I have a theory about co-sleeping

[hunkermunker]

I reckon that those people who go "Ooooh, no, never, what if you roll on the baby, it's dangerous!" probably shouldn't do it, because they're using their own sleep patterns and habits to inform their opinions (fair enough) - and if they feel they'd sleep too deeply for it to be safe, it probably wouldn't be.

But I do wish they'd not pull faces at those of us who sleep lightly enough for it to be fine.

[hunkermunker]

Not that I do it much any more.

[cazboldy]

i agree!

[TrinityRhinosDhWonHerAnIPOD]

I completely agree with you
dh couldn't co sleep on his own with a baby, he doesn't wake for the smoke alarm

me on the other hand are woken by my children coughing gently in the next room

[CarGirl]

I think co-sleeping sounds lovely but in reality I couldn't sleep through the snuffly & breathing noises of the baby in the moses basket let alone having a baby wriggling around in bed with me. Baby used to be fast asleep, I would be wide awake leaking milk every where!

[FlllightAttendant]

Maybe Hunker. I don't know. I have been so tired before (in the early weeks) that I'vewoken to find ds snuffling and wriggling under the duvet yet I still advocate co sleeping. Perhaps I should not have done it. Rarely that tired these days though.

[Iota]

I used to put the baby in the pillow area - pillows were moved practically off the bed to make a big space.
Not much chance of rolling on him then or him disappearing under the duvet.

[Bluestocking]

I think you may be onto something, Hunker. Having a baby, and co-sleeping, fundamentally change the way you sleep - I used to be able to sleep through anything, but I wake up if DS's breathing changes in the next room. If someone has never co-slept, they maybe don't realise how sensitive you become to what your baby is up to.

[Stephano]

Completely agree Hunker. Sometimes I feel that I have to justify it on a daily basis. I sleep (we all sleep) far better when my dd is in the bed. I've only had one "bad" nights sleep in 9 weeks now. I love sleeping and didn't look forward to the sleepless nights that everyone kept talking about, this hasn't happened so far. very lucky. I have always had to wear ear plugs in the past but don't now as I wouldn't hear her. When people ask nowadays if she's sleeping well I just reply yes we're very lucky and leave it at that. It's too much like hard work to go into details. Anyway, off to bed now

[DaisyMoo]

Hmm, I'm not sure about that. I always said that with my first couple of babies and had heard loads of scare stories about doing it which made me think it was unsafe or that you'd end up with them in your bed for the next 15 years By the third baby though I was so bloody knackered it was just the only way to survive and then I couldn't believe I had sat shivering in cold bedrooms for months with the first two!!

[MarsyChristmas]

It's a miracle honey. Not a swear word, no smut to be seen and people agreeing with you. You're losing your touch

[DaisyMoo]

And as someone who was always quite disturbed by having a baby in the same room and listening to it snuffling and wriggling, I was very surprised to find that I actually slept much better with them in bed because I wasn't wondering whether they were too hot/cold/about to wake up because they were just there and I could tell without getting up and looking!

[claraenglish]

Message withdrawn

[FlllightAttendant]

Daisymoo, agree completely, I can't actually understand why I used to sit next to a cot hoping for the baby to go to sleep, when I could have been asleep myself, or at least warm and lying down!!!

It truly is the only way I've stayed vaguely sane with Ds2.

Babies just seem to settle really well if they are safe in your bodyheat, can smell you near them etc. It makes perfect sense.

All the worries people have about getting their babies to sleep through just waft right over my head these days, and I am grateful for that. He might wake once or twice but all he needs is a feed or a burp and that is so quick and easy. I barely wake most nights...well not because of him, anyway!

[FlllightAttendant]

...saying that, my mother and various other people have cast judgment on my co sleeping with the older one who is now 4 and still in the big bed with us...the pressure was on to oust him when he was 1 or 2. I tried a few times and the hassle was just stupid, for our situation anyway. It was unnecessary. I too wish people would keep their noses out!

[FlllightAttendant]

...but I do hate it when he throws up all over my bed...

[ceebee74]

Also agree - we don't actively co-sleep but if DS wakes in the middle of the night and clearly won't settle in his cot, then we bring him in our bed where he usually falls asleep within minutes and we put him back in his cot - whereas other people spend hours sat on the floor in their lo's bedroom to achieve the same aim.

Also, it reminds me of a couple of people I know who have had very bad sleepers (one didn't get a full night's sleep until her youngest was 5!) - but were completely against dummies. I realise dummys aren't for everyone but I think after a few night's of sleeplessness, anything would be worth a try!

[funnypeCOOLYULEiar]

Ah, but I do sleep very, very deeply normally(thought thunderstorms & earthquakes!) DH is always the one who wakes if the kids stir in the night (although I'm always out of bed before him if they're ever actually ill in the night). But I sleep much more lightly when cosleeping. I would have said i was a bad candidate for co-sleeping if asked before i did it...

[Pixiefish]

A baby died near me recently. Talk at the school gates was that the mother had been co-sleeping. I got scared but carried on with dd who was about 3 weeks at the time. Turned out the mother was drunk which is one of the golden rules not to do. At the school gates they think I'm mad anyway cos I babywear/brreastfeed and co-sleep.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

That's a fine theory, but it isnt really about co-sleeping as much as it is about fuckwits, is it?

[ChirpyGirl]

I agree, I can only cosleep with the baby when DH is not in the room as he is a really heavy sleeper. When DD1 is ill DH has coslept with her in the spare room and sometimes for naps but only since she has been 18 months plus and a bit more 'robust'
I always thought I would never be able to as I was such a heavy sleeper but as soon as they were born the smallest whimper and I am wide awake, it's a pain in the arse!

I have a bedside cot wiht the side slightly raised so DD2 has to be lifted over it but when DH is on the sofa or in the spare room she stays in bed with me.

[onepieceoflollipop]

I wish that I could relax and co-sleep but I can't. I know it suits lots of people and I would never criticise or even pull faces when it works for friends. (I am slightly envious if anything.)

I do sleep deeply and once woke up with dd quite "squished" - but absolutely fine I must add. However it did worry me so it is counter-productive for us. i.e. lots of you can relax and sleep better with you easily accessible for the baby in the night, but it just keeps me awake and a bit anxious.

I do co-sleep "a little bit" however, after around 5am or so. I feel a bit more awake then and I feel that I am dozing rather than sleeping deeply so that feels safer for me.

[sweetkitty]

I never planned to cosleep with DD1 it was just what happened naturally. For me (and this is MY personal experience and not a dig at anyone that doesn't cosleep) it was unnatural not to sleep next to my baby. Putting her in a moses basket next to me seemed strange. It was as if she was meant to sleep next to me does that make sense?

It is like some guilty secret though, both of mine left our bed at 15 and 12 months no problem due to them moving about too much and getting too big to sleep with us (I was getting punched and kicked) but you know what I love it when DD1 stumbles in to our room in the night gets in with me and sleeps with her arms wrapped around me.

[onepieceoflollipop]

sweetkitty that was a lovely post, the bit about her being meant to sleep with you.

Once dd2 is not quite so tiny, I will feel more relaxed snuggling down in bed with her.

dd1 has been a bit poorly (flu) and I have really enjoyed snuggling with her both in her bed and ours but she is nearly 4 years. So independent in some ways but benefitted massively from the co-sleeping and extra cuddles.

[pulapula]

I have read that mothers sleep less deeply when co-sleeping and have a natural awareness of where baby is.

I co-slept with mine in the early weeks when i couldn't settle them back in their moses baskets after a feed, but found i was more tired through never sleeping deeply that i would sleep better if i persevered to get them settled. I was more relaxed with my second, but had a couple of experiences with my first where i fell asleep feeding and woke to find her in funny positions, so still i thought she was dead.

[mummymagic]

Sweetkitty, I felt the same way - it just felt instinctively so right... and had never HEARD of co-sleeping so felt very confused. I trawled through the internet desperately trying to find someone to tell me it wasn't really really dangerous. And then found Dr Sears/Deborah thingy/Continuum and became rather evangelical as you do .

Dd (20mths) is in her own bed now and I am often in there too . But it has all been very natural and easy...

and no, I have never really felt I was going to squash her (won't let her sleep next to dh when he is drunk though). But maybe your theory - I think I sleep better and more safely with her, so I do... or something