3yr old up all night after dads

(5 Posts)
WalkingBlind Sun 31-Jan-16 05:19:07

I'm at the end of my tether sad My DD is 3 and is a great sleeper (or has been), starting a few months ago she stays at her dad's Thurs&Fri overnight (court arranged).

But EVERY Saturday without fail she will get up every 2-3 hours through night for a "cuddle". I never indulge and always put her straight back to bed but this continues (and dies down slowly) until about Tues/Weds when she settles in her routine again. By that time she's almost off to her dad's.

When I first put her to bed she shouts through (I'm in the room next door) "I don't know how to sleep", "I can't do it". Before she's even shut her eyes!

Dad lives with his parents and I'm sure they are molly coddling her all night, but they deny it and say they stick to my bedroom routine. I don't believe a word hmm They've always pandered to everything she's wanted through night and there's nothing I can do, but they get all the cuddles and I get all the tantrums!

FATEdestiny Sun 31-Jan-16 22:01:20

Your little girl is dealing with a lot of change and upheaval. It must be very unsettling for her and she probably feels a little insecure, like she isn't certain where she belongs and what is happening.

Now is a time when she perhaps does need indulging a bit. A few months is not enough time for her to have got used to the new situation, it will take many more months to settle.

So for now, make life as easy as possible for her.

always pandered to everything she's wanted through night

If she's sleeping in a new house, with a new bedroom and in a situation that is completely different to how it used to be, then she may well be upset and unsettled in the night at her Dads. The right thing to do is to 'pander' to get for the time being. It will settle.

For now she needs to know she is the most important person.

WalkingBlind Sun 31-Jan-16 22:19:52

Sorry I didn't give much background info, she's slept in that house since she was 6 months there was just a few months of NC on dad's part. She was gradually re-introduced to sleepovers and has had no negative effects except she's being "spoiled" at their house and disciplined at mine. She's used to their house and bedroom, just when she gets up at night they let her in their bed/give her food/drink/toys/etc. It's what they've done in the past.

There's no way I'd indulge her getting out of bed for silly reasons and wanting in mine, that's how people end up with 5yr plus that won't sleep on their own lol confused

It's more so my problem that it takes most the week for her to realise that I'm not a pushover like them and she won't get her own way. But as the stays are court ordered I can't do anything to get them to stop doing this to her, they don't believe in routine. Fair enough when this happens once per month etc with sleepovers but this is twice weekly and she's so confused about the different schedules

FATEdestiny Sun 31-Jan-16 22:35:47

She will be able to learn that there are one set of rules at your house and a different set of rules at her Dad's house.

In an ideal world you will be able to work together and reach a middle-ground of agreement with her Dad so that there is some consistency. But if that isn't possible then I would avoid compare and contrasting and instead just focus on explaining and restablishing the rules with her.

It should not be beyond her to be able to learn that there will be different rules and expectations at Mums house than Dads house.

WalkingBlind Sun 31-Jan-16 22:52:38

Thank you I hope that's the case I just wasn't sure about what age I should expect that from her as I've never really been around kids before so this is my learning curve smile

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