Routine/ what's best?

[FirstTimerAtBeingAMummy]

My 18 week old DD is a good sleeper through the night she will sleep in her cot from around 11 until 5 when she will stir for a little but will drop back off quickly until 8.30 am. She then wakes for the day.
In the evening we start her bed time routine at around 6.30. She is bf to sleep then. The past six nights I have tried putting her up to bed at about 8 pm. It's worked twice. Tonight all hell broke loose and she has screamed solidly for the last 40 mins despite all my attempts to settle her. We are now back down stairs on the sofa, she's feeding again and fast asleep.
My MiL and SIL keep telling me that she shouldn't be on the boob as much as she is of an evening and she should be learning to self settle in bed otherwise she will never have routine etc.
I just don't know what to do. She will sleep on me from about 7.30 until we go to bed, then have another feed and then she will go down easily in her cot.
Is is really a big deal if she stays down stairs on me feeding?
I honestly don't know how I can get her in to a bed time routine, but then I guess she is in a routine it's just not perceived as "normal" to my MIL and SIL.
When is a good age to attempt going to bed by herself so to speak? How can I do it gently without causing her distress?
Any help and advice would be greatly received.

[LettyStiletty]

I worried about all this quote a lot with dc1. I wanted her in a routine and some evening time etc... Dc 3 is now 5 and what I realised by 2nd and 3rd time round was it really doesn't matter - enjoy your baby and do what's right for you. There is plenty of time for routines when you're ready and it won't affect how your little one sleeps in the long run at all.

[FirstTimerAtBeingAMummy]

I just don't know what to say to those who think they know best because they have been there and done it

[ateapotandacake]

Just say "oh that's good to know" and change the subject. Or lie. Just lie. My mum tried to be good and let me do my own thing but would drop little annoying comments in that made me question myself. If your baby needs all that milk in the evening to sleep well all night why would you try to change that??? Yes she might not feed as much in the evening but she might start waking all night.
She's only 18 weeks. Wait and see what she does and listen to your instinct: you know your baby best.

[superking]

With my first I spent many an evening stuck upstairs/ running up and down the stairs trying to get him to settle in the evenings. After a few weeks I just realised that I was wasting so much time trying to do this just because I felt I should, even though DS and I were both happy enough downstairs with him on the boob till I went to bed. So I just went with it and we were all much happier. I think by 6 months he was going to bed at 7ish.

DC2 (11 weeks) has been settling upstairs at 7/8 since about 8 weeks. Although it's nice to have my evening back I do miss the snuggles! It's a cliche, but they really are all different. Why make yourself and your baby miserable just because others feel she "should" be in a routine.

[superking]

And yes, I would either lie (if you're sure they won't find out the truth from your DH!), or just say "this is what works for us at the moment, we are happy with how things are." Any comments about rod for your own back, problems in the future etc I would brush away with a "we'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it."

[Cakescakescakes]

My boys started teething round that age. Made them very fussy at bedtime. Calpol?

[FirstTimerAtBeingAMummy]

Thanks all.
Super king, how did you then get your little one to transition to bed at 6 months old? I said to DH last night that as long as we are happy with our set up then so be it. He agrees as he hates hearing her cry :-) and a bit soft touch when it comes to her.

[NickyEds]

I did exactly as you describe with both of my dc, although ds was in a moses basket in the living room at perhaps 20 weeks. They should be sleeping in a room with you until 6 months anyway, although I don't really see much risk in putting them up to bed if they will go, but if they won't without a lot of crying then keep them down with you. You don't need to say anything to you mum and SIL, you're not accountable to them!

At six months we just moved our up to their cots, ds went straight away, dd was a bit unsettled for a week or so but was fine after that. They're 2.7 and 13 months now and both go to bed (awake) at 7.30 then the toddler sleeps until 6.30 and dd until 8 (although she might wake for reassurance once or twice in the night since we moved her into her own room) so their sleep is pretty good I think- certainly not damaged by sleeping on me/boob for the first 6 months!

[superking]

OP I can't quite remember, but I think he just started falling deeply asleep earlier and earlier (he would always doze on and off the breast for a few hours in the evening then suddenly conk out and quite forcefully pull himself off the breast and go properly to sleep). So I think I just started putting him to bed once he was deeply asleep and that got naturally earlier and earlier.

[FirstTimerAtBeingAMummy]

Thanks everyone. I'm just going to do what's working for us. I'm sure I'll know when she's ready for bed. MIL and SIL can lump it! They don't and won't have to look after overnight so who cares.
I just get really frustrated with the "advice" that they give. SIL constantly tells me how I have to be hard and do it as its better for her in the long run, tells me to look at how good her 2 year old is when it comes to bed time etc!!
Sorry just having a bit of a moan.

[Tatlerer]

Good for you OP. It's only a problem when it becomes a problem for you, if that makes sense. I had a shit sleeper and I'm a control freak so craved routine and at least day time predictability. Otherwise I'd have gone with the flow and to hell with what anyone else might think.