3 month old - only sleep on me, naps & routine

[enchantmentandlove]

Hi everyone, I was please hoping for some advice.

DD is 3 months, and has never been a good sleeper. In the night she just wants to sleep on me, and wakes up whenever she's put down. We have a co sleeper (chicco next 2 me), and I rock her to sleep then transfer her into the crib. Sometimes she will sleep for a little while in it if she doesn't wake up right away, but then just wakes up again. I didn't used to mind her sleeping on me, but this past week I've been getting back ache. I'm so tired of waking every hour. She doesn't need a feed to get to sleep (but can sleep after a feed as well), and won't co sleep next to me, she just wants to be on me. She also doesn't like swaddling, music/white noise doesn't help but she does sleep a little better on her side rather than her back. I don't want to leave her crying though, so don't know what I can do if anything?

Also during the day this is difficult. We have a stretchy wrap which she used to sleep in, but now doesn't like it as she feels too restricted. I have looked into buying a tula or ring sling in case she prefers those, but they are more expensive so dh isn't keen. She also won't sleep in her pram. So during the day I'm feeling stuck under a sleeping baby - I do love the cuddles but struggle to get things done.

I also don't understand how people have routines at this age. I keep reading to put baby into a night time routine - bath, massage, story, milk, sleep for eg. But dd is too small to sleep in the room by herself so am I supposed to just go to bed really early or something? Right now after her bath and massage she just stays downstairs with us (sleeping and feeding) until we go up to bed. Is this wrong?

I'm so sorry for the long post, I'm just doubting myself and feel I'm doing everything wrong. My mum and mil want me to leave her to cry, but it just doesn't feel natural to me. Thank you

[Quodlibet]

Could she have silent reflux if she doesn't like sleeping on her back? My little one (now 8 weeks) was similar for a time (only lasted a few weeks) and has since grown out of it. Have you tried tilting the cot so she is at a slant?
How about a Sleepyhead? They are expensive but my baby sleeps brilliantly in his. It's the only place he will stay asleep if put down. You could take it downstairs in the evening too.
Once she is reaaaallly asleep can you transfer from sling to cot/Moses basket/carrycot? I'm doing this And think he is gradually getting used to sleeping in other places.

[Quodlibet]

Also - you are not doing everything wrong!! Babies WANT to be on you all the time, it's completely natural. They are only this little for such a short time. Enjoy the snuggles if you want to.

[boatyroo]

I have a nearly 4 month old and in almost exactly the same situation so reading with interest.

I love having him sleep on me, but I do struggle to get much done as daytime naps are usually on me after a feed and he wakes if i put him down.

I have a bedside crib which is tilted with a sleepyhead in it but he's still never slept long at night. I recently bought Ewan the dream sheep, and a couple of times I've managed to get him back to sleep using it without picking him up, but it takes a long time and he doesn't stay asleep very long.

Do you have a sling library near you so you could try a different type of sling without the expense?

[mummarichardson]

I had the same problem with my LB who is now 16 months old. It got so bad by 3 months that I had to make a change, a friend recommended the sleepyhead and it changed my life! He had really bad reflux so hated sleeping on his back so I bought a sleepyhead and would lay him on his side with a rolled up blanket wedging him in so he couldn't roll back on to his back, I also put on womb music as well! He was fine after that and then we could set up the monitor in our room in the evening so that after bath feed bed routine we would have a few hours downstairs. Definitely think worth a try with sleepyhead maybe if a friend has one you could borrow as they are about £100

[mummarichardson]

I had the same problem with my LB who is now 16 months old. It got so bad by 3 months that I had to make a change, a friend recommended the sleepyhead and it changed my life! He had really bad reflux so hated sleeping on his back so I bought a sleepyhead and would lay him on his side with a rolled up blanket wedging him in so he couldn't roll back on to his back, I also put on womb music as well! He was fine after that and then we could set up the monitor in our room in the evening so that after bath feed bed routine we would have a few hours downstairs. Definitely think worth a try with sleepyhead maybe if a friend has one you could borrow as they are about £100

[enchantmentandlove]

Thank you for your suggestions everyone I didn't hear of the sleepyhead or similar until after I'd had dd and said I would definitely get one for next baby, but maybe it's worth getting one for dd? I just wasn't sure how long she's got in it now, that's all.

Unfortunately I'm unable to get to a sling library to try some out. I just feel like dd would prefer something not so tight as my stretchy wrap now, it's a shame as she used to love it. She can still fall asleep in it but doesn't seem so content, so I'd rather not use it now really.

I do have the co sleeper at an angle as she had reflux when she was born, but it doesn't seem to keep her asleep. I don't know much about silent reflux though so will look that up. We had about a week where her sleep got a lot better - she's send the first half of the night in the crib - but she's changed her mind again. Last night she had me up every 45 mins to 1 hour.

[enchantmentandlove]

I'm not sure if it's silent reflux or not - she can fuss during feeds but that's a long story, not sure if it's because of pain. She also sometimes has a little cough. But when she's waking in the night so doesn't cry much, she's just awake.

Dh thinks we should try to keep her awake more in early evening as she sleeps that away, but I think she's probably too little to do that.

Thanks again for everyone's advice

[fluffikins]

Recommend the sleepyhead and a Tula, both fantastic buys here.

[Leicfox1]

I had the same problem and was convinced my baby didn't like sleeping on his back. But we bought a sleepyhead at 4 weeks and he slowly got used to it. I rock to sleep then put him down, hE has never self settled and nreds movement. He would wake every time I put him in it initially unless really tired, ie at night. Now I rock or hold for 10 to 15 minutes then put him down and he will sleep for his naps roo (though he catnaps for 30 odd minutes at a time only during the day). Try to find out how long the sleep cycle is and when your baby is in a deep sleep and when they are about to stir. Don't put them down when they are about to stir (usually 30-40 min) as they're more likely to wake up anyway.

Other suggestions - experiment with white noise or other 'coloured' noise with you tube videos. Ewan the sheep doesn't work for us but I use a rain video during naps as a sleep cue and to mask other noise in the house. Put them to sleep in the same place for all naps, I put the sleepyhead on the same spot on the sofa du ring the day so when he wakes he sees the same things even if I'm not right ndxt to him. Do you use a dummy? Min only takes a dummy when he wants to sleep now, so it's a good sleep cue fit both of us

[LaundryQueenHatesIroning]

Apologies, I don't have any advice as such and I know you are finding it a bit difficult at the moment but just wanted to say that DS who is 9months now was exactly like this. And I spend the first months of his life going to bed with him at 8.30pm and holding him while we both slept. Then at four months it all changed and he wanted to be put down next to me. And would even stay asleep on a night while I got back up and had a bath/cleaned/watched TV. Although now, even though I can get up, I still find myself just going to bed at 8.30pm with him

So just wanted to tell you your DD might not be far off doing the same.

[mummasays]

I also have the chicco next to me cot and I had the same issue "do I just go to bed early?" I did a bedtime routine bath pjs and bottle then used Ewan the sheep for white noise. But also bought a video monitor, so I could still go back downstairs and enjoy adult time, I could see and hear him so it was perfect for us!!

[enchantmentandlove]

Thanks for your advice

It may sound silly but I didn't know that they are more likely to stir after 30-40 mins, as this is often when I try to put her down. I think I'll experiment with trying to put her down at different times to see what works best. I try try noise on an app, relaxing music and nature sounds app, and also have a bear womb noise thing - but am yet to find anything that really seems to work. Dd also has a dummy which is often why she wakes up, as she spits it out then wakes herself up.

I will keep trying and hopefully one day it will just click!

[enchantmentandlove]

White noise on an app*

[Tabitha888]

Hello, how did you get on? I've been struggling with the same issues baby is 3 months and only sleeps on me