I don't want to sleep in my toddlers bed!

(4 Posts)
MrsH1989 Tue 09-Feb-16 10:42:08

My son has always slept in our bed for at least the second half of the night after being put to bed in his own room. We recently moved him into a bigger room and bought him a single bed. He seems to like it and never asks to come in our bed but he does insist I sleep in his. As soon as he realises I am not there he cries out and says he wants me to stay, when I go to him. He doesn't want Daddy, just me. I am spending most nights in his bed now and I feel a bit disconnect from my husband. I am not sure how to go about "weaning" him off the night cuddles. I have tried giving him a teddy and talking to him about it but he isn't interested. He sometimes says he will try but when it comes to it he wants me there. I think he may need a bit more time to adjust to his new room but after that I need to slowly make some changes. Any ideas of how I can get back in my own bed and still have a happy, well attached 3 year old?

lenibose Wed 10-Feb-16 10:59:00

I would just say 'no'. Sorry to be harsh. He's obviously fine going to sleep there. I would just say 'big boys/girls sleep without Mummy.' He'll resist but he'll be fine. And I would resort to outright bribery. For every night Mummy doesn't have to come in he gets a small chocolate button in the morning. And maybe a treat at the end of the week. Once it's an established habit you can wean him off the buttons.

Please don't worry that he will be an unhappy not attached 3 year old if he doesn't sleep with you. I am from an Asian country where a lot of people co-sleep for (IMO) far too long. Co-sleeping with teenagers is common. My parents moved me out of their room/bed at 2ish. I slept in a room that was attached to theirs but independent and expected to stay in bed all night. I am totally fine, with no attachment issues. If there is no real fear, no terrors, but just a bad habit, I would take the tough love route.

fluffikins Wed 10-Feb-16 19:40:51

If you don't want to do tough love but do it gently the the 'no cry sleep solution' book suggests putting the mattress on the floor, then very gradually sleep further and further away. So night one=as normal, night 2 = an inch away from him (or whatever seems manageable)....night n = sleeping 2 feet away and then not being in the room at all.

Because the mattress is on the floor it'll be easier to move away. When he's fine with being on his own you can pop the mattress back on the bed

Olbersparadox Fri 12-Feb-16 23:10:54

He's 3 why not just say No? We sleep trained DD1 a long time ago before she turned 1 so she got used to sleeping as soon as we put her down and understood it was bed time. I think it took us three days back then. She did try to test us as most kids do whenever we went away (usually we would let he sleep in our room) then returned home, she would want to continue sleeping with us.

We have a 16 month old - DD2. We started sleep training when she was 10 months-ish old. Her cot is in our room - we put her down, say goodnight etc then leave her in there with the light off. She cried a bit the first night and never cried after that. Afternoon naps also have the same routine. She is quite content with this and there aren't any tears at bed time.

Try sleep training. Your son is old enough. At least he understands language.

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