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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Sleep

How to get an 18month old to self settle?

13 replies

sammysam · 30/01/2008 12:26

Does anyone have any ideas how to put an 18 month old down awake?
DD has always been a good sleeper (sleeping through from 3 months-except for illness, disruption and now teething) but she is a very light sleeper and recently will wake with our blooming creeky floor boards or even when we lock the front door!!
I have always fed to sleep and then put her down-mainly as from very early on this was the only way we could get some sleep, but now its so much harder as she wakes so easily and I also have to do it for day time naps (although they are even worse as I have to actually hold her the whole time or she wakes up and then is a nightmare the rest of the day )

I know I should have done something before now but what can I say-I like my sleep!
It all came to a head last night when dp came home from squash and she woke up and he said he can't go on with a) have to make no noise in the evenings and b)then when she wake having to stay with her bent over the cot to get har back to sleep (i'm stil bf but tend not to feed her to sleep again unless she is ill or we are desparate!!)

Sorry for the long ramble but can anyone help withh some suggestions (we tried leaving her last night and she was stood up screaming and banging her head on the cot-she got herself into a right state )
we need some ideas!

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scattyspice · 30/01/2008 12:29

Sorry, no help. Neither of mine could settle themselves to sleep until about 2.5 / 3yrs. Understandable really.

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SaMumInUK · 30/01/2008 12:33

This might be frowned upon by loads but I used to just put my dd in her cot when she got tired and left her to cry herself to sleep is that is what she did. She is now in her own bed and I still just put her in her bed and she will fall asleep on her own, she is 21months on friday. It did take a while before she fell asleep like that but it is worth it in the end, hard to start off with.
Hope this helps, just perservere.

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AbbyMumsnet · 30/01/2008 12:34

There's already another thread on this here which I've just noticed - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/5/465550

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sammysam · 31/01/2008 15:44

Thanks Abby-I had posted on there but as it was aimed more at younger babies it was suggested i started another thread........ but no one has any ideas to help us

SaMum-i really just don't think i could leave her to cry-for me and her! She gets herself so worked up and ends up hurting herself and it gets me really stressed so i need to at least try some other ideas first.....

Please anyone can you help us?

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avaj · 31/01/2008 22:13

Sounds painful sam! I can sympathise.

Our daughter has never been a good sleeper, but had been much worse since the end of last year (she is now 23 months). I was lying next to her till she fell asleep, then sneaking her into her cot. Of course she would wake during the night and want back in our bed, and I have never been good at leaving her to cry!

We decided to bite the bullet 3 weeks ago and changed her routine a bit. I told her that I was going out and her Dad would read her 2 stories and she would go to sleep in her own cot. We decided I would keep out of it and Dad would return every 5 mins or so to reasure her once she was down.

Night 1 she cried about 40 mins, next night about 20. It was horrible, but not half as bad as I expected!

She is really enjoying her stories, and falls asleep quickly after getting put down awake. I NEVER thought she would be able to do this, as she has always been fed/held to sleep, but I think talking about it before we did it and the change of routine really helped. This is also the first time she has slept through the night.

Anyway, it has only been a few weeks, but fingers crossed! Best of luck with whatever you decide to try!

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Maenad · 31/01/2008 22:17

Hello again sammy. This may be a stupid question but why do you think the issue is the bf to sleep? If you're not having to feed her at every waking to get her to go back to sleep, it isn't obvious to me that that's the real problem.

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Kitsilano · 31/01/2008 22:18

Some friends of mine went through this with their dd who was 3. They phoned a sleep clinic and were given a program of gradual retreat - basically night after night gradually inching away from the child - first night she's in your arms, then arms round her in bed, then next to her with hand on her, then next to her not touching, then gradually moving back out of the room. etc etc for as long as it takes.

A lot slower than just leaving her to cry but avoids the upset.

Good luck

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Maenad · 31/01/2008 22:20

PS I should also admit here that my dd (apart from a glorious few months before her first birthday) didn't really manage to self-settle until she was two and a half. I was still cuddling her to get her to drop off. But at 2.5 I told her I was sure she could do it on her own and sat with her, and she just did it with no fuss at all.

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onelittlelion · 31/01/2008 22:20

I was posting on this thread as have similar probs with ds whos 19mths now. Not sure if any of the advice I was given would help here

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sammysam · 01/02/2008 13:22

Hi Maenad-i suppose its not the bf to sleep as such-just the being put down asleep (its just happens that that is after a bf) but she would love to feed when she wakes to get herself to sleep its just a while ago i realised she didn't 'need' it, and to give me a bit more freedom we decided just to go in and settle without the feed.
The problem at the moment is that some of the time she is now waking on being put in the cot, wanting to be fed again which most of the time i do, but at an hour or more each time its getting a bit much!
Saying that though she went down asleep last night, woke and cried when we went to bed (we went absolutely still and quiet, and after 5/10 mins she went back to sleeep. But it was much more of a grumbly cry than she ever normally does iykwim!

thanks onelittlelion i'll have a look!

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Maenad · 01/02/2008 20:10

I expect you're right, sammy. I have just glanced at 'the no-cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers' which for some reason I bought and never used. I think by that stage I'd just reconciled myself to carrying on as we were till we moved house when she was two and a half, as she wasn't able to have her own room till then anyway.

One of the book's key tips is the same as in her baby book, the thing about removing them from the breast while they're on the point of dropping off so that they know they've actually been put into their cot. It's something I did with dd as a baby and it really did work - she never relied on the breast to fall asleep after the age of about 8 months.

Good luck with it all however you decide to handle it. I think last night's self-settling should be very encouraging. Now you and she both know she can actually do it herself.

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Habbibu · 01/02/2008 20:19

Would second the no-cry sleep solution, and what we did was also get her very dozy but not asleep, in cot, patting and shushing until she's fast asleep, did this until we thought she's happy with that,(could be a few nights) then rest hand on her and shush to sleep, then gradually reduce contact, until eventually we were standing outside the room shushing. After a while we stopped having to do even that. If you have a setback, go back a step or two and restart. It's nice and gentle, and worked well when dd was about 10 months. Also tell her what it is you're going to do. Good luck!

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sammysam · 04/02/2008 14:52

thanks for all your help -my copy of the no-cry sleep solution arrived this morning so now i just need some time to read through it !

I really shouldn't complain because other than the first 3 months of no sleep at all she has been amazing-she must just be in a weird phase of sleeping very lightly and being very grumpy if she is woken hopefully it won't last but we really should try to get her to start to try and self settle if not only because i'll have to stop bf at some point