Does your toddler sleep through?

[Tinkywinks]

My son is 2 and 3 quarters and still sometimes wakes in the night and cries for me to comfort him. I know they are all different, but wondering how many other toddlers his age still wake in the night, as I feel he should have grown out of it by now. I still tip toe around the house in the evening because I hate to wake him!

When I put him to bed, I stay with him until he falls asleep. He goes through phases, sometimes he does sleep right through other times he wakes up once or twice before I go to bed - we co sleep. I'm guessing if we didn't, he would wake up in the night even more so. He cries, I go to him and settle him back down and then tip toe out when he falls back to asleep. It just happened now and I made it worse by being annoyed, it just took longer for him to get back to sleep.

Would love to know about your toddlers sleeping, good or bad, thanks.

[MrsThierryHenry]

Huge sympathy to you, Tinky. My toddler's much younger - 15 mnths - but we had huge sleep problems until a few weeks ago. So I'm sending you big hugs, good karma and best wishes that things get better.

xxx

[toomanyballs]

I would suggest that you try to get him to fall asleep without you, he is waking and realising you are gone and would like you back so he can fall asleep again.

Perhaps start by leaving him for a minute or two and going back to reassure then out again, repeated until he is asleep.

[Tinkywinks]

Thanks MrsThierryHenry, I should be counting my blessings really, this is nothing compared to the sleep problems my son was having when he was younger. I think it was so bad thought that now I don't have any patience for any kind of sleep problem now! Glad things have got better with you.

Toomanyballs, I think you are probably right. I did start doing this very gradually, I went from lying down next to him, to sitting next to him, to sitting at the end of the bed reading a book (believe me, that was hard enough) but kind of stopped there as I knew coming off the bed would be a nightmare! I think it's time to get off the bed! I'm not sure about leaving him for a minute or two, I think he would flip out.

[toomanyballs]

sitting by the door? and go from there?

I can't speak from experience as I have 3xDS who need a small nuclear war to wake them but one of my freinds from school still has to sit with her kids and they are 10 and 6. She hasn't spent an evening downstairs with DH for years!

[toomanyballs]

friend!!!!

[Tinkywinks]

Just came back from staying at my cousins, her kids are the same (as yours)although she reckoned they started deep sleeping when they started school.
As for your fiend(!)...blimey...how does she do it...that has made me feel much better and at the same time motivated me to do something about it now!

[MrsThierryHenry]

Might it help to create a new, fun sleep routine (perhaps you could incorporate one or two ideas from your son so that he takes ownership of it)? You could sell it as a 'big boy' thing so that he (eventually) gets a sense of achievement from having moved into his own bed. I know kids aren't stupid, you can't fool them, but perhaps a positive spin might help? It might tie nicely into the gradual retreating method.

I'm sure you'd do this anyway, but if I were you I'd always explain (every night for the first few nights) what I'm' going to do before doing it so that he knows what's coming.

Out of interest, does he still have a daytime nap? If so, how do you get him to sleep in the day?

Another thought...from re-reading your first post it sounds (and this will prob sound a bit Gina Ford - I assure you I'm not from her camp at all!) like he's probably learned that if he does xyz he can get you to do what he wants. Does this sound familiar across non-sleeping issues? Or am I reading too much into this?

[toomanyballs]

I have no idea, as much as I love them I love it when they are all asleep and I don't have to worry about/entertain/break them up.
Mine get their sleeping ability from their mother

Good luck with it

[Tinkywinks]

Thanks for your advice MrsThierryHenry. It's a tricky one, sometimes if he gets the slightest inkling that I am trying to sell him an idea he gets very defensive. Actually, anything out of routine or new, he's kind of opposed to. You have given me an idea though, perhaps I could make up a story about this and read it to him during the day.

He gave up his daytime nap before he was 2. Yesterday he was really tired, and we went on a long bus journey in the afternoon so he fell asleep. That evening, he didn't get to sleep until 11pm!!

Re your last comment, I don't think so. For example, I don't give in to tantrums. My mum on the other hand, who is the main other adult in his life, would paint herself blue if he asked her!

[Tinkywinks]

My mum reckons it's karma cos I was such a bad sleeper when I was a child. Apparently until I started school I would't go to bed before 12pm. Apparently.

[MrsThierryHenry]

hahaha! re your mum painting herself blue! Goes to show that experience doesn't necessarily make you a better parent - I know lots of mums with grown-up kids whose parenting methods I would also balk at!

As for karma, hmmm...not convinced myself! Certainly when my DS was having sleeping problems what I found was most effective and empowering was asking myself: 'how did we get to this situation?' - it was useful because I could backtrack and then work a way out of it. Think if I'd put it down to good or bad karma it would have made me feel that I couldn't do anything about it, which is nonsense.

You sound like you're determined to fix this, though, karma or not. I wish you all the very best of luck with it!

(hmm...just read my first thread in which I wished you good karma...having rejected your mum's karma explanation I now sound like a hypocrite!)

xxx xxx cheesy, embarassed