Advice/opinions needed before I start gradual withdrawal and night weaning.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Ds is 1 next week. Currently feeds to sleep, or sometimes I cuddle/sing to him as feeding is not always reliable anymore. I put him in his cot asleep. He wakes between 11-2 usually, and I Co sleep and feed as and when. This is getting worse, not better as he suckles for comfort a lot.

I am pregnant with Ds and just exhausted and really want to make a change. Have been reading the 'what worked for us' thread and thinking of following the advice there with putting him in his cot and staying with him til he goes to sleep, gradually moving further away.

I'm a bit confused though as to whether he needs to be in his own room (he's not) and whether I should stop all night feeding in one go. I dint feel he needs it as such, and feeding sometimes might be confusing.

Also worried if he gets really hysterical. I can cope with his shout complaining cry but not real hysteria and will pick him up.

Any help appreciated.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Also do I offer water?

Or, any other suggestions? I'm really really going to fail at this if he gets upset. But am so so tired. Was happy to Co sleep but as I said, the sleep is worse, some nights I don't get more than an hour unbroken.

[piesoclock]

We found our boy.sleeps better in.his own room because we are not disturbing him. He has just turned one. We still co sleep when he's ill ir teething.though, its easier, even withmultiple wake ups!

If you are night weaning I would offer water, especially in.this hot weather. Might be better to have someone else do it for the first few nights so the toddler doesn't associate night with mum, whch means milk.

[piesoclock]

Also, id def pick him up when he cries. Leaving him scared or angry won't help anyone.
If this will bevtheT first time in his own room spend a few days in there with him first, playing and doing feeds in there.Then he will be familiar and hapy with it.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Thanks for your reply. Last night I put him back in his cot after his wake and feed and he did sleep better for a couple of hours.

I'm really not sure whether to do the whole lot in one go (own room, night wean, gradual retreat) or whether to try more gradually.

[piesoclock]

Id,do.it in one go. If he's not ready for it you can choose to stick with one thing and relax the others but give it all a go first.
3 weeks after my boy was in.his own room he slept through for the first time, so I guess night weaned himself. Then 6 weeks ago he started waking and needing feeding again b t what can you do...

[DollyBarton]

Decide exactly how you want it to be and then do that, cold turkey. It will undoubtedly not work the first or second night but the third or fourth night might surprise you greatly. So I'd say if it what you are wanting, move him into his own room, stop night feeds and tough it out from day one. He'll understand far easier and quicker what you are trying to teach him if you don't faff around doing it bit by bit. Lots of cuddles and repetitive explanations of what is happening and what you expect of him. At 1 you would be very very surprised at what they are understanding.

[Purpleboa]

I'm in a similar situation. Co sleeping was getting worse for us too. So I've stopped breastfeeding her, kind of by accident but stuck to it for 6 days now. We tried her in her cot too but she was very upset and it was one change too many. Plus, I can't face the getting out of bed to settle her especially with work the next day! DH is doing most of the nights till my milk dries up.

She's still waking a lot but I'm hoping that's just because she's getting used to it...

Good luck, it really is hard to do but I'm hopeful we're turning a corner for all of our sleep.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Thanks all. Last night he didn't wake til 12.40. I brought him into bed and fed him, then put him back in his cot once he was asleep, where he stayed til 5! This is great, one wake up! I'm going to keep at this for a week to start and see how we go.

Hopefully this will be the start of some improvements, just hope I can keep it up when I'm exhausted. Then I'll stop feeding overnight I think.

Purple - it's hard when your shattered isn't it? Ds does start the night in his cot but I had got too tired to put him back. I do put him in asleep at the moment though.

I'm not sure I'd cope with changing it all, though it seems the sensible option. I'll see how it goes.

[piesoclock]

One wake up,wow! Keep at it, hope tonight goes as well.for you.
My boy was in with me last night as he's poorly and I think he was probably waking every hour or two. This hot weather sucks.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Thank you. He's quite mobile in his sleep, moving around the cot a lot. When he does it in my bed I end up repositioning him a lot and that disturbs him. I'm not yet letting myself think it's as easy as just putting him back in his cot.......

[piesoclock]

Hpw you getting on now?

[DrLockhart]

Follow this notalotta Dr Jay Gordon Blog

Pick your 7 hours of no feed. Offer water instead. Say no / milkie all gone / milkie when sun comes up etc etc, and stick to it.
Stick the blog in front of DP too, it's both of you doing this, not just you. That was critical to us when we night weaned at 13 months. She gave up on day 2 when she realised we were giving in.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Well, I've been sticking to putting him.back after his wake up and it's been going well. He's asleep when I put him back and stays put til 4.30-5 ish. It's a start.

I've read the Dr Jay Gordon thing before, my confusion come in that if I pick 10-5 as my 7 hours, and he's not currently waking til 12.30, should I just leave him? Because then it will be 7/8 - 5. Also, this morning he was grouchy (he's a happy baby) and when we went down for breakfast drank a LOT of water, even though he'd spent a good 30 minutes latched onto me. So wondering if my milk is on the way out (pregnancy related?)

[DollyBarton]

Nottalotta, I gave advice earlier and am now about to start (started last night with her in her own room) trying to solve the exact same issues with db#3! She's a trickier one with everything so far compared to db1 and 2 so wish me luck! I hope it continues to improve for you and that my little monkey comes good too without too much upset but I will make a plan and stick to it for a week to learn how she works when faced with the challenge of settling back to sleep. Currently we average about 6 wake ups a night still (which has been less painful than otherwise due to co sleeping and bf as I doze) but it's time to fix this and get some quality of life back. Not least because she needs to learn better sleep patterns for her own well being and future. She's 7mths old. Still a titch but I am OK to let her cry as far as her mid level cry if necessary. Hopefully she will surprise me as the others have!

[DollyBarton]

Well, she actually slept through. She cried for 1-2 mins about 4 times through the night but wasn't distressed so I listened on the monitor and left her to it. I woke her myself at 6am as I was getting worried! She has never slept longer than 4hrs before and has never had less than 5 wake ups!!!

[Sparrowlegs248]

Blimey well done Dolly! How long did it take for her to go to sleep? We have had quite consistently similar nights. Last night he didn't wake til 1.45, fed and put back by 2.10 hoping for a later wake up next time but woke at 4.

He's just woken screaming which is unusual but let out a huge burp when I picked him up bless him.

I'm really worrying about starting the gradual withdrawal. He fights sleep sometimes, and will stand and bounce around his cot for ages. Do I just sit there and leave him to it?

For example last night he didn't sleep from feeding, so he had ten minutes in the cot then I picked him up and sat cuddling him. I had to really pin him to me to settle him, he was pushing and wriggling but was so tired. He settled into the cuddle after a minute. I worry left to his own devices he'll take hours to give in.....

[Missgraeme]

My 9 month old went from bf about 5 times a night to sleeping through on the third night. Secret was sending my dh to settle him - without the option of boobie juice he just went back to sleep!! If he associates u settling him with bj then try it! Good luck!

[Sparrowlegs248]

To be fair his waking have been good since I started putting him back in his cot, rather than Co sleeping. I would just like to stop feeding now I am pregnant and he's 1. Just need to get started......

[FetchezLaVache]

DS was 18 months when I did this, but I basically did what DrLockhart described- I explained to him at bedtime that there would be no Cuddle Me More (an excellent name for BF that stands up to the being shouted out in Home Bargains test, FWIW) until morning, then repeated this and held firm when he woke up for it. I reckon cold turkey is the way to go, personally.

Good luck- you must really need the sleep (and congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way!).

[DollyBarton]

NottaLotta, she always settles well at 7pm. I basically give her bottle (previously bf) and chuck her in and run out to deal with my 1 yr old and 3 yr old. She had to learn quick to self settle by necessity. When she was tiny I would cry myself every bedtime because she would roar while I tried to deal with the others and I'd end up with her on my boob while wrestling the other two apart from a fight and desperately trying to heave the 1yr old into her cot. It was fraught. But suddenly I realised the baby would go in the cot and coo and play away herself which made life bearable again. So depending on how tired she is she'll go in the cot at 7 and either sleep immediately or coo for 15mins before sleeping.

She slept to 4.30am last night so still amazing. I went to her and fed her which had both of us awake from then on. I think it was a mistake. That was the moment to leave her crying a bit longer and not letting her feed in what is essentially still the night. I'm not sure if her crying would have escalated (it was already worse than the mild sleep crying she does for a minute or so every few hrs through the night) but that was my opportunity to test her and hopefully teach her to go back to sleep. So I need to avoid giving her any milk until at least 6am each morning. She doesn't need it and it disturbs the pattern.

Interested to see how it goes tonight!

[Sparrowlegs248]

That's good Dolly, I think.i often react too quickly but then I guessed do when you only have one. How has it been going?

We had several similar nights of one wake up, back in cot, then wake up 4/5 and Co sleep feed for an hour or two. The last two nights have been nothing like that though! Tonight's he's just woken up, I picked him up and cuddled, he struggled then really wailed for a minute then went back to sleep. I'm going to attempt to not feed him til 2.

[DollyBarton]

It's been great here, she's slept through to 6 most mornings, 5.30 this morning. Feeling lucky it's gone so well.