I have a 9 month old who doesn't sleep. Tell me everything about CC

[1t6y9o]

How do I start. What do I do? When is the best time to start? He has a sore throat. Wait until he's 100% better?

Will bedtimes ever be pleasant ?

Any tips, tricks, success stories please!

[LittleElephant123]

I am on the same boat. DD has always been a rubbish sleeper. She was on 2 night time feeds until a few weeks ago when I bit the bullet and decided no enough is enough. She coped with it well still waking but taking her dummy and going back over for a couple of hours. BUT now . . . . Last night we had the worst night ever! We were up for 3 hours straight she's never done this. Slowly loosing the will to live.

All I can say is good luck!

[FATEdestiny]

How do you currently get baby to sleep?

What is baby's source of comfort? Is there a way for baby to access that comfort independantly (without you there)? Dummy, blankie, teddy, self-stroking, hair twiddling etc.

What is baby's daytime sleep like?

Any night feeds?

How well does baby eat and drink in the daytime.

[LittleElephant123]

I get her to self settle. On occasion ive had to go in and stroke her head until she's almost sleeping.

She uses a dummy which falls out when she's in a deep sleep. I read today that it's best for a baby to wake up the same way they fall asleep. So I'm working up to possibly trying to get her off the dummy! Just not sure I'm ready for this battle yet!

Her day time naps have been pretty good lately. Usually sleeping 1.5-2 hours in the morning then around 30-45 in the afternoon.

Then we always have the same bedtime. Bath bottle and bed.

[FATEdestiny]

Sorry Little, I was asking the OP. But I wasn't clear in that so my fault.

The 'wake up the same way they fall asleep' thing is to do with position. Dummy is irrelevant to this. It means that a baby who goes to sleep in mums arms then wakes up in the cot is likely to scream. Whereas a baby who goes to sleep in the cot and wakes up in the cot may just shuffle around and go back to sleep.

At 9 months you could be teaching baby to find and reinsert own dummy, so you are not needed to do this. You could sew a ribbon and press stud into the chest of the sleeping bag. Or there are dummy saver toys. Sleepytot I think it's called.

Once baby has the physical dexterity to manipulate the dummy in thier hands, turn it over and get it the right way around to put in mouth, the only issue becomes ensuring baby can find the dummy easily.

Baby needs comfort for sleep. If you are going to remove the comfort of a dummy then you need to replace it with something the baby finds equally as comforting.

Personally I think dummies are the perfect tool for teaching independant settling.

[Laquila]

I have an 8-month old who's always been a fairly dreadful sleeper (had never gone down in his cot awake and screamed in horror when you put him down at night - I had to feed him to sleep every night) and a few nights ago I cracked and let him cry it out for 35 mins, until he fell asleep. The next night he cried for 15 mins, and the ones after that, 1 min, 1 and 5 respectively. Each night he's still woken up once between 12-3am for bf, and I'm not hard enough to refuse him that at the mo so I basically feed him back to sleep then. He then wakes again for the day around 6.30am.

We never attempted CC with my older son, let alone CIO, and I honestly never thought we would, but I was getting desperate. I'm fairly lentil-weaving normally so I shocked myself, TBH. I have to say though that I'm amazed at the difference now - the fact that I can put him down awake seems incredible!

[1t6y9o]

Eats & drinks fine in day.

Currently cuddle & some rocking to sleep.

Do feed in the night.

I'm about to lose the plot

Thinking of just going for it even though I wish there was another way. There isn't. I've tried everything else.

[1t6y9o]

Laquita - in those 35 mins did you enter the room at all or just leave him to it?

[1t6y9o]

Oh no other source of comfort... refuses a dummy and uninterested in comforter!

[Laquila]

I left him to it, OP - it was pretty fucking miserable but I found I think helped that my husband was out so couldn't talk me out of it, and it was also better to sit in the room next door so I could be closer to him rather than downstairs listening to him via the monitor. Not sure why!

Having said all the above, I am currently sat feeding him in his room 🙄 I'm sort of making it up as I go along but this is the first night since we started 5 nights ago that I've fed him before midnight - I just felt that his moaning was hungry moaning rather than just indignant.

Forgot to mention in my original post that rather than feeding him to sleep I know feed him downstairs around 6.55pm then take him upstairs for bath (not every night), then quiet time in his room - slooow reading of books, playing his music box and having a cuddle and a quiet singsong. He also has a dummy but isn't as wedded to it as my older son.

[Ohyesiam]

Try The No Cry Sleep Solution, can't remember the author, much less brutal for your DC

[Laquila]

Elizabeth someone - I want to say Pankhurst but that's not right!

[SpeckledyBanana]

Wait until his sore throat is better, it win't be helping.

I did CC with both of mine, but both were over 1yo at the time. I would do it again. I spent a long time sat on the stairs watching the time on my phone. It worked.

[FATEdestiny]

Do feed in the night.

Are you planning to CC for night wakes as well as bedtime and naps?

It's widely recognised, including by the chap who created the CC method, that it usnot appropriate for a child under 1 year.

Have you considered gradual withdrawal? It's not a quick fix but can help. A speeded up version is explained in a MN thread called "what worked for us" (Google will find the thread)

[Timetogrowup2016]

Cc is recommended by every hv and mw I've seen after 6 months if baby is fully weaned . 3 meals a a day and snacks .

[LittleElephant123]

Haha Sorry Fate good old sleep deprivation! Makes us all a bit mad haha

[1t6y9o]

Thanks for the gradual withdrawal link. I'll try that, although I think my little one will possibly be more distraught at my presence, not picking him up and comforting him. I'm sure he will cry for hours.

[TheHubblesWindscreenWipers]

Cc didn't work for us. We tried it for a week and it just made things worse.

But... our son has prettybad sleep issues and his main panic trigger seems to be being left alone. Obviously leaving him alone to cry even for a few mins at a time isn't the best solution to separation angst

If you think he's 'just' annoyed/pissed off/can't get back to sleep then it might work.
No cry sleep solution is good - didn't work for us either but there you go..

Basically explain what you're going to do then put in cot sleepy but awake and leave the room. If they cry go back in after two mins and pat/soothe. Then 4 mins, 6 mins etc.
In theory they cry for an hour then fall asleep (ds cried all night for a week.)

I think (and I'm maybe not the person to advise on sleep given how utterly shit ds is at it) that you need to look at WHY they arent sleeping.

Are they physically Uncomfortable? Reflux? See the doc.
Are they unable to fall asleep without a comforter? Then introduce one (a dummy for example as FATE says.)
Are they unable to link sleep cycles? Try wake to sleep.
Are they just in a habit cycle?
Are they teething/ill/new development time etc? Wait it out.

I think our ds is afraid of being alone. He also won't take a comforter of any type and has no comfort toy (we've tried, he's not interested,) so very little works for us.

Good luck.

[NickyEds]

We did cc with ds the week before he turned one. He had been waking every 90 minutes to 2 hours and needing feeding/rocking back to sleep for 45 minutes, I was pregnant and knackered. I thought that he was ready because:

• he could be left in the cot awake to settle himself to sleep for naps and bedtime, just not night wakings.
  

-He had a teddy and a dummy, well he actually had about a dozen in his cot.

• He was night weaned.
  

The first night he cried on and off for 2 hours, with me going in and simply laying him back down in his cot at intervals of 1 minute, 1 min, 2,2, 4,4 5,5 then I went in and slept in the bed in the nursery and just said 'sleep time now' every now and then. Second night he cried on and off for 20 minutes. Third night he slept through and barring illness he's slept through every night since.

[Oly5]

It's cruel!
Babies don't sleep, they are not adults and don't subject themselves to adult rules!
Both mine are fab sleepers now but didn't really sleep til they were 18 months old.
I just went with it. That's babies. Yes the sleep deprivation is horrible but in the grand scheme of things it's not for that long

[AppleMagic]

I was going to suggest exactly what FATE did - gradual retreat and "what worked for us thread".

I also tried cc with dc1 and found it wasn't permanent unless I NEVER provided any additional comfort/cuddles at night and I wasn't happy with that as there were lots of times where I thought that was too detached - teething, illness, nightmares etc. I could cope with the crying as a one off but I wasn't happy repeating the process every month or two.

[Timetogrowup2016]

It's not cruel.
What's cruel is a baby and mum only getting 2-4 hours broken sleep a night .

[Oly5]

Sorry I don't agree. It is cruel. I wouldn't leave my child crying for his mum during the day, why on earth would I do it at night when he's in the dark alone wondering where I am?
Gradual retreat does work and is far gentler. But takes a lot longer to establish. Everyone I know who has done CC has had to repeat the process after every holiday/illness session where they needed extra cuddles/couldn't sleep because of coughs etc.
I just don't know why you'd put a child through it.

[228agreenend]

I would wait until they are better.

Controlled crying was a godsend with my firstborn, who wouldn't sleep.

It's not easy, and can be distressing, but if you are prepared for this, it's not bad. I think I got a book and tried to read it sitting on the stairs. Also, make sure you don't have a full day of plans the next day, so you can take it easy if you feel tired.

If I remember, when I did it, my dh was away. I figured that means that only one of us would get disturbed sleep, not both.

It's hard work, but worth it. Definitely go for it.

(My 6 ft+ teen hasn't been affected by it, and we all benefitted by getting a decent's night sleep).

[NickyEds]

But you don't 'leave them to cry' you just don't feed/rock back to sleep. It's not at all cruel. Waiting 18 months to have even a half decent nights sleep is madness to me if it can be sorted in 2 nights. After doing cc with ds at 1 we have never had to do it again.

[Rollonbedtime7pm]

A lot of the time the crying is because they are tired, not "lying in the dark wondering where [you] are" so I don't think it's cruel either. I have the kind of babies that scream when they are tired, whether I am there or not!

Worked a treat with DS but he did have a dummy which we went in at intervals and put back in for him.

Do what you have to do OP and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it - sleep deprivation isn't good for anyone.