Evening sleep- sleep downstairs or in own room??

[Dweeby]

Hello all. Just wondering what you do with evening sleep? My DD is 16 weeks and seems to need to sleep from around 7pm ish but health visitor advice is to always sleep in same room. We can't get her to sleep in the lounge with us with the tv on and make normal noises, we end up creeping round in silence (DD seems to need it to be really quiet and dark to sleep, she has previously been sleeping on us in the evening but we are trying to get out of that habit) Do you put your baby to sleep upstairs for their evening sleep before you go to bed? Do you constantly stare at the monitor checking that they are ok? Thank you for any insights- really don't know what to do!

[Pandapickle100]

At 16 weeks we would put my dd to sleep in her cot (in our bedroom) at around 7pm then use the monitor for the hour or so that I would be downstairs with hubby having dinner/watching tv. I was going to bed at around 8/9 due to night feeding though! so we felt comfortable using the monitor for that hour or so... Depends what you are comfortable with.

[Dweeby]

Thanks Panda, think I will try it tonight to see how it goes. Would be interested to see if this is the norm despite what health visitors advise! 7pm seems to be a recognised bedtime but it's impossible for mums and dads to go to bed at that time too!

[Gillian1980]

We used to keep DD downstairs with us until we went to bed, until she went into her own room. Mind you she went in her room at about 12 weeks.

[Loraline]

At that age we began to put DS down in our room to sleep and we kept an eye on monitor. I know it's against official advice but he seemed to settle better in his own space. He's tall and was beginning to roll onto his tummy at about 4 months so needed more space to sleep than the pram in our living room (which was where he had napped until then). We live in a flat so he wasn't upstairs but he wasn't in the same room as us.

[Dweeby]

Thanks for replying letting me know what you do really interesting to hear how others tackle it.

[doublechocchip]

We started putting ours up to bed at 7pm from about 5 weeks. They slept in the same room as us but all of them disliked the noise/light of the evening and would never settle only when it was dark and quiet. Worked for us all. With the monitors on we were all happy.

[CupcakesRule]

All of mine have gone to bed at 6/7pm upstairs from 6 weeks. As pp has said is normally follow an hour or so later. X

[willconcern]

Both of mine went to bed upstairs in a dark, quiet room from the day we came home from hospital. In our room with a monitor.

[iamtotallyserious]

My third is 12 weeks and I have started to put him to sleep in his own room at 7pm (he wouldn't settle in sitting room) and then bring him down into our room (we have bednest) when we go to bed. He is in a Sleepyhead so it is relatively easy to do without disturbing him (unless you are my husband ). I did this with the other two too. We have a video monitor so can see and hear him. I have been debating whether to leave him in his room until the first wake up (usually around 11-1am) but don't feel ready yet. I know it against advice to have them in a different room for sleeps but he would be woken up by all the racket of the other two noiseboxes.

[iamtotallyserious]

He has naps in his own room too.

[Lexipedia]

I've kept all of mine with us downstairs until six months, but then gone to bed fairly early at about 8.30pm. DTs are nearly six months, can't wait to get my evenings back!

[CityDweller]

DS has gone to bed at 6.30/7 in our room since he was about 4 weeks old. There's no way he'd sleep in the living room - he'd just be wide awake and cross and tired. We have a monitor and we check on him regularly. He's also napped in our room since about the same age for the same reason.

[GoldPlatedBacon]

I'm another who put dd in her crib in the evening and for naps at around 3 months although we're in a flat so she was in the next room (I still use a sensor monitor though)

[Emma321q]

My little boy has just turned five months and will no longer settle in the lounge in the evenings. The last few weeks I have done an 8pm feed in our bedroom, put him in his cot and then stayed up there reading etc until his dream feed when I also go to sleep. Last week I did the 8pm feed in our room, stayed up there with him till he went to sleep then came down to the lounge for an hour with the video monitor on. This week however I have done an 8pm feed in our bedroom, put him in his cot and let him self settle whilst I'm downstairs in the lounge watching from the video monitor. He seems to love this new routine and has settled much more easily into it than I have!!! I know it's not in line with the guidance but he seems ready for this now. Every baby is different.

[NickyEds]

With ds we crept around him asleep downstairs until he was six months. With dd we moved her upstairs at nearer 5 months as she just couldn't settle with light and noise. I know that the guidance is to have every sleep in the same room as you but I decided that 2 hours alone (but with a monitor) at 5 months was a perfectly acceptable (and miniscule) increase in risk.

[Dweeby]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I think I have decided to let her sleep in her own room for a couple of hours of an evening (and also daytime naps but they are pretty short). Now just got to get her to actually go to sleep !! I like your method Emma321q as it seems gradual and a nice way to ease her into it. Currently spending about two hours trying to get her to sleep and then it's pretty much ready to feed her before I go to bed anyway!

[unimaginativename13]

We put DS to bed earlier than us pretty much from birth! I know your suppose to sleep in the same room as them but I didn't realise at first it's for every waking minute.

We are in a flat tho so we might not have done it in a house.

He's slept through since 10 weeks and when on his own at 18 weeks.

Bedtime was 8pm but now he can't stay awake so it's 7pm.

[trilbydoll]

We all go upstairs together and used to stay there. DH would go back downstairs to wash up but that's all, we would watch something on iPlayer, sitting on the bed in the dark

I've always eaten with dc though, I can't wait until 9pm for my tea!

[CornishDoll82]

I really worried about this. The NHS advice to always be in the room when they are sleeping is totally unworkable by the time they are a few months old. They would never learn to sleep properly in cot and you end up with big sleep problems as far as I can work out from friends that have kept babies downstairs with them.

The first few months we sat in the bedroom in evening being quiet. By 4 months we started to go downstairs (and have a life!) and had a breathing monitor for reassurance.

My HV by the way said not to worry so they are all different!

[fluffikins]

They are technically supposed to be in the same room as you as you help regulate their breathing and protect from SIDS. No monitor is going to be able to prevent them dark stopping breathing unfortunately and the lullaby trust say the sensor mats are pretty pointless for SIDS.

Could you try putting them down in a darkened area of the room or with the Moses basket hood up or similar?

[CornishDoll82]

They do say that. But they also rent them out for free to parents who've suffered a previous SIDS loss which is an ambiguous message.

The main reason the advice is not to use breathing monitors is that the worry is people will rely on them and not follow the normal sleep safety measures.

By 4 months my daughter would only sleep in the cot in silence and dark and went to bed at 7pm. It would have been impossible to have been in the same room at all times. It used to disturb her when we just got quietly into bed

[Dweeby]

Thanks everyone for your input- really interesting to hear. We have started putting DD upstairs in the evening and we are keeping an eye on her with a video monitor. It's nice to have our evenings back a little bit and so far it seems to be going well.

[Akire]

It's hard because if baby will only sleep in the dark in silence and therefore you are going bed and sitting in dark silently at 7pm they are not getting any benefit of you being in the same room. Thought point was that Sound and movement around them stopped such deep sleep?

[JammyC]

Like others we found our DD needed peace and quiet at night and we started putting her in her Moses basket then crib (in our room) at about 6.30pm from 3 or 4 months. Had a monitor on and checked on her. Then I joined her from about 9pm. She is now 2.2 and is a sleep addict but really needs dark and quiet to settle. It's up to you, only you can take a view on the risk, but I figured good sleep for mum and baby meant less frazzled mum the next day! Plus it also got the "go upstairs to bed for sleep" routine in very early, we found daytime naps no problem once she knew upstairs generally meant bedtime.

[LottieDoubtie]

I really worried about this. The NHS advice to always be in the room when they are sleeping is totally unworkable by the time they are a few months old. They would never learn to sleep properly in cot and you end up with big sleep problems as far as I can work out from friends that have kept babies downstairs with them

I'm sorry you were worried but you are wrong that babies who stay with a parent for 6 months never learn to sleep properly.

I was ridiculously paranoid about this (I hated leaving the room to go to the loo in case he stopped breathing whilst I was gone!). DS slept in the living room until we went to bed for 5 months, then for the last month when he no longer fit in the carry cot we had in the living room my husband and I took turns to be in the bedroom with him from 7. At six months he went into his own room with no drama. He's now 18 months and touches wood a really good sleeper.

I realise that not everyone takes the guidelines as seriously as me and that's fine. But it is wrong to suggest that the guidelines are unworkable.