I don't want to speak too soon but I think we may just have got this cracked at last. I'm basing this on just two nights of sleep but this is the culmination of the last three weeks of firm but loving sleep training. No CIO. No leaving him alone upset in the dark.
My DS has gone from going to sleep with me lying cuddling him and sleeping in bed with me all night (husband moved out of the bed almost a year ago which wasn't great for our marriage) to going off on his own in his own bed all night.
I'm a new woman!
The big shift for me was recognising that he is a sensitive child and that if I leave him to cry he just gets more roused but if I respond quickly and soothe him, he quickly goes back to sleep.
At 11 months I tried a controlled crying technique going in every 5 minutes when he awoke. The first night he cried for two hours and woke up another two or three times crying for an hour each time until he was exhausted. The next night it was six minutes and so forth. It took 22 days and nights of hell. He only stopped crying because he'd given up on me coming but we were both traumatised by the experience and I was an utter zombie. It lasted about three months.
This time round, I moved him into a single bed and stayed with him first in bed and then sat on the chair, singing until he slept. If he cries out in the night I go running and quickly settle him. At first I got in the bed with him but now I simply say 'go back to bed sweetie' and tuck the cover in around him and go.
It's taken the same amount of time to get to the same place but this time round it was done without tears (or at least no real miserable ones).
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Two years of sleep hell cracked?
Debhen · 06/04/2016 22:05
Thanks both 
I needed this tonight. Am still 17months in (with dc3 
) and needed some hope!
My eldest was a pretty poor sleeper too, hence why there are 5 years between them! Although ds1 sorted himself out by about 12mo - I didn't think I could have a worse sleeper but ds2 took the biscuit. I kept thinking 'this is the month he will get better..... Surely?' Until all the months ran into each other! Obviously still waiting for the famous 'sleep through the night' (which has happened by accident about 5 times in the last two years), but I'm happy with one 2 minute wake up a night!
Daisy do nothing and you will get there eventually - we kind of had some ground rules from early on i.e after 3mo he was never brought to our bed, after 5mo he was never picked up out of cot during the night unless for a quick BF (I just patted for comfort) stopped night BF at 10mo, no lights, no talking unless a shhhhhhh etc. I probably made life harder this way as it almost killed me going to his room and bending over the cot patting for hours sometimes but I always thought that when he does sleep better eventually there won't be any habits to stop if that makes sense! I think we were patting him back to sleep until about 20mo but since then he doesn't like it and just wants a quick tuck in if he wakes. I remember around 17 to 19mo was the worst time ever - it just kind of improved gradually until then. You will make it 
(Oh and I'm all mentally prepared for this new better pattern to go belly up but I'm enjoying the sleep while it lasts!)
Yes, it's the ground rules I missed out on this time! Well other than to do whatever is needed as quickly as possible to avoid waking up ds1 and dd. So 17 months on and we're very firmly cosleeping, have done from the start and I vaguely wonder how soon i can put him in a toddler bed, then have the issue of where (3- bed house, and its going to be so disruptive for him to share initially while we sort his new routine out...)
So on with the cosleeping it is keep reminding myself ds1 and dd were both sleeping through reliably till 730 from 2 onwards, with lovely bedtimes.
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