How do you put a baby down awake?

[VacantlyPretty]

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[fishie]

i think it depends on the baby. ds was 2yo before he could do this whereas i know lots of others who were happily snuggling down from very early on (unless their parents were lying).

of course you have to experiment a bit to find out which sort you have and keep trying.

[VacantlyPretty]

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[fishie]

how do you mean sleeping on his own, are you co-sleeping? have you got a (lifesaving) vibrating bouncy chair? how old is your baby?

remember it won't last long, even though every second feels like a week. have you got activities and things to go to?

[halster]

I rocked my baby to sleep for the first 8 months - was very back breaking work. I kept trying to put her down awake but to no avail. Then one day at 8 months I put her down and she just drifted off to sleep and has ever since. I don't think I "did" anything, she just started doing it when she was ready to. Although I do think having a nap and bed time routine might have helped - e.g, draw curtains, put on lullaby CD, cuddle for 5 minutes EVERY time.

You WILL get there - and you WILL look back and think, Wow the little baby phase went so quickly - but I do know that it feels like it will last forever at the time. Good Luck.

[maidamess]

Make sure their room is dark and quiet. Make sure their tummy is full and nappy clean.
Soothe, lay down, back silently out of the room, and woe betide you if there is a squeaky toy on the floor!
I found tucking in quite tight ,either with swaddling or a blanket, stopped the startled thrashing that they sometimes did when dropping off.

I think babies have to learn to fall asleep by themselves. Be prepared for some protestations tho!

[Monkeybird]

I've just abandoned the dummy for my DS3. I'm not cruel, it was just that it was interfering with BF. He's nearly 8 months.

Before then, he would go off really quickly with his dummy.

Now we often have to do lots of feeding or rocking/humming.

But just lately, when he's had a good feed, I've put him in his cot and twice he's gone off to sleep by himself with a little bit of muttering and singing.

I've been putting him in his cot for a bit when he's tired but in a good mood to get him used to it too - that seems to be helping.

I plan to gradually get him used to longer and longer periods in his cot. I will try rocking for a bit longer and putting him down when he's really drowsy but not quite asleep. If he cries, I'll pick him up again. i think there is an optimum point actually that you have to work out - when they're almost asleep but not quite but ready to go on their own. But it takes a bit of practice.

Then when we've cracked this for a few weeks/months, i imagine he'll get happier just going down by himself a bit more.

But I don't expect miracles - the 3 year old still needs lots of cuddles and toing and froing to get to sleep.

[Monkeybird]

wot maidamess said too - firm tucking is good.

[MotherofUBERboys]

d'you know, i always wondered that.

never seemed to happen for me.

went with co-sleeping in the main. i like a nice cuddle anyway

[nailpolish]

babies lvoe getting their eyebrows stroked. put baby down and stroke the eyebrows - see what i mean! their little eyes flutter off to sleep

[morningglory]

I think it is just a matter of the baby learning to self-sooth. Some babies can instinctively do this, but, in my small amount of experience, it is something which they learn. I started with naps (noon nap, put him down when he was getting tired by pullling down blinds, putting in his cot, giving quick kiss and cuddle, then closing door). He cried for 10 minutes the first time, then fell asleep. The second time, he cried for about 5 minutes, then he got the hang of it and maybe grumbles at the most before falling asleep.

Once he learns to self sooth, it should be easy to then be able to do this for bedtime.

I think the key to being able to put a baby down awake is a routine (not a strict minute-to minute planned one, but one which has the same daily rhythm).

Just my experience, which worked well with my eldest (4.4) and my current baby (10 weeks).

[MotherofUBERboys]

actually, i seem to remember ds1 going to his own bed, in his own room, in a sleepy bag and after a feed but awake.
was - ooh - 4 and a bit years and 3 babies ago now so cant for the life of me fill you in on any details of how that happened.
i seem to remember a book called 'the sleep book for tired parents' but thats about it.

sorry!

[ninedragons]

I think mine takes after her father and is naturally a spectacularly good sleeper, but basically we bore her to sleep. Dim lights, no games or funny faces at bedtime.

When she was very new she liked background noise (Bloomberg channel was great for really drony white noise, World Service is also excellent), but she seems to be ok without it now.

[Sputnik]

I think much of it has to do with the character of the baby, my DD could never do this, but DS can.

Those cot things that play soothing music/lightshows can help I think. As can a simple routine.

A little grumbling from the baby is ok, but it's up to you if you want to let them cry (I can't). That said, there have been a few times DS was crying and screaming as I tried to feed/rock/cuddle him to sleep, then stopped when I left the room, so go figure. It's one of those things you have t play by ear sometimes.

[TheSweetLittleBunny]

FWIW - DS is 4.6 and has only been getting himself off to sleep without anybody cuddling him for about six months now The only times he ever fell asleep on his own was in the car.

[PrettyCandles]

Break it up into steps, backwards. Do whatever it takes to get the baby to sleep, but preface it with a short sleeptime routine, sayign the same words, doing the same actions, reading the same book, every single time. After a while, he will be able to predict what comes next - including sleeping. Then you have the hard bit - you do something different. In our case it was changing from feeding to sleep to stroking to sleep. At first there was a lot of crying, but eventually it began to work. It took weeks, though.

Then, once ds was reliably going to sleep by stroking, we decided to take it a step further and leave the room. I would always return if he cried, stroke him until he was calm - but not asleep - and leave the room again. Evenutally, after about 3w, I found that I could leave the room immediately and rarely needed to return more than once or twice.

Once he was going to sleep wihtout feeding, I began doing the same during night wakings. Stroking him to sleep rather than feeding him back to sleep (but mine's older than yours, I think). Once he was going to sleep at bedtime without stroking, then I did the stroke and leave at night as well.

[Oblomov]

I agree, that I think it comes down to the nature of the child. Ds fell asleep from day 1.
But saying that, I took notice of his signs and as he was starting to drop off, I would put him down.
I do beleive that self-soothing, as it is called, but it basically means 'learning to fall asleep on your own', can be taught/encouraged, by all the sensible suggestions already given.
Not when they are dropping off, very calmly, put down, gentle words, leave.
I am sure it takesa bit of time, but it is actually an TOTALLY ESSENTIAL skill, thta children must learn.
Hope it goes smoothly.

[TREBUCHET]

Character driven I agree. My ds is very independant and my being there just stimulated him rather than soothed him. Right from the off I swaddled him quite firmly(he was a jittery little bugger)and just put him in his cot. Within days he was putting himself to sleep happily. Harder now he's 18 months I must admit....

[HuwEdwards]

Never had the nerve to do it with DD1. Did it with DD2 from the offset - seems to have instilled a VERY healthy sleep pattern as she will take herself tobed if tired and most mornings I have to peel her out of bed.

[chloesmumtoo]

I had a nightmare with ds when he was little and would not settle off to sleep on his own until he was atleast 2.5 years! with dd no.2 I really never wanted it to happen again and made sure I put her in her pram awake for a nap right from the start during the day ect. She was a different child and I can presume it was because of this but you really cant know for sure. They are all different

[VacantlyPretty]

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[Oblomov]

Huw, when you say, you never had the 'nerve' to do it ?
Do you mean crying. I never let ds cry. He never cried. He was always asleep by the time i got out the door !!
Actually I did let him cry himself to sleep once. Only once. I remember that night.

[VacantlyPretty]

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[VacantlyPretty]

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[Oblomov]

Vacantly, this , can be done very quickyl, I men within nights, not weeks and months.
Secondly, you may be leaving it too late. You said "he fell asleep on me, so I took him to ...", I eman you need to be aware of his 'signs', earlier. As he is starting to become more tired, as his eyes start to close, and then open again, THOSE ARE THE CUES. You settle him THEN. And you stay and say gentle words, and you smooth him and touch him,. Reassure him. Only for a few minutes. And then you LEAVE.
And if he cries, you go back. And you do this for a number of nights, and it gets EASIER. PROMISE.

[Oblomov]

If you do this 'techniqu', there will be no crying. You do not let him cry. And within a week, most people notice a remarkable difference. And becasue there is no crying involved, it is not upsetting to mum or baby.