Baby sleeping in own room - 9 weeks too early?

[rubyblue]

Our DS is 9 weeks old and not a great sleeper. He wakes frequently during the night, sometimes hourly, which is totally exhausting for him and us and hv reckons its a sleep problem not hunger as he is putting on weight above average for bf baby. Out of desperation, last night we put him in his own room for the first time and he slept very well but of course I wasn't right next to him which makes me wonder if I've been jumping in to comfort him too soon or if he is disturbed by our snoring! No hourly wake-ups just twice for a bit of a feed and both DH and I had a good sleep although I was paranoid and had the baby monitor turned up right beside my head.

I've looked up FSID website and various others and am very anxious about increased risk of cot death. I know folks who have put babies younger than DS in their own room but I'm worried.

Any advice?

[SmugColditz]

I wouldn't, personally. Your HV has no idea whether your ds is hungry or not - weight gain does not = lack of hunger.

I'm not saying you shouldn't, many do, but I really wouldn't.

[Pannacotta]

I wouldn't either and personally I wouldn't listen to what my HV had to say on the matter. How can she possibly know why he is waking in the night?
I know lots of people do put babies in their own rooms from early on but I couldn't (and haven't with DS1 or DS2).

[CarGirl]

The longest any of mine lasted in the same room as me was 2 weeks, 2 have never slept with me and the other only 3 days.

I am a very very light sleeper and I would be awake with every snuffle milk leaking everywhere etc.

I never had a radiator on in their room, made sure it was cool, used a swaddle or gro bag, slept them on their backs. I fed them in their room on the spare bed and then put them back in their cot.

Not ideal but I couldn't cope with sharing a room with my dc and I had no problems hearing them cry (but we have a very small house which is not soundproof!)

[themoon66]

DD slept in same room as us for about 4 or 5 weeks from what I can remember.

DS lasted about 2 or 3 weeks, but slept a lot better after being put in his own room.

We did have a tiny house then, so his door was only about 6ft from my bed. We left doors wide open.

[IndigoMoon]

ds was in his own room by that age. he was the noisiest sleeper ever and just drove us mad in the night.

[mumfor1standmaybe2ndtime]

We put ds in his own room at 6 weeks, mainly because we kept waking him and we live in a tiny terrace house and he was near to us anyway.
I also bought a video baby monitor/cctv from ebay for around £30, best thing I bought! If he woke I could look at him (has night vision). Also very useful for spying on a 3 year old lol!

[rubyblue]

DS doesn't keep us awake, but I think we do, or at least when he rouses in his sleep cycle, something is making him come out of it when he's in our room and I can only think it's our noises or me being too quick to comfort him.

I don't think it is hunger which is waking him. He feeds for about 10-15 minutes twice during the night but when I offer at other times he's not interested - will suck for a bit but for comfort and then comes off after 5 mins.

The trouble is there are no stats to give me a real idea of what the risks are. It's all a bit hazy but I am desperate for some decent sleep as I'm like walking zombie and becoming quite down about it all. Last night was a blessing but then of course I don't ever want to risk my lovely baby! His room is across the hallway from us not next door.

[Pannacotta]

Personally speaking, for me the sleep aspect is much less important than the safety issue, also I wouldnt have been able to sleep early on with the baby in another room.

[fannysparkle]

I think you should go for it, i would have done with ds but only had 1 bedroom when he was first born so didn't have a choice. You can get a night moniter with cctv for reasonalbe price these days if you look on internet. If it means you all getting more sleep it has to be a good idea. Feel for you, i remember the zombie stage very well and it was 3 yrs ago, not sure i will ever forget!!

[K999]

I out dd2 into her own room at 12 weeks. She was soooo noisy and tbh I thin dh kept her awake with his blardy snoring!

[seeker]

9 weeks is far too young to have a sleep problem. At 9 weeks, if they wake up you feed them. I'm afraid being knackered goes with the territory. Why not take hi into bed with you? That way every one gets more sleep.

[moondog]

A sleep problem at 9 weeks?
FFS is your HV mad?????

This is a tiny baby who quite naturally wants to be near his mother.

Jesus H. Christ.

[Pannacotta]

A baby spends 9 months growing inside you.
I cannot get my head round why (in this culture) we are so depserate to stick tiny babies in separate rooms almost as soon as they are born.
Does my head in actually.

[Heated]

You do what keeps you sane and happy.

SIL put her 3rd baby in his own room from day one and bf him in there, it was their sanctuary together.

Mine moved at 11 & 9 weeks once they slept through, since I'd wake at every murmur & being so sleep deprived made me tearful. Started with a monitor but soon got rid of it since I have ears like a bat.

A friend co-slept with dd for 6 months and was in their room until 2 yrs, until they were ready for another baby.

[CarGirl]

I'm heated, I love the idea of co-sleeping but couldn't hack room sharing. Mine just didn't feed much at night so I was wide awake in agony with gorged boobs whilst they blissfully slept through. Actually dd2 loved stretching out in her moses basket, didn't like being swaddled like to stretch out!

[maygirl]

I think the fact that they do wake more when in the same room is why there's a reduced risk of SIDS.

[harpsichordcarrier]

yes, maygirl is correct imo.
that is also one of the xplanations for why dummy use seems to decrease the risk of SIDS - because parents are looking after the baby and going into them when they wake in the night.
to the OP - have you tried co-sleeping (with the usual safeguards) - that might help you both sleep better and be disturbed less.
there is an increased risk of SIDS with a baby in a separate room. I am not sure stats are available or would be helpful.
really little babies need to be with their parents while they sleep, is the long and short of it.
I am sorry you are feeling so exhausted, we have all been there

[glimmer]

Hi Rubyblue. I think you should go with what works best for you and your DS. If you can cope better altogether when you slept more, and it "feels" right to you, then go for it. I personally wouldnt worry about the marginally increased risk of SIDS if there are no other risk factors. Why dont you use a contact on the FSID website to give you peace of mind. It wont work if you stay up all night listening to the monitor. As for myself, DS sleeps in his cradle right next to me, but when I tried co-sleeping (I wanted to) it didnt work for us at all: we were both up much more frequently in a bad way. I really believe we have to find solutions that work for us individually. But dont do it just because the HV recommends it.

[MyEye]

When the dcs were in with us we all slept rubbishly. I'd snap awake with every snuffle/rustle, and would be unable to drift back off it had a big knock-on during the day too, as I felt crazed/miserable with lack of sleep. So we stuck the moses basket in the bathroom next door to us at (think dd was 8 wks, ds went in at about 3) could hear them immediately if they cried for feeds, but not so clearly that we got woken by their farts . And we were all a lot more sprightly in the morning.
Re sids -- well, we didn't smoke, we were careful about room temp/bedding weight etc... and I would do the same again

[mumblechum]

DS1 about 3 nights, then in room across corridor

DS2 4 or 5 nights.

Both were in SCBU for about a month before they came home, though so not absolute newborns.

[BrunetteBombshell]

Both mine slept in their own room straight from hospital. We had the doors open and the monitor on.

They both slept through at 7 weeks and go to sleep by themselves.

HTH

[rubyblue]

Thanks for all the messages and opinions - which pretty much reflect the conflict in my mind! It's not that I want to shut my baby away in a different room (as witnessed by my anxiety) but the downsides of the sleep deprivation - me totally zonked which i know is normal but I am feeling really down and crying every day which is affecting all of us, baby - overtired and upset a lot during the day as he struggles to nap too - are what raised the alternatives in the first place. Co-sleeping in our bed is just not an option, it makes me far more anxious than having him in a separate room, especially as dh is such a heavy sleeper. I would be sick with worry about me or DH squashing him. Have contacted FSID for factsheet and they were pretty helpful.

Thanks all.

[mumblechum]

We moved the dcs into their own rooms early on as it seemed mad for both dh and I to be knackered. dh had to go to work the next day, I could nap if I needed to as was off work for a few months.