Mum insomnia?

[gremlin]

Anyone out there? Sleepless again. need to chat!

[twinsetandpearls]

I will be here for a few moments.

REad your other thread and it does sound like you are just settling into a new medication. I get like that sometimes.

[gremlin]

feels like one step forward and two stepsd back. feel bloody desperate. it helped before the weekend posting on Mumsnet. i got really bad last week mid-week, just two hours every night and I was at work too. Just scared to go there again..

[twinsetandpearls]

have not read your other posts sorry but depression is like that but eventually your steps back get smaller and the steps forward become more frequent.

But I ahve been there many a time and do feel for you.

[gremlin]

thanks. nice to know that. the steps back knock me for six though. Just when you think you are making progress you feel like you are right back to square one. I never realised how grateful I should be for my health until this.

[twinsetandpearls]

are you taking anything to help you sleep

[gremlin]

tried herbal remedies, coffea, and am allowed to take the occasional temezepam. However, I still wake after two hours with that and then feel dreadful the next day. did you try anythign and how well did it work?

[twinsetandpearls]

I have taken tamazipam and have to say it worked with me but was reluctant to take it as I could see myself taking it all the time and getting hooked, ahve also been given another sleeper but can remember its name. But like you I found they made me groggy the nextday but you do need your sleep.

I woudl worry if I couldn't sleep with tamazipan.

[twinsetandpearls]

It dies take at least two weeks to settle into ADs and for me about a month before I feel a difference,, Can someone help with the kids, your boys may be lovely but you need time to get better

[gremlin]

precisely! have a colleague at work who has been off on and off for several years now with anxiety ( my affliction too!). She takes god knows what now and last weekend ended up in dialysis as she became too toxic. just scared that I might go there which I know doesn't help me to be worrying about that. need to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[twinsetandpearls]

I think you are overworrying which is understandable and a sympton of depression and anxiety. I do think at the moment your priority is to get sleep , even if that means taking sleepers, so that you are strong enough to make decisions about your future including what medication you wish to take.

[gremlin]

hey I am going to try to sleep again now. thanks for being there. always helps tyo know that I am not the only person in the world awake...

[twinsetandpearls]

I am awake as I ahve just finished moderatinmg coursework but also about to go to bed. goodnight

[gremlin]

as for overworrying... yep you are right. Will the AD's numb that a bit?

[kokeshi]

Just posted this on your other thread, but really just to let you know I'm here!...

Hey gremlin, I'm often on the late night threads, couldn't go past this without posting. If you've just recently upped your dose, that will again take a while to kick in. I've been on escitalopram, which is a slight variation of yours. The GP gave me this as I have terrible trouble with a few of the others.

What about relaxation techniques? Have you tried anything like breathing exercises or meditation? It can be hard to get your head around if you're really uptight but I found it's really effective as a supplement to the ADs.

Also a little bit of light exercise like going for a walk helps too. Try and avoid caffeine and high sugar, high fat processed stuff also. Definitely don't drink alcohol on them! Chamomile tea is great for relaxing too.

Thinking of you. kx

[lightningsal]

Hi gremlin, dont despair, you are doing so well, it must be feeling so bad at the moment, no peace for your poor head. Let the docs. do their job.

I was taking temazepam for 9 months, (even breastfeeding- I was so ill, now my mind boggles about what happened). A long story, but the sleep problems I had were the worst thing about (post natal) depression. I felt awful, once the doc was able to treat with ADs, the world changed, but it did take a wee while. I did manage to get off the temezepam with no trouble, as the doc said, once the ADs do their job, I wouldn't need them. Dead right.

I too spent the time scared out of my wits, but it DID GET BETTER.

Since then I have spent time working on relaxation/meditation, when baby no 2 came along. It has helped a lot, but only once my nervous system calmed down enough to be receptive.
Sending hugs and support
LS

[gremlin]

thank you so much for the lovely messages. It is so good to hear someone say that it AD's worked for insomnia. I get your point, lighteningsal about the worst part of PND being the sleep problems. You just can't deal with anything. You are right about the nervous system too. Mine is on overdrive at the best of times. I am just so glas that I have sought help at last. I have been fighting this since the middle of Feb. Glas to report that this week I have started to sleep a little better. Still waking but have come downstairs and managed to fall asleep again on the sofa. Feel so much better. Anxiety still there in the background, but so much more able to cope. Still very scared by it all though.

[lightningsal]

So pleased you are are feeling a bit more human. It will continue, be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
Yes, the overdrive thing.....me too, in the past. The hardest lesson I have had to learn is how to steady myself down, break the habit of always being on the go. No wonder our bodies just rebel and MAKE us stop, something as radical as depression to force us to listen to ourselves and do something about it.
When you are feeling a bit more able to cope rather than just get through the days, try some relaxation techniques, until you find one that helps. I had to practice daily, making myself take some time out. I surprised myself, after months (well,years) of struggling to switch off, I got quite good at getting rest, my mind got better at relaxing, and, touch wood, I think I am almost there, the fear is going, even when extremely tired, I dont' respond with panic, just normal tiredness, and the knowledge that tomorrow will be better once (not 'if') I have some sleep.

Thinking of you, is it PND? I don't know anything of your history, but reading your post, wanted to give a bit of support. Been there with the sleep probs. whatever triggering factor. LS

[gremlin]

The doctors have said it is PND but I don't think so. I had a similar experience 12 years ago at college but remained silent about it and battled it alone. It resurfaced after I had my second son. I am a serious over-thinker and worry about everything. I don't have great belief in myself and though I try really hard to be a good mum I can't help but feel that I am failing my children. I set myself impossibly high standards that I have no chance of achieving and then berate myself. Even on the best of days my self talk is really negative. I am always an 'idiot' etc. I am intellient enough to understand that this is completely self destructive but don't yet have the strength of mind to make the changes I need to. Wish I had someone else's brain! Thanks for posting. It is so good to hear from people that have been there. I really appreciate yr support.

[lightningsal]

You dont need anyone elses brain, maybe just a little help with your own to break the negative thought cycles. Have you thought about cognitive behavioural therapy? It will take effort and work, but sounds to me as though you could get some benefit from it.
As for the kids, they have the best mum they could ever have...you. As for failing them, I dont suppose there is a caring mum out there who dosen't think that at least 10times a day, we are all just doing the best we can.....
(trying not to feel guilt here as I have just yelled at mine to give me just a few mins. to finish this!!!)
Love LS

[gremlin]

I am currently doing a few modules from www.livinglifetothefull.com. It was recommended by my GP. It is a CBT website. Making it a priority is hard but essential. I have set myself a target of 15 mins relaxation twice a day and one entry into a thought diary that helps me recognise and hopefully soon challenge the negative thinking that has become the norm for me.

I just feel right now that I will alwys be like this. I have no confidence in myself. I have always believed that I am unlikeable and distance myself from any meaningful friendships I might make for fear of rejection. At the same time I am desperate for friendship. Luckily my husband accepts me entirely for who I am and I feel very lucky about that. Am I going to alwys feel so crap about myself. Before this, I knew it about myself but just kind of accepted it. I think it is actually all part and parcel of this illness though and that I need to challenge it too.

I guess I am never going to be perfect but facing up to that feels virtually impossible. Sorry to ramble...

[gremlin]

I even thought today that my kids will hate me when they grow up...just like everyone else does. This is such stupid thinking!! I know it does me absolutely no good...I just can't stop my brain from sabotaging me!

[gremlin]

Just wanted to add LS, that I am trying my best and I desperately want to be well again. I will keep my chin up and keep on trying...the only way is up, hey?

[lilysma]

Hi gremlin, just caught this and wanted to send my empathy. Sounds like we have some similar issues. I haven't been diagnosed with pnd and don't think I'm depressed as such but have had depressive illness of sorts in the last few years and have applied my 'anxiety/ self esteem issues' to motherhood with gusto! No time to go into it all right now but I'll be back (sounds ominous)! Just wanted to send my encouragement and zen hugs. Happy to be a sounding board for getting those negative thoughts out there (sometimes it helps me to get them out there so that i can kind of mock them and see how ridiculous they are iyswim). Fitting in relaxation is tough, isn't it, especially when you are a perfectionist and always think you have to be 'acheiving something' with that precious spare time. Take care.

[gremlin]

thanks lilysma. It would be interesting to chat more to you. I feel like I am the only person in the world who is such a nutcase!! have you got any tips?

[lilysma]

No tips I'm afraid. I definitely don't claim to have this one sorted . Have just spent an hour and a half getting a screaming dd to sleep so am too knackered to chat much now but will return tomorrow to feed my mn obsession so will post more then. Hope you have a peaceful night...