12 and 4am he'd come into our room and get in bed. We'd all have a good nights sleep and we got used to co-sleeping.

Recently however he wakes at about 10pm, he is unconsolable and we struggle to get him back to bed. I refuse to go up and take him into bed with me. I try to get in bed and wait for him to come. When we dont want to go to bed its nearly impossible to get him back to sleep in his own bed. We've left him crying on the landing, crying on his bed and he'll carry on until one of us goes to bed.

Co-sleeping wasnt a huge issue, but it was a way for us all to sleep but this has changed too. He will kick, pull hair, head butt, cry, sometimes in his sleep sometimes not. So now we are stuck, he either runs around crying or kicks the living daylights out of me and DH.

We are at our wits end, and could really do with some advice. DH suggested shutting his door (so he couldnt open it not locked) but i am not happy with doing this, i feel there are too many risks involved.

Thank you if you have got to the end of this, but i need to put all the information down.

[Volkl]

bump

[fairydust]

how old is he ?

[fairydust]

sorry just saw that he is 2

[justaphase]

I am having some sleep issues with my DS who is 2.6. I came up with two ideas but have not implemented them yet as he suddenly improved on his own accord. The ideas were:

1. get him some story CDs which he can only listen to in bed and
   
2. move the cotbed to our bedroom (since we are buying a big bed for him anyway) to use as a kind of co-sleeper - put next to our bed so he knows we are there but far enough so that no kicking and hitting is involved. Clearly this can only work if you have a big enough bedroom.
   
   As I said, he has improved a lot on his own and I think what helped with this was NOT leaving him to cry (we tried this and it made it worse) but sitting next to his bed and stroking him until he was calm enough and then saying... I'll just go to the bathroom and be back in a min.... he is usually asleep by the time I go back. Also he now asks for his bedroom door to be left open.... it is very important, and we bought him a night light. Basically the softly, softly approach seems to work much better with him.... and makes me feel so much better too so thats a bonus.
   
   Hope some of this helps.

[Pavlovthecat]

DD is 22 months old and has recently started to wake after a couple of hours asleep and refuse to go back, like your DS, inconsolable.

I found that what has worked for my DD is t put a low light on, give her a cuddle, read a story, sing some calming nursery rhymes with her on my lap, but not let her play with toys. She has tried to get from my lap and play toys and I give her the option of a)staying on my lap for cuddles or b) going back to bed. Not sure how much she actually understands of these options but I do follow through if she gets up anway, and mostly she stays put.

I do this for half hour or so (or as long as it takes) and usually it settles her. Usually, but not always. And over the last two days or so she has woken up, but not stayed awake for more than 20 mins.

[Volkl]

UPDATE - last night he woke at 10pm, was having ahuge strop since he wanted me and DH to go to bed. I refused, i kept putting him back in bed. Lots of tears and shouting 'mummy & daddys bed'.

We went to bed and kep putting him back, i sat in his room with him, went to the toilet, came back, went to the bed room, cameback, then the last time i went to bed for good. He woke at 1.30 and wanted to come into bed,we told him no. He then spent the next 2 hours crying and being taken back and forth to his bed.

Then he took himself back to bed, stayed for 10 mins, then came back. This happened a few times until about 4am he fell asleep. He slept then until about 6am.

Sounds really horrible and i wasnt enjoying it, but i think he is understanding.

[Impatience]

Volkl, you've had a horrible night, but I like the sound of what you did. Remember that consistency gives them clear rules, and yours is fair and simple: you all sleep in your own beds. And he's learning that you will come to him if he needs you, which is important.

I'm by no means a sleep-guru but I felt your pain and wanted to give you a supportive pat on the back. Just get through the day, and tonight it will probably still be bad but better than last night, and if you stick with it he'll learn. Good luck x

[Volkl]

Thank you. It was really hard last night and harder to not lose your temper (which DH did once and i've had a word this morning). I feel being clear and concise is the only was with DS.

I know he's a bit young but i'm currently making a star chart, to show him that all his good behaviour will get rewarded. It may not work, but anything is worth a go!

[WowOoo]

Volkl, our 2 yr old has been a pain to get to sleep (and stay asleep in his own bed). He was poorly a few weeks ago and it all went pear shaped again. Since he's been feeling better we've literally had to just keep putting him back into his cot again and again and again. Putting up with the screaming in the middle of the night is the worst. (Have been screaming into my pillows!!) No idea what our neighbours think...
But then last night he stayed there and only cried for 15 mins ish. Hooray! So your perseverance will pay off.
I'm not into star charts really but told him this morning how happy we were! I think he's slowly getting the message... Good luck

[Impatience]

Staying calm is a task and a half! Keep at it. Robotic consistency helps. And probably valium... Hope both your ds's start sleeping better soon.