please help, i dont know what to do.

[littlepiggie]

I have just spent the last 2 hour trying to get 17 month old ds to sleep. He has been going down awake since 12 months and sleeping 12 hours with a 2 hour nap around midday, untill wednesday.

Put him to bed wednesday night and he started to scream and and shout no, as 7 week old dd wanted feeding i decided to feed her then put him to bed. when i said bed time he again screamed untill he was sick.

Has been a nightmare to get to sleep since.

Tonight decided to take side off his cot in the hope that it would help, but he thought getting in and out made a good game, so back up it went, went through routine again, then the screaming started, again untill he was sick.

What do i do.

[fransmom]

oh sweetheart i can't remember what we did but dd was about he same age, i think we talked to her in a soft voice - continually reassuring her that she was safe and that we were there adn would chase her bad dreams away. hows things tonight? x fm

[littlepiggie]

Feel so fed up now though, had to leave dd mid feed to clean ds up, by the time i had done she had cried herself to sleep, and with ds after 2 hours i gave him a kiss said stroked his headfor about a minute then went out, must have worn himself out becouse he went to sleep 10 min later.

Feel so guilty now though, but i have tried everything of, and nothing is working.

[katyamum]

Oh dear, poor you. It's so difficult when they cry. I never managed to be hard with any of my 3 little ones (ages 5,3 14 months). I think sometimes it's just teething, sometimes it's illness, sometimes it's just the way they feel. But for sure you can avoid bigger problems by not getting into bad habits. So try your best to stick to the usual routine, and if he cries, give lots of reassurance but don't change too much. I doubt it's the cot. More likely a reaction to the baby. Just needs lots of positive attention in the day, and then a slick bedtime routine which means he'll be happy when you put him into the cot. Good luck. I pretty much did the same with all 3 of my kids and they were all different sleepers. Sounds like yours is a good sleeper but having a little wobble. Don't worry too much. Hope it gets better. x

[fransmom]

(((((((((((lp))))))))))
i understand you feeling guilty about your ds crying himself to sleep, dd has done that a couple of times now and in the morning she is fine. it's just us that need the brandy

[katyamum]

OK so they are both asleep now. You need to relax for a bit and stop feeling guilty. Sometimes the logistics are just impossible (cleaning up sick/don't know which one to go to etc). Babies can't talk and all their expression is done through crying. Sometimes that means they are crying because they are tired. Don't worry. You were doing your best and you can't do better than that. Sometimes when my 14 month won't settle (usually overtired because he doesn't like to sleep more than 1 hour in day) I bring him out of the room and sit in the dim bedroom with him on my knee whilst reading an email or something, and just a change of scene settles him. But that is a bad habit (oops, I told you not to do that). But when you have 2 babies close together like yours (and mine) then sometimes it's about survival and not perfect parenting. So maybe your routine can be that you get your 7 week fed and into cot whilst your 17 months old sits with you on sofa/in chair/on bean bag, all snuggled in PJs until you put baby to bed and then you have time to put 17 month old to bed. It always worked better for me that way ie. get baby to bed first. x

[littlepiggie]

what we have been doing was ds having a drink of milk and a story while i fed dd, be he is done first, dd needs about another half an hour , so was then taking dd into our food to finish feeding her and put her to bed. so if i leave her to go to him she screams unless she is full and no wind, then she will just sleep.

[littlepiggie]

if i kept ds he would go manic and pull his room to bits.

[lulumama]

nothing to add really, except congratulations on the birth of DD

hope things improve for oyu xx

would love to hear about hte birth if you get a minute x

[katyamum]

OK. I don't know if this helps, but this is how I overcame the logistics of long periods breast feeding in these early days. It worked especially well for me with no. 3. I decided that I would not try to get him to bed at same time as the other 2 until he was 3 months old (that would have been very hard for me). So I had him on a later schedule. It meant that while I was bathing nos 1 & 2 and getting them into bed, baby was lying in pram or cot watching mobile or just sitting in baby chair in room with us, but was not hungry because I guess I had done a sort of early eve feed. Then I got the others to bed fairly swiftly, and had time afterwards to bath baby and get baby ready for bed relaxed and did a later feeding session. But maybe you need to get the feed in early so you still have time to do the late night feed before you go to bed? In which case, I would stick to your routine but can you think of a way to delay the start of feeding your baby until you have put your ds to bed? Maybe lying in cot with low lights and music? Or watching a mobile? Or even just sittting in baby chair in room with you and ds while you put him to bed? Then you can at lest get him off to bed and then start the feed.

[littlepiggie]

will put msn on.

[starrynight]

Hi there

I would put money on him coming out with some illness over the next few days. Any sudden wierd button-pushing, irritating, soul-grinding behaviour from my DC always ends up being related to an illness coming on or some other pain-related reason.

Then comes the guilt....

[littlepiggie]

she cries to be fed. will try sitting on the chair in there or the bean bag tomorrow. just dont know if he will go to sleep with her in there, but he will not go to sleep anyway, so its worth a try. its sitting in there that got him to go to sleep on his own in the first place.

[littlepiggie]

[katyamum]

what does msn mean?! I'm new. You could be right about the illness. It's usually teeth with mine or a blocked nose, especially as he is a thumb sucker. My no.1 was a thunb sucker from about 10 weeks and slept brilliantly. My no. 2 didn't have any pacifiers and could not self settle at all except on breast and still wakes me every night and with my no. 3 I used a dummy at crucial moments like when I was trying to cook dinner for the other 2, and if used wisely, I found it worked really well, and I removed it swiftly and it was one of the best bits of advice I was given by other mothers of 3.

[katyamum]

Hi there. Are you still online? I know how it feels. My no.2 was a terrible sleeper. I had sleep therapy for him when he was 23 months because he used to wake 8 times every night. My heart breaks when I think about those dyas. He still wakes for a cuddle now (he'll be 4 next month) but what I do know is that he never slept well and with hindsight I realise that's who he is, and it's got nothing to do with what I did. And I know that because my nos. 1 & 3 sleep brilliantly. Your ds is a good sleeper, that much is plain from what you said already. This is just a bad week. It's usually when you think it's going so wrong that they surprise you and go back to normal. With my no.2 though, I had to regain his confidence a lot after leaving him to cry back-fired. He became too anxious at bedtime. The sleep therapist told me to keep to a tight bedtime routine (bath to lights out within 30- 45 minutes) and then to sit in his room and do a gradual retreat. But it took a long time. I bet your ds will restore his good routine over the next few days. And you will both be starting to dread bedtime. Be brave.

[littlepiggie]

dont normally leave him to cry, but i didnt know what else to do.

has was up every hour through the night wanting to be fed to sleep untill about 10 months.

[katyamum]

don't worry about leaving him to cry. At this age it's much less stressful for them I think because they are often crying because they are over tired. In which case they need to remember how to self-settle. My husband finds this easier to do than me. If I go out and our baby cries, I think he often leaves him for 10 minutes before going in, to at least give him a chance to go back to sleep himself. To rush in is not always the best thing. Tomorrow is another day. Hope you have better night with him. I'm going to get some cornflakes...

[katyamum]

how was it tonight?

[littlepiggie]

This is gettins stupid now.

Went and got ds a bed on monday to see if it helped.

Thought things where going ok, if not a little stressfull, has been taking an about an hour of putting him back to, but he was going down without screaming, untill last night.

Went to bed at about 7pm, took about 45 min, got woken up by dd crying at 10pm, then that was it, 3 hours of screaming!

Tried at 9.30am today to get him to go for a nap, after over an hourand a half, and been put back to bed about 100 times, he got put back in his cot, dh sat in there for about 20 min before he went to sleep (none stop screaming)and slept fo9r all of 10 min.

He is not in a horrable mood, he has slept all of about 8 hours out of the last 24.

I cant take much more of this, he is horrable all the time from been over tired, hitting dd, screaming, throwing things.

I need help before i give up trying to do the right thing and just leave him to scream in the hope he is not sick again.

[littlepiggie]

that should say he is in a horrible mood.

And would i be crule if i said i dont like him very much right now.