DH doesn't wake to DS at night

[drjane]

I'm going on a work trip to the US at the end of this month for 4 nights, and DH will be looking after 6mo DS. I've got plenty of worries about this but my main one this week (!) is that DS still wakes about 1-3 times a night (when I agreed to this trip back in Jan, I naively thought he would be sleeping through by now - lol!) and DH just does not seem to wake up to his cries. This was the same when he actually shared our room - sometimes DH could be sleeping next to the bedside cot with DS crying and not wake up! He's now in his own room and we keep the baby monitor on as his room's two doors away.

Could this be because I'm usually there so subconciously he knows he doesn't need to wake because I'll take care of it? In which case is he more likely to wake if I'm gone? Has anyone had any experience of this?

thanks!

[Wisteria]

He will wake if you're not there, don't worry - men are like Labradors they have very selective hearing

[LyraSilvertongue]

Just make surer the baby monitor is on full blast. He'll be more aware if you're not there.

[GrapefruitMoon]

Do you think he genuinely doesn't hear your ds at night or pretends not to (that wouldn't be unusual ime!)? I do think that mothers are more alert to these things - if one of my dc's come into my bedroom at night I generally wake up before they say anything, even if they are being quiet....

[elliott]

Ha, well if you're lucky he might be sleeping through by the time you get back
Don't worry, he will wake (your dh) if necessary - just make sure he has the monitor.

[Iklboo]

DH would barely stir if the dagenham girl pipers came through the bedroom if I;m there

BUT i'm confident he would if I WASN'T there

[gingerninja]

Is he worried about not waking? If not, it's probably because he does hear DS but can't be bothered to move. It always takes my DH longer to stir and I usually spring into action before DD has really got going so in fairness he doesn't get a chance to hear her most of the time.

You could do a trial run of a night or two in a spare room.

[onepieceoflollipop]

In our house I often sleep through if it is dh's "turn" to get up. Either of us could sleep through the baby if we knew the other one was listening. So I think that your subconscious theory is correct.

You could do a "trial" run and sleep in the spare room? Leaving dh "on duty". When you are away try monitor full blast and both bedroom doors open. (if feeling wicked take dh's quilt away and he won't sleep so soundly if he is chilly. )

Last bit a joke obviously.

[onepieceoflollipop]

p.s. I worry about this too as I am on call around 3 nights per month and go back to work in May. Potentially I could be out at work for 3 entire nights leaving the dds to dh. So I am looking for tips on the thread as well.

[nervousal]

In our house now its usually me who doesn't hear dd if shes up at night. But if I'm home alone I hear her fine.

[drjane]

Well that's reassured me - thanks!

gingerninja - yes, he is genuinely worried about not waking, he's even been considering sleeping on the nursery floor while I'm away! I've told him that the baby monitor turned right up by his ear will actually be louder than being in the same room so to stay in bed.

Might try a trial run as you suggest, although I bet I'll just end up waking first in the spare room and have to force myself not to get up, sigh. Perhaps a nice hotel...;)

I'll try and remember to post about what happened when I get back, if I don't bottle it at the last minute and cancel the trip that is :-S

[pooka]

Well, dh used to be able to sleep right through cries in the night. But we had a deal that when I stopped night feeds, would be better for him to go in to dd. So from 8 months I think, he was the one that got up and lo! miraculously he didn't sleep through the shouts, and I miraculously learned to sleep through them.
Then we had ds, and obviously I got up for him until he was about 7 months and no longer fed at night. And dh (by then attuned to noise) got up if dd woke up.
We seem to have now reached the happy point where I sleep through everything, thunder, lightening, earthquakes etc. and dh wakes up at the drop of a penny.

[onepieceoflollipop]

pooka that is now exactly what I am aiming for now that regular night feeds seem to have stopped. dh occasionally wanders about looking vague and saying "but I don't know what she wants!" - hey neither do I, she's a baby!

[bubblagirl]

my dp nevr heard ds only as he knew i would wake if he needed anything

but when i left him for night i went out didnt leave him lol he slept lighter as was concious to the fact i wouldnt be there to wake