Self settles at bedtime but not at night -why??

(10 Posts)
Heloise1982 Sat 20-Aug-16 14:34:19

I have 6 month old twins, one of whom sleeps really well (occasionally all night, more normally one night feed), the other not so much. What's confusing me is that he settles well in the evening - bath, bottle, book, into bed awake, we ditched the night time dummy about a week ago and he's settling well without it, a bit of a chat to himself and asleep by 7. But he then wakes up at least twice, sometimes three times in the night. I don't mind the wake up between 2 am and 3 am because I figure he probably IS hungry, but I'm pretty certain he can't also be hungry at 10pm, midnight and 5am as well! In fact for the last week I've been refusing to feed and offering the dummy /patting him instead, which does work (so clearly not hungry, or it wouldn't), apart from the 5am wake up when boob seems to be the only thing that gets him back to sleep. What's confusing me though is everything you read seems to be about self settling at bedtime, and suggests if you can crack that then the rest will follow. But he DOES self settle at bedtime, so I'm looking for ideas about what to do for the rest of the night?? I've never left him to fuss for any time because I don't want him waking his brother up but I'm getting seriously tempted to put them in different rooms for a while and try some CC... not a thought I relish but I'm a walking zombie and I'm just too tired and miserable to enjoy their babyhood at the moment, which makes me sad. Help!!!

LalaLeona Sun 21-Aug-16 13:26:36

Following this as my baby is six months and identical! Looking for answers too sad

fluffikins Sun 21-Aug-16 13:40:25

I think the reason self settling at bedtime doesn't lead to self settling all night is because people lie, particularly when they want to sell their books about how to do self settling.

Babies are all different, one of yours maybe has hit their separation anxiety stage or is teething more or just likes to wake up more, hang in there and I'm sure it'll sort itself out. My 15 month old still wakes a few times a night but is massively changed from 6 months

fluffikins Sun 21-Aug-16 13:40:48

I think the reason self settling at bedtime doesn't lead to self settling all night is because people lie, particularly when they want to sell their books about how to do self settling.

Babies are all different, one of yours maybe has hit their separation anxiety stage or is teething more or just likes to wake up more, hang in there and I'm sure it'll sort itself out. My 15 month old still wakes a few times a night but is massively changed from 6 months

LetsPlayBamboozled Sun 21-Aug-16 13:57:58

I'm afraid I don't have any ideas for you but just to say my dd sometimes selfsettled at bedtime and sometimes not. It never correlated with whether or not she slept through and settled in the night. Sorry that's not super helpful but I don't think the two always go hand in hand. She always self settled for her nap though. I could never work out why she sometimes needed me at bedtime but she did/does.

rallytog1 Sun 21-Aug-16 16:35:40

I could have written your post but about my 7mo. A good night is 4 wake ups, a bad night can be 10. And it's just getting worse, even though she has textbook daytime naps and self settles like a dream at bedtime. I've looked into sleep consultants but they all seem to focus on self settling at bedtime, or use controlled crying methods, which are no good to us even if we did want to go down that road, as 3yo dd is badly affected by the night time noise as it is.

I literally have no advice for you but just wanted to know you're not alone. It is hellish.

allthecarbs Sun 21-Aug-16 16:38:07

I think there's a big difference for a baby from when your mummy is tucking you in and saying goodnight, to waking up alone in the dark.
It's tough on your sleep but they just need a bit of reassurance. They will grow out of it one day, promise.

Tootle10 Mon 22-Aug-16 14:32:21

Exactly the same here, DS is 7mo and self settles like a dream at bedtime (around 7:30pm) but then wakes up frequently in the night and needs help getting back to sleep. Sometimes he'll be rocked back to sleep, other times he cries until he's fed (still bf). He wakes up anywhere between 3 and maybe 10 times, we're exhausted and he is tired too. He won't self settle for naps in the day at all, they all have to be either in the buggy, car or sling or fed to sleep and then held. I wish I knew the answer!

Tallulahoola Mon 22-Aug-16 19:41:43

Same here. DS is 9 months and from very young he happily self-settled for bedtime and naps. But wakes up crying 3-4 times a night and is inconsolable. It's so annoying to read books about controlled crying and they only seem to be taking about settling them at bedtime. That's no use, I've cracked bedtime!

As someone else said upthread, when you think about it they're completely different. At bedtime they have a routine, you're giving them a cuddle and putting them to bed and they feel safe. At wake-ups they're in the dark, you're not there, they freak out.

Sorry, I realise this isn't helpful advice but just wanted to say I feel your pain!

Heloise1982 Tue 23-Aug-16 16:47:04

Thank you all. No answers perhaps, but good to know I'm not alone. Having read so much about self settling at bedtime being the key to everything I was starting to think I had some sort of freakish non conformists on my hands! I should have known better really - first baby taught me that an awful lot of sleep advice is basically rubbish, and I promised myself that I would ignore it this time around... So much for that! (tho she was the opposite - not that easy settle, often needed feeding to sleep, yet slept through nicely from an early age. Which also proves the point that self settling really isn't the be all and end all.) I do wish these so called experts were a bit more honest about stuff though - it's bad enough being doolally with sleep deprivation without also driving yourself nuts wondering why none of the stuff that should work actually does! I guess the answer is just to wait it out, but easier said than done - being this tired is just so hellish, and 6 months feel like they have lasted forever.

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