WWYD - 4 month old sleep

[teacher1984]

I have a 4 month old who won't nap more than 45 mins during the day and who can't be put down awake - he has to be fed to sleep and transferred from my arms to cot. He wakes frequently through the night. Sometimes we are lucky to get a good stretch until 12/1am then it goes downhill from there. He won't use a dummy or bottle and protests at grobag or swaddle.

My eldest slept through by 12 weeks so this is all new to me. Has always slept 7-7 no problem.

How on earth do I tackle this? What do I address first? Is it a phase? Will it get better or do I need to teach him how to self soothe?

[Coconut0il]

It will get better with time. Your eldest was obviously a quick learner!
I always fed DS1 to sleep and I'm currently feeding 9 month DS2 to sleep every night. I have never put either of them down awake. DS1 just did it in his own time and I'm sure DS2 will too.

At 4 months DS2 was similar at night, we'd normally get till 3am then he was quite unsettled. He's only recently started sleeping through. He's also a cat napper in the day, I keep him on my lap to get as long as possible.

Personally I wouldn't do anything in particular. My experience is that it will get better as he gets older. My only advice is if the first part of the night is his best sleep get yourself to bed as early as possible to get some sleep in.

[FurryWalls]

Going through the same thing here, OP. It's shit.

[teacher1984]

It's torture isn't it. He's needed so much help to get to sleep ever since the newborn sleepiness wore off at 2 weeks old. Just worried how long it's going to go on for as the sleep deprivation is already severely affecting my relationship with my husband and feel so sorry for my eldest who never gets to spend any time with me now as all day is spent trying to get cranky overtired DS to nap and bedtime routine is taking 1.5 hours or more so my husband has to do her bedtime.

Didn't expect all this! Don't really know how to move forward in a more positive way. It's grim.

[Tumtitum]

Sounds exactly like mine!!! No advice really, in hoping it's a phase which will pass!! Good luck :)

[MYA2016]

Same here with my 4.5mo DS.
Goes to bed at 8. Will occasionally sleep till midnight but usually wakes at 10pm. Then us up every 1-2 hours after that (although usually for only 15 mins a time).
He will have 2 day naps, one at 11.30 till 12.30 and one at 4.30-5.30. Always in my arms or car seat!
One girl from antenatal had an 'awful' night last week as her 4mo daughter woke up at 3am.
It's really pants isn't It :( I hope it ends soon

[teacher1984]

He's not even going down easily in the evening now even though we've been following a strict bedtime routine for the last 10 weeks.

I'm starting to lose my marbles a little

[YorkieDorkie]

4 month sleep regression I'm afraid!

My DD is just going through this - not on PP scale but she is now really really hard to put down. It can take up to an hour to stop her crying when last month she just fell asleep on the boob and then straight down in the crib at 7pm.

I do feel for you!

[teacher1984]

I've heard about this. Wonder how long it'll last ... This parenting malarkey really is pushing me to my limits.

[YorkieDorkie]

I think it typically lasts a few weeks and there's not a lot can be done! You'll get to the end of it though, just keep going!

[Coconut0il]

It will pass teacher Everything is a phase. DS2 is 9 months now and we've had sleeping downstairs of an evening, up in bed at 7, bed at 9, sleeping ok, waking up for hours at night, back to sleeping ok, early wake ups, late wake ups, easy naps, nap fighting...
At the moment we're early wake up, fight every nap, late bedtime. It will get better.

[ClutterofStarlings]

Oh. I have no answers, but I am so relieved it's not just mine! every nap, I have to put up with the shouting. 'No! I don't want to go to sleep! But I'm tired!!' Doing my head in.

[teacher1984]

I know you're right Coconutoil, just finding it so hard to stay positive. Just wondering why it has to be this hard. And worried because DS must be exhausted too. Last night he eventually fell asleep at 10pm and woke at 2am for comfort then 4am to feed then up unsettled. Now given up & downstairs with him. Will obviously try and get him back to asleep in an hour but how can he possibly get anywhere near enough sleep in 24 hours when it's like this.

Can't even live off chocolate and caffeine as breastfeeding & both seem to affect him!!

Thank you for all the words of support. It really does help.

[BadgerFace]

4 month sleep regression here too! Although DD is nearly 5 months now. I am feeding to sleep as the quickest way to get her to nap as I've also got a three year old or I put her in the sling. I just expect a 30 minute nap and anything longer is a bonus! She is definitely quicker to get to sleep if not overtired so I try to keep awake times to 1.5-2 hours.

The main thing keeping me sane is my husband getting up at 5am to take over so I can get an hour or so's sleep before he goes to work.

[teacher1984]

What a lovely husband you have!

I'm also sticking to the 1.5/2 hr max awake times. He will fall asleep quickly & easily but wakes up the moment I put him down. I have a 3 yr old too and find I have no time for her. I've tried 3 different slings but as I'm so tiny and he is so huge I can't carry him for long.

DS is fast asleep now at least & I'm resting with him but can see that by extending his night time sleep well into the day he'll only be up late again tonight and so it continues. Just need to muddle through but how I'd love a big bar of choc and a pint of caffeine!!

[BadgerFace]

DH is fab!

Which slings have you used? An ergonomic one which fits well should distribute the weight so it's comfy. If you're anywhere near a sling library then I'd recommend going to a session as slight adjustments to the waistband/straps can make a big difference...

I've also been doing some expressing so DH can do the occasional first wake up feed to give me a longer stretched sleep although it's hard to find the time to express!

We'll all get through it, we just need to endure for now. My first had a bad 4 month regression too and it passes eventually...

[MYA2016]

My DS is into his 6th week of this now and he's 19 weeks.
Last night was particularly bad... went to bed at 7.30, woke within 20 mins. Then woke at 10, 11 (at which point we went to bed as I couldn't be bothered to keep going up and down), 11.30, 12.15, 3.15, 4.45, 6, 7.30 and eventually woke at 9 as he was so tired.
Every week I think this regression can't get any worse and it does! I really hope it ends soon as he used to sleep 10 hours straight but I can't see an end in sight right now :(

[Coconut0il]

Lack of sleep is so awful, as with pp my DP used to take DS2 downstairs at 5 so I could at least get 2 hours uninterrupted.
I don't know how I would've coped with another little one. DS1 is 12 so he understands a little more and pretty much does his own thing anyway.

I know what you mean about wondering how they are managing on so little sleep. I find myself saying things like 'why have you woken up' and 'this was a silly idea you're still tired' to DS2 as if I can reason with him.
There is hope, he used to wake so often and wanted to be attached all night but we've had 2 weeks of only 1 or even no wake ups.

[BadgerFace]

When she was 4 months DH once offered DD1 £1m at 3am if she would go to sleep... She declined his offer. I think she knew he wasn't good for it.

[Coconut0il]

Badger Can't wait till DS2 is old enough to use bribery! DS1 would do anything for a malteaser when he was younger!

[teacher1984]

Another really rough night. Spent 2 hours trying to put him down from 6pm (feeding/dozing on my lap then wide awake & upset when put down), gave up & took him downstairs for a bit, eventually asleep at 9pm with me lying next to him in bed. Then awake 12, 2, 3, 4.30 and 6.30. He slept fine weeks 2-12. I'm literally losing my mind. What can I do?

I spent the entire day yesterday focussing on him - ensuring good feeds and enough of them, awake at 7am and naps 1.5 hrs after each awake time. DH took DD out for a fun day in the sunshine but I stayed home just to see if I could try and keep DS a bit happier, more settled and with naps at all the 'right' times. Didn't make a blind bit of difference but maybe I'm expecting too much in 1 day.

I just don't understand why DD just slept and DS doesn't!

I'm such a fan of gentle parenting but considering moving myself out of his room completely and insisting he sleep alone as he doesn't sleep with me with him! DD slept alone and we didn't hear a peep for most of the night

[Casablanca78]

Going through the same - ds 15 weeks is a shit sleeper. We never get longer than 2-3 hour stretches, often 45min-1hr. It's a killer. My older dd was reliably sleeping 7 hour stretches from 9 weeks old so it's all new to me too and I have no idea what I've done differently to create this situation!

[Casablanca78]

It's not 4 month sleep regression here though - it went to pot around 6 weeks old and just got worse. On the upside, hopefully things can only get better from this low point! I'm constantly shattered and cranky due to never getting more than 2 hour solid sleep. My OH has been sleeping in the spare room for months now so it's doing wonders for our relationship too! (He does do shifts with a bottle with ds when he doesn't have work the next day).

[Runningupthathill82]

The way I'm dealing with it is to abandon any thought of trying to put DD (4mo) "down" in an evening and just let her feed/nap on us/play until we go to bed. Bedtime routine is non-existent, and she's never napped in her cot in the day either. Wouldnt work for all, but it works for us.

At the same stage with DS (now 3.5) I spent hours trying to get him down in his own cot, having a bedtime routine, etc. I don't want to pick those battles again, and don't think it affected how he slept in the long term anyway. Children change all the time.

I think, with DD, it helps that DS was a terrible sleeper, so I'm used to having a non-sleeping child.

DD sleeps far better than he ever did, and IME is a brilliant sleeper - though looking at this thread, some of you would call her a bad sleeper!
If I'd had a good sleeper followed by a terrible sleeper, it'd be much tougher.

[Tumtitum]

On another thread someone suggested to me that I put DD (16 weeks) down for a nap after every hour awake to try and combat overtiredness... Not sure quite how I'm going to manage it combined with real life but I'm going to try and give it a go and see if it makes any difference! Apparently might take a week to see a difference...

[JayDot500]

I'm sorry OP! I've been sleep deprived until last week where I feel I'm becoming more myself so you have my sympathy. Perhaps you got lucky with DD? Myself and my SIL had babies the same month and they both still wake throughout.

My DS is 4 and a half months and has only just started sleeping through- my definition means he sleeps without needing a feed, but he still wakes around 1 and 4 and needs a cuddle to dose off again. No matter what time I put him to bed, he wakes up wanting a feed between 6:30 and 7:30 am. My son doesn't nap for longer than 45mins excusing the odd times he'll nap for longer. Naps only in my arms or else he'll not do it.

I'm going to try to create structure around my DS' evening. Problem is always that his dad gets home late and wakes early for work. So if I put him to bed at 7, even 8, his dad won't see him unless he wakes at night. When he doesn't see his son, I can see he gets upset :(. Sigh.