How to get a 21mo to sleep?!

[passthesalt]

Ok, where to start...

DD2 is now 21 months old, and has never slept through. Sometimes we have a fluke 6 hours, but that's about it. I also still bf her at night (not out of a wish to keep doing it, but just out of absolute desperation to get the kid to just go to sleep...) She shares a room with DD1, and in a bid to try to stop feeding her, I started bringing her into bed with me when she woke up at night, thinking I'd just give her a cuddle instead of feeding her, and also that the commotion would be less likely to wake up her sister. That's been kind of successful, in that she's waking up less often now, but now I seem to be sharing a bed with her every night, which wasn't the plan.

She's so attached to my boobs that sometimes she likes to go to sleep holding my top, or my nipple if she can get to it, so I find myself drifting off to sleep clutching the cover around my boobs to stop her getting to them.

She goes to sleep fine if I'm not there, but if I am there then she'll scream to hold on to some part of me, usually in the chest area.

Honestly, I know how ridiculous this sounds, but it's come about as a result of massive sleep deprivation, working full time, a soon to be ex- partner who wouldn't ever help out at night, and trying not to wake up DD1. But now I don't know how to undo this mess.

Meanwhile DD1 (3.5) who normally sleeps like a champ has started saying she wants to sleep in my bed, and will either take herself off to my bed to go to sleep, or will wake up at some point in the night and want to come in with me. It's not happening that much, but there have been a few nights over the last couple of weeks where I find myself sharing a bed with 2 snoring, sideways sleeping children.

The other thing is that at the moment me and partner are in the process of splitting up. Trying to keep it as amicable as possible, but obviously things are tense, and I'm bothered about how much of this the kids are picking up on. So I'm not sure whether the separation anxiety thing both of them are displaying is a symptom of what's happening at home (though to be fair DD2 has been a shocking sleeper from the start so it's about way more than that for her). I've always said I can't just leave DDs to cry themselves to sleep, and especially if they're feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment then it wouldn't really sit right with me. That said, I do need to get some ruddy sleep!

Well, that was a ramble! If anyone has followed any of that, please pass on any advice/tips on how the hell I try to sort this sleepless mess out!