Failing completely

[ChannelFiftySeven]

I feel like I am going to break any day night now.

Up until around a week ago, my 5.5 month old was in a pattern, of sorts, at night time - she would be fed at 6:30, sleep till 2, feed and then sleep till 6/6:30.

Now all hell has let loose and I am a broken mess. She wakes between 11 and 12, then constantly throughout the night from then. I feed her once in the night still but this doesn't always settle her.

She has her first tooth starting to show so I understand this must be horrid for her but I don't know how to help her. I don't like the idea of keep dosing her up with calpol. I give teething gel and some sachets of powder (I've forgotten the name) but I don't think those things help.

I just feel like I was starting to get the hang of being a mom - it hasn't come easily. I was starting to enjoy it and felt like I could manage. Now I'm breaking down crying all the time again and I feel like I did when she was 4 weeks old.

I go back to work in 2 weeks and I just can't understand how I'll cope.

[Geordiegirl79]

Really feeling for you. Have you tried Anbesol teething gel? A lot of my friends swear by it. Try to hold on to the fact that everything is ultimately a phase and although it feels like it will be like this forever, it won't.

Are you on your own, or is there someone who can take turns with you in the night?

[Skiptonlass]

mine is similar. Fights sleep, teething, etc. Plus four months so in the middle of the changes in sleep that happen then.

Firstly you're not failing. You're exhausted. Sleep deprivation is brutal.

Anbesol has lidocaine in so use with caution. Lidocaine containing teething gels are banned here in Sweden and have a black box warning in the USA- it's very easy to give a child too much resulting in lidocaine toxicity and there are also reports of methemoglobinemia linked to them.
It's ok to use calpol as long as you stick to the dosages and don't use it for more than 3 days in a row, or too often. Id suggest using it as the discomfort is at its worst, ie when the tooth is actively cutting through.

It's utterly brutal managing on that little sleep. What're your daytime naps like? After some good advice on here I've really been pushing the three naps a day. I go upstairs , lie in bed and feed, rock, distract him to sleep. It took almost an hour today because he fights it but he is napping now (I should be too.)

- it's tough. Hang on in there.

[ChannelFiftySeven]

Thanks for the replies. I'm not on my own but as I'm still on maternity my husband is sleeping in the spare room and he's at work in the day.

I didn't know that about the gels. I will probably stop using them then. I give her calpol with her last feed as that's when it's at its worst. Then once in the night. But I've been doing that for a week and I really don't think it's good for her.

Naps are impossible as well. She just doesn't like sleeping (unfortunately for us, nothing like me or her father!). She fights and fights sleep in the day. I can spend upwards of an hour rocking, singing, white noise and she just gets more and more overtired and more and more worked up. Walking with her helps but now the nights are bad I just don't have the energy.

I know I sound so moany but I just feel so deflated. I was the happiest person ever this time two weeks ago. Looking at when they get their different teeth, this goes on till they're 2 - ?!?

[FATEdestiny]

I wonder, if you weren't going back to work in a fortnight, would this be as bigger deal?

Assuming this is teething, she wont be teething constantly until she is 2. It is on-and-off. I've found the worse was the 2 or 3 days when teeth here actually cutting through. Things do go back to normal again.

Also remember that once back at work, that marks the time when DH has to step up to the mark and do his equal share of nights. That will mean you get to sleep in the spare room (don't forget to buy ear plug ready) every other night.

Imagine how much better you will feel having a full 8 hours uninterrupted sleep like he does now?

If it was me, I would split the week in half rather than splitting individual nights or doing alternate nights. I would split with one partner doing Sat/Sun/Mon nights (Sun am lie-in) and the other doing Wed/Thu/Fri nights (Sat am lie-in) and alternate Tue night. That gives a good chuck of sleep to catch up on every week.

[ChannelFiftySeven]

I guess it wouldn't be as big a deal if I wasn't getting ready to go back to work. But that's normal isn't it? I can cope with wake ups in the night but it's the feeling of hurtling backwards I can't stand when it takes so much of me to keep positive.

If this isn't teething (it's definitely been going on longer than 2/3 days) do you have any ideas what it could be?

I was just about to start trying to wean off bed sharing as she needs to be in her own room soon but obviously that is having to wait as well now.

[Geordiegirl79]

I'm so sorry I gave dubious advice about the gel. I didn't know anything about the dangers.

FATEdestiny I completely agree about the turntaking plan. In actual fact I found the sleep situation massively improved when I went back to work and it had to become a 50/50 split between my partner and myself. I loved going back to work for this reason! Especially if your little one doesn't nap either, because that means you are basically on 24 hour duty. Incredibly hard for anyone.

[ChannelFiftySeven]

Geordie - no need to apologise at all.

I do see what you both mean about splitting the nights when I'm back I just don't know how realistic that will be in my house.

The naps are so frustrating. A lot of people have said that my baby will sleep better at night when she naps in the day. We had a fairly good day for naps today and then night time routine was a disaster and she took 2 hours to get off to sleep. Then woke at 11:45 and now awake again.

I just have no idea what to do about it. It's making me so sad.

[Geordiegirl79]

We had a dreadful night last night up and down with our two year old (not sure of the reason!??) so am feeling your pain. I really want to be able to make a helpful suggestion but not sure I can offer anything that you haven't already tried.

Things will change again at some point. Over the past five years we have been through every combination of good / terrible night sleeping / napping but there is definitely overall (gradual) improvement. Mega early nights all round??!

[ChannelFiftySeven]

Oh thank you for replying again. Today has been a better day and she went down very well this evening after her feed. She has been asleep since 6:30 so far and I'm just going to bed myself after a nap from 7 till 8.

Thank you so much for the support. It honestly means a lot to know that there is somebody who understands what I'm feeling.

I'm sorry you didn't have a great night with your little one. Keeping my fingers crossed for you tonight!

[Geordiegirl79]

Off to bed very soon myself. I usually end up staying up way too late, then kicking myself when it's a bad night or really early start. Fingers and toes crossed for you as well! Let me know how it goes. Definitely good to know you're not alone.

[Geordiegirl79]

How did it go last night?

[ChannelFiftySeven]

Hello. It wasn't too bad. She woke at 10:30 but just needed a cuddle. Then she woke at 1 to feed then slept until 5:15.

I do feel a bit calmer about it all now, I suppose it just seems impossible that one day she will sleep all night in her own bed / without needing me. It doesn't help that my mum keeps reminding me that me and my sister were in our own rooms and "sleeping through" by 8 weeks.

I honestly don't mind if I have to wake a couple of times in the night to settle her. I realise that that's normal. I just don't want to keep bringing her into bed with me.

It's definitely getting better again though, thanks for asking. Seems I had a bit of a major wobble!

How was your night?

[Geordiegirl79]

Sorry for the delayed reply...not sure what happened yesterday. Two pretty good nights here! Glad to hear yours was better. I hope it continues to improve.

[NorthLondonMum83]

OP realise I'm a bit late to this but in case helpful... My 7 month old started to occasionally sleep through at about 2 months (ebf too, so quite surprising). Other times just one quick feed. I felt amazing, was less tired than when pg and working! Around 5 months it all went so wrong - up every two hours, unable to get back to sleep etc. Own cot and lack of swaddle and we had so many sleepless nights, I felt like I was losing my mind! We started solids at 6 months and he was on three meals in no time. That combined with Calpol when the teeth are bad and he's back on track, occasionally all night or sometimes needing a little soothe. I'm sure it's tooth pain combined perhaps with being ready for food? I feel for you - when it goes backwards it's flipping annoying, and I'm similarly looking to work soon so really know where you're coming from

[ChannelFiftySeven]

Thank you for the reply North. It's is really encouraging to hear your experience although I'm feeling slightly silly for panicking so much

I started my daughter on fruit and veg at 5 months as she has had difficulty with her tummy since day one. It's really helping with that but I have been wondering whether she needs a bit more sustenance.

Typically though, I am feeling lost with it! And I promise I'm not an anxious person normally haha. It just feels a bit overwhelming but I'm sure you just add little bits here and there and they work out a pattern for themselves with the food...right?!

Glad to hear your night was better too Geordie

[Geordiegirl79]

Hi - not sure if you're still checking in on this, but wondering how it was going and hoping things are improving.

[ChannelFiftySeven]

Hi Geordiegirl I just looked up this thread to see how things are comparing now and noticed you'd posted.

Things did improve thanks but she seems to be struggling again these past couple of nights. I'm a lot calmer about it at least but it's still so fucking hard!! I would honestly give anything to have her sleep sorted out! Hope you're doing ok?

[Geordiegirl79]

Just saw this...hang in there! A friend of mine just had her third (third! Madness!) and she regularly goes to bed at 8pm. I feel like I have missed a trick and this is what I should have been doing all along! Having said that, mine not too bad at the moment in the grand scheme of things.

I am sure things will gradually move in the right direction and please know I am thinking of you and sending virtual hugs for the tricky times x