will my baby still love me if Ido CC? I want him to still trust me!

[crossedwires]

I have a son of 8 months who is a terrible sleeper. I have trawled through websites, literature, libraries finding information on controlled crying. Has anyone got any experience of this having a negative efffect on their baby? This has been recommended to me by a health visitor who knows my baby's sleep history. thanks

[FrannyandZooey]

CC is not recommended for young children as the effect on their mental health is not known.

[FrannyandZooey]

Sorry, that was rather bald. What are the sleep problems? Are you having a lot of trouble coping?

[LucyJones]

Have you tried pick up put down?

[JodieG1]

I wouldn't use it on a baby that young. There is a lot of research on both sides of this debate but ultimately it's your choice. I know lack of sleep is hard (I really do) but it's worth it to know that your baby is happy. I believe the reason that cc works is because baby learns that when he cries noone comes, they learn that it's not worth crying as their needs won't be met It does work but at a high price imho. Look here

[Taylormama]

are there any underlying issues that may be making him a poor sleeper such as reflux/wind etc?

[crossedwires]

Yes, i am having trouble coping. Briefly, he won't settle to sleep, wakes frequently to nurse, sometimes only gets around 7 hrs sleep per night. He naps really badly too and I do feel his naps are really him catching up on the previous night's sleep defecit. I have another child so it is interfering with her sleep, time with me etc. Also, I feel sorry for her that I cannot do things with her as I am always so tired from the previous nights interrupted sleep. All in all this is not a workable situation and I am getting very stressed about it.

[Aloha]

Dr bloody Sears can go and co-sleep with himself, frankly. I remember being in utter despair with ds at this age, and reading all his stuff and feeling worse and worse and more and more depressed because NONE OF IT WORKED! However, a very brief period of cc did work, and ds was a different child afterwards, much happier and more relaxed as he was getting enough sleep, I was a better mother to him as I was happy and so looked forward to seeing him in the morning and had tons more energy and patience. Eight months is definitely old enough.

[FrannyandZooey]

Sounds dreadfully hard crossedwires. Where does he sleep? Have you tried co-sleeping?

[Aloha]

Eight months is when I did it. IIRC it took a few hours one night and we never had to do it again. It was like a miracle, it really was. My ds was an horrific sleeper (or non-sleeper) and I only had him at the time (my first), god knows how I would have coped if I'd had another child at the time.

[crossedwires]

Aloha - that is the kind of thing I suppose i want to hear. I cannot sacrifice my relationship with my daugher,husband becaus of lack of sleep which is what is happening now. I don't want to do cc but I feel I have no other alternative. I have read baby whisperer and No Cry Sleep solution but nothing from there worked for me and my boy.

[FrannyandZooey]

CC is not so straightforward or positive for every parent and child.

There are other strategies to try if you don't feel comfortable with cc.

[crossedwires]

I cannot co -sleep as I don't sleep at all that way! Also, my husband likes a drink and I would not risk it. Though I am quite sure my son would love it! It is not for me however.

[Heathcliffscathy]

totally and utterly second aloha's posts.

i'm afraid i did it younger at 5 months during daytime naps....took 2 days....everyone much happier (and well rested) afterwards

[Aloha]

You won't know until you try. Of course I was so worried he wouldn't love me any more, but that was totally unfounded. He woke up the next morning (MORNING! MIRACLE!) and gave me the most gorgeous smile because he'd actually had enough sleep. I think he was desperate to sleep through actually, just had no idea how to do it. He was a much happier child for it.
There is no evidence at all that cc damages children, and quite a lot of evidence that successful cc makes the whole family happier, including the child. It won't work for every child, but when it does, it is amazing.

[dingolimpet]

The thing with controlled crying is that it affects different children in different ways. I left my first ds a couple of nights to cry, and he settled down quite well. Thing is he didn't really cry properly, just winged abit.
My second ds though was very different, I remember leaving him once, and he got so upset he was shaking for hours.
Personally I would try and ride it out for a while.

[Lio]

Did this with ds at 1 year old. HE is now 3.6. I just asked him if he could guess how much I love him and he replied 'million zillion'. I think he is fine. Wish you all luck with this

[Aloha]

Oh, and co-sleeping made ds worse. He was unable to sleep properly with anyone else with him. he's five now and can't sleep even with anyone in the same room.

[NKF]

I didn't do it because I couldn't. But I wish I had been able to. And yes your baby will still love you.

[oranges]

I tried cc at eight months and hated it and gave up after one night. But two weeks later, I was so exhausted, I just fell asleep and DID NOT HEARds screaming in his cot for 10 mins. After that, he slept beautifully, and now falls asleep after two minutes of cuddling.

[JodieG1]

I think the Dr Sears site is very good actually and puts things into perspective, ie it's a short time that it lasts for etc. I co-sleep and have will all of ours. Have dd 5, ds1 3 and ds2 16 weeks. He doesn't nap for more than an hour a day, doesn't sleep well at night (often waking in the middle of the night an staying up for a couple of hours), feeds every 2 hours or more day and night pretty much. It's not easy but you do get used it and quite frankly I'd rather be tired than subject my baby to cc, it works for the WRONG reasons. It might seem harmless and easy but imho it's not. Dr Sears has got it right also imho. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to become a parent and that it's not easy especially when they're babies.

[NKF]

I must stay away from this thread. It reminds me too much of those terrible terrible nights.

[JodieG1]

I think some people delude themselves over cc too, it can cause problems with children including confidence issues and later problems in life. Just because people don't think it's harmful as they did it doesn't mean it's the truth.

[Malaleche]

i did it at 3 months, shock horror, it worked like a dream. kind but firm.