Rough night - please help

[catlike1979]

My EBF 5 month old DS is going through what I am guessing is the 4 month sleep regression where he has started waking every 3 hours again through the night.

I can cope with the feedings if it was just that, but my problem is that I am such a light sleeper, and take ages to get to sleep, and to get back to sleep once woken, that I'm now getting into this viscious cycle of worrying about not sleeping, then lying there for hours awake whilst DS is asleep...by 5am I'm a total wreck.

DH is very good sharing the nights but he's unable to at present as he's away. Last night when DS woke at midnight, I spent a while trying to settle him in his crib but when it didn't work, I picked him up and was not gentle with him. I didn't hurt him or anything like that but I just picked him up abruptly and carried him quickly to my bed where I plonked him down as he needed changing. It felt like there was no love in my actions and I feel terrible.

Later in the night when he wouldn't settle, I was lying down trying to cuddle him and nothing was working, I abruptly released myself from him and then bit my hand in pure frustration. I know he sensed this and was very upset.

I then lay awake sobbing for another hour as felt completely bereft at what I'd done. I know I would never hurt him but what kind of mother am I to be less than gentle to an innocent baby.

Please tell me someone else out there a) shares this insomnia problem and/or b) can relate to these feelings of intense frustration/anger and has done similar ie been more abrupt with baby than should have been? Just feeling terrible :-(

[muminmanchester]

You're not a terrible mother, you're an exhausted one trying to do her best in uncharted territory. I did the exact same thing the night before last - I actually ended up shouting at him - and also felt dreadful about it all day.

Give yourself a break. You are and always will be his world and he loves you unconditionally. This was just a blip in the same way as you might snap at your husband or a friend. It doesn't mean you don't love them or are a bad person. In fact the very fact you are upset shows that you are a lovely mum who cares deeply about her baby and his happiness.

Good luck tonight. I find deep breaths work best! X

[doceodocere]

I've got one the same age so you have my sympathy! It's really tough. Do you have to put him in his crib? We Co sleep and it helps, although not with the night nappy changes which are a killer. for the insomnia I use yoga breathing to relax and focus on sthg other than not sleeping. If you used any hypnosis techniques for birth, you can try those.

[catlike1979]

Thanks ladies for your support. Good to know I'm not alone. Last night was bad too, I tried deep breathing which worked up to a point, and then I just had to leave the room and go and get some fresh air out of the window in the bathroom!

Do you also feel quite silly in the day, like it's all manageable and what were you so stressed about, but at 4 in the morning it's completely different and you can't see straight or think rationally?

[Coconut0il]

Definitely.. During the day I am normally calm and reasonable. During the night my patience seems to disappear only to reappear at 7am
I definitely recommend co sleeping, DS is bf and any night wakings I try to feed him quickly back to sleep.

[ImSoVeryTired]

Oh it's so good to read your post. I had a night like that last night. He just refused to settle in his cot. Waking every 1-2 hours. Took me bf him (which he only wants for comfort, won't take dummy) and then jiggling him and putting him down 4-5 times, nearly every time.
He gets wind and wakes himself farting. It's soooo frustrating and infuriating. I've been known to pick him up or plonk him down less gently than I would in the day. I dare not tell oh as there is no way he would understand. He doesn't do nights. I haven't in any way hurt him either but you feel like a terrible mother, don't you!?

[Shittak]

Totally with you, OP

DO NOT beat yourself up. We're human. If it was anyone else preventing us from sleeping every. single. night. then we would have probably completely lost our shit with them by now. But because it's our baby we can't do that. We are supposed to remain utterly calm and loving and tolerant when every single fibre of our being is telling us to crawl into bed and sleep. And sometimes it's just not possible to maintain that calm front.

Everything is worse at night. I don't know why. I'm always ok after a brew.

This will pass. It's shit but it will.

[TangerineTrees]

Totally with you on every single point OP, been there. What am I talking about - am still there! 6 months in & not getting any better. Felt like I could handle it better when DS was newborn as figured he'd grow out of it.. now I don't feel like he ever will!

Don't beat yourself up. It's bloody hard and you're doing brilliantly.

[MYA2016]

Yep... many nights I've roughly handled my ds. Plonked him down, even shouted at him.
The 4 month regression has hit us hard.
I would be happy as Larry in the day, gazing lovingly into my son's eyes and promising myself I'd never get angry ever again yet when you're in the thick of it and thinking "AGAIN!?" it's Impossible to be rational. I knew I'd never hurt him, I was just not being gentle.
Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure most of us have been there.
We appear to be coming out the other side and now he's waking once or twice a night and I'm finding I now have all the patience in the world with him.
Hang in there