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Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler.

Sleep

Leaving DD 10mins to settle - DH accusing me of doing CC

12 replies

Tapster · 30/07/2007 13:21

We used gradual retreat to get my DD to sleep, (she is 9 months old). However, in the couple of weeks or so I realised that me being in the room keeps her awake. So I BF put her down in her cot awake and then leave the room. I try and leave her for 10mins unless she gets increasingly hysterical, she will cry and grumble but 90% of the time she goes to sleep. DH says I should go in often or sit with her while she goes to sleep and not leave her to cry for 10mins. When I do go in, I do tend to pick her up and often BF so I'm not doing CC. DH thinks I am.

I am being guided by what she seems she wants - is this so wrong?

OP posts:

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cece · 30/07/2007 13:25

what I used to do - had a machine that played soothing music for 10 mins (on a timer)

Unless he and she were hysterical then they were left till music stopped. Most of the time they had settled by then.

IMO you are helping them to learn to settle themselves.

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WigWamBam · 30/07/2007 13:26

It's very easy for him to tell you what to do, when he's not having to do it for himself!

Leaving her to settle isn't controlled crying, imo.

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belgo · 30/07/2007 13:28

Tapster - it sounds like you're doing fine. Some babies just need to have a little cry before they go to sleep - I found that trying to comfort dd1 when she was small only lengthened the amount of time she cried. She was far better at getting herself to sleep if I left her for a few minutes.

DD2 is totally different - I can never leave her crying, she gets far too distressed.

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mistlethrush · 30/07/2007 13:30

A friend of mine got into routine of staying until dd asleep - still does it (dd 4) - sometimes takes 90mins or more. I did similar approach to you and ds now relatively good at going to sleep most of the time (2.3). Just ignore dh - if he has a problem, why doesn't he go in and stay with her - if you've already fed her, no need for further feed so he can deal!

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HedTwig · 30/07/2007 13:30

well if he thinks someone should go in, why doesn't he do it?

I do have to say that neither or mine would settle with someone in room at that age .. we dumped and ran .. sometimes they grumbled a while then fell asleep

perfectly ok by me

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quint · 30/07/2007 13:32

Tapster - sounds like you are doing a fab job. If your DH wants to do that let him (he'll soon get bored!) why does he expect you to do it?

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fawkeoff · 30/07/2007 13:33

i think ur doing the right thing....she will be a nightmare in a years time and u wont have any time to urself if u dont stick to what ur doing...........trust me i know, im now getting advice of the health visitor to sort my two out and the eldest is 4

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Tapster · 30/07/2007 13:41

DH worried she might feel abandoned thats why we did GR/GW but it is almost as if she is telling me to get lost once I've fed her. Last night she woke up middle of the night (rare nowadays but she is teething), DH went down and tried to shh her to sleep she just got hysterical. I stepped in and went down BF her, she was wide awake but with a clean nappy and some milk that was it - plonked her in cot and I went to bed. DH very surprised she went to sleep on her own - she grumbled for 10-15mins but no cry. Will ignore DH.

OP posts:

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quint · 30/07/2007 13:43

Good for you!

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FrayedKnot · 30/07/2007 13:56

I couldn't help lol'ing at this htread, DH wouldn't have known what CC was if it had come and bit him on the hand

he used to tell me to leave DS crying, when he was 6-7 weeks old

We fell out big time

I think you need ot trust your instincts.

I used to find when DS was older (probably from about 9-10 months), tghe more I intervened, the worse he got. Picking him up / rocking would make him scream hysterically, so I started doing a little ssh & pat which usually settled him. Sometimes, as you say, as soon as I LEFT the room he would settle down (having gone in there because he was crying)..it sometimes seemed as though he eitehr needed some reassurance I would come or even as if he wasn;t really crying for me, just crying, iyswim.

So I quite agree, feed, settle in cot, perhaps a ssh & pat, leave room, if things appear to be getting louder, not quieter, then is the time to go back in

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pulapula · 31/07/2007 06:58

If DD is settling in 10 mins, then it seems that what you are doing is working for her, so ignore DH. Sounds like she has developed the skills to fall asleep on her own. We were lucky that from 5 months, DD sucked her thumb, so no crying involved when we left the room. Does your DD have a special blanket/toy as a comforter?

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Tapster · 31/07/2007 08:18

Did the same this morning woke at 5.15am - by 6.30am she seemed tired she had been fed, clean nappy so put her in cot and said play with your toys and have a little sleep - cry/grumble for 10mins then snoring. She has got a Taggie blanket and Ruby the duck. I've never given her a dummy and she has never really sucked her thumb.

Sshh pat, shhing, sitting by her all wakes her up and she thinks its play time. She is a very independent soul - feeds herself at the age of nearly 9 months. Now she puts herself to sleep. Everybody said I picked her up too much, ran to her too quickly when she cried, BF her at night and so she would be very clingy. Completely the opposite .