A little lost with sleep training

(28 Posts)
YepYep1 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:01:18

My baby is 10 weeks old and i am unsure when to start some form of sleep training. We already have a nice bed time routine. Everything i read says to sit with them and gently pat or rub them then leave them unless they cry, pick up to calm, then put back down to fall asleep and to do the same in night waking. However, i want to know when this method is best to start as obviously atm night waking is for feeding but how will i know that its not and to just try and settle her back down? Also i have read a few articles that have said putting down awake but drowzy never works and i must admit, i struggle to see that ever working with LO. Woukd like to hear your thoughts and any tips you may have about when to start and what to do.

YokoUhOh Sun 20-Nov-16 14:06:14

10 weeks is wayyyy too young. Can you just enjoy nighttime cuddles for a few months? Your LO might start going for longer between waking soon, and there might not be any need for sleep training.

When you do get around to it, The No Cry Sleep Solution and Dr Jsy Gordon's methods are gentle.

YepYep1 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:12:56

Thank you! I understand it is too young i was just wondering when it is right to start. She doesnt sleep badly often wales once for a feed and maybe once just to be cuddled back to sleep. Im just unsure when to start, the best way to do it and when it wont be for a feed anymore.

CottonSock Sun 20-Nov-16 14:16:40

I started putting my second dd down awake at six weeks (as first time I think I really messed up). Not proper sleep training, but the start of good habits

CottonSock Sun 20-Nov-16 14:17:19

She sounds pretty good for her age to be honest

BertrandRussell Sun 20-Nov-16 14:19:47

It's far too early to even think about it. If she wakes up, feed her- she has no wants that aren't needs at this age.

YepYep1 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:20:57

Cotton she is really good a few nights are worse but mostly shes wonderful. I'm just worried holding her u til she falls asleep will eventually become a problem so just want to make sure i start breaki g this habit as soon as it has any chance of working

YepYep1 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:21:46

bert i understand that and have no intentions of starting yet its more of a future reference thing.

CottonSock Sun 20-Nov-16 14:23:00

Well I am with you, but many others won't agree. I don't allow mine to keep to sleep, wait 5 mins before responding in night, try to put down awake every time. There were tears at first I won't lie. It sounds like you are doing great, but some things to think about as you asked smile

CottonSock Sun 20-Nov-16 14:23:38

* feed to sleep (sorry)

YepYep1 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:25:08

Thankyou! She's just such a happy cuddly baby. If she wakes in night she wont cry for a while she will lie there when she does evebtually cry and i go over she kust smiles then quickly falls asleep with a cuddle. She's just no good and putting herself pack to sleep just yet.

StarCrossdSkys Sun 20-Nov-16 14:27:05

I don't think it's too early to start thinking about this at all. The op is not talking about leaving her baby to cry at all.

The advice at this age is try and establish a core night, between around 12 and 6am. In this time period try to settle the baby with patting, shushing etc first and only feed if this doesn't work rather than feeding as a first response to waking.

CottonSock Sun 20-Nov-16 14:30:29

You will know her better than anyone. If mine wakes suddenly I usually find its not hunger, but if she wakes slowly she is. I got into a right pickle with my 3 year old so was determined to try different things this time. Mine is 4.5 months and just hopefully getting over a sleep regression. I find it all very interesting. I think I read that about 3 months try the putting down awake thing. Depends what approach you want to take.

123girlsandboys321 Sun 20-Nov-16 14:35:53

I have to say that every baby is different. My first was extremely demanding and would not be left in her cot awake until she was about 1! My second, however, has always been happy to be put in his cot after a feed and falls asleep by himself. I think you need to go with what the baby is like and not stress them out by trying to force these things too young x

FATEdestiny Sun 20-Nov-16 14:43:21

Age appropriate sleep training can start at any age. It's never too old. You can start the day baby is born.

Lots of projection on this thread assuming sleep training = ridged and distressing.

This ^ is incorrect.

Age appropriate sleep training for under 12 weeks would be:

- feed newborn (to sleep, because that's what feeding does to the newborn). Lift to your shoulder to wind - thus rousing slightly after the feed.

- utilise the first few weeks of very sleepy baby to get baby used to the -Feed-Rouse to Wind-Put down to Sleep- cycle. (There's a reason photographers use the first 2 weeks for photo shoots - sleeping tiny babies will tolerate being moved around)

- swaddle to allow for easy transfer (see above)

- introduce a dummy so baby can continue comfort sucking independantly

- get baby used to being moved when asleep or nearly asleep (breast to shoulder, rubbing to rouse and avoid deep sleep when winding, from shoulder into swaddle, after being swaddled then into cot/crib/bouncy chair with dummy for sleep.

- do all the above aiming to avoid baby getting to sleep properly. So dont try to feed to sleep, rouse afterwards. Dont try to wind to sleep, be robust enough to discourage sleep even though baby is trying to sleep.....

- ... Dont aim to have baby asleep when being put down. The opposite. Take the ethos of rousing our out of the sleep stage until being put down to sleep.

- Then aim to make sleep time, when being put down to sleep, as conducive to sleep as possible. Use every trick available to make cot sleeping work. Dummy. Swaddle. Sidecar cot. Lying next to baby. Eye contact. Dummy reinsertions. Shushing. Reassurance. Caring presence.

This can all happen from Day 1.

Certainly week 10.

It is never too early to develop healthy and sustainable sleep habits.

BertrandRussell Sun 20-Nov-16 16:36:47

God, that is all so bloody complicated!

The baby goes to sleep. You give a very quiet cheer and head for the gin/dinner/bed/teapot depending on inclination and time of day.

Honestly, simplify, simplify, simplify. Deal with where you are now. Let tomorrow take care of itself.

Redkite10a Sun 20-Nov-16 16:47:22

With DS we started with naps probably at about 8 weeks, I found it much easier to be slow and patient and manage putting them awake down than at night. We didn't try anything else other than feeds to settle at night until about 9 months when he was teething and feeding to sleep stopped working.

sunfunshine Sun 20-Nov-16 17:08:50

Personally I think FATEdestiny is absolutely right. Gently gently teach them how to sleep independently and by 6 months or so they'll be sleeping through - use the EASY routine which worked really well for me. Letting tomorrow take care of itself worries me a little as I see people with 5 year old that won't go to sleep before 9 or 10 at night without their parents lying down with them. I see that works for some but I need my evenings to wind down.

YokoUhOh Sun 20-Nov-16 17:32:32

Two ways of looking at this:

1. If you're like me (or Bertrand), you'll do anything to get a bit of kip. I Co-sleep with my boys for at least part of the night, and I'm not regimented about routines or naps, they're not a huge deal. Babies eventually sleep on their own, no rods, no bad habits.

2. If you're like FATE, you live or die by your routine and that's absolutely fine.

Whichever category you fall into, follow that advice.

(Hope Bert and fate don't mind me using them as examples! blush)

Beansprout30 Sun 20-Nov-16 18:52:15

My lg is 17 weeks and up until last week she'd sleep on me till bedtime but she seemed to hit the 4 month regression a couple of weeks ago so I thought it was time to make some changes.

I've now been getting her in her pjs, hour cuddle and feeding downstairs then upstairs with slumber buddy and bedtime story and put her down awake. She really surprised me how quickly she settled herself off to sleep, first time we had a few tears but she's getting the hang of it now. I still feed to sleep during the night because she needs the feed but at least I know she can settle herself.

I think the time will come when you will just know you need to tweak some changes to bedtime

FATEdestiny Sun 20-Nov-16 19:37:57

I'll just amend and correct your post YokoUhOh:

If you're like me (or Bertrand or FATEdestiny, or ^pretty much every other parent^), you'll do anything to get a bit of kip...

Your suggestion that your way is the only way to get a bit of kip is bollocks.

There are lots of ways. My way is one way to get lots of kip. You way is another.

Parenthood is not a competition

LaPharisienne Sun 20-Nov-16 19:51:16

Woah... touchy...

I don't think yoko meant offence - I read it as there are broadly two schools of thought. Hers, which is anything for an easy life and screw the long term consequences and yours, which is short term pain for long term gain.

Thought she was pointedly saying neither school of thought is better, just a case of picking what suits you...

YokoUhOh Sun 20-Nov-16 19:56:59

fate you misunderstood me.

I know lots of parents who co-sleep, and lots who don't. I was presenting both as options to OP depending on her style of doing things.

FATEdestiny Sun 20-Nov-16 20:50:16

It takes far more than that to offend me LaPharisienne. FYI there need be zero "pain", short term or otherwise, with either option. Lots of projection in your posts...

I didn't misunderstand YokoUhOh. You're absolutely right there are broadly 2 schools of thought and if you go into either with your eyes open and realistic expectations - both will get you to the same end-point stress free (its the chopping and changing that creates problems). That I agree on.

Inferring that one method gets you the kip (and so by association that the other doesnt) is where you are wrong. They both do, if you embrace the ethos fully from newborn.

YokoUhOh Sun 20-Nov-16 21:16:56

Apologies, that wasn't my intention.

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