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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

I think I want to night-wean DS (21months) How did you do it? I cannot and will not consider CC!!

12 replies

theyoungvisiter · 03/02/2008 21:32

Title says it all really - DS is 21 months and breast-fed. I've always been relaxed about night-waking and pretty much feed on demand (although I work part-time).

He's currently waking once or twice a night for a very short feed (5 mins).

Anyhooooo, we are thinking about number 2 - I don't want to wean DS completely but I feel the time is right to start cutting down on his night feeds (and hopefully the night waking). The problem is that he goes back to sleep in 5 minutes with a feed, but withholding the breast results in prolonged hysterical screaming, so I've never stuck it out for long.

Any suggestions for strategies? I can't consider controlled crying I'm afraid - too wimpy - so please don't suggest it!

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FrannyandZooey · 03/02/2008 21:34

I always advise either the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers, or this

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FrannyandZooey · 03/02/2008 21:35

(however, personally speaking, I tried myself when ds was about 2 and he was so freaked out by the whole affair I gave up....he eventually night weaned himself when he moved to his own room aged almost 3)

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theyoungvisiter · 03/02/2008 21:42

gosh great link - thanks Franny.

It's also really useful to hear about your DS nightweaning of his own accord. TBH I am not 100% sure I want to do this - it's partly friends telling me/implying that DS will never sleep through without intervention on my part, and that the longer this goes on the more likely he is to be a bad sleeper for life.

Would you say in your experience that's not true?

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FrannyandZooey · 03/02/2008 21:52

I presume he sleeps with you? ds still woke for a feed, with lessening frequency, until he was actually in a different room. this also co-incided with us teaching him how to fall asleep by himself (before had always done so by bfing or cuddling). He was around 3 as I say

then he woke occasionally, but it soon petered out. I would say he is a good sleeper now (4.9) - he doesn't sleep for wildly long periods at night, but he doesn't wake up often. he doesn't make a fuss about going to bed or whatever either.

I don't think it has affected his sleep in the long term except perhaps in a positive way - he does not have bad associations of going to bed, because we have never left him to be scared by himself - oh the other thing is he still gets back to sleep if he wakes in the night by having a drink (water which he helps himself to from his cup). This has probably contributed towards him still wearing nappies at night - but we have other friends whose children still have nappies and don't drink in the night time.

I would do it again the same way, really - if the child had the same needs that ds had at that time. It was very hard with the broken nights sometimes. Do you feel you get enough sleep? Are you thinking of weaning purely so you can conceive?

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theyoungvisiter · 03/02/2008 22:20

Hmmm... that's really interesting... a lot to think about.

DS doesn't sleep with us actually - he's been in his own room for a little while now and didn't seem to mind being moved, but it didn't affect the waking either way.

He does fall asleep on his own quite happily (we brush his teeth after his evening bf and put him down awake) but he seems to associate waking with being fed and gets very angry if a nice full boob fails to materialise.

The weaning isn't really do to with conceiving (although my periods only properly came back quite recently) and I'm quite positive about the idea of tandem feeding - it's more that I'm not sure I can cope with pregnancy fatigue and work and DS waking twice a night. I am coping now, but aware that I probably won't manage as well if I have a bump - or a newborn - and I'm trying to think ahead and work the issue out now rather than wait til I'm at breaking point, if that makes sense?

But the more I think about things the more I think my heart isn't really in this. I need a strong reason to put myself and DS through this, and maybe I just don't have that reason at present... oh dear, sorry for the ramble. Sometimes it's useful to think these things out online.

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FrannyandZooey · 04/02/2008 08:54

yes I do see

so you get up every time he wakes to go into his room and feed him? respect! I was far too lazy for that...

erm is it very important that you conceive now?

I think planning ahead is a good idea

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theyoungvisiter · 04/02/2008 20:45

mmm yes, cold nights in a chair! Lovely... . Fortunately it really IS only 5 minutes, so I can survive the chill...

It's not essential that we conceive now - I'm certainly not over the hill! But I'm definitely feeling a little... not broody but brood-ish.

Thanks for all the wise advice Franny, it's much appreciated. I need to re-read and digest your web link, it sounds like a good strategy if I do decide to go down that route.

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FrannyandZooey · 04/02/2008 21:01

hahahaha @ 'wise advice'

I think the La Leche book 'How weaning happens' may also have some night weaning stuff, but I can't rememeber and a friend has my copy

I would think within the next 12 months there would come a time when you would be able to negotiate this with him. However I am only going on my own experience which is based on, erm, one child

I also think it is fine to be pro active about this if you decide yes you DO want to night wean now.

Of course you do know even if you night wean he may still not sleep through....I was up once or twice a night even when not bfing for a fair bit, sorry to tell you this....

while I have you captive here can I ask you, does it annoy you when people spell your name wrong or does it make you laugh? i see it happen a lot and it amuses me because it looks like they are thinking "bless her, the poor cow, she can't spell 'visitor'"

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theyoungvisiter · 04/02/2008 21:49

yes, that's what's mainly putting me off! (the notion that I might nightwean him and STILL have the sleepless nights - arg - worst case scenario!)

re name! I'd say it gets spelled with an O more often than an E actually. Some people definitely do think I need a dictionary - in fact Twig politely told me so! Some people I think genuinely don't notice and just put in the O on autopilot. I quite like it actually - it's a handy guide to who shares my reading taste.

Do many people "get" your name? Or do lots of people assume you are called Frances in RL? (Perhaps you are called Frances for all I know! Or Mrs Salinger)

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FrannyandZooey · 05/02/2008 08:18

oh no lots of people think it is the name of my 2 female children and that I can't spell Zoe

and even people who know where it comes from, tend to be upset when they find out my real name in RL is something else - HC suggested my parents had made a mistake in not recognising my true Frannyness. NQC has taught her sons to refer to me as "Frances" LOL

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MrsMattie · 05/02/2008 08:22

My son stopped waking in the night for milk at exactly 2 and a half. (I hated CC, and gave up too quickly with other methods - well, all methods, really. Anything for a quiet life etc etc...) I think some children just are like this, to be honest. Tha's not much help, is it!

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theyoungvisiter · 05/02/2008 11:00

at "true Frannyness". And even more at Zoe!! Although I think there's an actress called Zooey, isn't there? Which makes me think hmm, did her parents actually read the book? Marginally better than calling her Holden I suppose...

MrsMattie, thank you - your tale gives me hope! I just hope DS doesn't last out til 5 and a half...