Advice and maybe sympathy too please

[finecheese]

Hello, my DS is nearly 6 months and goes to bed at 8ish sleeps for exactly 45 mins then wakes and screams for 1.5 hours. He will only go back to sleep if I cup his face while he's in the cot. Then he'll drop off and wake at 1am, then 4ish then 8ish.
I know this does not sound too bad but finally I'm at breaking point, probably due to lack of sleep. Last night had massive row with DH who can't understand why I have cried three evenings this week and said I quote "he's a baby what did you expect it would be like" and "this is supposed to be fun for us all".

I just feel tired adn stressed at the moment. Does anyone else feel like this and do other women cry sometimes too out of sheer exhaustion and worry that it will carry on for ever?
Thanks xxx

[tibsy]

hi fc, believe me, you're not alone! it's like they've got an internal alarm. dd (5mths) goes off 6.30-7.30 at the mo, absolutely out for the count, or so i think! she wakes then, every hour for a reassuring hand hold,kiss of the face, whatever.last night, it took 2 hrs to get her back down, then she woke twice more in the night for a comfort feed have tried telling myself that sleep is for wimps!! but at the mo, am desperate for even a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep, and would kill for an unbroken evening!!!!try looking at the elizabeth pantley pop off thread for some sisterly solidarity.
xxx p.s. yes to the q. re. crying out of exhaustion, it also makes me feel ill sometimes. that and i smell of baby sick at the moment and am too knackered to climb the stairs for a clean top. oh joy!!! repeat after me, IT WILL GET BETTER.....

[gingerninja]

God Cheese, absolutely. I cried this morning after DD had been awake most of the night for no good reason. Tiredness is awful especially if you're like me and wake up to every tiny sound. DH would sleep through if an express train went through the room! We argue all the time (more than I can rememebr since DD was born) and it's always down to tiredness. We also argue about who is the most tired!!

My LO is 20 weeks and is awful at sleeping. Used to be OK but since Christmas has become a nightmare. I'm pinning my hopes on it being temporary but I just can't fathom it out.

I guess there are things yo could try (which you've probably done) ie cuddly blanket or something that smells of you. Sleeping him on his side/tummy. Cereal before bed to fill him up. I'm guessing you don't want to go down the CC route? Is he in his own room? I'm thinking of moving DD into hers because I do think I respond to every whimper and maybe she'd go back to sleep sometimes if I just responded to the genuine crys. I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice but failing all that, join us on the Sleep is for the Weak thread for a good moan!!

Good luck

[Elasticwoman]

Hard for dh to understand what it's like caring for a young baby 24/7 while he has lovely time off (from the baby) at work. He probably hasn't a clue how to make things better for you and feels powerless. Can't think why he expects caring for a baby to be "fun for us all" - well, not all the time anyway.

Have you tried a sleep counsellor? They do charge for the service though.

Sounds like the worst bit is 1.5 hours' screaming in the evenings. Poor you, I'm not surprised you're crying. That, and the interruption to your nighttime rest will make you feel exhausted. No, it really doesn't last for ever. But take all the opportunities you can to rest.

A cheaper (ie free) alternative to a specialist sleep counsellor could be your health visitor. Or if yours has been no help, try another one by going to a different clinic.

When dh is not at work eg weekends, can you send him for long walks/shopping trips with the baby while you have time to yourself to rest? Do you get out in the day and see other mothers with similar age babies?

[tibsy]

agree with e.w. about dh not understanding the 24/7 thing. left our dd with dp for the morning whilst i popped in to work. she's been a bit shouty was his reply when i asked how it'd gone. hmmm, maybe you can appreciate how i feel? i commented. he didn't hear though, he'd fallen asleep, and remained so for the rest of the afternoon.seriously. they don't seem to realise that they do get some respite, even if it is to go to work. don't let him walk ds around the house, you'll never rest unless completely out of earshot, have tried that and failed.

[finecheese]

Thankyou thankyou for making me feel better. God I thought I was losing it but now realise its not just me. I think the time has come for me to go and meet some mums and hang out with them and do sleep chatting. I am going to go and buy a sleep book todya and remember all your tips too. God bless you ladeez xxx

[cruisemum1]

finecheese - i have just recovered from a little cry as ds (20 weeks) would not go ni his cot for a nap despite being so exhausted from yet another broken nights sleep. You can catch lots of us on the 'sleep is for the weak' thread which is a spin off of the one I started when ds began sleeping badly a month or so ago. We all ahve different sleep issues but bottom line is we are all shattered! Feel free to join us there

[kbaby]

Oh god of course others feel the same. I know I do.
My ds is 6 months and also wakes twice a night. Lack of sleep is like a living nightmare and I cried many a night/day with frustration at ds not sleeping.

I cant offer anything constructive apart from it wont carry on for ever and you will forget what it was like( I did as I went on to have another dreadful sleeper)just find others with terrible sleepers and kniw your not alone.

[amidaiwish]

my DD2 is 16 months and is still up often twice a night!

we are knackered....

[cruisemum1]

5 times between 7 and 7 last night But each time was for a 10 mins suck so I guess that is not too bad. He just needs me for comfort as if his dummyhas fallen out. i don't know what to do as I am weaning from bf and that will not be an option soon. I don't want too many tears.....anyone been through this/got any suggestions? Please....

[mower]

Cruisemum1 spoke to you on other thread about ds not settling. Anyway your question about formula, this has been my answer to getting ds to settle earlier. Have been giving him a bottle before bed at 8.00ish and then making up my mind not to feed anymore but send dh in to put dummy back in and ssshhh sssshhh and he has been falling asleep at 9pm and going 8 hours then waking for a short feed at 5am and going another 3 hours.

Formula was my answer to getting ds1 to sleep through as soon as I switched to bottles night time he soon slept through as he wasn't getting the snuggly mummy cuddles at 3am.

Am so pro breast feeding don't get me wrong, but this is what has worked for us.

[cruisemum1]

I'm working on switching to ff at the moment. It would be great if that worked for me to!!

[annmarieandlily]

Just wanted to offer some moral support finecheese - you are definitely not alone. I have given up trying to talk to dp about how tired I am as he just rolls his eyes in boredom.

I had managed to get a reasonable stretch of sleep recently by tying dd's dummy to a muslin and getting her to sleep on her side so she could find it more easily. This was in desperation after getting up at least 4 or 5 times a night to put the dummy back in. Then last night, dp decided to offer his wisdom of "I don't think its good for her to have her dummy on the muslin". He makes me feel like a bad mother for resenting getting up through the night.

Sorry to rant but needed to get it off my chest. God save me from men who have no idea what its like to have a broken night's sleep ....

[tibsy]

hi all, hope you're feeling better finecheese. fancied a rant myself am&l!! lost count of the times dd stirred last night from 8.30 to 11, i wasn't even feeding her, she just wanted to know i was there, holding her hand or stroking her face.fed her then at 11, same as you cm1 just a 10 min nibble, then again at 3, then 5.30. wouldnt mind quite so much if i just had a free evening and wasnt running upstairs to her every 10 mins, she generally settles well after the nibble. have tried introducing ff to give me a break but shes not having any of the bottle, any suggestions? tried different teats etc... ditto uninterested dp re. lack of sleep am&l. he falls asleep on settee most nights and doesnt make it to bed till 4 or 5am, so he misses all the fun. and he wants another one, have told him 1, its a biological impossibility if we're not in the same room and 2, i'm too bloody tired!!!

[cruisemum1]

we must all be married to the same man] . I asked dh to take over this morning to give me some space (I had been awoken 5 times and awake for the day since 5:05am and he moaned about the way in which I had asked him. Fuck off!!!!!!! When I say I am tired etc. he tells me that's all he hears these days nad that he is looking forwrd to having his wife back I told him that when I get some sleep the only person who will be getting what they want is me! I want some time for me ffs! They do not understand at all
Anyway tibsy try the tommytippe closer to nature teats. My lo refused to take a bottle until I introduced this one on advice from NCT. Works a treat!

[finecheese]

Well hey isn't odd how some blokes must just underestimate the whole lack of sleep thing...I do sincerely belive though that women just have some special inner system that allows us to keep going on minimal sleep. The times DH has doen a night getting up to resettle DS he has not been able to stop going on about the fatigue afterwards....

I went and bought "All your problems solved by the Baby Whisperer" on Friday and have put bits of it into practice already, dare I say some of it has already made things a bit better. I knoew I hated CC, everyone kept telling me to do it and it just DOES NOT WORK and makes for an incredibly stressful time

[finecheese]

Hi Tibsy, the first time I introduced my DS to formula I got my DH to feed him so that he couldn;t smell my milk or be more interested in trying to find my nips! Worth a try if nothing else works. xxx

[eviletc]

morning finecheese - just to say you have my sympathy as have just had hellish night with dd (nearly 9 months). my dh is either oblivious or moans about how tired he is!what are they like eh?
good luck with the baby whisperer, i am quite lucky in that dd is either very good or bloody awful but unfortunately last night she wa of the "sleep is for wimps" camp!
best of luck

[Swizzler]

Could I ask what you've found helpful from the Baby Whisperer book? Willing to try anything for more than a few hrs sleep...

[finecheese]

Hola Swizzler, well so far I have been trying the "Pick up ,put down" tip. Basically as soon as your babe starts to cry you pick up, say ssshhhh, pat their back to soothe them but DO NOT rock or sway them, as soon as they are quiet you put them back down. You are supposed to keep doing (pick up/put down) it till your baby eventually puts itself to sleep. Apparently this teaches them how to put themselves back to sleep without needing their mum. So far it has worked as DS used to wake at 8pm and scream for an hour+ before he would sleep again! Now it takes 15 mins to get him back to sleep. Having said all that he was awake on and off from 3am-6am this morning which was not so super...Do you think there will be a magic day when they';ll sleep through for even just 5 or 6 hours? That would be the best thing ever at the moment

[Swizzler]

DS slept for a good 5 hours last night but that's cos I gave him some Medised for his teeth - not sure if drugged sleep counts

Might try the pick up put down thing as it takes ages to get DS off to sleep at the moment - he was getting better, but then teething started

[tibsy]

hi all! decided against introducing bottle at the mo as am battling with getting dd to sleep and stay asleep, but thanks for advice, will use at later date!! am trying to get her out of the habit of falling asleep on boob, although it is easy for me!! but her granma had her for 45mins yesterday when i went to the dentist and ended up pacing the floorboards with her to get her to sleep. this is the only other way that i can get her to sleep too. may try the pu/pd method. we did have quite a good night last night though and slept from 2.15 - 6.45. i felt like a new woman this a.m long may it continue ha ha

[cruisemum1]

tibsy - I found the pu/pd method really cranked my ds up until he was utterly confused and hysterical, so though it may work, be prepared for it not to. I wish you luck!

I don't know quite how to wean ds from falling asleep at bedtime on the boob. he can do it during hte day but then he is in his buggy/car so I guess that is still a problem in the long run.
Funny thing though, my ma was looking after him briefly this evening and when I got home she had bathed/dressed him for bed and he was fast asleep - minus his bedtime feed! Why oh why won't he do that for me???

[tibsy]

oh!! shes just gone down now, we've had a good day so fingers x'd we may have a good night. wish i could relax a bit, i seem to worry about everything, whether shes getting enough milk, whether i should be introducing baby rice now, even though my ds had it at 3 months and hes fine, whether shes socialising enough (socialising, at 5 months....i ask you!!!)is this just me, is it lack of sleep? i'm supposed to be an experienced mum!!

[cruisemum1]

tibsy - i too have another child but worry like a lunatic. Weaning? Don't get me starte don weaning! I feel like you need a degree to start weaning I have started but am sure I am doing it all wrong.
btw - ds woke repeatedly until 8:10 so my earlie success went to rat. N'nite

[tibsy]

ha ha ha. my theory that we had a good day therefore a good night was in the running.... b*^%$£"s!! went to bed at 6.30, woke at 8pm then every 30 mins til 10.30 ,fed at 11.30, despite saying i wasnt going to, surely she was getting enough during the day? she woke again at 1.30, ssshed to sleep, again at 2.30, fed again at 3.30, then.....aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. am supposed to be going out with some girlfriends on sat night, but not looking forward to it now. a) shes waking so frequently and b) shes not taking a bottle, (maybe i'll have to get back on that) i know she wont starve if i dont get back til after she wants a feed, but she'll be upset and i hate thatread somewhere that babies are physiologically able to sleep through at 6 months, is someone going to tell them that then? not much comfort if theyre bloody well not rant rant rave. re. weaning, have decided to open the fridge door and let dd get on with it, am sure she'll find something to get her gums around!! only wish i could be that laid back!!!!! hope everyone else had a better night