How can we undo this?

(11 Posts)
snarferson Sat 20-Aug-16 18:52:57

DD is 15 months old and won't go to sleep before midnight. If we try and put her to bed she screams hysterically until someone picks her up. We have to be up for work between 5 and 6am and it's starting to take its toll. We get no adult time and are so so tired.

On a normal day we get up at 5.45 and get ready for work. We wake DD up about 6.30 and leave for work about 6.50. She gets dropped off a FILs about 7. He says she usually falls back to sleep until about 9. She also has a 1-2 hour nap in the day.

We've asked FIL to try to maybe shorten her naps so she is tired earlier but he says he can't and it's because we get her up too early. We arnt doing it for the fun of it hmm

She wont sleep in bed with us either. She just seems to have some aversion to being put to bed. When she wakes in her cot she's not destressed so don't think the issue is that.

I know some people would be glad for 5 to 6 hours sleep but in honesty it's just not enough for me and me and DP get no time to relax. We take turns staying up but house is small so I can hear them making noise and dont sleep.

Has anyone got any tips on how I can turn this around please so I can become more human?

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sat 20-Aug-16 18:56:53

I am a (paid) nanny.. it is hard to look after a very tired baby whose been allowed to stay up late and get up early so you do allow them to nap. Can you takea few days off or make use of the long weekend to get her into a better to routine. Drop the morning nap and try a few days with a 2 hour nap 11-1 then slowly push it back once it's a fixed nap

snarferson Sat 20-Aug-16 19:06:13

Sorry should have added that at a weekend she goes to bed at 12 and gets up about 8.30.

We really don't want to allow her to stay up late but just don't know what to do to change the situation. I am completely against leaving her to cry. We do want a nicer routine for us all but I am clueless about how to achieve it sad

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sat 20-Aug-16 19:09:48

What time do you get home?

This long weekend I would be getting her up every day between 6.30/6.45 and try to do a 12 hour day with her.

firewithfire Sat 20-Aug-16 19:16:12

Agree with iguess. It won't be fun getting up at 6.30 on your days off but most babies would force you to anyway. Nap as close to 11 as you can last till. It is a big change, the hour of clock change usually takes mine a week to get used to.

firewithfire Sat 20-Aug-16 19:18:16

Also on the first few days maybe take her swimming or somewhere new in the afternoon so she's more tired by bedtime? Then do a bath and bedtime routine? You might only be able to bring bedtime forward by a couple of hours to start with so don't feel bad if that happens.

snarferson Sat 20-Aug-16 19:25:03

She can't walk yet and I've had people say she will burn off more energy once she can walk but I don't think it will make a difference as she can crawl as speedy as Usain Bolt grin

What shall I do if she tries to nap? Just wake her up?

firewithfire Sat 20-Aug-16 19:36:51

Mine are terrible nappers but if they look uncharacteristically tired I just distract them and they forget about it. This might not work on other babies..

Iguessyourestuckwithme Sat 20-Aug-16 20:00:25

So wake her at 7 am try to eat breakfast a while after you get up. So Potter and play then breakfast about 7.30. I would then take time getting dressed/playing. Maybe get out the house, do something fun maybe playground etc. If she appears ton start to fade/nap looks likely then offer water/a snack. My 13 month old looked ready to crash at lunch time so I got him out the pram and carried him for a bit which woke him up and then put him back in the pram with a toy or rice cake. If you're aiming for a 11-1 nap you may want to give her a cup of milk or a filling snack about 1030ish. Keep baby up as long as possible but no earlI error than 11. If she seems happy at 11 try to give her an early lunch 1130 and put to bed afterward ie 12/1230. Give her 2 hours sleep and then wake her. If she went to bed before lunch offer her lunch and then get on with your afternoon. About 5 do dinner and then start an evening routine so 6pm bathtime - trying to keep it calm/quiet and then do stories/TV time. About 7 I would attempt to do bedtime. It night be a plan to do a technique like pat/shush or cuddling in your bed but remember it's bedtime. No chatting/playing.

My 13month olds day looked like this
5.45 wake up (went in offered cup of water and bonjella) left and went back to sleep
6.50 wake up
7 30 breakfast and cup of milk
8 get dressed
8.30 get ready to go out
9-1130 in town running errands
12 lunch
12.30-2.30 nap time
3 snack and cup of milk
5.30 dinner
6 bath
6.45 milk and rice cake
7.20 stories in room
7.30 bedtime

Good luck

Tippytoes13 Sat 20-Aug-16 20:23:03

If she's going to bed late and waking up early, she will need the morning nap. 12 is very late for such a young toddler to go to bed, so I would work on putting her to bed earlier. My daughters not settling until late either, but she's got a cold and is teething, so I know how you feel having no time to yourself and the lack of sleep. I would just try and bring her routine forwards and go from there, keep persisting with the earlier routine too, it will help!

sentia Sat 20-Aug-16 21:07:47

DD has always been a rubbish sleeper. She's finally now (usually) sleeping about 12 hours through the night with very few night wakings but she'll be three at the end of this year! It's very exhausting.

When she was younger, between one and two, it took a LOT of time to get her to sleep at night, but we stuck to a routine of early bedtimes (start the process at 6pm ish after dinner bath etc), and DH or I would just sit with her until she fell asleep. Even if it took an hour or more.

We found slow retreat worked for us, and also explaining to her (during the day) what bedtime was all about and that we were still very close by if she needed us.

We dropped bottles completely at about 15 months as she was waking up a lot to comfort feed at night, which wasn't helping.

We also found that sleep begets sleep, and that tackling the night sleep issues was far more important than messing about with naps in terms of her getting enough sleep overall - if she didn't nap enough then she would definitely have a poor night of sleep on any given day. A baby that age should be sleeping for about 13 hours a day, so we tried to make sure it always added up to that somehow.

Good luck!

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