What am I supposed to do?

(24 Posts)
Tippytoes13 Wed 17-Aug-16 21:42:01

Hi,
My daughter is 13 months old, she's teething and has a cold at present, but the past few nights she hasn't been sleeping, constantly wakes in the night and won't settle until at least 10pm, wakes early hours, refuses to nap in the day, even though she's shattered. She's been crying/whining all day and I just cannot cope with how things are much longer. She's tired and she needs to sleep. I should mention she still shares a room with me and my husband.

What would you do? I've tried controlled crying tonight, broke my heart, but I feel I have to do something, I'm suffering from terrible headaches from lack of sleep and have two other children to care for.

Thanks for reading!

SuperHeroesForKids Wed 17-Aug-16 21:49:33

Exhaustion is an absolute killer but if she's poorly and teething please leave the cc for now.

Have you raised her mattress a little at the pillow end? It might help with her cold a bit. Place some hot water with Vicks vaporub in a bowl in her room to help decongest her. Dose up with calpol/ibuprofen. Will she sleep next to you?

Could DH take over for tonight so you can rest up?

I do feel for you, most of us have been there.

Tomorrow get her out in the buggy to see if she'll sleep in the fresh air. Maybe at the park so your other DC can play?

SuperHeroesForKids Wed 17-Aug-16 21:50:45

Or could any friends or your parents have any of the DC tomorrow for you?

Crazylou Wed 17-Aug-16 21:53:51

Am in the exact same position my little one is 16months sleeps in his own room but constantly waking up crying won't settle unless am there, sometimes not fully awake which I've read can be night terrors due to over tiredness he is also getting more teeth breaking through, tonight I left him in cot and went in every few mins and said lay down trying to teach him to fall asleep on his own and so far so good

Tippytoes13 Wed 17-Aug-16 22:11:13

My husband is helping me as well, but he's up early for work and he's getting sleepless nights too, so it's hard for him, as he also has to travel quite a distance to work. She slept in the pushchair for 25 minutes today, as soon as we got to the park and I stopped pushing her, she woke up crying, she refused to eat too because she was so tired. I feel my daughters taking up all my time at the moment and my other two children aren't getting the attention they need at the moment. Normally I walk around the room for a few minutes and put her down half asleep, then she normally rolls over and goes to sleep, so not sure of she's relying on that, or she's just going through a tough time with teething and a cold, I think the cold is actually hay fever though, as she's sneezing a lot and has red itchy eyes a little. It's just so hard knowing what to do. If she stays up until 10, or later, I can't get anything done, that means dirty dishes, tables, messy house etc, so I can't keep her up with me all the time.
I don't get any help from family members, sadly, my mum hasn't even offered to help me out, even though I've told her I'm struggling many times at the moment. I don't have many friends and the ones I do, work full time and have children, which are mostly in holiday clubs, so it's not easy to ask for help. Thank you for all the replies!

Tippytoes13 Wed 17-Aug-16 22:14:36

I have also tried rocking her to sleep through desperation, my dad's suggestion, as he said he did it with us during illness and when we were overtired, but the moment i dared to put her down, she started crying again.

SuperHeroesForKids Wed 17-Aug-16 22:22:57

Poor thing-the pair of you!

Don't suppose you're in the north east?

Tippytoes13 Wed 17-Aug-16 22:52:29

I'm not I'm afraid SuperHeroes-It's really hard not having the help and support from family and only relying on each other, it upsets me that other people i know have parents that help all the time, but we never do. Even after a week after my caesarean, I was still in lots of pain and still had to care for our three children in the summer holidays, as my husband had to go back to work. It nearly broke me!

LoserDust Wed 17-Aug-16 22:56:43

Oh I feel for you. I was in a similar position ( I think most of us have been at some point) and like you had little help. It's exhausting and soul destroying and I wish I could give you something more than 'just ride it out' but sometimes it's all you can do. It won't last forever - I felt like it would and it nearly broke me. But i promise you it doesn't flowers

LoserDust Wed 17-Aug-16 23:02:08

Also it's frustrating having nobody to help. I'm NC with my family and DH's family are always too busy running up his sisters arse so I get it. And it's okay to feel it's unfair because it is. But I found eventually letting go of that frustration very helpful

Tippytoes13 Wed 17-Aug-16 23:44:29

LoserDust-Yes it is hard, my mum left the home, she had an affair and ran of with a married man when I was 9 and has never been there for me, she's so disinterested in my life and her grandchildren, it's sad really. It does upset me when I see mothers and daughters together with the daughters baby/children, i have felt for some time I must let go of that feeling too, although it's hard. My husbands parents don't bother either, they too are busy looking after their daughter's son, but have never offered to help us, my husband says it's because we live in a different city, but they can drive and it's not really that far away, but I guess it's better to be happy with what you have smile

SuperHeroesForKids Wed 17-Aug-16 23:52:14

Tippy I know what you mean. No one looked after our 3 DC until the youngest was 2+ so I do understand. No one was around to help.

Someone up thread said, it won't be forever. And it won't. I know that's no good to you now to hear (it wasn't for me when I had 2 under 2 and trying to make it through the day), but it does end.

Power nap when you can. Dose up little one with calpol. If you go to sleep with all your kids fed and none dead you've done a good job.

Chin up tippy X

Tippytoes13 Thu 18-Aug-16 08:47:43

Thank you SuperHeroes. X

jessplussomeonenew Thu 18-Aug-16 12:21:17

Can you do shifts so only one of you gets woken, even if it means one of you sleeping on the sofa? We've been doing this for more than a year since I went back to work and it makes a huge difference to us that we each get an unbroken stretch of sleep. If she's ill and in pain I wouldn't expect any sleep training to work anyway.

Tippytoes13 Thu 18-Aug-16 14:34:15

Jess-We've stopped the sleep training now, as she's not well and it's not fair, she was up ten times last night, managed to self settle a few times though, but I still had a lot of disturbed sleep (hubby slept downstairs as had a big day), she had a fever at 2am too. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do when she's crying because she's so tired and poorly, but she still won't sleep in her cot. I just feel so exhausted and ill from it all. I am just telling myself, it will get better soon!

LoserDust Thu 18-Aug-16 19:34:21

Wishing you and little one a better night tonight flowerschocolatecake

Tippytoes13 Fri 19-Aug-16 20:21:08

Unfortunately, it's getting worse and I can't see anything changing soon. We are thinking of moving our other two children into the same room, they have previously shared, but as DS1 has large tonsils, he snores a lot and keeps DS2 awake. Also they are going to have little space, I don't know whether DD having her own room will make a difference, but we have to try everything. It's starting to affect our relationship now, we keep arguing, I'm an emotional wreck, I just don't know what to do!

Tippytoes13 Fri 19-Aug-16 20:21:46

Thanks for your kind worse too, LoserDust smile

Tippytoes13 Fri 19-Aug-16 20:22:01

words

lifeonthemuvaside Fri 19-Aug-16 20:36:41

Really feel for you Tippy, it can be very lonely and stressful during times like this and you feel it will never end, what do you give your DD for her cold and teething? How would she be if she slept in bed with you?
I am dreadful when I get my sleep interrupted, really affects me and my husband and I argue terribly. It's so hard when you have older children to care for, but just know that this IS a phase and it will end although it's shit while you're going through it.
You mentioned your dad, could he help you in the day? Just so you can get some rest / cleaning done?
Is getting some temporary home help in an option? I know not everyone can afford this though.
Hugs flowers

Tippytoes13 Fri 19-Aug-16 21:35:48

Thank you lifeonthemuvaside- I don't really want to get into the habit of taking her into my bed, my husband fidgets a lot and I'd worry about her falling out of the bed, I don't think I'd be able to relax, I also know my husband wouldn't agree to it. Unfortunately, my dad can't help, he does help us out when we really need it, but he's older now and it wouldn't be fair on him. The home help isn't really an option, as we wouldn't have the extra funds for that, but it may be something we look into when I do go back to work.

EsmesBees Fri 19-Aug-16 21:41:39

If she is teething do you think the pain is so bad it is waking her? Calpol/neurofen could help. It is so hard when you've got no one to help on and it's all on you. Lots of sympathy.

Tippytoes13 Fri 19-Aug-16 21:59:45

Yes it could be, but she is generally happy as Larry just before I put her to bed, after a book, lots of whinging/crying in the day though, but I think that's down to her being so overtired. She's been having calpol before bed too, to help with any pain, often wonder whether she gets cold, as we have our windows open, due to the hotter temperatures and notice I get cold in the early hours, I tried putting a blanket on her at 5am and what happened, she woke and didn't sleep again until 7am. She is a very light sleeper too, she constantly fidgets, hits the side of the cot with her feet too, which makes a heck of a noise when it's so quiet.

lifeonthemuvaside Fri 19-Aug-16 22:10:13

Totally understand all your points! So hard knowing what is best to do and everyone is so different.
Sometimes just sharing on forums like this can make you feel better as you know you're not alone and there is someone to listen and not judge.
The sleeping has to be the worst part of parenting for me, I always feel I can take on the world when I get a good sleep but disrupted I'm like a bear with a sore head.
I really sympathise with you and wish I had a magic wand!

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