Controlled Crying- Have you done it?

[DetentionGrrrl]

I am very, very loathe to try this technique- i personally feel it can border on cruel, (just my personal opinion, not judging anyone) and i also don't have nerve to follow it through i don't think.

BUT- i have had over 7mths of being the only one doing the getting up at night, and i go back to work in March.I'm currently structuring naps in the day more and reducing milk at night, aswell as not speaking to DS when i go him.

If i try CC it will be an absolute last resort. I was wondering if anyone has any positive / negative experiences of CC, or any tips?

[QueenEagle]

I have done this with all 5 of my kids when going to bed, but not needed it during the night.

They have all at one time or another protested at settling down to sleep. Quite simply, just return them to bed or lay down in cot with the words "night night, bedtime now". Cover them up, keep the light off or very low and leave the room. Repeat as many times as necessary. In my experience this could be anything up to 50 times in a 2 hour period.

Sounds awful, and I won't lie, it is whilst you are doing it - exhausting. But also in my experience I have only ever had to do this on 2 consecutive nights with anyone of mine. Thereafter they got the message. Occasionally they might need settling more than once but after 3 or 4 returns they went to sleep. Now all of mine settle happily and sleep all night.

I'd say keep daytime naps fairly short - with my youngest (2yo) 1pm til 2.30 is ample and I know it's not too much or too late that he won't go to bed at 7.30 latest.

Good luck, tough whilst you're doing it, but worth it imo!

[Mumpbump]

I used to go back every 5-10 minutes. Occasionally, I left it longer by accident - time passes in a wierd way at 3am - but ds generally settled down quite quickly so if he was crying for more than 10 minutes, there was a reason. How often is your ds waking up in the night?

[DetentionGrrrl]

anything between 1 - 4 times, and always up early too, anything from 4.30-5.30am.

[QueenEagle]

How long is he up for each time? Is he in a cot or bed?

[DetentionGrrrl]

Cotbed. Is usually only up for short period (say 20mins) but can be upto an hour on occasion. I've managed to get his milk consumption right down by offering water first, then just a couple of ozs of milk when he isn't happy with that.

[Bugsy2]

DG, if you do it properly the only person it is cruel to is you!
I did it with my DS when he was 15 months because I was exhausted. Hadn't had a single unbroken night's sleep since he was born & thought I may go mad.
I bought Ferber's book & read it back to back. I choose a time when I didn't have too much on & I was desperate enough to be trully determined.
When DS woke up at 1.30am, I switched on my bedside light & went in to him. I reassured him in a calm voice that it was bedtime & he must go back to sleep. Then I left the room. He went ballistic. I went in again after 2 mins & said exactly the same words again & left again. He was not happy. For the first 30 mins, I went in every two mins, then I started extending the time to every 3 mins, every 4 mins etc. After 3 hours, I was going in every 10 mins. Then he fell asleep.
The second night, he woke again & we did it for 40 mins & he fell asleep.
The third night, he woke again, grizzled a bit & then went back to sleep on his own.
Thereafter (& he is 7 now) he has slept through the night.
You have to be strong minded about it though & really see it through. If you cave after an hour, it has been a complete waste of time.

[Nip]

DG, I did exactly what bugsy2 has done. Start off going back in every few mins, but no eye contact, and just calming words or a gentle touch, i spent a while sat outside his door reading a book, going back and forth, but literally the second night he woke, grumbled but nothing more.
It makes you feel very cruel, but i found it worked really well and now he seems to sleep very comfortably.

[roseylea]

I did it when my dd was 8 months and my dh was away for a 4 month stint - I was absolutely exhausted and really not functioning as my dd was waking so often during the night.

I felt so guilty beforehand but the amazing thing as it only took 2 nights before she was sleeping through! She was so much happier as she was getting a solid night's sleep, I was transformed...defnitely worked wonders for both of us.

I know it totally goes aganist the grain to ignore a crying baby even for the shortest time but sometimes it can help them to adjust themselves to having to go to sleep, ifswim.

My ds sleeps like a log! I've never even had to think about this kind of thing with him!

[DetentionGrrrl]

what do i do when he's standing up in his cot though?

I can't listen to him cry for an hour

So, do i offer him the bottle at all, or just leave him? (If i do it)

[Mumpbump]

I had the problem with him working out how to stand up in his cot (after I'd done the cc, but can't remember why he started waking again - probably illness or teething). In the end, I decided to pick him up, give him a quick cuddle and then put him down regardless of whether he was crying or not and leave the room. I was never very sure about it as they say not to pick them up when you're trying cc, but he did, eventually, start sleeping through again... Took a while though.

And we still haven't completely cracked the early morning waking although we put him down a bit later which seems to help.

[Mumpbump]

Sorry - I would go back if he was still crying 5-10 minutes later and do the same. I wouldn't leave him to cry for an hour, personally.

[Bugsy2]

My DS certainly wasn't lying in the cot for the whole 3 hours. He was shouting his head off, standing up, hurling himself around his cot in absolute indignation.
However, I just kept repeating the same, calm words & going back out again.
I didn't feel like I was ignoring or neglecting him because I was in and out of that room every 2 mins!

[Nip]

DG, I never offered a bottle (But my DS did finish 8oz before bedtime). And with standing up... i used to just lay him back down. My DS sleeps on his front so will often push back onto all fours, so i have to lay him out.
The standing up thing does calm down, i think its just a new trick they have learnt to do. My DS cried for the first time in ages last night and was standing up, we gave him a cuddle and lay him back down and he went off.

[Bugsy2]

I was also still bottle feeding through the night, but knocked that on the head too. Once they are eating well during the day & they take a good bottle at bedtime, they really don't need a bottle during the night, they are just used to it.

[Mumpbump]

Oh yeah - not only is the standing up thing a new trick, but I remember another poster saying that her ds hadn't worked out how to get back down when he was standing up!!

[foxychic]

I shared my dd's room for about 7 nights. As soon as she woke I hushed her back to sleep and didn't feed or put light on. Within days she was waking later.I set myself little goals no feeding until say 4am and gradually moved it to after 6 and it has paid dividends. Crying in the middle of the night as far as I am concerned is twice as loud as daytime and wakes the whole house up.
I am however trying the cc for the daytimne naps which seems to be eluding us.

[MsPea]

Have you tried shushing & patting, all the while in the dark bedroom? Then you don't have to walk away from crying DS.

Or is 7m too old for that? dd1 is only 5m and we are currently shushing & patting. Still not v easy but maybe easier?

[roseylea]

HOw about offering a drink of water rather than milk at night (as long as your ds is eating well in the daytime - it sounds like he should be old enough to start not needing feeds in the night)?

That's what we did with dd and obv. she would have preferd milk but pretty soon leraned that she was only going to be offered water and it did help to emphasise the differnce between day and night.

[DetentionGrrrl]

well i am reducing the amount of formula in his night bottle night-by-night, until it's very watered down. Have also managed to get him to go to bed 7pm the last 2 nights, instead of 6-6.30pm.

Last night he woke at 12.15am for 15 mins (bottle and back to sleep) and at 3.00am for the same.

I am considering trying CC a week Thursday- i thought it better to try when i have no plans or appointments, so i can nap in the day when he does, and also keep him in his daytime routine.

I am petrified!

[paws4thought]

my dd was still breastfeeding 3 times in the night at 7 months and it was killing me. When i was told that she no longer needed feeds in the night i decided enough was enough. I tried going in to her each time she cried and rubbing her head etc (controlled crying) but she just screamed even more. I eventually got really tough and shoved some ear plugs in my husbands ears (coz by this time he was screaming as armed with a huge book listening to my baby cry. it was heart wrenching but as long as i told myself there was nothing wrong with her and it was just attention she was after i relaxed. Well that was the last night she ever woke up. She is now 19 months old and sleeps 12 hours solid each night (unless she is ill). I recommend it but i have to admit its tough and you have to be brave to stick to it.I'm pretty sure my tactic will not land her in the shrinks chair when shes 16!!!

[PoppiesMum]

I did with dd when she was 8 mo and it worked within days. She now sleeps from 6.30m - 7.30am every night, and will quite happily settle herself to sleep when she wakes in the night.

It is hard to hear your little one cry and you have to be 100% committed to doing it otherwise it won't work, but if you do it properly, it works very quickly, and your little one will not suffer!

[QueenEagle]

DG - with the waking in the night and giving bottles before settling back to sleep.

If it takes only 15 mins to give it and then get your ds off again, tbh I think I would carry on for a while longer.

I'd be inclined to do the CC at bedtime only but let the bottle in the middle of the night carry on. You could perhaps cut theamount ofmilyou give each night to wean him off over a week maybe?

[DetentionGrrrl]

Queeneagle- i hope so. I don't actually want to do CC at all, but i don't know how i'll cope going back to work and still getting up at night.

Last night he went down at 7pm again () and woke twice for 15mins each time. Was up a bit early at 5.30, but he did have a dirty nappy so can't blame him!